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About Groucho4u

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  1. Thanks so much for your kind words. Gee I never thought of it that way. I’m so used to my anxiety dictating what I do. It’s almost like I need to flip this thing on its head. My therapist told me yesterday that sometimes our thoughts keep us locked up in jail, but we never realize that the key to our release is already in our hand.
  2. So I have to admit, I’m scared. Any advice would be appreciated. I’ve had depression and severe anxiety for 7 years now. Two weeks ago it felt like my medication, just about stopped working. I’m going through a period of chronic Physical pelvic pain and GI issues. I had a MRI, and lab work which all came back normal. I was put on an antibiotic, which I only took for 3 days. That’s when all of my depression and anxiety came back. I quit the antibiotic... My GP sent me to a pelvic Physical Therapist, who discovered I had a pelvic floor disfunction. It’s all treatable, but I feel like my depression and anxiety are still bad. I spent several days looking up what it was like to withdrawal from Klonopin. What if since it seems like it’s not working so well, I have to come off. I don’t want to increase my dosage. Now I’m more scared since I’ve been taking 1/2mg twice daily for almost 2 years (as prescribed), all horror stories online about coming off this drug. I also take 300mg of Wellbutrin XL. More horror stories of withdrawal from that drug. It seems like some of the people that make those videos still need medication... It’s almost like saying mental illness doesn’t exist... just use cognitive therapy... I’m barely functional at work, enough to put in 8 hours, come home and collapse. I need help with accepting my situation and letting go of trying control the outcome. I’m working with a therapist, but life just feels so bleak right now. My doctor wants me to try 10mg of Celexa. I don’t know what to do.
  3. Pdoc prescribed 5mg of Lexapro for depression & anxiety. I just can’t bring myself to take it. It’s been sitting in my cabinet for weeks. Everyday I open the bottle and think about taking it. I was in Zombie mode on Zoloft, scared this will happen with Lexapro. Advice?
  4. Why can't a medication work longer than 3 months for me? Its so discouraging. As some of you may know I have been on wellbutrin for the past 3-1/2 years following my 2nd round of ECT treatments (25 in total). It has been a struggle for the last 8 months to find something that works for more than 3 months. I have tried adding zoloft (very activating, induced massive panic attacks and made depression worse, couldn't sleep). I had to quit my job, because I could barely function at work on the Zoloft. My Dr. stopped the Zoloft and tried adding Deplin, which worked wonders for 3 months and then it just stopped working all of a sudden. Upping the dose made my panic attacks worse. For the past 3 months we have been using 0.5mg of klonopin x2 a day. It seemed to be working beautifully with the Wellbutrin. I felt stable, functional, and had a great outlook on my future. About 2 weeks ago... it seems to have lost some of its effectiveness. My panic is back, albeit not in full force. I have noticed that I have become sensitive to certain noises. These certain noises make it feels like my brain is "buzzing" or "shivering" at times. I've had to wear earplugs to sleep. My heart rate was way up, my family Dr added a low dose beta blocker this past week to try and help with that, seems to be working. In the past couple of days the crying spells have come back. Bad crying spells. I broke down in front of my mom yesterday, terrified that I will be facing Klonopin withdrawals soon. I still take it, I don't know if it's pooping out or not. From everything I've read, I am prepared to be bedridden if I slow taper and stop, though I don't wish to be bedridden. But starting the klonopin is in the past, I kind of regret it now, but It restored basic functioning and got me out of not sleeping for a week because I was in a state of 24/7 panic which was getting worse every week. I don't want to do ECT again. I had two rounds one in 2014 (didn't really help because the dr had the setting too low, bi-lateral), and the last round in 2015 (smarter Dr., Methodical approach, Right-unilateral worked to return me to baseline), . It took my body 4-5 months to get over all of the anestesia and Wellbutrin start-up. Looking back I partly came out of the anesthesia with the 1st dr in 2014 in one of my sessions. 2nd Dr in 2015 confirmed this after I was starting to have panic attacks before treatment and decided to stop after treatment 19. I have PTSD from that experience. So ECT is not an option. Granted I still consider it a lifesaving approach, don't let my experience deter you from it. It was my stupid anesthesiologist's fault. However, I can't bring myself to do it again. I haven't worked since this past summer. It's been hard holding down a job for more that a year at a time. I've had 5 jobs in the past 4 years. Before all of this mess started, I had a good job, with a great company for 10 years! Now its seems to be a struggle. My poor wife Is the main breadwinner. I just started an 8 week contract job, I'm halfway through, but I don't know if I'll make it. The symptoms make it hard. I feel like a failure of a man. I feel like a burden to my family. I want to provide for my wife, I really, REALLY want to work! I just feel so defeated. I was barely able to pull myself out of bed this morning. Sometimes I feel like it's hard to function, sometimes I can function ok. I'm seeing a therapist, I've done CBT, Mindfulness, EMDR, Positive visualization, in the past with other therapists. My new therapist wan'ts to do Acceptance and commitment therapy. My Dr. Is begging me to try Lexapro, but after the Zoloft, I don't know. She is also offering me gabapentin for chronic intense neck pain, to help with sleep, and to help with getting off the klonopin if needed ... I just feel so hopeless and scared.
  5. So lately I’ve been a mess. I am on Wellbutrin for MDD. In the past I have dealt with severe anxiety and now I’m having panic attacks. My pdoc has tried adding on Zoloft which gave me intollerable side effects and Suicidal thoughts. So we stopped that.... Then we tried adding Deplin at 7.5mg which worked amazing. At day 3 of taking it I had no more anxiety or depression. My sleep returned to normal. This lasted about 10 weeks and then... it just stopped working. I began having an impending sense of doom upon waking up. My panic attacks became more frequent. I didn’t want to go to my college classes, but I forced myself. My pdoc tried upping my Deplin to 15mg and all this did was make my anxiety much worse. So my pdoc cut my dose back to 7.5mg I tried Valarian root, with little effect. So I tried Benadryl which helped a little but make me so drowsy I could barely Fast forward to two weeks ago. After constantly reaching out to my pdoc that I was feeling worse and worse and seeing a therapist twice a week to work on mindfulness nothing was really helping. It was like 24/7 panic. I tired as hard as I could to apply the mindfulness exercises, deep breathing, and so on... and it barely helped. Last week I reached out again to my Pdoc saying I felt very panicky and I hadn’t slept in 3 days because of the anxiety... and his reply was “just take Benadryl for sleep and Benadryl for anxiety.” So basically constantly medicate myself with Benadryl until I can graduate college in May? My resting heart rate was up to 120BPM, I felt a constant sense of impending doom, and then felt like I was gonna die. After not sleeping for 4 days I started getting a sense of Akathisia, depersonalization, and I became conscious of my blinking. My heart was constantly going into bad palpitations. I made an appointment with my family doctor who worked me in. I felt like a nervous wreck. She took one look at me and prescribed low dose Klonopin. She just about begged me to take it, and wrote the script for 0.5mg 3 times a day for 10 days. if I got dependent on it she agreed she would slowly taper me off with a switch over to Valium and then slowly, slowly taper the Valium. The klonopin sat on my shelf for several days. I was mortified to take it because everything I read online said that benzos were pure and absolute soul destroying, hell on earth to get off of. I somehow made it to my next therapist appointment. I was literally beside myself. The anxiety was crippling. We both agreed that since I had tried all of the CBT techniques and mindfulness and nothing was working I needed a chemical intervention. I was devastated. I cryied my eyes out on the way home, I called my wife and said I was having a bad meltdown. I fumbled my way through my house, still crying my eyes out, riddled with anxiety, conscious of my blinking... and I opened the Klonopin bottle in shear dread. I took my first dose layed down in bed and just waited.... within 1 hour the anxiety had lifted, I didn’t get a high or loopy, I just felt.... normal and for the first time in what seemed like several weeks I gotta full nights rest. I’ve been taking The Klonopin now for a week and it has done a good job of keeping the sense of impending doom, blinking obsession, and palpitations under control, I feel stable and able to think somewhat clearly... but now I’m scared to get off The Klonopin. My pdoc and family doc agree and want to try me on Celexa, but my fear is that from everything I’ve read online it seems like I’m going to have to go through hell to get off of the Klonopin, I’m going to be bedridden, and wheelchair bound for months... what should I do? Sorry for the long post
  6. Itstrevor, Yestlesmac did raise an interesting question. Why not go back for more treatments? Perhaps an extended maintenance regimen would greatly benefit you. My heart breaks because you are suffering. Science has discovered so little about the brain that if we were to equate it to Christopher Columbus discovering America, we would still be on that tiny island in the Bahamas. We could spend a lot of time theorizing which receptors and/or hormones could be targeted to end depression. But what we do know is that currently ECT is the most powerful and effective treatment at ending severe depression. It effects the entire brain. Since the brain is the master organ it also effects the entire body. Because the procedure has been given such a bad rap, sadly, most people give up too soon. You should check out Dr. Max Fink's book on electro-convulsive therapy. He is considered the "Grandfather of modern electroshock therapy in America." To paraphrase his work, he states that some people become so afraid of memory loss and degeneration of cognitive function they stop too soon. Sometimes family and friends (or people on the internet) because they have a prejudice against the procedure, dissuade the patient from continuing. Yes, a small percentage of people do have bad protracted memory loss, but they are the exception, not the rule. Most side effects tend to clear up quickly. Dr. Fink also points out that some people, who are in a severe anhedonic state, need extended maintenance treatments for at least six months in order to achieve long lasting results and complete remission. The power of the current administered to you during ECT can also be adjusted with-in certain parameters. In other words they can increase the power by 25%. I have directly heard from people that this helps achieve more positive and longer lasting results. I volunteer in the mental health field and have seen family members, friends, co-workers and acquaintances whose lives where saved by ECT. Again my heart breaks for your suffering. I too have battled depression off and on and would not hesitate to turn to ECT.
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