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Everything posted by Fizzle

  1. Thank you for creating this 20years. One small space for "us" on this forum is a good thing. And hopefully won;t be dominated by religious discussions from believers.
  2. Hi! It seems to me you tend to do a lot of back and white thinking (splitting) and that this tendency spills over into the way you look at people. The grey in your thoughts and observations is missing and you tend to jump to sweeping conclusions that aren't good for you or others. You lump huge groups of people into neat but faulty groups and that is only going to make it harder for you to develop good relationships with others. Sometimes having a hard early life like you have had can make it more likely someone does a lot of splitting. When it comes to introversion and extroversion I think you are confusing a few things. Introversion is about predominantly gathering info internally and not liking too much activity and stimulation in certain contexts. Extroversion is about gathering information predominantly externally and liking a lot of interaction and stimulation. Empathy and social skills are entirely a different things and vary across both introverts and extroverts. Empathy and an inclusive way of interacting with others is more common in woman than in men in a bell curve sense, I think you are actually talking about empathy and inclusive social skills when you are mentioning introversion. Introversion and extroversion are also totally about an internal state and not about what others can necessarily see, Many introverts put on a veneer of extroversion because thats often what the outside world expects. About 2 thirds of the men in my social group and family are introverts. I'm assuming you know introversion isn't about self esteem, confidence or social abilities. It's not shyness and is about a preference. I agree that it would be much more useful to start speaking about specific relationships in your life and how you feel about them rather than generalising them into faulty groupings. I think those generalisations will damage a lot of things for you otherwise. Speaking here is the first step so thats good.
  3. The only peace I have managed to come to with this has been as a result of building acceptance that I can legitimately feel two apposing things at the same time and try to stop myself from trying to force supposed oneness when I dont feel that way. Someone advised me to look at it this way and I,m very grateful as its helped me enough to get a tiny bit of peace.
  4. Hi Jalee, Even though my experiences aren't exactly the same as yours I relate to many things about it and I feel for you. Seperately I have other peoples faces fade in and out into my fathers face and its happened with someone else too.. Very inconviouently it happened with a previous therapist who happened to look a little like my father. And when the past is up I have had big problems looking at myself and recognising myself and found myself wanting to harm my face. I had no ownership of it and then hatred towards it, I also understand needing a t but finding it terrifying. Could you break it up into teeny tiny steps? Sometimes I will tell myself I wont do anything but will just spend 2 minutes googling therapists. That I wont do anymore. I keep doing that for each step and try not to think of what comes next, I tell myself nothing else comes after. It sometimes helps me inch towards things I cant do. Take care. Remember that all in all the last therapy was a success.
  5. It is also important to set an alarm on your phone or some other reminder to eat if you are struggling. Its part of your medicine. Without nourishment your bain and body will fail more and more and it can affect the bodies ability to use depression meds. Hang in there. You can do it.
  6. I often feel, more recently, that I should be named Cognitive Dissonance. My internal conflict is constant and extreme. I hope you find some peace.
  7. Depression can cause physical pain and it can exacerbate pain conditions. The first for me feels a little like flu pain. Aching body and muscles and sometimes twinges etc in my head and body, I have have fybro and that of course can be set off but the other I associate directlly with severe depression phases for me when the psycho motor stuff is kicking off badly.
  8. That sounds tricky. Do you think they play up as you experience increased stress or have you not yet found any pattern? Hope you gain that control and they work with you better. Ps. ah, senor domino and I were thinking along the same lines....
  9. H Skylark, Im sorry to hear you have been diagnosed with ptsd and have all this going on. I will admit to wondering about ptsd and you when we had previous conversations. This may not help you but I do think starting understanding what is happening can be the door that opens a way through to something better, Even if it doesnt seem like that right now. All I can say is do all you can to find a more stable place for yourself and do lots and lots of grounding. Hopefully they have started to cover that with you if you werent aware of it already. I am very set off by any real or perceived betrayal or loss of trust from others actions. I have started to approach this by saying to myself that some people will always do what is in their interests with zero regard for others or worse but that I can learn to make good decisions and take actions that help protext me. You can learn to do that too.
  10. Its really hard trying to work and doing this type of therapy and I sympathise as its a quandary for me too. There can be emotional numbing that happens with ptsd and the distance and disconnection from others and the world is very common. Fear of intimacy or mixed feelings about it too are common. Its a bit different to anhedonia. Chronic depersonalisation as a habit rather than a reaction to intense emotional states can happen for other reasons than so called big t traumas and although it will certainly worsen if they happen and someone is that way inclined. There are many different levels of it and it can be hard to put into words. Really important for you to practice lots of grounding at the moment.
  11. Hi wrenn That sounds horribly upsetting. Im so sorry. Do they know you have ptsd? If they do could you get your pdoc to write a letter spelling out that you should have no contact? Im assuming this was one of the traumatising situations you were in? It is so a given that seeing the children would be horribly triggering/. I dont think those without can ever fully understand and if they dont know you have ptsd there would be even less likelihood of them doing so. I hope you find a way to protect yourself and also the privacy of these children,
  12. Fizzle


    Oh I never did at all. I went through a mass of therapy that was damaging and have a mass of issues that interfere with therapy for me,, Unfortunately.
  13. Fizzle


    It sounds like it would be wise to discuss this with a therapist at some point. Especially since it is a possible normal question for an evaluator to ask. Are you familiar with the concept of abandonment issues? It can really interfere with therapy if someone has difficulties in that area. The first most important thing would be to learn to discuss it with the t when these thoughts come up about something said. Guessing wildly without evidence of what someone is thinking is often called mindreading.It can also fall into projection. I found it helpful to research the different styles of therapy and figure out what is more likely to suit and what isnt. It gives me a good place to start.
  14. Hi Bolt on. Sorry I didnt see this before. Theoretically it is treatable and most with it will be much improved. It of course depends on many things including treatment and the persons ability to receive it. I find myself stuck behind many of my old long term defenses. I am working my way through them and hoping that will change. What you describe is classic ptsd stuff though. The hypervigilance makes closeness and connection very hard. Part of recovery of about swapping unhealthy coping for healthy coping and part of it is about processing trauma. Even without doing much of the latter I have improved a lot by working on the former. I would also check to see if you are experiencing a little depersonalisation as its common and can cause some of the feelings you describe.
  15. I hope you do go and speak to an adult. What about speaking to your dr or a therapist? Online tests wont be accurate or complete but I think they can flag things up that need to be properly investigated by a professional. If you were fine I dont think you would be doing the tests or coming on here. Having difficulties speaking to others is a good and important enough reason all on its own to get help. You deserve support with this.
  16. Just a heads up here for anyone reading that this is a religious article. For those who are atheists like me. The one above.
  17. Hi, I wanted to comment when you wrote this but was in a bad space myself and didnt. And others were answering you well. I wanted to say that your feelings are totally justified and I am heartbroken for you that you had to deal with this. It is no wonder you feel you are changing. We all get to a boiling point past which we can take no more. There is a difference between being unaware and pervasive selfishness and chauvinism and it seems these are the relm we are in here. The sad thing is that I often see men not listening to what the woman is telling them until it is too late. Once a woman (or anyone in a relationship) has had enough it can **** any previous feeling and there is no going back. I am extremely disturbed by the sexual stuff. That sounds like something I dont want to be presumptive enough to name. Him needing to correct you so that you learn shows an arrogance and assumption of superiority and puts you in a childs role and not a womans. Standing up for yourself is never going to go down easily with someone like this but that is what you need to do. Most who want their partner in an inferior child space and them in control struggle when trying to have a relationship of equals no matter if they intend to change or not. I wish you well and healing.
  18. Ah. I understand more now, It can all be very confusing I know, This may help with where everything fits. Dissociation is like the big umbrella term for a group of symptoms. Two of those symptoms are depersonalisation and derealisation. Then we get to personality dissociation which is another term for the older description of multiple personality disorder now known as dissociative identity disorder. DID happens when someone had a lot of what is known as big T Trauma (rape, near death etc etc) before the age of 7 years old. Before the personality develops. This is often the type of dissociation people mean when they mention dissociation and it can also be called structural or personality dissociation. Depersonalisation and derealisation occur on a spectrum. One can get mild symptoms and then severe symptoms on the other end of the spectrum. Severest would be looking down at your body and being totally outside it or being unable to respond at all to people as you cant talk or move or cant hear anyone. Or the world around you looks totally distorted and like looking through a kaleidoscope. Mildest would be daydreaming or driving from a to b and not remembering how you got there. Everyone experiencing dissociation on some level. Mild to middle symptoms are very common with anxiety and depression. Dizziness, floatiness, feeling like the world or self isn't real. The type of dissociation you are experiencing sounds like a form of depersonalisation. If its new and started with panic then a lot of people continue because they are anxious about getting the depersonalisation. That makes them anxious and the anxiety brings on the dissociation. A lot of people also become overly tuned in to the body signals such as breathing or heart beat. Panic attacks and dissociation feel horrible but they actually cant harm you. Dissociation is just a normal response to overwhelm. Medications can also cause derealisation. Have you tried CBT?
  19. All I can say is that in my experience normal therapy made me worse in many ways. Trauma is a such a complex and scary thing. Its really hard when you dont have the resources on hand that you need. I know you feel totally hopeless at the moment. I hear that. I just wanted to say that trauma is a treatable condition and I truly hope you manage to find some of that treatment and healing at some point. I found mindfulness and DBT helpful too in building up general coping skills. Im not able to go near my trauma still at the moment as last time I tried I lost it completely. Am trying to prepare myself so that I can have another shot at it. I also belong to a specific ptsd forum which has been useful to me. Even though it can be a bit triggering. Figuring out triggers and why and what can be a long confusing and strange leaning curve in my experience.
  20. Hi Sofisticated and welcome. Do you experience depersonalisation or disscociation? Just wondering why you put this in the traumatic dissociaton section first. Wondering if I am maybe not understanding part of this for you. I think a lot of people probably experience what you describe and there can be lots of reasons for it, What is probably most common is some sort of cognitive identity or mantra that you may have had and not been aware of, It might be worthwhile free writing out what you believe. In other words scribbling away with planning or thought. Do you believe being sick helps you some way? For example in making contact with others or getting your needs net. Do you not know who you are without those illnesses? etc. Just some ideas to get you started.
  21. I do totally understand and there is nothing to apologise for. Are you seeing a proper trauma specialist? Did they teach you grounding and other ptsd related skills? Have you tried trauma processing or emdr and did they prepare you for it first? No pressure to answer.
  22. Hi sg, I think its probably a combination of things from what you say. Low self esteem probably being the main thing. It sounds like your judgment of others and yourself is a huge difficulty for you. And it sounds like you experience anxiety and socially. Maybe a lot of that will dissipate if you learn to stop judging everything so much. Did you find that aspect of mindfulness hard? Thats the main thing I got from mindfulness. Yes, I havent had a tendency to judge others but can relate to the rest including being able to seem confident and even be confident .
  23. Hi Sky21 and welcome. I have PTSD too and chronic pain conditions including fibro. Doing a bit better with fibro at present. You aren't alone. There are many people in the situation we are and its not unusual for those who have experienced so called big T Trauma to develop physical ailments. You mention the depression and anxiety symptoms but what about the ptsd symptoms? How are you doing with that and have you received professional diagnoses and treatment? I'm truly sorry you find yourself in this situation.
  24. Therapists aren't a form of paid friend. IN fact if they fall into that then they probably either have out of control issues of their own or they are not properly qualified. They should rather be many other possible things - one of which would be helping someone to do the work to get to a point where they can to make friends and manage relationships in the outside world. And to break down the blocks to that happening whatever they are (and the possibilities are many). I agree that a lot of people have social issues fueling their unhappiness and even depression. And there are usually reasons why they are unable to get these in their lives. Good treatment and self help looks at what is blocking that from happening. I also think we have to be careful about generalising though as there are lots of different contributing factors to unhappiness and depression. Some people dont have social issues. But I personally believe that the chemical stuff is only relevant for a small percentage and a small part of some peoples issues. You can usually quickly start to hear the thinking styles, the isolation, the self or other hatred, the lack of intergration into society in some way or other or past injuries and present illnesses. Even when the person is claiming random causeless chemical symptoms.
  25. Look into a white noise machine. My husband is like you and it has helped him a lot. Probably wakes up about a quarter of the times he used to.
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