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chasinghappiness

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Everything posted by chasinghappiness

  1. Another embarrassing breakdown in front of the boss, who luckily, is very understanding. Thankfully, I've eaten something and am doing work now. Nowhere to go but up when you've hit rock bottom...
  2. It's late afternoon and I haven't eaten a thing. I have important work to do that has been put off for 5 days. I desire nothing but sleep. I'm watching my own trainwreck but won't do anything about it
  3. Hi TiredBlue, it is not uncommon that doctors will prescribe an additional, temporary medication to help with the startup anxiety - you could ask about it if it's intolerable. Regarding taking the dose in two intervals - I don't think that's recommended due to needing to reach a therapeutic threshold. Also it's commonly recommended that one switches the time to either the morning or evening to deal with side effects. Seems like you'd get the bad end of the stick to spread it throughout the day. Hope you're feeling better!
  4. Brain fog and fatigue, and too much sleep again lately. My anxiety is better. Trade-off I always notice: less anxiety, more lethargy/no motivation. Might sound strange but at an intermediate level of anxiety, I have the best lifestyle habits.
  5. Yes it does, but it's harder to keep the ball rolling than they make it sound like. It's not even two steps forward one step back ... for me right now it's 50/50 good days and bad days where I do literally nothing. But it's much easier to negatively snowball, so any little thing that puts a break in the vicious cycle is important, even if it doesn't feel like it's building up.
  6. I applied for a job, hung out with a friend, and sat under the warm sun for 2 hours ... I feel good. If only everyday were like this :)
  7. Linzee, I struggle with general anxiety but mornings are the worst. Before Zoloft, I took Lexapro for 4 months and I had to quit that because of irresolvable insomnia. Good thing is that both SSRIs worked well in that they blunted the range of emotion and so gave me relief. But I ended up stopping because I had already improved a lot by that time and the side effects were too much. Doc has told me that anxiety/depression sufferers are prone to relapse which is why they prefer patients to stay on the meds all the time. I would if not for the side effects which did not resolve after several months. I'm going to stick with Zoloft for another week to see if lethargy improves.
  8. I finally forced myself to exercise. I have been feeling so fatigued but know that exercise is the exact remedy.
  9. I'm only a week into zoloft (2nd time) and I don't know if I can take this fatigue anymore. I'm sleeping way more than in my normal anxious/depressed state and not doing critical work. The first time I took zoloft (for ~3 months), lethargy was the reason I had to quit too (doc refused to rx wellbutrin as an add-on). I'm just surprised it's hitting so hard so fast this time.
  10. no appetite, no energy, sleep too much. not taking action = worsens anxiety and depression. feel trapped in a vicious cycle
  11. yesterday was another in bed literally all day day. didn't eat hardly anything. today I battled morning anxiety for 3 good hours before i got up, but presently i am up ... now another 50% of the battle is not diving back into bed because that happens so much
  12. I wish I could talk to people about my circumstances without always breaking down into tears. It is embarrassing. I feel like people prefer to help the strong and determined, not the weak.
  13. I have also had dangerously low caloric intake lately due to lack of appetite. I went to the grocery store the other day to buy dry meal replacement powders (to add to milk) but they didn't sell them anymore! Only bottled Ensure, which is too expensive for me. I bought peanut butter instead ... 1 tbsp has 110 cal, quite a lot for its little size. Maybe you could try that?
  14. Please stay - you would be surprised how helpful this forum can be. I've never found such a non-judgemental place, where you can post whatever is on your mind, however negative it may be. And oftentimes, that little release, along with someone acknowledging your existence, is enough support to get through.
  15. Forcing myself to stay at work actually. I know once I go home, it will be a pitiful night in bed feeling sorry for myself and doing nothing.
  16. Thank you - yes let's keep updated in this thread for support. I didn't get any new clonazepam for this time around, but I have just a handful of them left from the first time. I don't like having to take them, so I hope the startup anxiety subsides soon, even if my regular anxiety is not alleviated yet.
  17. Some people you just cannot please; it might be their nature or they are going through some hard times too perhaps. You did your job right - please feel proud of that. ~ It's probably my clonazepam talking but I feel like I might actually make something of today. Good luck today everyone.
  18. Hugs for you too coolcat. I so appreciate you and anyone else who reads and responds to everyone's post. Just the mere acknowledgement by another human ... so powerful
  19. I'm on my second start up go-around with Zoloft now. The increased anxiety is terrifying and I can't remember how long it lasted before. My life circumstances are more dire now than last time so I really need this to get me back to functioning fast
  20. I was literally in bed all day, paralyzed with anxiety, and I hate myself for it (not taking action). At some other points in my life, I could say there was a t least 1 person I could call in a moment of crisis and now there honestly isn't I am so isolated and helpless. I'm sorry too for my post.
  21. Well I was functionally depressed for a good 8 months and now I am in debilitating depressed mode again, but in a worse rut than I have ever previously known in my life.
  22. I started medication again. I talked to my boss about the full extent of my mental health. I dd the work I was supposed to at work. I tried going to a career event after work but couldn't stay around. Too much anxiety. I am back on Depression Forums for more support. I'm wondering where the big megathread is with people just posting their random life musings/vents/updates. That was so immensely helpful and it seems to be gone...??
  23. Sorry to report that upping the dosage didn't do anything for me, and now I've weaned off sertraline. It was the same with cipralex. I feel like SSRIs are only effective in the initial stages for me (as per the typical "numbing" effect or limiting the range of emotions). Once I'm acclimated to that effect, and the particular life trigger has passed, it feels like I might as well not be taking anything.
  24. My life has no meaning. I have no career plan (or at least I'm too afraid to take a step). I have no lasting relationships; my friends are one by one moving away. I am estranged from my only family. I pass each day doing what I can to enjoy myself, sometimes have fun with friends, but sooner or later this empty feeling catches up with me.
  25. I only have my parents for family in this world. They interfere to an extreme degree in my life, to the point of harassment (calling me 10+ times, calling my work). They violate my privacy and do not respect my wishes, and cannot be reasoned with like "normal" people. I have recently ceased all communication with them (again). I've already done this before but whenever I give an inch back, they reinstate their behavior as if I'm okay with it. They will never change because they are 100% convinced they are doing what's best for me, but in reality they are causing me major psychological damage. So I deal with guilt on top of loneliness.
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