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About MessedUpNow

  • Birthday June 14

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    Seattle, WA
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    Christianity, Programming, Martial Arts, family, bass guitar

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  1. Hello my DF friends! I finished my outpatient 8 week treatment in Edmonds WA on Tuesday. It was bitter sweet to leave. I have been out of work for the past two and a half months, so it is good to get back to work. On the other hand, the Center was a safe place. I know I mentioned this before, but I became very close to many of the other clients that were there. I knew many of them after four weeks better than I have known people on the outside after years. So I am going to miss these people. And I am going to miss the therapists. I do need to set up some therapy programs outside. I have my psychiatrist set up, but still hunting around for a therapist that I want to use that will be covered by my insurance. I am also going to be lining up a DBT group that I can attend to continue working on my DBT skills. Apparently there are also a few CoDa (codependency support groups) in the area, and given that is one of my weak spots, that will be a good one to get involved in. So what are my biggest take aways from the 8 weeks? 1. I need a good support system Being around supportive, loving people has a healing effect on you. The more you do it, the better you feel. Choose your friends wisely and then allow them to pour into your life and you into theirs. Take constructive criticism honestly and work on the things that you need to work on to make your relationships better. Give constructive criticism privately and out of love. 2. I need to learn self-compassion We tend to be our own worst enemy. We would never talk to someone else the way that we talk to ourselves. We must honestly face our negative behaviors/characteristic with a growth mindset - not a demeaning one. "Yes, I am not a good dancer, but I am going to take lessons and improve" is a lot more helpful than "I suck at dancing - why even try?" When we hurt, we need to talk honestly with ourselves, console ourselves and push ourselves on to growth. 3. I need to set healthy boundaries I love the concept of boundaries. It makes so much sense why I have had major issues in my life. Boundaries allow us to interact in love with others without getting trampled on or trampling on them. It fosters healthy relationships, reduces bitterness and resentment and keeps us from stomping all over each other. 4. I need to be honest and vulnerable with those that are close to you. I am passive aggressive. I get hurt and then will not clearly indicate that hurt to those I love. I internalize it and allow it to come out in all sorts of unpleasant, indirect ways. That doesn't help. Instead, I need to learn to be ASSERTIVE (not aggressive) and make my voice be heard in a proper, kind manner. 5. Sometimes I just need a break When anxiety is through the roof, it helps to get away from the problem for a while if possible. 6. Emotion Regulation. I don't have to obey my feelings and the action urges that they bring. In fact, it is often better to listen to what your feelings are telling you and then NOT do what they are telling you. Acknowledge the pain, understand it, allow yourself to feel the feeling and then do what is EFFECTIVE. So, that is all for now. I have to run back home and make some dinner.
  2. To add - the doc added gabapentin to my mix as well (in addition to cymbalta) and the combo did quite well for me.
  3. I had a similar problem, but it would affect my typing. I am a software developer and not being able to type is a bad thing. You might want to consider some as needed anxiety meds to help with that in addition to some mood stabilizers such as cymbalta. I found the combination very helpful.
  4. Hi vada! Welcome! I have an 8 year old daughter who is completely blind, so I know some of the challenges you may be facing. Also dealing with depression, anxiety and the like. Hope you are able to find some support on the forum!
  5. StolenMile - So when are you going to go to the studio?
  6. Welcome to your online family :) This is a great place to get support and bounce around ideas/concerns/etc... And of course, a great place to write :) I look forward to hearing more of your story and seeing you participate in the various threads. Enjoy the library :)
  7. Wow - I'm sorry mzungu. I have never experienced anything like that before. I do have to say that your post was clear, so no need to worry that you said anything strange. Are you seeing a psychiatrist about this? It seems that this should be treatable - if nothing else, they should be able to get your anxiety under control so that maybe you wont dissassociate in high stress situations.
  8. Hi Eden! That is great that you have a good support system - that is immensely helpful. One thing that you shouldn't do though is feel bad about putting them through this. They are there for you. If any of them was in a similar situation, you would likely do everything you could do to help and be an encouragement. That is one of the things that love does. So don't feel bad - just be appreciative and love them back. I second what Sheepwoman said - getting treated is very important. Meds can be a huge help, especially for anxiety (at least what I have found). Therapy is where much of the healing will take place. Another thing - don't beat yourself up for not being able to "snap out of it". If we could do that, none of us would be here. Depression and anxiety isn't simply a mood that you can change at will. They are illnesses that need to be addressed. Keep your chin up and get as much support as you need here. We're pulling for you!
  9. Here is a quote for you that I like (from my therapist) "On particularly rough days when I don't think that I can possibly make it through, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through rough days has been 100% so far and that is pretty good." I second what everyone else is saying. See a therapist, get a support system. My therapist also likes to say that there is no healing in a vacuum. You do need people to get through this. And you can get through this. You have a life to live in front of you - use whatever resources are necessary to live it to its fullest. Hang in there my friend.
  10. I'm sorry you are feeling low Marie. I can imagine that this turn of events is rough on you. I would encourage you to not beat yourself up over what you could have/should have done in the past and see what you can do to rectify the condition going forward. If you need to do more therapy, then make it a goal to be consistent there. I don't know anything about a frozen shoulder, but it would be worthwhile seeing what kind of physical therapy you can do to get it functional again. All you have is what is in front of you - learn from the "rear view mirror", but spend the vast majority of your time looking through the windshield as that is what you can make a difference in.
  11. How about visit there for a few days? Talk to some of the residents, enjoy the night life or whatever floats you boat. Maybe take a few weekend to do that. Get a feel for the place. Also, see if the HR manager at the new job can give you some point of contacts of employees that would be willing to give you and honest assessment of the work environment. The more you know, the better your odds. A few other things to consider - cost of living (do you have a car? Cost of apartment there, proximity to work, etc, etc...)
  12. The question that you really need to answer for yourself is how important is the relationship to you. She has hurt you and you have hurt her. You expect certain behaviors (empathy, understanding, etc...) from her in order for you to feel that justice has been served and she feels the same way. The problem is that if you get your way, she will be left with an "injustice gap" and if she gets her way then you will be left with an "injustice gap". In other words, there are no actions that can be done that will clear up the hurt that has been caused. That is where forgiveness comes in. My take on this is that you and her need to sit down and try to empathize with each other - we all see things from our own perspective which usually is very colored in our favor. You might need a good marriage counselor or mediator to help you here. The end result is that each of you are going to need to swallow some pride, absorb a lot of hurt without any recompense and learn to see things from the other person's perspective. Getting to that point will help you have empathy and compassion toward your wife even if you don't agree with her position. Just for the record, my wife left me after 20 years of marriage and has no interest in reconciling. There are many, many mistakes that I have made and desire reconciliation, but she does not. Divorce sucks - going through it right now.
  13. Welcome to the forums! There are a lot of great folks here, including the ones that have already said hi to you :). Hope you feel at home here soon!
  14. Guilt is only useful if it is a driver to change. If I have done something wrong, I feel guilty and can apologize, recompense the wrong, etc... If there were character flaws that drove the infraction, guilt can help me work on those. But once I have done all that I can do, guilt serves no purpose. Yes, there will always be things that we have done that are unable to be repaired. Marriages may fall apart, people die, friends leave, children alienate. Part of forgiveness is learning to let go of our perceived "injustice gap" - the space between the infraction and the justice that we feel will even out the infraction. The past is what it is. What is lost has been lost. All we have now is today and possibly a future. I will pray for you regarding the guilt. I know that it is painful, but it can't control your life.
  15. Porn has a way of messing up a guy's mind and ability to see women as anything other than a tool. You don't want that. Yes, porn is pervasive and is very alluring based on how guys are made, but you don't want to be a tool to satisfy the lusts of this guy. I would look elsewhere. You deserve better.
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