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EllaMight

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About EllaMight

  • Birthday 06/06/1995

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    London
  • Interests
    Piano, Gaming, Gym, Health & Nutrition, Writing, Video Editing

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  1. So sorry you are going through this hun. I'm in a very similar situation to you, and I hate myself for wanting such a jerk back. The replies implying that your ex is a narcissist make a lot of sense. It would be great if we could avoid these types in the future. Unfortunately these very types tend to take advantage of the kinder hearts of the world so put your armour on and protect yourself in the future. In 5 years time hopefully we'll both look back and realise how silly this whole situation was and that he doesn't deserve our investment. Best of luck to you. I know it is not easy to move on. Ella x
  2. Hello hun! I DEFINITELY relate to you and have a friend like this. During some of my worst depressive phases she would come over and constantly talk to me about her guy problems or home problems. She did have asperger's syndrome and missed social queues. I too have it but I guess I have a little more empathy than her, no two are the same. Some of my other friends at the time drew away from here because she did this with everyone. You sound like a real caring person, able to listen like that. Sounds like she's just using you as an outlet.. and that's not your fault, its her issue.. I'd say don't cut contact if she has other good qualities, just meet up with her less regularly (like once every 2 months even!) and try to keep it upbeat with her, tell her politely that you'd rather not talk about negative stuff right now as you're going through a pretty stressful phase yourself. You need to be around people who don't drain your energy when you have depression haha :) Hope everything works out!
  3. Hey hun! From stories I've heard people feel this way a lot even in standard relationships unaffected by mental health. I do think your depression is spiralling your thoughts in a negative downward circle, as you've noticed yourself. I read your other post about your boyfriend being the only one there for you. If his sister is anything like you described then it sounds like he's probably taking a step back to evaluate your guys' relationship. He does sound like he's being very distant and that would make anyone think. Perhaps lay off his tail for a day or two and see how he reacts. Don't pursue the topic, but be friendly and normal with him. Don't give him a reason to snap. Wait for him to figure out his feelings and come back to you. He will if he really cares.
  4. Hey! Show him a few documentaries about fake profiles online first. Insist that he at least hear her voice or get video proof that she's legit. You can try your hardest to convince him but if he's THAT obsessed with the girl it might be just that he must meet her or he'll be in mind chaos.. If the girl's fake screw her for messing with someone like that. Just make sure to emotionally support your friend if its a big let down. You don't want him doing anything stupid over some girl. Take care.
  5. Haha, that's more than okay! :) What games are you playing at the moment? Have you tried Mario Kart 8?
  6. Fair enough! I personally like help and related understanding which was more what I was more going for. But each to their own! INFJs respond better to "feeling", probably why I was more aware than I usual of the curt answers people were giving. :)
  7. I think it is as easy as that. Just shift your focus to something else, like video games, lol. I'm also a bit avoident and I have specific social phobias. These are the things that helped me. I don't agree with you. It's not easy to stop long formed habits. Sometimes is a life long process. We're constantly improving as people day by day, Video games are awesome! But shifting your focus really doesn't fix the problem. It really doesn't. We're still all on this forum for one problem or another, right? Also there's social phobias and avoidant personality disorders to varying extremes. I think it should be appreciated not a one size fits all. I don't know how severe Afflicted is but some of what he said wanted to make me reach out to him pretty strongly. You didn't seem like you had communication problems when you were talking to me. ... A forum is very different to real life.
  8. Hey Afflicted! Can I just say your post really made me think. If I was in a job, I feel I could literally have written your post myself as I relate to it so much. I too am an INFJ personality! That's interesting, I never knew this was the rarest personality type! No wonder I've found it easy to make basic emotional connections in my life but never truly feel connected with many people at all! I feel if we met, I would love to be your friend. Before you mentioned being an INFJ I was actually thinking that you sounded like one. You sound highly assertive and sensitive to your environment but the social anxiety prevents you from acting upon your amazing mind. I really understand where you're coming from. Years of this constant inward battle is bound to make anyone feel depressed. Your talk about "survival of the fittest" really hit home with me. A few years ago when I was less at peace with myself I would tell my mum things like "I'm the weakest in the pack. I can't cope with anything. I'm over-sensitive and the tiniest thing breaks me. Some people just weren't made for life." Unfortunately for people like me and you Afflicted, we just have to work ten times harder than everyone else. And there's no special medal or acknowledgement from others around us for coming so far on our journey. It is a dog eat dog world out there and people are selfish. We just have to do this for ourselves, as you say, so we can cope with the daily struggle of life. :) I'm just tired of dealing with myself. I've been through counseling over the years and had a plethora of meds thrown at me to little effect. I feel ill-equipped to handle many situations in life. I want the problem to go away so I can get on with it. I'm not going to lie, this pained my heart to read. I really wanted to reach out to you after this. I would hug you if I could. I know beyond KNOW how you feel. It's not fair, and it's so difficult. But I promise you can get through this. You don't need to be this transformed confident character. And it's easy for people to just pigeon whole everything into once sentence and say "be yourself, confident with who you are, stop caring what others think, stop over thinking and analysing everything". Like seriously? Are we on a depression forum or...? Surely you guys know its not as easy as that. It's not like you want to be like that, right? It's not like you can give up a huge part of yourself. What are you good at? You're an INFJ so you're very assertive to your own feelings and other peoples feelings, and are very sensitive to life. Try to harness these qualities.. :) The world is one big show case so you will have to "show" people this side of you for them to be able to make a connection about it to you. I know the anxiety sucks.. But you'll get there with baby steps. Try to find other INFJs or ENFJs. If there's anything else troubling you PLEASE feel free to message me and try to reach out to someone who seems more caring on the team. People will never know if you don't tell them and it sucks to be constantly disappointed and frustrated over people being unintentionally ignorant. Stay strong! <3 Ella
  9. My best friend called me and I was brave enough to answer even though I had just woken up and I'm a terrible morning person. :)
  10. Sorry you feel this way Susan! I can really relate to you. There's all sorts of characters in this world and unfortunately the best of us get brought down too often. I became bitter about it and resorted to "hating people" but have worked on myself and feel a lot better now. I'd always be the one to bring everyone together when everyone was new but slowly everyone went off together without me, they just used me to get comfortable. Eventually I managed to change that by thinking of myself more and just placing more value and importance on myself rather than be a complete walkover, and people started sticking by me, as people tend to veer towards people with more backbone. It's like a pack mentality. No one wants to hang out with the weakest one and being selfless is seen as weak, which is so stupid. It will be a life long process of learning, assertiveness doesn't come easily to everyone but you sound wonderfully caring and like a great friend. I wish I met more people like you.
  11. Hey hun, Sorry you feel this way! I can totally relate. I feel too vulnerable for a lot of friendships too, unless I really connect with the girls and they can understand me. But then I think trying and feeling super-lonely then gradually/hopefully getting over it someday will be better than becoming a recluse? Or will it be!? I'm not sure. Haha, this is exactly the mindset I had when I feared being alone. To be honest, I did become a recluse, which I wouldn't suggest for anyone else but for me it helped me find myself and be more comfortable in my own presence. Again, thats the only positive thing though, I do get lonely sometimes but have one or two best friends I see occasionally and my 21 yo brother is always up in the loft with me. (I'm 19) I don't know what age you and your group of friends are but it sound like a pretty immature thing to say "If you go, I'll go" obviously there are subtle cliques or closer friendships within the group and not everyone is close with everyone (it was like that when I had a large group of friends with I was 15 but no one ever said anything like that) is there someone you're close to in the group? Or are you just friends with them because they're there?
  12. Hey darling, Can I first just say that you sound amazing and the type of person I would LOVE to be friends with. I could relate to your post so much, I used to have a large group of friends when I was 14-15 (i'm 19 now) but also cut them off because some of them did something hurtful to me too. The rest have slowly just lost contact. Also don't feel bad or like its your fault that your friends aren't the ones inviting you out (although this particular set you describe sound pretty needlessly horrible or terribly unaware if I may remark) As I find a lot of people around our age (19-21) lose contact with a lot of friends and people are terrible at following up etc. My brother is 21 and also literally has like 1 gig buddy and 1 best friend from primary school. (I'm best friends with her sister). I think it's just a huge time for change and everyone is desperate to be seen doing something and meet new people etc. It's very selfless and lovely of you to continue to make plans. Those people don't sound very compatible with you - it sounds like they're all about the gossiping, want to be seen to be busy busy busy all the time (uploading their pics on Facebook), and you sound like someone who deserves a more quality connection than just a load of fair weather friends who just care about themselves and their image. I know it sounds terribly cliche, but joining a book club or some sort of class is really the best option if you're not in some other sort of regular setting outside of home at the moment. I can totally relate to what your saying. I think I would be in a very, very similar situation to you if I was in a relationship at the moment. I'm basically trying to do exactly what you are doing but before I get into a relationship so that I won't have to rely on my boyfriend / be co dependent on him - something I'm scared might happen to. You sound very self-aware and like a charming, really awesome girl. As well as reaching out to try and build a life outside of your boyfriend, I'd focus on being more okay with not being okay sometimes, and with liking yourself and comfortable with being alone. I've spent a lot of time alone so I feel like if I were to break up with a future boyfriend I'd be devastated but then very comfortable with being alone again as I'm so used to it. (Hopefully - I've never known what a relationship feels like so hopefully that won't distort my perceptions too much) Can I ask is being in a relationship really that great? I can see it being really helpful for diminishing loneliness at the best of times. (But also that factor of dependency as the price, as you mentioned) but I'm sure ir requires a lot of mental work to stay stable and happy together, something that I think I'd find hard to do when going through depression but simple enough when I'm in a stable mind. How are you finding it?
  13. Hey darling :) I'm sorry you had to go through so much in your life. It always feels like everything goes wrong, like being kicked down when you're already on the floor. But it's a silly idea to go through life with the premonition that everything is bound to go wrong. Usually we end up making things a self fulfilling prophecy when had we gone in with more perspective we might have had a better experience. 2.5 Months doesn't sound like a big enough of a time span for a typical guy to break down and cry in fear of becoming too close. It also doesn't sound like a decent amount of time to feel like another "dream crushed". (In the world of dating). Unless the two of you got attached and bonded that quickly and the chemistry was that amazing. Had you gotten close to him very quickly? So yeah this man does sound like he had some experiences in the past which caused him to react a little emotionally unstably. Which has totally nothing to do with you and is not your fault in the slightest. And remember sweetie nothing is ever as good as it seems, or as bad as it seems. It's not like you lost the love of your life (or is it - I'm a little confused here?) maybe what you're really trying to get across is how completely lost you feel right now.. everything's going haywire and so wrong for you at the moment.. This man might have been a tipping point and brought to attention how much more cynical you are about finding a loving relationship now? About the guy.. At least he was open enough to reach out to you rather than scarper, so that's a positive. And he's now left you with options whether to take it or leave it. It is a bummer things had to turn out this way. But I'd still like to help you. We tend to attract people who are similar to us - I don't know anything about you, but you being on this forum brings to light that you're probably at a pretty confused place in your life right now - so I'd say try not to repeat date with confused men while you feel like this. I know it probably feels easier to connect emotionally with them right now. But this also means finding love within yourself again to be able to find connections with men who are at more stable points in their lives. I'm sure you've achieved this in the past as you sound like a great and highly emotionally intelligent woman. I know depression can really take our charm and confidence away from us at the best of times. Best of luck to you and the future. Ella
  14. Hey! :) Nice post It's good that you're feeling kind of ok right now! And wow, you really have made use of your time off especially for someone with depression! I applaud you. :P Sounds to me like you have just simply burned yourself out and maybe taken on quite a lot at once - perhaps to feel stimulated enough? Are you the type of person that prefers a variety of things to do on the go to feel motivated enough to do each one of them or would you rather focus on and indulge in one hobby at a time? You sound like an extremely intellectual, interesting and curious person. Someone with such vigor for their passions might find themselves getting bored quickly. I'm like that too. :P Learning an instrument has been a god send for me, piano specifically. I know pianos/keyboards don't magically fall from the sky and money is a bit of a dilemma at the moment for you, but to anyone else reading this that has an instrument lying around somewhere - get invested! :P Maybe you just need a time out day. Have a bath, relax, make it your goal not to do anything for the day and just reflect (positive thoughts). Or cycle your hobbies - give each one a few days break so when you come back to them it's more exciting to you. Summers a long stretch and video games aren't that bad. It's okay to play them occasionally if you're feeling mentally overstimulated (as the hobbies you mentioned are all quite mentally stimulating and your depression just isn't agreeing with them right now). Maybe you could buy a new book, take a drawing pad and go to your nearest park for that change of scenery you want. Make the most of this weather. Plug your music in - find some new music maybe? A new artist to discover? Enjoy the sun & really reflect on how far you've come and a new hobby which might interest you. Plus you can always talk to a few girls online to pass bordem. You don't have to date any of them. ;) Please excuse if this message is a little all over the place, my mind is dully buzzing right now. Ella
  15. Hey hun. I used to be terrified of being alone too until I spent large periods of time in near isolation. Spending time alone forced me become more in tune with myself and understand myself better. Believe me, I used to despise myself but realised someone who could feel such hate is capable of feeling equally strong love. So I turned my pain around and used it to help me. As long as you don't fall into a negative or anxiety driven mind trap, you can actually slowly learn to like yourself and realise you're not that bad of a person after all. How can you expect to be happy with friends who don't even treat you like an equal human being? That thought of "at least I'm not alone" might linger even when you're with other people and that might prevent you from properly enjoying yourself even when in others company. Depression is basically caused when we can't be our authentic selves over a long period of time. Do you ever feel alone when around other people? Even slightly? We accept the love we think we deserve so as long as you have this mindset you might develop poor quality relationships with people in the future, as these people might sense that you will take anyone as a friend just not to feel alone so you will take them, even though they will make no effort or be a bad friend. (As you said you always have to call your friends first.) It will be a vicious cycle so when you move to your new place alone with no friends, instead of self combusting and fearing being alone, take the time to learn to love yourself a little more. Develop hobbies, volunteer somewhere, alone. Have trust and faith that you can do this yourself. Your self esteem will rise when you realise you are a worthwhile individual and can be important. Only when you love yourself more will you attract friends that are actually worth being around not to feel alone. Hope things work out for you. Sorry if this message was all over the place. Ella
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