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Mikayla

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Everything posted by Mikayla

  1. I feel better after all the years... Super anxious...suffering from insomnia etc. but less depressed. After 10 years I found out I'm not treatment resistant and I don't have 'chronic depression'. I became more depressed after antidepressants and I've been prescribed benzos for 10 years. I've been tapering since September last year...I tried to taper before but I couldn't bear anxiety ..I thought it was still my original anxiety and depression but it was just addiction and side effects....my doctor said lately it was my fault I had chosen to take meds... Yeah..I was completely lost, I told her many times I didn't want to exist anymore... but she didn't know it could be because of "klonopin & company" so she said nothing and doubled the dosage. Well, I left university..I worked off the books most of the time (I've had house keeping jobs)...I have almost nothing...but now...I often want to live so much:) You really helped me, guys...and @JD4010 I will always remember what you said when I was ashamed that I cleaned windows at work:))...thanks:) ...probably I will still do cleaning during the withdrawal 'cause I need money and my brain is ...to put it mildly.. "not working properly" after so many years of taking that stuff....... If your girlfriend loves you still she will come back to you I guess...I don't think you were just 'selfish' all the time...but it's highly probable you were also very kind to her. Oh..it's quite long this time:D
  2. Anyone else thinking about hope?:) .... Tell me, do you have hope? Not really. Do you know how to cope? Nope. Hope is like the skies, I guess Blue with white cotton balls Unceasingly existing Constantly moving (Though at night, I'm wondering) Are you still here? (Pink cotton balls are a signal of hope of great intensity)
  3. It's a perfect idea to get a pet! My Syrian hamsters have always been a great help (you can keep just one in the cage, they don't like company)...these hamsters are cute, fluffy, nice to look at...but they are not very smart, the hamster I have now is bitey and anxious even though I try to tame him...so I would prefer rats if I could keep them...
  4. Yeah, my family would help me to practice but I'm afraid that something could happen someone sitting next to me...I'm just anxious I can't help .I will see what is the result of another test.
  5. Thanks for your support @lonelyforeigner :) Many people are telling me what you are but my therapist isn't so optimistic as he specialises in traffic psychology..if I don't pass the test next week, I just won't drive and will wait till (if) I get better 'cause I don't feel like driving and I stress too much anyway.
  6. Hi guys, I've been feeling a little better lately although still very anxious (DR/DP), not self-confident. I have a driving license but I stopped driving years ago because of concentration issues. I still don't feel like driving I was considering to start again though...but because I'm so anxious and don't want to risk injuring anybody or myself, my therapist did a special test on PC...I didn't pass..he wants me to repeat it, so ok, I will repeat it but I feel my thinking is kind of slower and it's not safe to drive a car I guess. Anybody anxious of driving a car because of mental illness? I'd like to be courageous but again I don't want to do any harm to anybody...at the same time I'm ashamed to fail to do such an easy psychological test.
  7. Have a nice Easter time, everyone!
  8. ...every artist has more and less creative periods. Until you love to make music, you shouldn't leave it behind in my opinion...
  9. I would take my relative to the doctor if he/she agrees, if not, then call the doctor and explain them the situation.
  10. By wind, rain and fire May rivers of desire bring peace to lovers. (pagan haiku prayer for @JD4010:))
  11. Gandolf, and when you read/watched (both past tense:) U.S. news and then surely some news from eastern Europe or Asia, doesn`t it comfort you a bit that you live in a relatively safe and politically stable part of the world?
  12. No, you can read plenty of extremist comments in Europe. But there are less of such comments if people have to use their fb accounts to sign in and pay for expression of their opinions.
  13. I will talk about my country when I say that it depends on particular media how they manage the comment section and if the users pay for it. But yes there many of those you mentioned.
  14. Picking up in haste Last lily of the valley Faded grey what's left.
  15. Can you say what media do you consider to be trustworthy? I probably belong to those who follow propaganda according to your post:)
  16. I tend to take a break from news from time to time, let's say for two weeks. No more usually...just till I get a feeling again that I really am curious about what's going on...(what does my favourite political commentator think about the issue?...) 'Cause very often reading news is just a habit and then the urge that makes us addicted to some extent. I will never completely avoid it and my home page will be always news related but taking a break from constant checking the news is definitely brain refreshing.
  17. Shiny black.. (Wait squirrel, hopefully somebody will give us a little of their peaceful/cheerful mood/color) Prayers sent to Heaven for you!
  18. my afternoon coffee (coffee, what a good idea, Natasha!)
  19. I live on the fifth floor so I can use them normally too...my neighbours usually ask if there is something wrong with the elevator when they meet me. And today I said "Yes, it's slow." (it really is). I'm going to read briefly some online news and commentaries and then perhaps also read a book...listen to some music...or... I'll just fall asleep:) (without yawning, of course:)
  20. I can hear irony in your voice:)) I'm yawning no more. Instead of walking I kept running all the way home. And instead of using the elevator I took the stairs. Going to make coffee...I will be immune from anybody's yawning today.
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