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Mikayla last won the day on December 20 2015

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About Mikayla

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  • Birthday 06/23/1984

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  1. Thank you Mark for your time. You helped me a lot. I believe pedophile priests will be judged and God will judge them, surely because I'm not a victim of them, I hope He will be merciful. I appreciate if someone can say "sorry" to me. It's nice. But I'm pleased if the person is able to forgive me too. We all have narcissistic traits after all. I'm stuck with that forgiveness thing when I'm in withdrawals (I was addicted to clonazepam for more than 10 years) Perhaps I should accept the situation better and not to be so hard on myself. I guess my withdrawals (but sometimes I don't understand what's wrong with me) are a biochemical issue I should just accept but I don't think all depressions are caused by chemical imbalance. You are absolutely right that it's not right to suppress our emotions but I don't like to hurt others with my anger even if the conflict isn't my fault.
  2. Happy person is a good person. Sometimes it's hard to become a good person if someone didn't get enough love as a child. My friend once said an important thing, if we don't forgive our parents or those who hurt us, this circle of hurting someone, this circle of depression will go on. It's not easy, of course.
  3. Yeah..it's not a way parents should love us. I'm almost sure that your mom's parents made a lot of mistakes and she probably didn't get what she really needed in her childhood or something happened what influenced her as a person. Hope your mom will find some good friends, hobbies or something useful to do and will let you be and really hope she will be able to keep healthy boundaries one day:)
  4. Well, doesn't your mom just feel lonely or so? Probably she loves you a lot:)
  5. Stressed...I feel stress and nervousness in my chest. I don't know what to do, I can't think, so I'm going to take a walk..:)
  6. I feel better after all the years... Super anxious...suffering from insomnia etc. but less depressed. After 10 years I found out I'm not treatment resistant and I don't have 'chronic depression'. I became more depressed after antidepressants and I've been prescribed benzos for 10 years. I've been tapering since September last year...I tried to taper before but I couldn't bear anxiety ..I thought it was still my original anxiety and depression but it was just addiction and side effects....my doctor said lately it was my fault I had chosen to take meds... Yeah..I was completely lost, I told her many times I didn't want to exist anymore... but she didn't know it could be because of "klonopin & company" so she said nothing and doubled the dosage. Well, I left university..I worked off the books most of the time (I've had house keeping jobs)...I have almost nothing...but now...I often want to live so much:) You really helped me, guys...and @JD4010 I will always remember what you said when I was ashamed that I cleaned windows at work:))...thanks:) ...probably I will still do cleaning during the withdrawal 'cause I need money and my brain is ...to put it mildly.. "not working properly" after so many years of taking that stuff....... If your girlfriend loves you still she will come back to you I guess...I don't think you were just 'selfish' all the time...but it's highly probable you were also very kind to her. Oh..it's quite long this time:D
  7. Anyone else thinking about hope?:) .... Tell me, do you have hope? Not really. Do you know how to cope? Nope. Hope is like the skies, I guess Blue with white cotton balls Unceasingly existing Constantly moving (Though at night, I'm wondering) Are you still here? (Pink cotton balls are a signal of hope of great intensity)
  8. It's a perfect idea to get a pet! My Syrian hamsters have always been a great help (you can keep just one in the cage, they don't like company)...these hamsters are cute, fluffy, nice to look at...but they are not very smart, the hamster I have now is bitey and anxious even though I try to tame him...so I would prefer rats if I could keep them...
  9. Yeah, my family would help me to practice but I'm afraid that something could happen someone sitting next to me...I'm just anxious I can't help .I will see what is the result of another test.
  10. Thanks for your support @lonelyforeigner :) Many people are telling me what you are but my therapist isn't so optimistic as he specialises in traffic psychology..if I don't pass the test next week, I just won't drive and will wait till (if) I get better 'cause I don't feel like driving and I stress too much anyway.
  11. Hi guys, I've been feeling a little better lately although still very anxious (DR/DP), not self-confident. I have a driving license but I stopped driving years ago because of concentration issues. I still don't feel like driving I was considering to start again though...but because I'm so anxious and don't want to risk injuring anybody or myself, my therapist did a special test on PC...I didn't pass..he wants me to repeat it, so ok, I will repeat it but I feel my thinking is kind of slower and it's not safe to drive a car I guess. Anybody anxious of driving a car because of mental illness? I'd like to be courageous but again I don't want to do any harm to anybody...at the same time I'm ashamed to fail to do such an easy psychological test.
  12. Have a nice Easter time, everyone!
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