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About Wally_Ink_Allen

  • Birthday 01/25/1988

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    God, sleep, Reading, writing short stories, watching movies and tv shows, hotel staycations, video games, collecting stuff like currencies etc, nice alcohol.

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  1. I totally get what you mean, its like usually when I wake up from a nightmare it takes awhile but I can still convince myself that it was only a dream. But these days with my depressive episodes the memories of it just haunts me throughout. I literally begged God to block these memories out and thankfully it works sometimes.
  2. hello everyone really appreciate all your advice and care! To survivingdepression1: hmm I have been giving going back to my doctor some thought too, perhaps it is a good idea to schedule an appt. To Finallyseekinghelp: Thanks for sharing your experience, I didnt know sleep apnea could be a concurrent cause too. I dont sleep with anyone beside me, perhaps I can audio record my night's sleep and see if i hear any snoring. Thanks for enlightening me on this possibility! to dancingsunflowers80: thank you for telling me I'm not alone in this! sounds like your kids are a major encouragement to you and I feel the warm of that somehow too. :)
  3. hello all, I'm hoping to get some advice here. I believe I'm having a minor depressive episode, been going on for about 2 weeks. I had major episodes that render me unable to function properly, thank God this isn't as severe. Been feeling a sort of dull but heavy sadness that doesn't go away. Occasionally some panic attacks but small ones. I feel tired even though I'm sleeping longer than usual, nightmares seems more vivid too. I check in with a doctor every 3 months, and I'm regular on taking my medications.I don't abuse any drugs or drink alcohol (I thought it might help me sleep but I read it actually reduces the quality of sleep so I've tried to avoid).I try to exercise like going for a jog, so far I managed squeezing perhaps once a week. Some times though I feel like I weigh a ton. I work as a private tuition teacher, where I lived that's like coaching kids of ages 10 to 12 with their studies on a one to one basis. I have different assignments and different "bosses" (essentially the parents), so it's pretty complicated to arrange for an extended time off to recuperate. The good thing is my work is freelance and I've made it quite light. usually it's about 2 classes and no more than 4 hours a day including commute. I do need rather intense focus during the period of the lesson (1.5hrs), but other than that I have sufficient time to rest. Anyone have a similar experience? going through a minor depressive episode (not totally unable to function) but relatively okay to try and recover and function with daily routines concurrently? really appreciate any tips or advice from anyone!
  4. hey all, Jeff_Ray, there is something simple and tranquil about your life actually. :) " If someone stiffs me, I don't dwell on it. Most of my food comes from the food bank, but I also farm, so I give excess back to those in need." This statement really touched me and I think I could learn too to have a humble and content lifestyle as I plan my next step, thanks bro! Thank you all for your kind words and sharing, whatever my difficulties are I never forgot about all of you. How you guys are fighting and surviving your own battles, I draw strength from seeing that too. I'll keep you guys in prayer too alright and remember to fight the lie that you alone in this, because you most definitely are not struggling alone! :)
  5. Hey guys, I kinda lost my job yesterday, I worked as kind of an assistant to my boss a financial advisor. I kinda had an episode about a month ago and I told my boss about my condition and asked for 2 months unpaid leave. He said he really needed the help so could only grant me 2 weeks. Ever since I came back from that break I kinda knew something isn't right with him and my situation with the job won't be the same anymore. True enough he told me he can't work it out and have to let me go. He was nice about it and he handled it fairly. I didn't really like the job, don't hate it either. If I think about it I know there is nothing I should feel bad for. But somehow I get this sucky feeling, like depressed and lost. Can't seemed to find joy in anything when it should be a good break to recuperate. Why am I feeling like this? I can't make sense of the situation somehow and wonder if you guys could help me out here? Like what you all think. I also wonder what sort of employment would be ideal for people like us?
  6. of course you will be welcomed here! I love how you are finding a way to make sense of your life and depression and I commend you for standing strong with your beliefs! Ours is a complicated situation and you never know how your contribution can make a big difference or inspiration to others! "I prefer to build strength and refuse to give in to desperation, even in crisis... although that's becoming harder by the month." I think I can safely say that the majority of us would take this as our motto for life too! I say that you are definitely needed here, to make your hard days easier and in turn to give strength to those whose own are failing! :)
  7. hello pinto bean! I think since you have a history of it before it may be "residual" effects of depression. Probably you could continue to monitor and take further steps (medication, therapy etc) if it is interfering with you life. I found this site which provides quite good information on whether you could be depressed. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm Personally, I found this following description most appropriate way to "self-diagnose" when it is time to get more help; "Whatever the symptoms, depression is different from normal sadness in that it engulfs your day-to-day life, interfering with your ability to work, study, eat, sleep, and have fun. The feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness are intense and unrelenting, with little, if any, relief." I am no expert so sorry if I have given you wrong information! Hope it helps with giving you some clue or direction though! :)
  8. how are you a loser???!? You are gainfully employed to feed and take care of yourself, and on top of that you have to deal with anxiety and depression? You are running a marathon with weights tied to your leg my friend, you should give yourself a break ya. Perhaps give yourself a break on relationships too bro, though I am single myself and probably not the best person to give advice on. But I think sometimes it is society pressuring us on those things you know? like you "must" have a girlfriend, kiss, or active dating live etc between 20 - 40 otherwise it is an absolute catastrophe. I think it is a real catastrophe if you rush these things and miss out on how good it can really be! Just a thought, given how everything today is a "make it happen right now" kind of world, maybe slowing down isn't such a bad thing.
  9. hello! I totally agree that you are absolutely not undeserving of life! Your struggle just to survive is not meaningless, I think the will to survive is so underrated with people like us. You should be commended instead for your fight to survive! Perhaps now it is not clear what you are surviving for, but we never know what life holds for us next time! I believe that you are destined to do something really significant for someone someday, it just hasn't happen yet! You are not lazy, your story just hasn't unfold. So don't write off your life yet my friend!
  10. Humanity is a ALOT of people. Maybe you can start with people that you want to care and love, however few they are. I think a small group of people can be the world to you too. :)
  11. hello! I've been battling depression for close to 12 years now, some days it gets so so hard I wonder if I even want to continue fighting. I found this place after surfing around and after reading all the various posts, I feel so touched and encouraged. You are all still fighting to survive!! :) I think victory in our condition is not the absolute abolishment of it but the very fact that we are still breathing, connecting with each other and fighting to make sense of our existence. So everyday we are all still around is a victory to me, in my eyes all of you are my heroes. :) no matter who you are or what you have done. I really want to know more of you and I wish I can do more for all those who are struggling! Though most of you may not even be in the same country as me so it can be a challenge. But you can contact me with messages etc, whatever resources that God has blessed me with I will want to share them with you too!
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