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emilydresar1983

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  1. @HopelessRomantic2011 I think you nailed it here. People have crushes on other regular people (and often times even to an extent where they can be called downright "obsessed" with the particular person)...who they may or may not know personally. However, the difference probably is that celebrities count on this kind of attention and it's harder to distinguish whether the other person is just really into them or kind of a "stalker". I agree that most regular people are being flattered once they get to know there is someone out there who fancies them a lot, but not so sure about COs in general... I mean, they must be kind of used to it, so they won't get as much impressed by that as "mortals." In my opinion, only a personal meeting can tell if you and the other person really have as much in common with you as you think and if there really is a chance to be friends or more. @OpalP25 Lol at your sentence that you wouldn't tell your CO (if you ever met him) that your obsession with him has lead you to regularly post on this thread. I surely wouldn't reveal this to mine either. Just like other things, that might have put him off, like the one that I used to 'stalk' him on the internet all day every day for a pretty long time, that I almost 'forgot' to live my own life and pretty much managed to (deliberately) put everything and everyone else aside... And last not least, that the initial stage of my (huge) obsession with him was one of the things to blame for the fail of my marriage (not the only one, because my marriage hadn't been good or healthy for some time, but it was a thing that definitely helped me realize I'm not happy at all...as I used to persuade myself). I'm sure my CO wouldn't be impressed by any of this. I would just tell him I have adored him for a few years, not just as an actor, but also as a person...and that I have always liked his interests, the way he can enjoy life, and attitude... And wait and see where it takes me, lol. ;)
  2. Have any of you actually thought about what it would be REALLY like to get to know your CO and date them? Let's say our fantasy would become reality. You would get lucky enough and not only meet your CO, but they would fall for you too (of course, they wouldn't mind that you are an "obsessed fan"... Or you simply wouldn't let it show. Lol. Choice is yours). This idea crossed my mind after I randomly watched a lovely German romcom called " Groupies don't stay till breakfast" or something like that. It was basically about COs, even though not really, because the young girl it was about came back home after a year spent in the States as a foreign exchange student, and she didn't know anything about the band that became very famous in her country while she was abroad. Her little sister was an obsessed fan of the hot lead singer though, along with a crowd of other teenage girls. The girl and the singer meet randomly in a botanic garden and he immediately takes her into liking, also smitten by the fact that she asks his name, so he figures she really has no idea about who he is. They go on a date and she lets him sleep in her little sister's room, while she and her parents are out for the weekend. However, they come home earlier and there's this very funny scene that both the singer and the sister end up yelling at each other in the morning, she yells because she finds HIM in her bed, and he yells because he can see all the posters of himself hanging all over the bedroom walls. :)) Long story short, of course there's a happy ending and the girl and the singer end up dating, after many obstacles and misunderstandings, PR also involved (the movie, IMO, shows quite realistically, how tough showbusiness can be, for the PR team of the band denies all the rumors about the singer's new potential GF...as they think he is "more marketable single"...:/ ... Btw. I remember something similar has been said about my CO!)... But I think there's food for thought. I think this movie was kind of a fairy tale, but I guess they wanted to show that sometimes, even celebrities are " normal people " who want to be loved like everyone else but... The point here was that the celebrity fell in love with someone who didn't know them. 1) Do you think your CO could really fall in love and date a "former (obsessed) fan"? I mean, yes, we LOVE them. But wouldn't this " discriminate " us from the opportunity to get to know our COs to the point that there would be a real chance for a romantic relationship with them to unfold? 2) How would you deal with your partner's fame and all that comes with it? Busy schedules. Relatively little time for each other. Paparazzi. Gossips. PR. Potential jealousy. Absolute lack of privacy (in case they're a big celebrity). Unwanted attention from fans of the opposite sex. Etc. ... Have you ever thought of that? As an introvert, all of this really scares me off, but hypothetically, I love my CO and if I ever had a chance with him, I would take this as an inevitable part of his life. What do you think?
  3. @HopelessRomantic2011 I agree with posie. You will eventually find your happy ending. And you will stumble across someone who you will love (and enjoy that they love you back) to the point that you will even want to do all those "sexual things" with them. I know well how easily one can lose faith in this or how bad success in dating can discarouge one from trying further, but judging by your nickname, I think you are also one of those who believe in love. IMO, it will happen to anyone, often times just later than expected. @OpalP25 I think your sentence about how glad you are that you are finally interested in your life more than in his nailed it. Again, same goes for me. There were times that I was practically living "his" life instead of mine. (No need to mention that it all got much worse when I was unemployed and had in fact nothing to do. Except visiting my parents and grandma, I was actually able to cut myself off the outer world completely and fantasize/obsess all day every day. That was also the time that I used to correspond with the mean, obsessed person and practically ended up believing in his lies). It was very scary once I started having nightmares and realized that I would probably end up devastated if I didn't meet him. (Well, I did). But after some time, I also realized that going on like this would be a one-way street to the m*dhouse!
  4. @OpalP25 thanks for the praise, lol! I always try to express myself the best way I can and it doesn't come so easily because English is not my first language but I'm happy I make sense here. Again, I would say you took the words right out of my mouth in your last post. I am also an introvert and I didn't have much social life. (Well I still don't...but I'm trying to change that...lol. I have a boyfriend now, and that also comes with it). It was easy to hide in one's shell or cave and obsess over the CO all day every day. I suddenly couldn't find ANYTHING or ANYONE in my "real life" that I would be at least almost equally interested in. The more I was realizing this (frustration included), the more I was falling into the obsession trap. Like you, I got to the point where it got definitely very unhealthy and started to take its toll on my mental health (the pitiful story with the mean person who promised me the one-on-one meeting with my CO)...and even though I was apparently doing a good job hiding my obsession from the world for the most part, I myself wasn't happy at all anymore, I knew deep inside that this has to stop or it would literally eat me alive. That said, I also concluded that I love my CO, but what I actually "hate" about him is the fame. As you know, my CO is very famous and there are all those people around him (his PR team - who suck as it's often being said, lol... his crazy fans, stalkers, imposters, etc). That is what makes meeting him or having a real contact with him incredibly unattainable and sort of frustrating. But just like you, I decided not to waste so much emotional energy on someone who doesn't know I exist.
  5. @OpalP25 I think I can second this. I can remember the two of us shared a lot of opinions and POVs about COs. You said that if you can't be in a relationship with your CO, you don't want to still be obsessed with him 10 years from now to the extent that it's actually preventing you from living your own life or such (it may not be the exact wording, but I think it was something in this sense)...and I think I got you perfectly and I would say same goes for me. I used to love my CO as a real person, but in time (it took me quite long but I got there)... I probably came to terms with the idea that although there will always be a part of him in my HEART, I don't need to have him in my LIFE. I stopped thinking of him and myself as soulmates (I realized I was "just" in love with someone who I will barely ever even get the chance to know in person, therefore I probably tended to see everything related to him through rose-colored glasses)...and I stopped comparing him to other men. I found out I am fully capable of loving someone else for their own unique qualities. As you once also wrote, in our case (mine and yours)... it was probably mainly the feeling of being in love with our COs (which is what we were missing in our actual lives)...than anything else that kept us going on. To me personally...it was also let's say a form of escapism from the "real world" for a while...and real relationships where one can get hurt quite easily. But even though it hurts...it's still worth trying. Life is for living. We can have COs as long as it makes us happy (for the most part), but we also have to live our lives to the "fullest" and seek joy and fulfillment in reality, especially when we are still young. In other words, it would be a "shame" not to have anything else to live for than one's CO. (Although I've been there too. I guess we all have).
  6. @HopelessRomantic2011 that used to be SO me, lol! I've had my CO for 4 years now. Actually, I've had just this one and I can't see it change anytime soon, if ever. He was the first thing I looked up on the internet after I woke up and the last thought before I closed my eyes. Meanwhile...I was looking at him/watching his interviews/thinking-fantasizing about him all day and even when employed. But I think I'm over this now. (It was wonderful at the beginning though, right? Just like being in love...for REAL. :) Now, I can go days and sometimes weeks without looking up his news or knowing anything about him. My mind always produces two or three brief thoughts of him each day though...so that I don't forget...but that's it. I think I got to the "acceptance" phase. I don't think I can ever really "have" him...I would be lucky enough to just meet him, and grateful for that. But tbh...I seem to have stopped "craving" even that. Like leaving this up to destiny. Last year around this time, I was all serious about the idea of "having him in my life." It's now much more important to me to have that significant other by my side. And yeah I do love my boyfriend. So I think I'm basically out of the obsession... This means a lot to me personally because I am suddenly ok with being a regular person and living a "regular" life again, with my CO present just in my occassional dreams. I think this makes me happy. :)
  7. I belong to people who definitely love sex...lol. I was able to get along without it for a year after the separation from my long-term husband, so I guess it's not that bad :)...btw of course, fantasies about my CO...were my daily bread and helped a lot to get through this. But I really can't imagine being in a relationship with someone asexual. That would be pure torture to me. I am, in fact, very demanding when it comes to physical contact. I need romance but also its physical symptoms like kissing, making out, holding hands in public, touching each other randomly throughout the day etc. I guess it's because I have been missing this for sooo long. (My marriage had been "dead" long before the actual separation). I need all of this, especially at the beginning, sure. My new boyfriend also isn't an "ideal" guy but he keeps trying. After all the struggle, I finally got the new job that I wanted, and he brought me flowers all by himself, lol...my ex-husband never did. I try to keep track of the good and it makes me happy. :) @OpalP25 I was thinking about you! :) How you said that having a CO can never keep up with having someone in reality, who you can talk to, laugh with, hold, touch and kiss and not just that... However happy I was about the CO, or he is still a big and dear part of my life...I personally feel I am still young and I need to go out there and LIVE, love for real and eventually be loved all the way back...which we all deserve. I want my "own (love) story". Lol! But true. My boyfriend hasn't kicked out my CO completely but he has replaced him in my daily thoughts like 98%, and I'm happy about the current state of things and hope it lasts!
  8. @HopelessRomantic2011 thank you! Well your nickname has just reminded me that I am still not fully satisfied with the way my new relationship is going and I tell myself that I just shouldn't have unrealistic expectations, but you know...dating is hard also because we often lack "romance" in real life. I try to stick to the idea that I'll never be in love with someone that would be just "perfect", because having a " real" relationship often involves arguments, misunderstandings and communicational difficulties that one can simply avoid in daydreming. But I try to put a thick line between real life and fantasies. I have been accused of being naive or even "defected" by both of those guys I've dated earlier...for having a CO. (I don't hold it back from anyone, lol! Maybe that's what makes me "crazy.") But after all, I am happy to be in a relationship. But I try not to expect too much of it, to be precise. Maybe I started thinking that my "inner world" and fantasies of a "perfect love" are just too complex for any real thing or a real guy to keep up with it. But that's okay... It just seems impossible. (Hope I do make some sense here, lol!)
  9. Hey there. I hope some of you may still remember me. I haven't been here for ages because I've actually wanted to cut myself off all this CO thing. I moved to the neighboring country to have the opportunity to get a better paid job, which I did. I also started driving (which is what I had never done before). And last not least, I tried to start dating "real life men" for the first time post my divorce or rather separation from my ex-husband more than 2 years ago. I've had 3 "relationships" this year. Currently I am in the third one, which is the only one of those three that can even be labeled a relationship. Those two were both disasters, the first one was the case that I picked up a guy from work that I liked, for "sex" only but I fell in love. He didn't. Those about 3 months were full of my inner torture, we had been "together" just 3 times but I suffered much more due to my vivid imagination and constant daydreaming that we will have a legit relationship. I fell in love to such an extent that I didn't even look forward to seeing my CO again at a movie premiere in May...which I did. But tbh, I wasn't so much happy at all. I was full of that unrequitted "love" for my co-worker once again. In the end, I had to "break up" with him but we both know that it was him who called it quits, or better never really gave it a time a day in the first place. He stopped talking to me at work and I felt incredibly miserable once again. In order to get over it (which was probably harder than I could imagine)... I took to an online dating website to find an ONS... Which turned out to be a considerably older guy who said he's interested in me more than just as a momentary affair. He started bombarding me with messages and I, hungry for any kind of attention and appreciation, accepted this game. I was truly "happy" for about three weeks. Things started going downhill pretty soon as I found out that except sex, there is really nothing between us. We spent two weekends together in his place, one worse than the other (for me). Soon enough, he said that he is cancelling our "agreement" about a "semi-relationship" and we're coming back to s** once a week. At this point, I was already brokenhearted because...guess what... I fell in love. I had to break up with him too when I saw the way he treated me and how I reacted to it (all tears). Now, I am living with a guy from my previous job. He said he loves me first (no one has ever said so before) and it took me some time to consider whether to even give him a chance or not (we met when I was still dating and head over heels with "number 2"). I developed feelings for him too, but it's been too short of a time to judge whether and for how long we can last. I have some doubts about him being the right partner (e.g. he isn't educated like me, and I figured he is probably feeling insecure about that, but what can I do with it anyway?...)...for me and my mother disapproves (lol)...but after all this "drama", I feel better and more stable settled for a while. I think I have learned my lesson on " real men" this year, and man...have I been naive or living in a bubble before. Real relationships nowadays are truly tough, especially when you're in that "risky" 30-something age group. Most guys don't want commitment. And it's quite uneasy to find someone "normal" in this age group. On the other hand...I have not forgotten about my CO, and I doubt I ever will...it's just that the fact that I have someone to talk to, listen to me and hug me in reality makes it a bit easier for me. I don't think I have this overly personal relationship to my CO anymore. I still adore him and hope to meet him one day (lol...sure!), but I almost came to terms with the fact that I am just a fan.
  10. @OpalP25 and others - Merry Christmas everyone!!! ?☄? (I'm using the emojis on my phone, lol! ?)
  11. @OpalP25 I have the very same dream, or let's say biggest wish... Just find my happy ending, with my CO or someone else (more likely). I am also looking forward to the next year (looking for 'signs from the universe' that I'll meet my CO...And yeah. There are many! ☺) I guess that I have lately recreated my biggest dreams: 1) meet my CO, get some real (positive, sure!) kind of contact with him 2) get a nice relationship with a nice guy who I would love, just like you (and it doesn't have to be my CO, I don't "insist" on that anymore, lol). Maybe just because it's almost Christmas, I'm feeling very hopeful and positive about both of these dreams these days. ? I also want to live my life to the fullest and give a chance to any dreams I may have. I think it's a good approach to life indeed. Like you said - have as few regrets as possible, in the end. Wish all of us here find what makes them happy! ☺
  12. Too bad I can't remember some of my dreams. I just got up and I know I was dreaming about my CO... I talked to his mother in the dream. I was in their house. They are lovely - just a normal, grounded middle-class family living in a small town... like the one I come from. Maybe I am lying to myself and I would like to be a part of his life like that... oh well. Sure I would LOVE to.
  13. Speaking of CO's and AE's vs. CO's and us as real people in a hypothetical relationship. I said I never imagined my CO and I would grow old together... not even in my wildest fantasies. That is true... maybe I am unconsciously trying to keep even the fantasy 'real' not to hurt myself too much? Oh wait... I probably know why. I refuse to believe that he could be (God forbid!) the love of my life. I am still looking for finding my happy ending somewhere else. However... sure. My AE ends up with my CO and they live happily ever after. I once made a conclusion to this fantasy - they move out of Hollywood to my favorite country, where she becomes an ambassadress of the USA (lol), have kids and everything is so bright full of sunshine. Cue the cheerful music - The End. ? But that was my AE - I believed *she* could keep him... besides, in my dream, he is also the ideal version of himself, sure... which he is probably SO not in real life (with his substance abuse issues and whatnot). I don't believe the real me and real him could ever last longer than a few weeks/ months. Let's be real - he is almost 5 years my junior (yes! My CO is younger, I may be the minority here) and he won't provide me with the stability I am looking for. But that's not even what I would expect of him... He is the "dream", I would say "the last crazy thing" I would do before I settle down for good (lol). Having him close just for a limited period of time would be literally a dream come true and more than I could ever ask for. Maybe that's how I wanted to persuade myself he is truly not the final fatal love and there must be someone else? Well... whatever it is, I succeeded in this... or so it seems to me.
  14. You know what... I realized that I may not even have any 'big expectations' when it comes to meeting him anymore... And I am the kind of person who has been fantasizing about the real me in a relationship with him practically from the get go (I started with my alter ego too... similarly like Audrey's AE, she IS me, even the same age... the only difference being she is a famous actress who made it in Hollywood, for a change. ☺ She has been in my life since I was 15... that's when I brought her 'into life' as probably a form of escapism because I was bullied in high school. So she had my CO first... but I just 'stole him from her' just few weeks after the obsession started. That's how I knew that this is different from all my previous "crushes", extraordinary, much stronger and more intense and it will kind of turn my life upside down, which truly happened). ... But now I am in a different place. For all I know about my CO... would you believe me I probably wouldn't want to have a long-term relationship with him? I doubt it's possible. His love life is a huge mystery, no one is sure whether he is actually gay or bi or what... the only two women he went publicly out with during the last few years were allegedly for PR. He doesn't look like the kind of guy who is into relationships. He is much more career-focused, constantly working, traveling etc. I don't see him settle down anytime soon. Sure... in my dreams (especially last year, when I used to believe it could genuinely happen...?) he meets me and recognizes me as his soulmate and the only woman who can make him truly happy. But even in my dreams... I never imagined getting married to him and growing old together with kids and grandchildren. All I ever wanted and dreamed of was a 'short' love affair, that could end up with me being heartbroken but at least grateful that I once "had him" for real and moving on with the wonderful memories. Moving on to someone who is... And will he ready to settle down. Now, I don't think even this dream is realistic or likely (that would only be if he came to my country, and there is very little hope for that left)... but I "feel" like I'm recovering from that one also. I will be happy for any real contact with him. Maybe some dreams are condemmed to remain just dreams forever... we just learn to live with that.
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