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Everything posted by decado

  1. I can’t stop listening to Fake Love by BTS or the cover of Fake Love by Lies Behind Your Eyes. Depending on my mood I don’t know what it is about this song, but it’s so special to me at the moment.
  2. I’m sorry you had to go through that! I hope that everyone was ok and your all doing well now, sending you virtual hugs. On the CO thing, I just feel so guilty. Because I was so chatty to the other four members and as my friend said I my usual Manchester self! Saying the usual “Hiya Love, how are you?” to the first three members. Then I barely spoke to my CO. Then the singer was really bubbly which took away my nerves again. So I went back to being high on life again. I’m just worried he noticed and thought I was just rude to him or just didn’t like him. I’m just terrified he’s gone away hating me. I adore that man so much
  3. Thank you so much for your kind words. I will literally chat to anyone who will listen. I surprised myself how well I did manage to talk with the other members and bands. I’ve never met anyone famous before and it was kinda strange seeing them face to face rather than on the telly. But we spoke about normal stuff. They were all so easy to chat with. Except my CO. He must have noticed that I was chat, chat, chat, really quite, then back to chatty again. I didn’t want to scare them or say something stupid so I kept it brief and calm. But I’m worried he might have thought I didn’t like them as much as the others and I feel so guilty. And just to let you know I will be sending you lots of love and virtual hugs over the next few days. I understand how hard this much be, I’ve been through it. Be strong, keep your mind occupied with other things you enjoy. Feel free to message me if you want to vent or just chat. I’m here to listen. We will all help you get through this. Lots of love and virtual hugs!
  4. Hello and hope everyone is doing ok! Thank you all for your lovely messages of support that means a lot. I’m still struggling with very mixed emotions about the whole event. We met three bands in total over the weekend, and all the members of each band, I was able to talk with absolutely fine. One band we met on the Saturday is an ultimate favourite of mine and I wasn’t star stuck at all. Also with the other four members of my COs band, I was able to chat perfectly fine with them, even the lead singer (who I have to admit it absolutely gorgeous and he has such a bubbly personality. I can understand why girls go weak at the knees for him!!) But I could barely get any words out with my CO. Which makes me feel so guilty. Anyway I’d just like to apologise for not responding to your replies sooner, we had a car accident the other day and it’s been a nightmare since. Take care everyone!
  5. Thank you so much @HopelessRomantic2011 & @alliryann18 for taking the time to respond to me. I guess I just feel so isolated. Especially as my friends seem to have vanished. I think the thing that hurts most is I was just a number to him. He forgot me as soon as he met me. I’m still in the process of going over the details. Although the memories are now fading fast. I’m struggling to remember and the more I think the more I can’t remember what happened. I will take what you both have said to me and have a good think about it. I’m just all over the place, I had hoped by now it would have settled, but it feels worse. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me
  6. Hope everyone is ok. I’m so sorry for coming here, I just don’t know where else to turn. So I apologise in advance. Two weeks ago today. I met my CO and I have regretted doing so ever since. I feel like I have made the biggest fool out of myself and he’s gone away hating me. I’ve felt utterly miserable and worthless ever since. Also to make matters worse the friends I went with have dropped me like a stone. No one will talk with me and I feel more alone than ever. I think this is making everything seem twice as bad. I’ve had some extremely dark thoughts during the past two weeks and I’ve never felt so alone. I wish I could turn back time and never have met him.
  7. Hope everyone is ok. I’m so sorry for coming here, I just don’t know where else to turn. So I apologise in advance. Two weeks ago today. I met my CO and I have regretted doing so ever since. I feel like I have made the biggest fool out of myself and he’s gone away hating me. I’ve felt utterly miserable and worthless ever since. Also to make matters worse the friends I went with have dropped me like a stone. No one will talk with me and I feel more alone than ever. I think this is making everything seem twice as bad. I’ve had some extremely dark thoughts during the past two weeks and I’ve never felt so alone. I wish I could turn back time and never have met him.
  8. Hi Everyone, I hope your all doing ok? I’m struggling with major anxiety and have been for the past week since a magazine confirmed that my CO’s band is definitely doing a M&G at the festival next weekend. It kinda felt like a fairytale for a while (I know how crazy that sounds) But Since seeing it in black and white, and now the band members are posting stuff about them coming over here, I’m freaking out big time. Sorry for venting, I’ve got now where else to turn. My biggest fear is how he will react to me. I personally would prefer not to do the M&G, but my friend really wants to. I’m so confused and stress right now, I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be gratefully recieved xx
  9. Great choice in music, JA is my favourite band in the world I’m currently listening to When they call my name - Black Veil Brides
  10. I really dislike Instagram so much right now! Why do we get this overwhelming need to check this sites when they only ever bring heartbreak? Sorry for venting I’m just feeling so very sad right now. I hope everyone else is doing ok though
  11. Hi @alliryann18 Sorry to hear you going through a tough time right now. Well done though for achieving 5 months with searching for new content. That’s amazing! I wish I had your strength, I’m still in the new CO phase at the moment, although it’s now going into the fourth month I can’t see it ending yet. We are all here if you want to talk, I’m happy to talk privately if you prefer. Good luck with your journey xx
  12. Hi @musiclover83 Firstly, hugs to you too and thank you for sharing your story with us. I completely get how you are feeling and I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I am going through a similar thing with my new CO only Tuesday there was a photo circulated of him with these two beautiful women. Like you I felt betrayed and hurt. When my logical mind says it has nothing to do with me. My CO like yours doesn’t post much either. So like you I don’t know for sure if he has a new girl. So I feel how your feeling and I’m sending you lots of love and hugs. You can get though this. Social media is certainly not our friend when we have COs. All I can suggest is to limit the amount of time you look at Instagram. Only follow pages where you know it’s less likely for you to see something that hurts. Silly question, forgive me, but have you got a few favourite photos on your phone that you could look at to when you feel the need to go to Instagram. Look at your safe photos instead. That why you still can look at you beautiful CO but without the fear of something hurtful. I alsofound that if I googled my COs band, group photos, I came across just them with no girls in sight. Ok they do have the rest of the band but no girls to have to worry about. I do the same as you also when you said about bringing other band mates or favourites into you daydreams. Do you find it helps make the fantasy more a reality? I don’t have any friends either, I thought I did but they take what they want from me and ditch me just as fast. I let my guard down recently after a long time. I thought I’d made a couple of lovely friends but no. They didn’t want me it was just for free childcare. My COs are are helping through this real life heartbreak. Perhaps, don’t look up this new photo shoot until your in a happier place. What I do and this is going to really sound crazy. When I get a notification that my CO posted on Instagram is I will perhaps go outside in the garden or make a drink. Something where I can have a quick look then busy myself with something else, like making the drink or picking up some leaves. Just incase it isn’t something I really want to see. Crazy I know but it has helped. Especially with the photo from Tuesday. Sorry for going on at you, I just hope you are ok and we understand how you feel. I wish you the best of luck! Xx
  13. Hi, @CrazyinLove welcome back to the forum, sorry it’s not under better circumstances. just reading your post, I can relate to you so much. Ive often asked myself why do I develop crushes on famous people too. I’m still looking for a answer. I’m just like you I get short term crushes that disappear as fast as they started. I do have one CO I’ve had for 25 years now, who I love dearly. I developed a new crush on the 12th January I fell hard and fast for this one! I was hoping he would be a pasting phase but it’s now going into the forth month and the rascal still has me. If your CO is making you happy right now, then I say enjoy it. When the happiness starts to fade, it’s time to make cut backs to save your self from being hurt. You actually helped me understand why I’m able to not over obsess with my CO, when you said that you still enjoy your main COs music even though you have strong feelings for him. So thank you for that. Wow the picture you posted is incredible. I’ve had to save, (hope that’s ok?) it describes me perfectly. Good luck with your journey and your with to pm me anytime. Hi @TotallyBatty I think Bluestarr gave you some really good advice. I just wanted to say Hello and your definitely not alone here. Hello @pervenche Welcome to forum, never apologise for your posts. If we can’t vent here then where can we? Everyone here is lovely and we’re not here to judge you at all. I can relate to you as well. I think (just my opinion) depression and COs are linked in a way. Do you think your COs are helping you feel the things that are missing from your real life? I only ask as I know this is my case. I know how you feel about being interrupted and never meeting them and then getting depressed. I wish I had a magic wand for you, I feel the exact same thing. Have you tried reducing the amount of time you spend thinking of him? Believe I know this is hard, but it might help you a little. Just remember we are all here for you, no judgement, vent as much as you like. Pm me if you want to talk further. You can get there this. Xx
  14. @nosleep & @BlueStar I hope you are both ok? Thank you so much for your kind words. I just felt so stupid yesterday. I’m sorry for coming and venting on the forum, I just didn’t know where else to turn. I knew from the title that nothing good was going to come out of watching it. On reflection though, it wasn’t like he said anything that I didn’t already know, he’s fully admitted that he is a womaniser many times in other interviews and never hides the fact. It’s just this interview was a lot more detailed, than I guess I was expecting. My lifelong CO used to be the exact same way and I’ve heard him also say similar things in interviews. I guess I forgot how that stuff can hurt hearing it. On the plus side, the interview did help me find out the reason I fell so hard and fast for this CO, he is literally a younger version of my lifelong CO in so many ways. Both my COs have a vulnerability about them, underneath all the confidence, which makes me love them all the more. Even after the interview, I thought I’d be able to go and delete all his photos but nope, the first photo I saw was my favourite, the devil got me again and I ended keeping them and felling back in love with him all over again. Thank you again for your understanding and support xx
  15. Well I’ve just done something incredibly stupid, I just came across a new interview with my CO thats really upset me. I really wished I hadn’t pressed play. By the title of the interview I should have known that it wasn’t going to be something I wanted to hear, I’m so stupid Sorry everyone I just needed to vent, I feel so silly right now.
  16. I’m so sorry your struggling, I completely understand where your coming from. Try not to beat yourself up too much or put too much pressure on yourself. Take one step at a time and do what is right for you. Perhaps try and reduce the amount of times you watch the video, even by maybe one or two. I’m just like you and want to stay up stupidly late and watch the videos over again. Something I’ve been trying is to set a time, say 11pm, whether It’s finished or not to turn it off and go to sleep. Believe me it was so hard to do the first few times. But I’ve not been as tried and I’m able to focus more at work. In my experience sometimes when you force yourself to go cold turkey it can make so much harder to get rid of the feelings then you crave to fed the addiction. Whereas reducing ever so slightly everyday may make it a little easier to deal with. Of course everyone is different, what works for others, might not work for all. It’s worth a try. Another thing Ive tried, is to listen to his band less and fill my need for music (I listen to music all the time) with much more of my other favourite bands and tried listening to new bands. This hasn’t been easy either, because their new song kind of explains my exact feeings about this CO right now, But I’m trying. I wish you Good luck with it, I’m here if you ever want to talk xx
  17. Hi @starbucksjunkee & @nosleep I hope you are both doing ok. I think you have both been so brave. What you did must have taken so much strength and courage. Unfollowing your COs, removing the CDs and minimising your time spent on your searching them. I take my hat off to you both, you’ve done something I just can't seem to do. Even as I type this reply, I have my COs band on the telly via YouTube. I really enjoy his band and really don't want to have to stop listening to the whole band, because of my silly emotions over one member. I wish I could love them as a normal fan, the way I do with my favs A7X. I really wish I had your courage, I really do. Well done to both you for making such a huge step. @starbucksjunkee Those songs you suggested are great I enjoy these songs also, they help you keep focusing on your CO journey goal. A song I found that helps me is called The Mountain by Three Days Grace. The chorus is the bit the means the most to me on my CO journey “Everyday I’m just surviving, keep climbing the mountain. Every-time I think I’m over it I wake you at the bottom of it all again.“ This rings so true for me with my New CO. I feel like I’m making progress then, bam, I’m right back to the start. @nikki114 sorry your struggling, vent here as much or as little as you need. We are all here for you. Hope everyone else is doing ok
  18. Hi @Liesel Thank you so much for your kind words! It’s been so hard to limit myself, I constantly want to watch videos of him. This one started on the 12th January and hit me so hard. It’s been such a struggle because I feel just like you and want to look him up all day. I understand about the merch too, I’ve brought albums and tshirts. These things aren’t cheap either are they? I’m so happy that your in a good place with your CO, I truly hope it continues. I think your doing it right, not searching to much. I came across a photo of my CO this morning on IG. He was with two stunning women. Perfect start to the day! I’m going to try your approach, to just try and enjoy his music and YouTube interviews. Thanks for the tips on M&Gs I’m so anxious and nervous about the whole thing. I bet you were still lovely when you met your CO, I’m sure you have no reason to worry. Were you super nervous too? The festival (where the M&G is) released the day splits this morning. My CO will be playing on the Sunday. Which is brilliant because I feel I can now go, watch my boys A7X and GNR, without the worry of him being there. The Sunday has only two bands besides his I wouldn’t mind seeing. So I will be able to focus on the M&G and what to say. Any advice would be great received! I’m just super pleased it won’t ruin the whole festival. I’m super happy you are still going out with your pals. You can come home and enjoy your CO a little more, kinda like a little reward. I understand completely about being introverted, I’m the same. I think you are being very sensible with your CO journey! Thank you again for your support. Xx Hi @HopelessRomantic2011 Congratulations on your met up, I wish you the best of luck! I’ll keep you posted on the M&G xx
  19. Hi everyone, hope your all doing ok! Hi @HopelessRomantic2011 Just wanted to say good luck with your dating and hope all is going well with your new CO. Hi @Liesel Welcome to the forum! Your certainly not alone here, we are all on our CO journeys. I can relate to you so much. I gave up on real life crushes a long time ago because of the rejection and heart ache that came with it. While there is much heartache with a CO, you literally have no control over it, so in a way you can feel better that little bit sooner. I relate to the feeling of wanting to retreat on YouTube and Pinterest. Since my New CO starting in January, that’s all I’ve wanted to do. I’ve limited myself to two videos of him a day. Which does help, but then it’s always niggling at me to watch more or find new pictures. You are right it’s like an addiction. Its great that you are trying to find the positives in having a CO. This can be a great help in getting your life where you want it to be. I’m possibly doing a M&G with my CO in 60 days. I want to look my best, so I’ve rejoined my running group and watching what I eat. I need something positive to come out of this. I use my COs as a distraction from everyday life, work, kids and everything else. Is this how you feel? Make sure you keep going and meeting with your friends as much as possible though, try not to become too withdrawn. Believe me I know how hard to is. Your friends can support you in other ways without them needing to know about your CO. Good luck and if you ever want to talk via dm your more than welcome. Everyone is so lovely here so you will get lots of support xx
  20. I wish the best for you, anxiety is not easy. I’m glad your CO doesn’t cause you too much stress.
  21. Exactly! That’s the worse thing you can say to someone with anxiety. I find everyone is in such a rush nowadays. They don’t have time for each other. It’s what brings so many of us here we feel so alone. You have to deal with your anxiety in the best way you can that works for you. Do you find your CO helps to calm your anxiety or makes it worse? I find they help in situations where it doesn’t involve them, like driving or my social anxiety. But I’m situations like social media or events involving them, it’s so much worse. DM me anytime. Hope you feel better.
  22. Hi @BlueStarr Thank you so much, I’m always happy to help you so I will send you a pm. Hi @anxiousE I’m sorry to hear you are struggling, I feel your pain. I’m here for you if you would like to talk. Just know that your not alone, we will all help you in any way we can. Hi @nikki114 I’m sorry your also struggling. I definitely have experienced anxiety with my COs and without them. Anxiety is swept under the carpet by so many people and we are told to just get on with things. It’s such a hard thing to overcome. Take one small step at a time and don’t force yourself to do something you are uncomfortable with. Your not alone, if you want to talk we’re here for you.
  23. Hello, I hope everyone is doing well? Hi @BlueStarr your welcome and I meant every word! I really appreciate your help and support. My CO is driving me nuts at the moment (I’ll explain a bit below). Although I did hear back from the girl I asked about M&G. She told me that he is fine to talk and will have a conversation with you if you make the effort with him. He apparently likes to have a laugh with people, so that makes me feel more confident. It’s the next few weeks that are going to be hard. Because my crush on him is getting stronger. Thank you for your offer of chatting via PM, I might take you up on that if your sure you don’t mind? Thank you again for being amazing xx Hi @Honey1992 I’m so glad you are feeling better about your CO and they are helping you to be more positive. You are definitely doing the right things to help keep your CO at a level where you can still enjoy them but enjoy your life too. I have a similar situation, with my main CO I’ve had for 25 years now. I’m able to love him to pieces and still get excited by his Instagram posts. Like today he was doing something for Porsche and I had a little fangirl moment then got on with my day. If you ever want to chat feel free to pm me. Best of luck xx Now my new CO is a whole different story, he is driving me crazy! I would like him to be at the same level as my main CO. Where I could be a fan without the heartache. He has made a positive impact on my life in the fact, I want to look and feel better about myself. I’ve started eating healthier and got back into my running. I am trying to look for the positives with this obsession as best I can. I do ok for a couple of days, then the overwhelming need to look on Pinterest comes and I always come across something I don’t want to see. I just can’t help myself from going on there. It’s like an addiction and I don’t know what to do. I’m lucky in the fact he very rarely posts on Instagram, (only thing I follow him on) Sorry for rabbiting on, I just have no body to talk to about this and I’m super struggling at the moment. I feel this is a safe place where I can vent without being judged or being a burden. Good luck to everyone xx
  24. Happy Easter everyone! Hi @BlueStarr You really are a little star! Thank you so much for the support, you have helped me see things so much more clearly. I’m not going to let my love for my new CO ruin the music festival, I look forward to it every year. Plus it’s a chance to my favourite band and GNR, I can’t let my heart stop me from enjoying the whole experience. Also I will get to see my COs band play for the first time. I messaged a girl on Instagram who has met the band several times, and she’s reassured me that they are all really lovely. Apparently the two guitarists also suffer with anxiety so she said they would understand that I was anxious. I didn’t mention about my CO or anything as I don’t know her personally. I feel so much better about meeting him. Thank you again Hello @nikki114 I completely understand how you feel! I know I’m going insane, because I can’t get him out of my head. He’s just too perfect! I had hoped it would have faded, but nope everything I see or hear makes it worse. More so now because they are releasing new music videos and press stuff. Everything just makes me love him more! If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me any time. I can’t tell you how much this forum has helped me over the years. I’m truly grateful to each and everyone of you. I also met my best friend on here although we live half way around the world from each other our COs brought us together and I will be forever grateful to them for that.
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