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Evergreenforst4

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  1. Another thing you could try as well is couples counseling or marriage retreats. Sometimes they can help I was going to do the last relationship I had but she did not want to.
  2. I can somewhat relate as I had dated a nightshift nurse for years that often gave me the cold shoulder. What really helps is to find other hobbies and passions. For example I play piano and guitar and do Brazillian Jujitsu and go to church and workout a lot. Having a lot of activities can keep you from feeling alone and it also makes you more attractive and secure so then you do not always emotionally unload on a person and overwhelm them. I think having things to appreciate as well. Sometimes with this mindset nothing will ever really be enough if you feel insecure. What I mean is for example, I went on a date with a woman who practically threw herself at me but I still felt insecure, there is a confidence that has to come from within yourself on your own journey and this is hard to do for people who feel insecure of have fears and insecurities of abandonment. The attachments usually happen because of unmet needs during childhood and people begin to believe the world is not a place where they can get needs met and they long for companionship. It is like a catch 22 because sometimes when you do feel secure you will go pursue your own interests but then on empty you might feel jealous or clingy and it is hard to do things It is kind of like timing. When you have the periods of feeling alone you have to act strong and then when you have together time you can act alone or vulnerable instead of the opposite, I am not sure if that makes sense.
  3. Hi Bowhunter, There are a lot of people here who mean well it is just the case that some sub forums are often overlooked and people with depression may withdraw or be slow to reply. It sounds like you may either feel somewhat needy with an anxious attachment theory and your wife may have an avoidant one. This is also why you post a couple times upset with no answer. I have been reading a book on attachment theory. Anxious attached people.when in distress want to come together times and avoidant people want to withdraw. This causes a lot of suffering for the anxious people. It is kind of like a Chinese finger trap in that if you can become more secure you will have less jealousy and neediness many of the problems will go away. The best way to become more secure is to find a role model of someone who had similar situations who is secure like a male friend similar age with a spouse or different people in the community you know.
  4. Your not wrong. I did not realize that until you pointed it out. Gandolf you make a lot of interesting posts do you have a df blog?
  5. Hello, I would take some time to self care for yourself. When you feel up to it you could look into more insurance things and possibly getting him situated in a better nursing home Based on your post it seems like he should be in a nursing home but a more rehabilitative one. Also I would just visit everyonce in a while and try to treat him like a normal human. It seems like his spirit is broken. Regular cooked meals and activities at a nursing home can be good but you really have to make sure the nursing home is a good one.
  6. Hello, I am here if you need someone to talk to. I studied attachment theories in psychology and I can kind of relate to you as I grew up with an anxious attachment theory and I suffered profoundly from loneliness and feeling suicidal. I used to be in the military and saw a lot of things I did not like. People in relationships never believed in me and left me for dead but did I crumble? I thrived, I clawed my way out of a pit of suffering, misery and despair and crossed the great chasm between depression and happiness and there is such a profound difference. I do not like to see people suffer so greatly. It is my wish for people who suffer to be happy someday.
  7. FerryJerry, If you know you are autistic you have to be mindful of this and work through it. For example of you know you get triggered by online games take a break and use a stress ball or go for a run and then enjoy the game once you calmed down, block toxic people and go to a different server. Also it is better if you do not tell people you are autistic in some online places. That is because people who are trolls are unhappy with their life they might wish they had a girlfriend or have worse life than you and instead of bettering themselves they want to bring people down to their level and they will try to get to you with any percieved weakness. There is nothing wrong with being autistic, they also can have savant abilities and actually be very intelligent and talented in certain things, know yourself and try to regulate when things getting out of hand.
  8. When you say things like i'm pretty sure none of you will try this or what have you got to lose it comes off as being condescending. It is also something I need to work on myself is to never talk down to people with depression or mental illness. They are equals and I would never judge why they have mental illness. For all we know they could be afflcted simply because they were being a hero in a cold horrible society.
  9. It think it feels like a copout based on how we are socially conditioned in a capitalist society in general terms. In specific terms I think nurses are chronically understaffed from all the ones I have known. Hospital managers tend to maximize profit by minimal staffing to be honest I don't think hospital should be for profit because it commercializes peoples health and life. If I was in charge that would be government imo capitaliism works for somethings but also something should not be about profit and getting rich during a pandemic and the human toll rolls down onto the backs of nurses. I do not think it is right you should not have guilt of taking a mental health day I am sorry.
  10. Hi Nic, I have gotten out of rock bottom a.couple times in my life and I share some tips and also based on what you posted. If you are very lethargic and depressive you have to try to move. Going for walks what I do is just walk around for circles in a small room if I do not want to go outside. Try to sleep at night and be awake at daytime. Feeling sunlight and being outside will help you with this. Also honestly avoid toxic people and learn to think for yourself. Media loves to tell people what is desirable and who good people are etc.. I have met people who are famous and they turned out to be real jerks. I have dated people who looked like models and they were rude shallow people. Being conventional won't make you happy you have to be different and use your differences to your advantage the same way a giraffe uses their long neck to get higher leaves. Being a cookie cutter person makes people depressed.
  11. Hi, To me mental health kind of feels like quick sand. You can freak out and spiral into an abyss of madness if you let it. I think it is best to stay to stay resilient mentally. These people are more likely to have cancer go in remission and stronger immunity being resilient. Just because you get covid you can still survive and then if you do you would have more immunity. If you can stay calm you can focus on doing what is best for helping the family stay calm to recover.
  12. Hi Kabuto, Epicetus is right. There is a psychlogical bias. I date a lot all the time and I remember many times while I was with the girl I felt disatisfied but once I broke up with her then I wanted her back. Some people call it playing hard to get or wanting what you can't have. I will tell you that there are a lot of successful and attractive women out there and it seems like more women than men as they do not live as long men die more because they are less biologically resilient and risky behaviors. You may find a perfectly nice women and it is important to appreciate what you have before its gone.
  13. Hi runninghope, I have two ideas for you. The first one is to just work around this quirk. Find friends who will give you praise and attention maybe date someone who gives a lot of attention. You can do things like bodybuilding or work on a talent people will notice you if you have freakishly big muscles lol. You can just continue to do things to get attention as long as its not bad because that is who you are. You have been that person your whole life so it might be hard to change who you are. You want to be on the stage some people are like that so you can choose career life where you end up center of attention. The second option is to try to change your need for validation. Some people do this with spirituality or reflection but I do not think wanting attention in of itself is a bad thing. If it causes you severe distress maybe just try to get the attention I would do that if I was you its not a crime to want attention
  14. Hi Thanos, I do not think lack of car is a problem. I have dated many women in big cities and they do not have a car because it is difficult to own a car in a large city. When I drive in my car I strive to be safe and respect the pedestrians. I would keep trying never give up.
  15. Hi, If the relationship only lasted a month I would try to move on. I have dated a lot and for saying some women invite guys to treat them like objects I feel it is more like the woman wants to feel wanted and needed. It is about timing because if you push at the wrong time they dont like but if you never push they also dont like. If you are sensitive try finding a nicer woman to date some of them are bit less coy will give people an easier time.
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