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Everything posted by havehope

  1. (((((Bella)))))) Hugs! :hugs: Please don't be so hard on yourself... you have unique and beautiful qualities to offer the world, remember that!!
  2. I want to be Peter in the movie Office Space. Where he gets hypnotized, all of his concerns and woes melt away into obvlivion, and he guts a fish at his office desk, lol. That's what I want.
  3. Thanks for your thoughts, Rene. It is complicated. You're right in that I do need to follow her lead since she's the business owner, however, at the same time, I have to function as a consultant to educate her because she does not understand SEO and I'm the in-house expert. So there's a fine balance between leadership roles in the mix. I do need to take the lead on some things, while educating her at the same time. She has allowed me to do that, and in fact now is finally incorporating points I've reiterated over and over again into the redesign process. She is finally listening it seems, and said recently that she is taking all my points into consideration. Changing her is not going to happen, I agree, and I cannot force her to change her own approach towards me. I am trying to remain professional with all of my communications, and that's the best I can do, as well as my job. But I do need to be assertive---- it is very typical that the SEO expert has to advocate for themselves and their position, and it is typical that business owners (websites owners) want to do things their own way, without listening. This is very typical in my field, overall. So what I am experiencing is pretty much the norm --- the tension between website design and adherence to SEO standards in order to rank a site well. This is what I face. And as the SEO expert, I must advocate for certain standards to met or else the business will suffer. So that's my job... and I have to do my job, or else I'll get fired for not. I cannot change my internal reactions to someone who repeatedly is disrespectful towards me, however. And if she refuses to listen in the end, then it's not my fault. But I have to try, or else I'm not doing my job.
  4. Thank you.... I know. It didn't feel good. :( I'm just trying to do my job and do it well, and she keeps slapping me for it. It's not right.
  5. Thanks, Brian!! Sorry you're on the down today --- yes, tomorrow is a brand new day and hopefully a better one for you! ((hugs)) No kidding, right?!?! I concur!!! LOL
  6. Thanks, Mulberry, and glad that helped a bit! :) Unfortunately, that wrist slap just completely demotivated me all over again. Any time she does this, I lose steam. Now I don't want to make any effort at all.
  7. Just got my wrist slapped by my boss AGAIN, for just trying to do my job. UGH. I don't know when to interject and when not to interject with my input.
  8. Awwwww... (((((((((mulberry))))))))) So sorry! That is really crappy on your Bday!!! I hope this day can turn around for you, and that there is still some joy & happiness to be found in it for you! Sending you loads of Bday hugs and well wishes!!!!!
  9. mywarmblood, that sounds very scary! Have you seen a doctor/specialist yet about this? Can meds help you? I would look into whatever means may help to get this more under control, if possible. I can only imagine how confusing and disorienting that would be to not feel like it's you writing or doing something. Please do seek out additional support and professional help with this, if you haven't already. Big hugs!
  10. Dude, yeah, I totally hear you. For me, it's the age old debate between science and religion. The fact that my meds do calm the voices tells me that perhaps it's science, though I can still hear them sometimes --- the fact that I have bizarre paranormal experiences tells me it's something much more that science does not explain. There are legitimate psychics who hear spirit voices and there are spiritual mediums who allow spirits to talk through them. I have witnessed such a spiritual medium & felt a powerful energy in the room that I cannot explain, just above my head. I believed that she was completely legitimate. My relative is a spiritual medium as well who had apparitions appear to her telling her that this was her destiny... to be a voice for spirits. I know you're saying that your voices are from schizophrenic hallucinations. Just recently I had a doctor tell me that it's very odd for an adult of my age to develop schizophrenia. My experiences are what they are, as I've said a few times in this thread, and I believe them to be of a paranormal nature. I have even commanded entities of the dark (demons) to leave, and my body immediately moves/jerks involuntarily. As scary or as bizarre as that sounds, this is my experience. When I ask my spirit guides yes or no questions, they speak through me and answer me with a yes or a no. It is not me talking, and I know the difference. I am a spiritual medium of sorts, but there is dark and there is light out there... both exist, just as they do here on earth.
  11. duck, you should put that in the stupid things people say about depression thread.... Today I am just not so sure. Not so sure of anything really. I feel better knowing that I've stood my ground with my boyfriend. But my doubts are there. I worry that a breakup will devastate me.
  12. (((((((((((((((Epictetus))))))))))))))) Big Tiger Hugs!
  13. Hmm.... interesting. Not sure what to make of that myself! Seems a bit early to be trying to change any habits of yours and looking into the future like that too much.. guess you may need to just feel this out a bit more, but perhaps proceed with caution? For some reason, her wanting to halt things because you're off of work temporarily bothers me.. I'm not sure why! Like I feel she should be more understanding of your position and still want to date you, knowing you'll get back to work again at some stage. Maybe that's just me! Don't let me sway your thoughts.. stick to your own gut of how you feel about things. I know you will :)
  14. Glad you're doing Ok Brian! :) Those are sweet words from her, no doubt, though I think a bit strong for only knowing you a month. And she wanted you to join a gym.. hmm... that could be considered totally benign.. like she could be thinking exercise may be good for you while off work and dealing with depression too. That's one side. Or it could be a part of wanting to make you more into something she wants you to be, i.e., a bit controlling. Coupled along with wanting to wait on things until you're back to work, I would be wondering myself what the true deal is. I'm curious what your response will be! I would be a little wary and cautious my friend, and yes, still open as you said to feel things out more.
  15. So I drew the line with my boyfriend today and let him know what I will not accept. Things have been pretty rocky... we've fought periodically, and have almost broken up several times. Well, we did break up Friday. I don't know if we can work out our issues... right now I have strong doubts. This could change. I just don't know, but we're both strong enough in our commitment, though mine could be wavering? Counseling may be the only solution if we are going to take additional steps forward. I feel so alone in this struggle... it's really hard.
  16. My depression has interfered with my work for the last 3 days straight. I have not been able to get anything done. All I've done is be on DF. I hope the issues that are plaguing me will be resolved soon. I am struggling with a bit too much right now.
  17. I just checked out the site, I expected so much worse... but I can understand why you're dissatisfied. However what your friend was saying makes sense I think. Do you think she will blame it on you if the website flops? Are you the only one in charge for the site? Hey Catbug, thanks :) I don't think she'll blame me necessarily, but it won't look good for me if it does flop. Several are in charge of the website, including myself. I am in charge of getting it to rank high in the search engines, which does relate to design and usability (user-friendliness). Sigh..... I may have turned a corner with her though? She has made a point of telling me that she is hearing my points. so that's a good sign at least!
  18. Hey Nissala, so sorry for your anxiety and being scared, etc. This sounds like a very positive work environment though on the plus side! And congrats on getting a new job after being out of work for a long time! This is great news! Maybe being around upbeat people will help improve your own depressed mood? Or at the very least, it forces one to be more upbeat themselves.... this could be a plus! Try to think of the positives... more money, pleasant work environment, greater stability, less stress..... a positive work environment with positive people goes a long way, i can tell you that. Can you get your pdoc to reduce your med dosage to reduce the brain fog? I have that going on too, and it does make me have to focus a little harder, which really isn't that bad to deal with... I just have to truly focus on what I'm doing and think things through a bit more... Best of luck and I hope your first day is a positive one for you!
  19. Hmm.... I would tend to disagree, SG. I think whether you're positive or negative has a huge impact on reality. Those are two valid examples, where positive or negative thinking doesn't lead to the expected outcome, but that doesn't mean to me necessarily that thinking in either direction doesn't impact one's life ultimately. For example, if I think negatively about my ability to get a new job or advance my career, I will be less motivated and then will probably remain stuck and not get anywhere... I will not take steps to advance my career because I don't believe in myself. But if I think positively all the time about my ability to succeed, to move forward and advance, I will take the steps necessary to do so, and be motivated, and most likely will succeed as a result of my efforts. I think people who think negatively all the time are stuck in negative thought patterns, and therefore, life in general is a much more negative experience. People who think more positively enjoy life more, are propelled forward because they believe in themselves and have faith, and feel better about their lives in general. So I do think that thinking positively or negatively impacts our experience of reality in a large way. The Secret emphasizes that it's perpetual thinking in either direction that moves energy in either direction... it has to be a prolonged thought pattern and focus, according to the principles of the Secret, rather than short-term, fleeting or temporary thoughts.
  20. Yes I agree, it tends to be self absorbed and life is much more then being a millionaire, that is an empty illusion but it does, however, get you to cognitively become aware of what you think about and how it's linked to your emotional spectrum. We're only aware of 1/10 of what we think about through-out the day. I'm a fairly good business owner and have lost everything twice in my life, I've rebuilt things from nothing and it was mostly do to how I looked and thought about things. I'm not saying it's easy but any positive cognitive tools you can apply to your life is worth the effort!! Oh yeah, I'm in complete agreement! This is a very useful cognitive tool, no doubt. I usually try to apply it in my own life. Those who are successful always say that it has to do with having a positive attitude, no matter what. I used to read a lot of entrepreneurial type of stuff when I was trying to succeed as an online entrepreneur, and all successful people said the same things. Congrats on rebuilding a business twice!!! That's truly amazing!!!
  21. "The Secret" poses a really interesting concept about how universal energy works.... I bought into the theory of energy attracting like things years ago --- negativity begets more negativity, and positive begets more positive, etc, and how our perpetual thoughts can attract either one to us, whether that be more thoughts along those lines, people, circumstances or events. I have seen this in action in my own life, which definitely makes me think about it and believe that there must be some truth to this. It's a little unrealistic though too, I think, especially the way that they pose it if you want to be a multi-millionaire. To believe that you already have the money and are already wealthy.... when you're not... is a tough one. I tried this on and off, and it never worked for me because I saw the reality too much.
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