Evergreenforst4

Hi Thanos, One thing I think that is absolutely crucial is to make the woman feel safe. In your earlier posts you talked about how you beat your mom and holding back angry or violent thoughts. Try to put yourself in the woman's position, if you were the woman and you saw angry men who are pent up or violent when you barely know them. You have to make a better impression in this regard. Buying jewelry and escape room is something that sounds fun but you should hold off on stuff until you become official boyfriend/girlfriend. With the current woman it sounds like she had a great time so then if I was in that position I would ask if she wants to be boyfriend/girlfriend and if she says no you would ask for the reason why (without losing your cool) then if she says no you are free to date and find another woman but as an autistic person you need to be more blunt and sincere how you are on these forums, you have to be honest with woman instead of just putting on a facade about what you want. If you feel frustrated with dating you have to tell them, tell them how you plan to work anger management or goals that you may have like getting back to full work. But I think working on yourself is most important and please hear out because you have probably had relationships in the past and you need to honestly ask yourself if you were happy in the relationship? You could have a beautiful woman date you but you could still get mad and unhappy even in the relationship you also have to work on mental health and wellbeing as well. You sound very traditional so I think you should look for women are who looking for marriage. There are a lot of very high quality woman like that but you need to treat them well and will probably have to be patient because they usually will wait to have relations until marriage typically. Just keep that in mind, if you want to rush into something casual than you should not be surprised if they bail, I think with your autism you probably would want something more serious, traditional and structured so I would look for marriage partner, you could try religious dating site. You have to be patient and work on mental health because those relationships are slower paced typically. Also time is not the issue, men don't hit menopause. There were knights in medieval times who did not marry and have kids until their 40's, I think you are working really hard and getting frustrated but you can do cool things like escape room, you already know how to talk to women, you just have to be more honest and work on anger issues and communicating honestly in a relationship and I think you will be fine.

Hi celine___1, Based on your post, I think you seem to really desire a relationship but you have to look in the right areas to find one instead of hoping one will magically happen if that is one of your goals. Also with relationships they go both ways, instead of just thinking about how men or other are treating you poorly try to think about how to have mutually beneficial relationship where both are happy. Also just be more patient and refuse to hand out photos. If someone does not respect your terms then you don't need them. I don't think it is good to compare with your friends, just enjoy your life and try to do your best and find a happy relationship. Also some people who have waited until marriage would have more enjoyable marriage and less divorce supported by research so it is not good to compare to others just do your best. To change the toxic thinking I would refrain from the envy or the "grass is greener on the other side" thinking. Try to look at positives in your life and things you are thankful for. You have done so much therapy I don't think it is a problem that therapy can solve I think you may just have goals for a relationship or career and you should work on your goals to pursue happiness and get out of the negative rut you are in.

Hi Mel d, I am really sorry for what you are going through. I think you should try to get your medications correct because that is extremely important to your well being. If you dad is still around maybe contact him and ask him for advice. I think you may feel coerced in the relationship because he cares for you but if there is infidelity, cheating, anger and abuse along with messing up your medications that is extremely dangerous you should leave this relationship and try to get help from other family, friends or support groups for women. I am sorry you were treated so poorly, you deserve to be treated much better. Also just to add there is nothing wrong with you, you are in a terrible situation and it sounds like you are trying to do things correctly like basic things like washing hands, taking correct medications but others around you are not and not respecting terms of marriage because he is cheating.

I love the people here. A lot of people here are super smart as well. There are a lot of good people on the forums.

Hi Maxx55, The way you are being treated is unfair and you should terminate this relationship. You may feel worthless but that is far from the truth. The truth is that you have helped her so much and she would not be where she is if it was not for you. Also people like that will gaslight you and artificially lower your self worth in order to take advantage of you. The truth is you can find someone who will treat you much better but from your perspective it may be hard to see because you have someone artificially trying to lower your value. You should leave this relationship and have plans to take care of your mental health such as exercising and you could start dating and find someone who will treat you better and save your money instead of wasting it on someone else who does not even appreciate you in the slightest. You are very intelligent and can write well, you also were able to memorize and organize all of this which shows you have a lot of skills and positive attributes. Just save up for a UTV instead of wasting it on this person and maybe down the road you can find a NICER and BETTER looking woman who will treat you better.

I am so sorry for the back stabbing Abby, You build people up and then they backstab and leave you because they think there is someone better but they end up finding out they were wrong but it is too late. I can tell by your words you have suffered through so much, I think the reason the world is unhealthy is because of the way it treats people like you. If society treated you better then I think it would be a much more healthy and beautiful place, that is where they make the mistakes and it is their loss.

Hi, I mean I would seriously discuss this, you could also get a surrogate. Since you are a man you don't have to worry about menopause, also my girlfriend is a gyncologist and she regularly sees women in their 40s and 50s having kids but you would not be happy if you really want them that badly you could always present that as an ultimatum and in the future make it very clear before starting a new relationship that it is something you really want because there are women out there who want the exact same thing. I would try to sit down with your wife and talk about this in detail and try to make a compromise or a plan, since she is your wife the communication should be good, maybe she can find a way to balance career and family life. But this is something very important to you should keep your dreams otherwise how can you be truly happy in your life and marriage?

Hi MtnDreams, I think practicing gratitude is the best. I mean to be honest there are a lot of single people here on the forums who can't find a girlfriend/boyfriend or have no family. You have both a wife and a beautiful family and while you may have some problems it is certainly possible to fix this scenario. I would talk to the kids and maybe play with them or get hugs from them, I have a nephew and I play with him from time to time and also have a cat. One thing I have noticed is that sometimes people will mask certain feelings with other feelings. For example maybe your wife feels embarrassed or inadequate because like you said you do all these good things and do not have any vices and she could be masking that insecurity with resentment. I have seen men mask embarrassment or sadness with anger as it is often a more socially acceptable emotion. I would try to find out what the root might be and maybe try to figure out when you are both in the best mood you can be in and then try to investigate, if it ruins the good mood or blows up, I would just let it cool off for a few days maybe go to the gym or find some way to get the stress out or confide to a friend and try again in a few days or so when tempers have cooled. For the kids, I would just try to put yourself in their position, kids are your own offspring, they are a precious gift and they are your blood and life, they are quite helpless and you are the role model for them, you can show them a kind world or you could show them a cold one. You want to have the best life for them if you ever feel upset I would just find alternate ways to cool off it would save you from so much heartache down the road. I don't know much about family life to be honest but most of the time, I see men have like a man cave or something a hobby place to blow off steam, you could try making friends with other families in the area or ask advice from men who have families, I just have a cat to be honest but I do have a girlfriend and we want to have a family someday.

Hi gandolfication, I am sorry you are going through divorce, I do think dating takes people for a ride and creates this perfectionism. What I realized is that when I was a child I was always happy and carefree. Hurt people hurt and when peoole hurt me and make me feel inadequate.. the truth is that is how they really feel about themselves. When society makes us feel inadequate it is in fact society that itself feels inadequate. I'd rather be a pleb in the Roman society well I could be a hippocrate as well but I cannot help but feel this society tends to make people feel less than just for a quick buck to sell them more, to make them emotional to create need for services and utilities they otherwise would have no need of. It is not us who are not good enough, it is the people in charge who come from dysfunctional loveless lives. I have to forgive them because hurt people hurt.

Honestly I kind of agree with you, it just feels like a business and they don't respect patients. I tried a lot of therapy and honestly just go to work, go to gym, eat right, spend time with friends and family, shoot some hoops or ride a bike to blow off steam. Finding balance with all aspects of wellness and That helps me more than therapy nowadays. I think a lot of depressed people are actually very intelligent (if ignorance is bliss that is probably why they get depressed because they have active minds that see many real issues) they understand psychology like reinforcement theory, language theory, maslows hierarchy. They are smart people and therapists make a lot of money and many of them just go into social work as a cop out because stem is too hard, I know that sounds rude but the way therapists treat people needs to improve, they should have more respect for the people who suffer greatly day in life and day out and give then employment instead of talking down to them.

Hi Arthur, I think some people just like the structure of having somewhere to be 8 hours a day. The way I see it is I can spend my day in a high stress environment at work or I can spend the day being miserable and alone at home. Either way is bad but at least work pays. I don't know if you have your own family or wife or kids but if you don't have anything and have medical and mental health problems maybe just try to get on welfare or disability and only work if you want to.

I think relationships take a lot of work but it is worth the effort. Having someone who cares makes a big difference. I would not take anything in online dating too seriously until you actually meet the person and form a committment. Many people will say they have to cancel for work but they could just be seeing others. I find it is better to just focus on one good relationship. One good relationship is better than a thousand bad ones.

Hi duck, This has been something on my mind as well. I feel like mental healthcare has corruption and seems to be ineffective. Honestly lately I have stopped going to therapy and go to the gyms and rec centers to workout and just talk to the girlfriend and hang out at bars taverns, it seems to help my mental health way more than the artificial, cold sterile profit before people therapy who seem to treat people as lessers, incapable or even like criminals. I feel like there is a basic respect people should show to humans, especially if one elects to work in the mental healthcare field.

Hello, it is fine to post here it is sort of general, as others mentioned relationship forum as well. 1. If you are in a relationship that is not working you should find a new relationship. 2. I am not sure who physically abused him if you did you need to work on anger management if partner did he may resent you that you did not protect him and make poor relationship choices. 3. I think it is good for people to work and be productive. In your situation you can try to work on basic things like mental health and physical health, if someone does not have work it is wise to practice self care and learn new skills and try to apply to a few jobs a day. Generally I think it is good for people to either be working (taking care of kid is working too) or going to school or have a business venture 4. This ties back into 1 you may have not had a good relationship. 5. If you moved for the relationship you could move back. 6. You could start a thread for this, there are a lot of good people here. 7. You should leave the relationship and move back. I am not sure what you mean by starting over, if you mean circumstantial ask family for help and move somewhere with better employment. If you mean finding a better relationship you have to understand the give and take of relationships. Generally you want to strive to come to a fair agreement for relationships, most people unfortunately look at relationships in an exploitative manner (What can this person do for me?) we must balance both however, If we just take advantage of someone or be taken advantage of resentment builds and explodes so you have to think about what you want and what you bring to the table so the future relationships are fair.

Hi Evalynn, I am sorry things have been rough for you. You are a conscientious person which can be good. You have to try to not worry too much and balance it. If you feel trapped you can try having healthy spirituality and listening to music and having positive thoughts. When I feel sad sometimss I like to spend time with animals because sometimes I feel that they can be sympathethic and understanding even though they are simpler life forms. You have a picture of a pupper maybe you can spend time with them ☺