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havehope

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Everything posted by havehope

  1. I am... doing OK considering all the issues I am facing right now. I decided I must prepare myself for a possible breakup with my bf. I told him what I will not accept, and that if certain behavior is repeated again, that I will leave. This weekend I also had a brief moment of peace---feeling like all my issues will sort themselves out, that I need to relax in knowing this... that all will unfold and work out one way or another, and that I will be able to handle whatever the outcome is. It was a brief moment of feeling like I do have the strength, despite feeling more weakened in my present condition. I will probably be devastated though if we do have to break up, and it won't be easy. Right now, I just don't know. I do feel better having drawn the line. It is what I needed to do for myself, for my self-respect, and I feel more empowered. and to all.
  2. Hey Anita, It has helped me to write down the topics/issues I want to address first, and then prioritize them before a counseling session. Then, in knowing the time is limited as well as cost, I then decide which issue(s) are top priority to discuss within the given time frame.. it has also helped me to know what I am looking for out of the conversation, or my objective --- whether I'm simply seeking support and validation, or specific guidance on an issue, or tools to use for coping, or getting another perspective on a situation.... it has helped me to know what I looking to get out of the conversation and what will be most helpful for me at that mement. Also, a counselor is there to help & support you, so perhaps it may help to just keep an open mind? Previous negative experiences can definitely color one's mindset, but keeping an open mind may help.. just remember they are there to help and hopefully you'll get a top quality counselor. I hope it goes well for you and that you get the support you need.. (((Hugs)))
  3. Hey frozen, So sorry for your financial worries! I know how stressful and anxiety provoking that is. Wish I had some good advice about whether to declare bankruptcy and what this entails. Something to look into and research? I believe you can call the credit card companies, explain your situation and possibly get on a payment plan that you can meet, or defer payments until you have the money? Perhaps something to look into. I truly hope all works out for you! (((Hugs)))
  4. Despite some pretty severe depression today pulling my downwards, I got off my butt and took a walk to CVS. The exercise helped.
  5. Aren't you allergic to some people? It can be serious.:)) if it is the case, take care. LOL, ha, yes I am!
  6. Mikayla, More pretty butterflies for you! I couldn't resist! :) Extra (((((hugs))))) for you!
  7. We are saying many hurtful words and don't really think about what we have said. When someone hurts me, it helps me to remember that i sometimes do the same, either by accident or not. Yeah.. I hear you, though I try to be very sensitive to others' feelings, even though I know I don't say things perfectly at all times, and could end up saying something that hurts without realizing it. Which is what you're saying.. still, I am very sensitive to hurtful words.. and it stays with me for a while.
  8. (((hugs))) to all who are struggling who have posted so far today --- wish I could say something to make it better. Sending comforting thoughts & lots of warmth... So I don't feel like dealing with life right now.. I feel like burying my head in the sand. I guess I feel overwhelmed. Too many issues floating around in my head to sort through. I know that the answers will come.... I just have a lot that's weighing on me. Plus I have a body rash that is really uncomfortable right now. Ugh. Someone's hurtful words are still bothering me. I'm very sensitive. Maybe overly so. I feel self-conscious now though as a result. I wish that my issues would just be resolved already and I could feel better. I'm tired of feeling weighted down by so many issues.
  9. (((((((((((((Mikayla)))))))))))))))) Hugs! Hope today brings glorious rays of sunshine, rainbows, & butterflies into your day! , hh
  10. Yes.... the victim blaming attitude... that's more than bothersome --- it's outright unjust and enraging. I hate it when people turn it around onto the victim, as though it were their own fault for being in a situation that could not be helped, ie, an abusive childhood, dealing with abuse at work or an abusive relationship. How can abuse in any form not be traumatizing? Of course it's going to have severe effects on someone's mental state and mental health, but to say "just stop it", "stop whining", "just get out", "don't let it effect you", or "you're letting this happen", is sheer ignorance. For someone to be victim blaming when you're in a difficult situation that is impacting your mental health is beyond my comprehension.
  11. I'm itchy. I have a rash all over my body that is making me really uncomfortable. A reaction to something I guess.
  12. I just stood up for myself and feel better! I am not going to let any jerk get me down... dammit.
  13. Yeah, that makes perfect sense to me. I don't know how long pretending and hiding it can last.... I completely understand why.. and I do the same. I put on a front when out with my friends, and just have a good time. Then when I;m home, I am faced with my depression. Recently, I had to explain to my boyfriend why I didn't ffeel like getting together one night -- so I explained the depression I'm experiencing. He already knows I suffer from it, so it was no surprise, but good for him to know. he felt better understanding the reason why. I don't know... maybe opening up and admitting it isn't such a bad thing? Allowing trusted friends in? Putting up a constant front and coming up with excuses is harder I think. Being upfront at least provides even more of an understandable reason. I explained why I was so depressed to my boyfriend, and he got it. People may surprise you?
  14. Hey highanxiety, I suffer from both depression and PTSD.. my PTSD has never been treated, and my depression has not been properly treated. I am glad you have such a great therapist! I wish I had the same. Triggers are very powerful, especially around the loss of loved ones as you have suffered. I think that's only natural to get triggered like that. It is true that thinking of the qualities in those people that you cherish helps... I lost my dearest cousin ten years ago due to an undiagnosed brain tumor. To this day, I still remind myself of the love, sheer joy and enthusiasm she had for life itself, and I try to incorporate that mentality in my own life when I can. It's a part of her that I loved so very much, that I keep very close to my heart and soul. It makes me feel like she is still with me, in a way. Trusting six people is pretty darned good... close friends are hard to come by, so if you have five, you're doing well. That's a blessing.
  15. My boyfriend just sent a great reminder to appreciate what I do have.. I can walk, I am not in a wheelchair, I have good overall health --- a friend of his, a sister in law, fell down the stairs and severed her spinal chord. She is completely paralyzed now with a breathing tube. Anything can happen at the drop of dime.
  16. Ditto on this havehope. I have had the same experiences and for no good reason. I consider myself a nice person like you and care for others. Plus give a lot back to the community in volunteering, and donating to important causes. I feel like an easy target because I tend not to retaliate because I try not to speak badly of others. But I have disconnected from many people, so called friends, who are judgmental, harsh, and mean. I used to apologize to these type people, and accept it as my fault for whatever they were accusing me of. Just because I didn't want to lose friendships, or relationships with family members. My therapist finally told me to stop giving my power away and allowing yourself to fall into this pit. After many attempts I finally disconnected, even from my sister, the only living relative I have, because she is so terribly mean. For me not having a family, and disconnecting from many of my friends has created a somewhat lonely existence, although I get by with the five solid friends I have. But looking at the big picture, this is much better than constantly being the target for mean people to unload on. Try not to let it get to you. I know how hard that can be. I don't think this is all about you, but about the people who are being mean to you. And why would anyone want to be friends with them? You are too good a person for this to happen. Hang in there and believe in yourself. Don't allow other people to play power trips on you, or put you in a negative place. That is what they want, and they come out the victor and we feeling confused, and misunderstood. Yes, you're so right! Mean people are definitely on power trips, and it's about them... they like to put others down to feel better about themselves. I wonder if in part it's jealousy about not being a nice person themselves, knowing this deeply withing, and hating those who are nice? I think this has something to do with it.. people who inwardly despise their own selves, and resent those who seem to be better than they are.. at least in terms of how to treat others with respect and sincere caring. Thank you for your post --- it helped. I think mean people should just drown in their own misery, to be honest. I don't like them, and refuse to be around them or let them treat me poorly just because they're miserable in their own skin or lives. Good for you for separating yourself and for seeing the distinction --- five solid friends is pretty darned good! :)
  17. I've noticed a similar pattern with me re: being targeted despite being really sensitive to others myself. I don't get it, either, except it seems like some people essentially object to sensitivity/niceness, and feel compelled to attack people - the nicer they are, the more, and more harshly. Seems like mean people of a certain kind are intolerant of nice people because they see us as living rebukes in one way or other. YES! You are so very insightful! :)
  18. Yeah.... they're difficult to be friends with. I had to sever a friendship with a narcissist last summer... when I gave her feedback on her self-absorbed behavior, she exploded on me with full blown rage and lots of mean and false accusations. They do not take feedback well. So I wrote back and stood up for myself, reiterating my points and feedback about how she is self absorbed and didn't seem to care about what's going on for me, and she ignored me because she couldn't handle it. So now we just don't talk. But yea, it is a cycle... they will always come to those they can squeeze and manipulate attn from, and if they think they can get any from you, they will come back. Ignore them, and they pursue you until you give them attention again. But try to give them constructive criticism, even if in the most diplomatic and softest way possible, they won't take it. And then they discard you.
  19. If we're talking about narcissists, yes they suffer immensely. A narc. feeds off the attention they can gain from everyone else. They exhibit a huge ego, when in fact, their ego suffers greatly --- when a narc doesn't get what they want from someone, they discard them easily and without conscience. The best way to deal with a narc is to completely ignore them. They hate being ignored because they need so much attn. lol. I've had a lot of experience with these types... lol. They're intolerable!
  20. I managed to be assertive with my input on a project, despite my boss's need to hold me back from giving important input that needs to be stated at this juncture in the project. Hopefully, I did not step on her toes... I wrote it delicately/diplomatically to acknowledge her own points.
  21. YES! I agree full heartedly! Some people just don't have any introspective ability and therefore, will not learn from mistakes or any constructive feedback given... it drives me nuts when someone shuts down conversation based on any feedback, because they just don't want to hear it or learn more about themselves that may be effecting another negatively. They don't want to better themselves because they think they're just fine as they are and are too ignorant to realize that living involves learning and growing and becoming a better person.. the best person that you can be.
  22. Thanks, Brian. :) Yeah.... I completely understand those sentiments & feelings... when things haven't changed for a long time, it's harder to imagine that they will. I guess all we can do is keep trying without projecting too much into the future... at least that's what I'm trying to do myself and it seems to help - though I know that's hard. It also reminds me of that song, with the lyrics "25 years and my life is still, trying to get up that great big hill of hope, for my destination... " Your writing seems to bring you happiness & a sense of accomplishment. Like above, you were pleased to have overcome an obstacle you faced, and you kept at it and it turned out beautifully! Those small accomplishments can just make us feel good, regardless of any other outcomes... those are the moments to cherish --- even if they don't bring financial rewards, the personal reward is meaningful and adds a level of joy. Your writing seems like an important outlet and hobby.. something you enjoy. I'm rambling.... just thought I'd comment on your personal accomplishment with your writing! And thanks, I am doing OK. I'm managing...
  23. Someone's mean words & actions really impacted me... the individual was quite judgmental and harsh, and for no good reason. I don't deserve to be beaten up. Tired of it. Why am I always a target for people's meanness? I'm a nice person who cares about others. I just don't get it.
  24. Oh... and just get out of it, or stop letting this effect you. Black and white thinking.
  25. What really bugs me are people who think that you're trying to just get attention when you have depression and big life issues to resolve and are simply asking for support with them.. people who lack introspective insight, compassion and understanding of a person's plight.. people who project all of their own issues onto you... and people who take all their own internal rage and personal issues out on you for no good reason... projection. That's what really bugs me.
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