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Everything posted by Evergreenforst4

  1. I am so sorry for the back stabbing Abby, You build people up and then they backstab and leave you because they think there is someone better but they end up finding out they were wrong but it is too late. I can tell by your words you have suffered through so much, I think the reason the world is unhealthy is because of the way it treats people like you. If society treated you better then I think it would be a much more healthy and beautiful place, that is where they make the mistakes and it is their loss.
  2. Hi, I mean I would seriously discuss this, you could also get a surrogate. Since you are a man you don't have to worry about menopause, also my girlfriend is a gyncologist and she regularly sees women in their 40s and 50s having kids but you would not be happy if you really want them that badly you could always present that as an ultimatum and in the future make it very clear before starting a new relationship that it is something you really want because there are women out there who want the exact same thing. I would try to sit down with your wife and talk about this in detail and try to make a compromise or a plan, since she is your wife the communication should be good, maybe she can find a way to balance career and family life. But this is something very important to you should keep your dreams otherwise how can you be truly happy in your life and marriage?
  3. Hi MtnDreams, I think practicing gratitude is the best. I mean to be honest there are a lot of single people here on the forums who can't find a girlfriend/boyfriend or have no family. You have both a wife and a beautiful family and while you may have some problems it is certainly possible to fix this scenario. I would talk to the kids and maybe play with them or get hugs from them, I have a nephew and I play with him from time to time and also have a cat. One thing I have noticed is that sometimes people will mask certain feelings with other feelings. For example maybe your wife feels embarrassed or inadequate because like you said you do all these good things and do not have any vices and she could be masking that insecurity with resentment. I have seen men mask embarrassment or sadness with anger as it is often a more socially acceptable emotion. I would try to find out what the root might be and maybe try to figure out when you are both in the best mood you can be in and then try to investigate, if it ruins the good mood or blows up, I would just let it cool off for a few days maybe go to the gym or find some way to get the stress out or confide to a friend and try again in a few days or so when tempers have cooled. For the kids, I would just try to put yourself in their position, kids are your own offspring, they are a precious gift and they are your blood and life, they are quite helpless and you are the role model for them, you can show them a kind world or you could show them a cold one. You want to have the best life for them if you ever feel upset I would just find alternate ways to cool off it would save you from so much heartache down the road. I don't know much about family life to be honest but most of the time, I see men have like a man cave or something a hobby place to blow off steam, you could try making friends with other families in the area or ask advice from men who have families, I just have a cat to be honest but I do have a girlfriend and we want to have a family someday.
  4. Hi gandolfication, I am sorry you are going through divorce, I do think dating takes people for a ride and creates this perfectionism. What I realized is that when I was a child I was always happy and carefree. Hurt people hurt and when peoole hurt me and make me feel inadequate.. the truth is that is how they really feel about themselves. When society makes us feel inadequate it is in fact society that itself feels inadequate. I'd rather be a pleb in the Roman society well I could be a hippocrate as well but I cannot help but feel this society tends to make people feel less than just for a quick buck to sell them more, to make them emotional to create need for services and utilities they otherwise would have no need of. It is not us who are not good enough, it is the people in charge who come from dysfunctional loveless lives. I have to forgive them because hurt people hurt.
  5. Honestly I kind of agree with you, it just feels like a business and they don't respect patients. I tried a lot of therapy and honestly just go to work, go to gym, eat right, spend time with friends and family, shoot some hoops or ride a bike to blow off steam. Finding balance with all aspects of wellness and That helps me more than therapy nowadays. I think a lot of depressed people are actually very intelligent (if ignorance is bliss that is probably why they get depressed because they have active minds that see many real issues) they understand psychology like reinforcement theory, language theory, maslows hierarchy. They are smart people and therapists make a lot of money and many of them just go into social work as a cop out because stem is too hard, I know that sounds rude but the way therapists treat people needs to improve, they should have more respect for the people who suffer greatly day in life and day out and give then employment instead of talking down to them.
  6. Hi Arthur, I think some people just like the structure of having somewhere to be 8 hours a day. The way I see it is I can spend my day in a high stress environment at work or I can spend the day being miserable and alone at home. Either way is bad but at least work pays. I don't know if you have your own family or wife or kids but if you don't have anything and have medical and mental health problems maybe just try to get on welfare or disability and only work if you want to.
  7. I think relationships take a lot of work but it is worth the effort. Having someone who cares makes a big difference. I would not take anything in online dating too seriously until you actually meet the person and form a committment. Many people will say they have to cancel for work but they could just be seeing others. I find it is better to just focus on one good relationship. One good relationship is better than a thousand bad ones.
  8. Hi duck, This has been something on my mind as well. I feel like mental healthcare has corruption and seems to be ineffective. Honestly lately I have stopped going to therapy and go to the gyms and rec centers to workout and just talk to the girlfriend and hang out at bars taverns, it seems to help my mental health way more than the artificial, cold sterile profit before people therapy who seem to treat people as lessers, incapable or even like criminals. I feel like there is a basic respect people should show to humans, especially if one elects to work in the mental healthcare field.
  9. Hello, it is fine to post here it is sort of general, as others mentioned relationship forum as well. 1. If you are in a relationship that is not working you should find a new relationship. 2. I am not sure who physically abused him if you did you need to work on anger management if partner did he may resent you that you did not protect him and make poor relationship choices. 3. I think it is good for people to work and be productive. In your situation you can try to work on basic things like mental health and physical health, if someone does not have work it is wise to practice self care and learn new skills and try to apply to a few jobs a day. Generally I think it is good for people to either be working (taking care of kid is working too) or going to school or have a business venture 4. This ties back into 1 you may have not had a good relationship. 5. If you moved for the relationship you could move back. 6. You could start a thread for this, there are a lot of good people here. 7. You should leave the relationship and move back. I am not sure what you mean by starting over, if you mean circumstantial ask family for help and move somewhere with better employment. If you mean finding a better relationship you have to understand the give and take of relationships. Generally you want to strive to come to a fair agreement for relationships, most people unfortunately look at relationships in an exploitative manner (What can this person do for me?) we must balance both however, If we just take advantage of someone or be taken advantage of resentment builds and explodes so you have to think about what you want and what you bring to the table so the future relationships are fair.
  10. Hi Evalynn, I am sorry things have been rough for you. You are a conscientious person which can be good. You have to try to not worry too much and balance it. If you feel trapped you can try having healthy spirituality and listening to music and having positive thoughts. When I feel sad sometimss I like to spend time with animals because sometimes I feel that they can be sympathethic and understanding even though they are simpler life forms. You have a picture of a pupper maybe you can spend time with them ☺
  11. Hi Zeebug, I began to have similar experiences around the same age. Part of it is puberty you have a lot of hormones. I would say the best thing you can do is try to follow common sense and make wise decisions and learn to manage emotions and feelings. I think you should try to play sports or outdoor activities if possible. It is a problem with modern humans they do not get enough exercise and so I think modern humans struggle more with mental health than ancient ones.
  12. Hi, I am sorry you are going through difficult times, you are a pillar of this community and you are an amazing human and I am just so sorry you go through such pains
  13. Hi Nightjar, I am sorry about the dentist, I am intriguied by this alternative therapy, what is this?
  14. Rainingviolets makes some good points, Also perspective and gratitude are key because otherwise you may never he happy. Imagine you had a genie. Someone will say well I want a bf/gf then they find one and say well I wish I had a more attractive partner or wish they act differently, Okay wish granted, okay well I wish we had more money, wish we kids. It is human nature to be kind of selfish and sometimes being too selfish actually makes our lives worse because we will turn down jobs/partners anything not because they are not good but because we think we can do better. There is nothing wrong with goals are yourself and lifegoals but if you are not satisfied now you still will not be when the goals are reached becaise there will always be more goals. I know this because I reached many goals and I also see very rich/famous people who are unhappy with their lives even though they are the rich beautiful Americans they are not happy because it is all consuming. That is why the perspective is important, most people have reached goals before and with good perspective this builds confidence
  15. I am 30 too and have lived in an area with a disproportionate male population and would often feel like a goat butting heads with the other goats to date one woman who already has trust issues. I do have good news though, society is so toxic that when you say you missed out on a lot you also probably missed out on the bad parts too. I think that you should try to be grateful for the things in your life or you will never be. For example you said you used to be attractive but you still need to appreciate it. I have a very beautiful girlfriend now but when I did not I tried to be grateful for simple things, even thankful if a woman would talk to me. I understand that it is easy to feel angry or bitter at life circumstances but I do find it is good to be grateful. The truth is you do have good things and you are still young. Life is a precious gift that was handed to us and sometimes we bury it in the ground but we can also unearth it and appreciate the beautiful things about us that make us special. I will assuredly tell you there are probably many lonely young men around your age and I think you should give them a chance.
  16. Darlene you are very eloquent. I think sometimes it is just good to stop and count your blessings. Some peope want children but cannot have, or some want a job but cannot have, some actually just to be somewhere safe and not starving or forced labor. For free people the worst days they have are better than the best days of people in labor camp. The only reason I mention this is because I know some people who got out of the place and they got to America and they are so happy even though they seem to have nothing and I see some people who are so rich, smart and beautiful but they are miserable because I think we make the mistake of believing circumstance dictates happiness but I believe it is perspective that both dicates happiness and upward circumstance.
  17. Hi Pandoren, It is really good you are trying to make an action plan and you also seem to be very intelligent and self aware. You did acknowledge that eating healthy and sleep can be improved. This does make a huge difference. I would look up sleep techniques such as trying to make the room darker or remove distractions experiment to get higher quality sleep. For eating healthy you could try taking vitamins to start. D3 and B12 in particular are good for the mood and brain functioning these vitamins can help you feel better they worked for me along with hydration and staying at a good temperature. In the past I dated a swing/nightshift nurse who finished work at 11. We would often have phone calls or watch tv for a bit when she got home as this helped her fall asleep at a relatively reasonable time like 1am which is not that far off normal day. For the exercise you have to make it fun. I tend to torture myself and release all my anger/emotions when I work out I do bodybuilding and I am very strong but is not uncommon for me push myself to a breaking point. The way I see it is that life is already painful torture so why not add more and it benefits the mind and body afterwards. This of course is a masochistic philosophy but generally exercise should be fun. There is a book called Born to Run about the Tahumaran people they could 100 miles and they had a culture of running and saw it as an enjoying way of life for them. You have to find a way to make the exercise something fun, I had sisters who would workout with Cassie Ho because she is upbeat and funny so it made the exercise grind fun. You should experiment with different philosophies and methods as you seem to be quite intelligent maybe even a genius but usually people who are this smart can get very depressed without direction the same with humans as with animals. Border Collies for example are one of the smartest dogs but they can get very neurotic without mental tasks.
  18. Hmm, There are two things I think that would help. The first is to try to develop empathy and put yourself in the other person's shoes. Imagine if you were that person. There is a saying that you catch flies with honey, you catch fish with bait. People are attracted to happy jovial spirits but it can feel like you are locked out when you are sincerely at rock bottom. You have to try to be kind to the few souls who do talk to you and remove the bitter feelings, this will help. I think what happened is you may have unloaded too much at once, try opening up only a little. First not to overwhelm and also second because these people have to earn your trust as well and you can see what they do when you open up a little bit at a time. The second thing is you may have to find different types of people. I think we make the mistake of appraising people for the wrong reasons which is why society tends to have a lot of problems. Just because someone has a certain look or physical trait does not mean they will be a good friend or even a good person, if anything some people become entitled and spoiled because people always fawn over them. Most people treat these people like they are better and give everything to them but it makes society worse. The world is quite vast and full of billions of people you may just have to be creative and look around, there are better friends and I am sure that there is a counterpart who feels similar to you. Edit Additionally there is a very thought provoking question I often ask myself which is this. If I met my counterpart, would we hate eachother? It is good to ask this question because you can think about how you appear to other people because they are the same types of people you are. They have the same, brain, heart feelings only difference is of circumstance.
  19. Hi UserNotFound, I served in the military and was an assault victim, I had a fiance leave me and cheat on me and I had many women take advantage of me. What helped me was to start bodybuilding and getting my college degree. I ended up getting a lot stronger and I had a late growth spurt and also grew quite a bit. I found it is better to harness your anger and channel it into weightlifting or martial arts. You do not want to do dark things with your rage as then how you better than the people who wronged you? they could have the same excuse, it is a viscious cycle and it takes strength to break the cycle and not pass the abuse to another. Let the anger make you stronger and with the strength you can break the chains. This one creed I liked, they actually call it the sith code but I think it is not bad Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power Through power, I gain victory Through victory, my chains are broken The Force shall free me
  20. Hi Chumly, At the end of the day they are still your fanily by blood. It is natural for humans in general to want the best for the posterity even if the peoole may be extremely flawed, we do not know the kind of lives they live they did not have the same kind of access of information and knowledge we have so they have different methods of coping. I don't believe your therapist is trying to milk sessions, there are enough stressors and issues in the world to keep therapists in business forever even if they actually helped solve problems, if anything not helping people improve would just make them change therapists. The family unit is just a human bond, if you can negotiate and reconcile with your family in general it will be easier to form relationships with friends, coworkers, spouse. You are at a distance already and you know your family you can try to communicate from a safe distance. I do suspect if you begun to heal your relationship your mom might act less neurotic, sometimes people act more crazy when they lose something dear to their heart and they seem to become heartless.
  21. Hi Gandolfication, You are a very intelligent person and unfortunately there is a bit of truth to the saying that ignorance is bliss, so it is kind of challenenging to offer any advice. The only two things I can think of are to get enough sleep and find some way to get into a relaxed state it could be with meditation or exercise. I would try to experiment and find what works best for you.
  22. Hi, This is a sensitive topic. You want to start with basic questions like what is your orientation, do you want to have kids your own kids someday. Generally speaking, people who present as male will have more options with women and people who present as female will have more options than men as majority of people are heterosexual so that is something to consider. I would say orientation and future family goals would be the two most important considerations. Discrimination is another factor although it should not be, generally if people 'pass' they recieve less discrimination so the discrimination serves to help people fully transition. I would recommend talking to a therapist who specializes in lgbt issues, or try to meet some transgender people.
  23. Hi SYC, I can relate on some levels as I do bodybuilding and I do copy routines from models. I agree that confidence is not always understood well. I think in your case you are equating confidence a bit with self improvement. The unfortunate reality in our world is that discrimination or being a harsh critic can actually makes us improve whether we like it or not even when it is not the intention of the people who caused it. As an extreme example America had slavery of mostly African Americans for centuries. A lot of African Americans now dominate all physical sports and are some of the worlds greatest athletes. There are chubby overweight girls who get teased in school and they end up becoming instagram models. I think what I have realized about humans is that you simply cannot hold them back nor should you try to. People for years have tried to discriminate and hold people back but it often backfires the people just come out stronger. We have the respect the humanity of all human beings. So it may seem to stray a bit off topic but the key to success is the bell curve of stress. Humans tend to perform their best with a moderate amount of stress. You can guage where you are on the curve based on two things. If comfort and a relaxing day helps you be more productive you are too stressed, if it makes you feel bores and unchallenged you are probably not stressed enough. If a stressful event fires you up you are probably not stresses enough and if it overwhelms you are probably too stressed. That is more about the passion and peak performance for modeling which I do not believe is related to confidence. I think confidence comes from having control and mastery over your environment which is why those top models can sometimes appear bossy or arrogant. They want to feel in control of the environment. Confidence is like telling someone to go to something and they will do it. It is being sure of things. When you have unpredictable modeling contracts and are around a lot of bigwig modeling scouts who have turned down scores of would be models it is insanely hard to have confidence but if you can develop that confidence you can be a champion. A champion is someone who has a rare combination of natural gifts and talents but also possesses incredible drive, anyone with enough determination can become a champion I believe. You have to start with basic things in your life and take control over them. You could try to work with a counselor or life coach or just look up ways to become more confident.
  24. Hi Kabuto, Instead of looking at OCD like a bad thing, think of it as a neutral trait or quirk that you have. Sometimes having OCD can be good because you can organize things extremely well. It is more of a neutral trait than a good one or a bad one you just have to learn how to live with it and manage the weaknesses but then you get to enjoy the positives as well
  25. Hi, I don't think there is anything wrong you are in a state of mourning as your uncle died. Go for a long walk or running can help settle your nerves or other form of cardio and talking with a doctor or therapist would help as well. I would give yourself time to mourn and grieve.
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