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havehope

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Everything posted by havehope

  1. (((((((Brian)))))) Hugs! Sorry you're feeling lonely! Did you reach out to your lady friend? Sounds like the depressed thinking talking in extremes "my life will forever be just me"... you never know what may happen, is the real truth. Things can change on a dime. That's the beauty of life, things do change.. I can understand why you're down though... especially when you don't know if they're willing to accommodate you at work, and the thought of going back soon to the same ole same ole could be depressing. Can you follow up with them to see what the status of a change is and push for it, I wonder? Again, big hugs! I, too, am down today. Hoping for brighter, better days ahead for both of us!
  2. WeatherLady, thank you so very much! Your post helped!! :hugs:It helps so much to feel validated by my experience! Yes, I believe my boss may be narcissistic. This is so very toxic. Argh. You mention how they need sidekicks.... I must not be the only one she treats this way.... I imagine it's probably many or even everyone? I feel the same as the way you described in your old job --- I first came on board with SO much energy and enthusiasm --- I gave so many ideas and input on a variety of marketing tactics. But this has all fallen by the wayside and she hasn't valued my input despite my years of experience in the field and level of expertise. I feel like I'm talking to a brick wall! My energy and enthusiasm has slowly but surely waned over the months... and I feel just like you did. I am drained, I feel sucked of all my energy. I have to repeat points now numerous times to even be remotely heard. She is not utilizing my expertise, although she hired me for it. She is definitely full of ego -- I have lost all my steam. Narcissists are the most difficult and toxic people to deal with, and I've dealt with many, mostly in my personal relationships. But a narcissistic boss is far worse, because they have power over you, they can fire you, and the relationship is one that is a power dynamic.. you can walk away from a personal relationship, but you can't just up and quit a job without another lined up. You're stuck to deal with it until you can find another. And I am getting more depressed because of my job, largely. Yes, my goal is to get out ASAP.... the moment I can quit I will feel so much better. I wonder if narcs know how to target certain people they know they can dominate over... like those who are really nice.. or people pleasers like me. I've been told I'm too nice.. I wish I could be thicker skinned and more of biotch. But I just don't have that characteristic. I'm soft... Thanks so much again.. your thoughtful reply and insights mean a lot to me!!
  3. I feel... meh. A little reserved and reluctant. I have not worked a full day for 6 days now. My boss said she hadn't heard from me on something. Ugh. I've got to be more productive today. It doesn't feel like Christmas.
  4. Hi Renee, I appreciate this very much... thank you. And you're right -- I didn't ask outright for advice. And funny, because I don't even fully understand my job. LOL! No, that's not really true -- I do. Anyways, thanks. frozen, I want to give you a thousand hugs right now!!! :hugs: THANK YOU for sticking up for me, and for pointing these things out about the author and the offensive post itself. It truly was most offensive to me, and threw me into a tailspin... and as I had mentioned earlier, made me feel like I can't post openly here anymore. Thank you thank you thank you thank you!! You're the best!
  5. So well articulated, Lauryn, and thank you so much for posting that! I, too, hope that this remains to be a safe place for us all to post, give and receive support, as it has been most the time.
  6. Thank you, TA, thanks Anita... I'm not in a good way :(
  7. I'm grateful to those here who have been so very kind, so understanding, compassionate and supportive.
  8. I just want to add to my post above... since I neglected to say this, but I am so very grateful to all those who have been supportive to me on here.. I truly appreciate all of you, and those who have been so very kind to me and understanding. So thanks everyone.
  9. I have nothing left in me. Life has beaten up on me, people have beaten up on me. I give up the fight. I know I deserve better, so why am I getting handed such crap? Totally tired of it.
  10. Me too -- I've tried and failed. I am in a mental place though right now where that seems like the best option.
  11. Thinking about suicide. It is very appealing right now.
  12. I don't feel safe anymore. I feel completely beaten up by too many people. I'm tired of it. I'm done. Suicide is a nice option.
  13. A moderator just said something wonderful on chat that I'd like to share --- to treat everyone as though they are fragile. I think this is especially important here. I hope this remains to be a safe thread. Right now, I don't feel that safe in sharing what's going on with me.
  14. Hey frozen, you're so sweet! :) Thanks so much! The part about my work, etc... yeah, you're right and great points! I am trying to do damage control, no doubt! I'll send you a PM! :hugs:
  15. Not much. :( Responded to some questions by the company owner.
  16. Upset, frustrated, and very angry. Once again, i am derailed from doing my work, fifth day in a row. I'm tired of this.
  17. Frustrated, angry, upset. Nice people get sh*t upon.
  18. Thanks, Brian... very sweet of you. :) Yes, you're correct in that I am perfectionistic and care about the quality of my work very much so. I am not playing a victim, however, and I am not going around in circles, and I don't like people trying to claim that I am. I am trying to do the best I can under the circumstances, but I am certainly no victim. I stand up for myself when I need to, and I am trying to figure out how best to approach my boss about certain issues that bother me without getting myself fired. I am moving forward in my life and have goals. I aim to leave my job in the Spring and complete a certification course so that I can increase my skill set in another area and then leave. And in my relationship, I am trying to figure it out. It's not that simple. Most people can understand that. Nothing is so black and white as it was presented above. There are grays in life.. there are complexities in life that complicate matters... I live in the gray. I do not live in a purely black and white, this or that world.
  19. Sorry, but I don't agree with Follena's post. I think I'll just stop posting in this thread.
  20. Hey Follena, Thanks, but I feel that people really just don't understand, to be honest, what I am going through, or what i face in my job. I am leaving as soon as possible. I tried to explain more clearly my professional role. My field, SEO is naturally a battle with those who don't get it. This is written up in several articles.... people in my field have to self-advocate and are naturally going to butt heads with higher ups over website design. It's the nature of the beast. There are website design elements that need to be changed for SEO purposes: such as page headers, page content & wording, navigation links and titles, the set up of a site's navigation, image sizes, use of flash images, use of javascript, page content length, HTML coding, use of pagination, the list goes on. These are all things that I must educate my boss on because she does not know. If I don't do it, who will? This is my job. And people are naturally going to resist changes I must make because they want the site to look a certain way. But if I don't do these things, I am not doing my job. I have explained this very clearly on here. My boss is snappy towards me all the time and of course this effects me. Who wouldn't that effect? She is not respectful. How can I not internalize this and let it effect me? I am not an inhuman robot without emotion. My job drains me. It is hard to stay motivated when my boss is uncommunicative and unsupportive of me. Sorry, but I disagree with your post and your feedback. I am not remaining a victim. I am simply venting, and I look here for support. I cannot leave my job until I've been there a year. This I have explained several times on here. My relationship I am trying to figure out... it's a process and I am not ready to just give up on it. Perhaps I'll just stop posting here if people cannot support me.
  21. I feel... different. I'm more wary of my boyfriend now. Things are back to "normal" but I have read that his behavior (when he's upset) matches several characteristics of emotional abuse. I am very wary and on alert.... I may also be emotionally distancing myself a bit. We've talked about counseling, but he really needs to change his behaviors in order for this to work and right now I have strong doubts and am concerned. When he's not upset, things are fine and he's very respectful of me. When he's upset, he is not respectful. Nor does he initially take responsibility for any mean words or false accusations. I'm just not sure right now. And of course now that I am having strong doubts, I am wondering if indeed, I should move to California. Sigh. Yep, the constant debate continues.
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