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Everything posted by bellbottoms

  1. Hikkimori don't only exist in Japan. They are young adults who live at home, don't study, don't work. Who for whatever reason have become recluses, I guess because they just couldn't cope with the growing pressure and they were already withdrawn and misunderstood in school. It's not really a diagnose like social anxiety but rather a situation. I only came across the term today on TVtropes and I had to find out more. They seem to be better at helping these people in Japan but there seems to be a little help to get even in my country although not in my town. It's kind of shaking to read about it because there is so much shame and guilt involved, but knowing one is not alone, that it's an actual phenomenon, is just unbeatable. I'm a little ashamed just posting this but there was no thread about it, I searched it and got no results (and I'm pretty sure I spelled it correctly, I had to try three times). Perhaps there are no hikikomori on this forum but spreading awareness is still a good thing.
  2. The Road to Eldorado. So, so bad. Extremely lazy writing, just a pair of quirky line-spouting guys happening upon a series of coincidences and an obligatory romantic interest of course whose main trait is sarcasm. Oh and don't get me started on the music... Seriously, Elton John and Tim Rice? What was that, do you have evil doppelgangers that lack musical talent or are just evil? It just sound so good on page: Kenneth Branagh and Kevin Kline, Elton John and Tim Rice... But that's Dreamworks for you, it's just not Disney although they try so hard. The funniest thing is that I liked this movie as a kid although it doesn't seem at all like a kidfilm what with Tulio getting it on with that native girl. And I just think it's weird that Miguel, who was not fussy and had more joie de vivre, didn't get the girl. Miguel just seemed more like the womanizing type because, hey, mandolin. Chicks dig musicians, especially happy musicians. I feel like I only come here when I really hate a movie but... That's probably because that's exactly how it is.
  3. I don't know if it "helps"... It doesn't fix anything. I'm not very interested in poetry and I don't enjoy writing things that are self-centered. When I write my stories or songs I find that metaphors for my thoughts and situation pop up on their own without it directly being the story of my life, so I find that to be a very good thing, then I don't feel so self-obsessed and trapped in my own unhappiness. Help or not it makes me feel good for a little while, so I suppose it helps in the moment. I draw to sometimes but it's not abstract or expressive or "artsy" in any way, but it's another distraction.
  4. Does anyone care For some grated Gruyére? I'm just a piece of cheese For you to slice as you please * One for my sister One for my brother The damage is done What harm is another?
  5. I write a bit and I often fantasize stuff that I end up writing. I have on occasion lost the mojo a bit the past year, can't remember if it's happened prior to registering on this forum. Sometimes the door to the Other World just feel shut... I even wrote a song about it because sometimes it's very distressing. It's come back, 'though. With the loss of the inability to fantasize goes the ability to write with it, or the will/drive/motivation/words like that. Sometimes I feel this weird... thing whatever inside that just seems to block everything creative and just keeps me painfully restless. I find I definitely lose the ability when I'm in a depressed state and when I am I think what's-the-point a lot. A depressed state can take joy from anything, even fantasizing up plots for stories (to me it's also part of the writing process after all, not purely escapism). I've lost interest in drawing, don't think I drew much at all last year. But I did other things but there was a time when drawing brought me great joy and now it feels like those days are gone. A little what's-the-point there, too. I'll never be as good as I want, as good as the pros, so what's the point? I think my creativity is intact, when I did draw I tried to keep it simple to not be put off and I tried some new designs, some of which I found cute. Inspiration is something else, that's where it all starts and that's what has suffered most in my artistic life. But I've also had bursts of inspiration, so.... To answer your questions: I have no answers. I think it's natural to go through periods of no-inspiration and then have bursts of it, that's how it's always been for me now that I think about it. It's just that when the periods of no-inspiration are very long it feels like a genuine loss.
  6. I'm trying to change how I behave. Show enthusiasm, talk although I don't fee like it, exchange pleantries. But it's just never enough. Why do I try to change myself this way? So others will like me. If my efforts dont yeild the desired results because it's just either not enough or I'm just not worth anything to anyone, why bother? Why bother at all? If I just feel like not saying a word, be damned what anyone thinks because damn it it's not like anyone cares if I try anyway. Trying to change is pointless. I'd be happier not trying to. Why try if nobody will recognize that you are at the very least trying.
  7. Only sociopaths don't like musicals

  8. And it keeps getting worse. Everyday normal things just really upsets me, everyday normal things that are not part of my not-normal life that I see. I can't even watch television (woe is me can't watch TV woe me and my west world problems people are homeless, Bell, get over yourself boo-******-hoo-hoo) and I avoid must threads because it just takes less and less to just trigger a flood of tears. But you know I strive to... welll, not stay positive per se in a sort of cliche-spewing lala-it-gets- better sort of positive, I mean realistically positive, I have... well I have many good things still as I write this but I have one particular thing that is particularly good that is all mine that validates me, that gives my life meaning, that makes me feel good about myself, that makes me feel capable of things. I just hope that everybody out there who is alone, that anybody who doesn't have something that can give them these occasional moments of feeling capable may find something that can but a massive ego helps and I have a massive ego so you know don't be afraid of believing you're way more awesome than everybody else. You probably are you know. If people can't recognize it it's because they aren't awesome enough.
  9. The Invention of Lying. A pretty funny exercise in shameless wish fulfillment, double standards and general blatant shallowness of the non-ironic kind. Why could Jennifer Garner's character not have gotten some terrible disease that would have left her terribly disfigured that would have cost her all her fortune so she would learn what it's like to be a so called loser and then the love Ricke Gervais had for her would have been put to the ultimate test. But I guess that wouldn't have been interesting. Women characters are only good for romantic interests and should stay that way and have no other motivators than babies. A shallow woman wants to marry a shallow guy and it's all: No don't marry him he's so shallow. A shallow fat guy wants to marry a hot shallow chick and it's all: go you you deserve it after all the other success you're character has had earlier! Don't get me wrong it's perfectly enjoyable. You can criticise a piece of medium and enjoy it at the same time, ask Anita Sarkeesian. I mean, wouldn't it have been just great if Jennifer Garner had married the homeless guy after learning to be less shallow? /Proud feminazi that should be making movies
  10. Here it's + something after a short period of - something and lots of snow. But I'm glad it's melting, then the weather may become freezing again and END THE NASTY BLOODSUCKING DISEASE SPREADING TICKS!!! * Pant pant* And get the weird spiders that hog the chanterelles while you're at it! On another note, gloves make me feel cool.
  11. There are so many things that make everything so complicated, so many ideas that although good natured just adds to the guilt (I'm looking at you, "Not enough willpower", "not enough motivation", "Nobody likes negative people don't be so negative" "You have to like yourself first..."! (But I digress) (I like saying "But I digress" far too much)) I think goals can be very helpful, but I just personally generally feel too "mentally elsewhere" most of the time to set any. It's hard to set goals that aren't too within your comfort zone they become meaningless but not too outside of it so it all becomes so daunting you'd rather drift off to Happy Land. And when I find myself in dilemmas, like I do as a rule, I just turn it off ("like a light switch just go click...") So that is to not-answer your question. That was more on the subject of setting goals and the difficulty to implement it in practice I guess, how to stop forgetting and stop making excuses without beating yourself up for making excuses and thus not trying enough and in this situation should I exercise self-compassion or beat myself up with my desk lamp? Both good options. At the end of the day the desk lamp isn't going to make the unwanted behaviour go away, self compassion (and this is compassion and NOT pity) will probably have a healthier effect and won't render me a bed vegetable so... I think one step is to stay in the compassion zone first and foremost and not cross the line into self-pity because that is just disguised punishment anyway.
  12. Instrumental piano versions of songs always including the melody of the song. I don't want to learn how to play the melody the end goal is for me to sing on top of the music and I don't need help! Which brings me to another thing that bugs me: vocal guides on karaoke songs.
  13. I wonder where this assumption that poor and sick people are happier than others come from. I think they are just as susceptible to unhappiness as anybody else. And why do people only talk about perfectionism when some of us don't want to be perfect but just good enough? Is it because I'm the only one not remotely close to perfection in this world? But what I really came here to say had to do with seeing mistakes in perspective. I'm learning to drive and whenever I screw up and make a mistake I feel absolutely crushed and feel like I should just quit already and think of all reasons I'll never be a suitable driver. But then I remember that some people drive through shopping windows, drive while drunk and do a lot worse. It is important to remember that certainly not everybody is perfect. (Not that I've drived anywhere near any shopping windows yet and I'm already shuddering at the thought. Can't glass just be forbidden?)
  14. Well, I try to see the situation as a kind of freedom. If it matters not what I do because I will never get out of this situation that I want out of I can just do what I want. There are some things that I wanted to wait with until my life was sorted out but then I just thought that is never going to happen so I have to do that thing now, before I no longer have the chance/ability to. :/ I try to live life without wants and expectations. It might seem like a form of "quitting" and perhaps it is- I quit pressure and demands- but I like to think it makes me feel better and allows me to do what I think I'm meant to do. Sorry for sounding so abstract. I've never seen any professionals because I don't see how they can help with the root of my discontentedness. Too often have I gotten the feeling that people don't understand me when I try to explain so I'm just not keen on talking to a stranger and leaving feeling like I didn't get said what I wanted to get said and just be looked at in that faux-sympathetic I-honestly-don't-get-you way. Intuition shall be my new compass, nothing to lose right? I feel like my grammar is a bit off but blegh whatevs.
  15. Hair. I've seen it several times and it's one of my favourite movies/musicals. The music is just great. Just once would I like to sing and dance on a long table full of plates. Just once is that so much to ask? That movie is a happy pill for anybody who might be looking for one. Just skip the ending.
  16. So, for some reason I want to write. Ok, not for some reason. Because it seems glamorous to take walks in the forest at 6 am while still in my bath robe and then sit before a type writer with a mug of steaming hot coffee and perhaps a croissant after and then pop into the local book shop for research material and exchange pleasantries with the book keeper while riding a mobile ladder in a Belle-like fashion... Yes this is how I envision the glamourous life of a best selling author. (And mobile ladders, are there actually places IRL that have those and where are those places exactly?) But where was I... There are so many things I want to say that it is impossible to keep track. Well, today I sat down to look at one of my latest ideas and try to find, you know, the actual story. The stuff that happens. After having participated in Nanowrimo a couple of times I think it is safe to say I am a little wiser and a little more productive than I was before but have I learned how to come up with the pieces that make up a story, you know the events? Nuh uh. Still as clueless as ever. Still I'm torn between that character that I have written three times but has no premise or story and that story that has goal but no conflict... I'm constantly stuck with this box with pieces from different puzzles. The great idea that lacks conflict and the conflict that lacks the great idea... This isn't made better by the fact that the best way for me to get inspired at all to do something is by doing something else. I could be chrocheting and suddenly feel like writing a thing but it's so fleeting that it's best to keep crocheting and as soon as I drop the crochet hook the inspiration is also gone. It's not made better by the fact that my creative writer mind is less critical when I'm in bed and that thing that my inner editor was opposing that morning is suddenly not so terrible but you know I'm in bed can it wait until tomorrow? No it can't because then my inner editor is rested and finding faults in everything again! I think it's time to crochet a bit.
  17. Well Epic that is a difficult question. I think bad things happened even before there was such a thing as "news" but it is possible they can inspire others to do bad things I guess. I think "good" news really aren't interesting, I mean it's like you say the bad stuff is the rare stuff and the good stuff is stuff that bore us because we take it for granted.
  18. Yeah I've started to avoid the news. Not because of the earthquakes and wars but just the stuff that make me feel bad about myself on a personal level. I guess I'm just selfish like that.
  19. Sometimes I watch buddhist vids on youtube. It always makes sense while I watch and then I make a note to myself to not forget what is said but of course I do anyway and if I remember I probably remember wrong but anyway. I can never remember their eloquent ways of phrasing things and when I try to repeat it it always comes off as clumsy but oh well. But one thing that resurfaced today was the concept of interpreting situations and reacting to them. Say I'm in a situation. Someone might say something or just behave in a way that I naturally interpret in a way that offends me and then I react with having hurt feelings although 1, I might be misinterpreting and 2, it's only the reaction that is hurting me and not the situation and interpretation in itself. This is something I must get better at. Not interpreting things negatively and not reacting. We're only thoughts and reactions. On another note I've had a good couple of days and not been too bothered by the things I lack in my life such as a future. I hope I can keep warding off the demons, I get more things done that way. But of course I'm stuck with a pesky cold instead. But I get more things done with a pesky cold.
  20. Not necessary do people think it's the "only" alternative, but one can also think it's the "right" alternative. For example, my home's a mess at the moment and I should/must clean. I haven't for various reasons but although not-cleaning is an alternative, it is preferable that I clean up before the messyness gets out of hand. And when I don't clean I feel guilty about it until I do. (Then I feel guilt for not cleaning well enough but that's beside the point...) I "should" clean because I want to and need to, not because I "should" because the messyness embarasses me and I want to please visitors and not have them come around while it looks the way it does right now. I think a lot of the times when we feel we "should", it's for others and not for ourselves. Not cleaning is unsanitary but really I feel I should clean so I won't be judged for not cleaning, ya know?
  21. I think there is a difference between creativity and inspiration and just writing or drawing. Inspiration is that spark that drives you to pick up a pen to draw or write. Creativity has more to do with the ideas. There's no joy in the activity alone if that spark isn't there. Drawing portraits for examples, it's really not that creative. You draw from a reference and it has little room for originality if you're going for realism. But one can still be inspired and I don't know about other's but I don't get good results if I draw/write without being inspired. I don't know what sparks my inspiration. Once I got an idea for a song I was struggling with when I was out walking but I don't generally get inspired when I'm out in nature, it just happened that one time. So I don't have one sure way of getting inspired. Everything starts with inspiration, creativity comes second. I think inspiration comes in waves and catching it is kind of like trying to remember what you dreamt last night. You just get snippets and you have to catch it before it's gone and if you stay real still you can catch more snippets... If that makes sense, I guess my point is that it's just elusive like that but the more you record your dreams the better you get at it, like with everything else. You just gotta be prepared when the wave comes. Even if I am out walking and get inspired doesn't mean the inspiration is still there when I get home. But don't worry I always carry a note book. But it's not a good place to get inspired to draw because I can't bring my drawing pad and my collection of reference images.
  22. I have a cold and feel generally fatigued and I have a mild headache that comes and goes. Couldn't sleep because I sneezed all night.
  23. I guess it's different for everyone. I've never really journaled regularly but whenever I write my thoughts somewhere I don't feel like I'm releasing any negativity at all. I'm simply bringing it to the surface and it's not just confined to my mind anymore but it's also on an electric screen. So what? Just because I can read it back to me doesn't mean it's still not inside me, you know? If anything it makes it more difficult to let go off because I think about it too much, and I'm not getting any closure. Really to me there's no difference between thinking and writing because nothing is "solved", it's still a circle of thoughts, endlessly repetitive. Even writing here, although some people read it, it's not read by the people I really want to read it, the people that need to know what I think and feel so I can get what I need, acceptance and understanding. Everybody here are strangers I will never meet and get to know so it's "safe" that way.
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