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Wisteria

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Everything posted by Wisteria

  1. Roger Sanchez - Another Chance When I was younger this song made me cry...
  2. Wisteria

    Inner Demons

    I'm so sorry that there are others who are also haunted by these inner ''demons''! Physical abuse creates emotional scars too with inner demons, but those physical scars heal faster than emotional scars so that's why mental abuse can be worse, but I think both are as worse. Violence, physical or mental is very wrong... :/ Those horrible words inside of your mind aren't true, I know my sad thoughts aren't true either but when you hear those over, over and over again... You slowly start to believe in them, like they are who you are, your reality; what defines you. Then slowly you lose your identity or it has ''grown'' wrongly. You don't know who you really are, you think you're those bad words. Even though it's just horrible mental illusion. My cause was 10 years of bullying in kindergarten and in all the school years. I was also bullied by a step mother for my whole childhood...
  3. Icy cold wind, darkening mornings and cloudy sky. Summer, come back...
  4. It all happened many years ago already, yet still the inner demons don't let go of me... Echoing in my mind how horrible, ugly, stupid, annoying, burdensome, weird, meaningless, invisible, fat, pathetic person I am. Those short but sharp words like thorns clawing through your skin viciously, ripping you apart. They don't leave you alone in any moment, it may seem like it but they're always there watching you... Waiting for the right moment. Quietly and imperceptibly vanishing to the dark shadows without you noticing them suddenly coming back again. Making you cry uncontrollably to feel like the most incapable tiniest person ever. Words are really powerful, the effect they have to yourself and others, especially to others. 10 years of mental abuse have created those ''demons''... I don't know why they're still there. It's not daily, but my mind still keeps haunting me from time to time. Those words keep echoing in a darkness... What a lonely place to be.
  5. I probably will be very heartbroken too when she leaves this world someday... :/ It seems like you were really close with her, that's great.
  6. Thank you.. I hope you will get the life you want too and what makes you feel peaceful and happy.
  7. Aww... :/ It's always so sad to lose a loved one, there are no words for it. Hugs for you.
  8. I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you... I hope your birthday will go well, despite of it.
  9. Aw, yeah... Thank you. Birthdays should be all about having fun with family and friends but when there are no friends to celebrate with (in real life), then you realize how alone you are. It's a very sad realization. Especially when every single birthday for my last 23 years of life have been like that, it's horrible. I hope we both can live without pain.
  10. I think the best way is to show through an example, since we can't force anyone... Through the example, he might notice how the healthier lifestyle makes you much more vibrant, alive and overall happier human being. :)
  11. Wisteria

    bad day

    I hope you're feeling better already.
  12. Thank you for the wishes. :) It was ok but birthdays are always sad for me filled with lots of tears. :/ Don't be sorry, I understand. I hope you will find a peace in your heart.
  13. Omg, I really didn't except all of this... You guys are such good-hearted people, thank you so much everyone!! It means much to me. I don't know where I would be right now if I wouldn't be living in this era where we all can connect through the internet, it's great and makes you feel less alone in this world. I like that point of view, that birthday is a New Year. It makes sense, since it kind of is like a New Year starting. Thank you all for caring, I care about you too. <3
  14. Birthday is always the worst day of the year. Then I really realize how alone I am and who really cares or doesn't care.
  15. I need an escape plan but sadly even if I would try enough, it might not be guaranteed... I need plan B, plan C...
  16. Living in this country makes me want to buy a part of rope for myself... Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. Yeah, I feel a bit annoyed right now, lol.
  17. Aww thank you, you're too sweet! Thank you as always! Thank you. :) I hope you can feel happy and be healthy too.
  18. Scared... I hope that the surgeon is kind and understanding but wishing more than anything that he knows this disease well.
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