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ALN

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About ALN

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    Midwest USA

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  1. The support group I've been using is on Reddit and is called "stop drinking ". Here s the link: https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/
  2. I have been a moderate drinker for 15 years. 2-3 beers a night on average with occasional weekend drinking of 4 or 5. I never had blackouts, had maybe one hangover a year, never had any withdrawal if I stopped for a few days. I figured I drank more than average but wasn't an alcoholic. I have been on anti-depressant meds for almost 20 years but the last 4 years have been pretty brutal with depression and anxiety. It got bad enough where I could barely work and had no energy. I almost shut down my business that I've had for 15 years. Anyway, about 2 months ago I stumbled across an article about the health effects (including anxiety) of alcohol on people who drink about like me. The article inspired me to quit for 30 days and see if I felt different. Let me saw that my anxiety hasn't been this low in YEARS! I feel like a new person. I feel so much better that I have NO plans to go back to drinking. I was scared at first that I would miss it or couldn't quit. I was fortunate to be able to stop although I have joined an online support group. I would like to encourage those of you who are regular drinkers to consider taking a 30 day break and see if you feel better. It has changed my life!!
  3. I am a 42 year old male who has been on antidepressants for nearly 20 years. My mental health has gone up and down during that time but over the last several years I got worse and worse to the point of desperation. I was miserable. Low energy, terrible anxiety, low stress tolerance, and crippling depression were some of my symptoms. Eventually I became suicidal for the first time in about 20 years. Despite all the good in my life including a great wife, 2 healthy kids, a growing business, and financial security I was absolutely miserable. I went to a doctor for ketamine treatments and he gave me a full blood work up. It took about 2 weeks to get the results but in the meantime I had a 7 day treatment with ketamine. It worked very well for me but it was expensive and wore off after about 1 month. When I got the results from my blood work the doctor said I needed to see a endocrinologist because I had very low testosterone and very high prolactin and that the high prolactin could be a result of a pituitary tumor. Fast forward several months and many doctor visits and it turns out I have a Disorder of my pituitary gland that has led to this imbalance. I was put on bromocriptine to Bring things back into balance. My prolactin levels are getting better but what is most amazing is that I feel better than I have in YEARS! I'm writing this post to encourage all those with depression that isn't responding to treatment to consider getting a blood test to measure your hormone levels. There are MANY types of hormonal disorders in men and women that can impact our mood. A simple blood test really has changes my life.
  4. I take methylphenidate which is a stimulant similar to adderol. I use it with Effexor and it is a good mood elevator but doesn't completely irradicate my depression and anxiety. It does help.
  5. Thank you for posting this video. I watched it and found it fascinating. Are you still using this medication successfully?
  6. This house is not your father. remember that. It was likely built long ago and had other families that lived there before yours. This house is not alive and possesses no memories. It does conjur up memories for you which are painful. Consider this house as an opportunity for you. This house could be an affirmation to the world that you refuse to live like your father and that you are going to chart your own course. If you have some close friends, maybe you could have a painting party? Burn some sage, play your favorite music, make it yours! The memories are in your head whether u live in this house or across the world. I believe you can transform this house to represent LIFE and honesty. Depending on your situation you could even rent out a few rooms to friends or acquaintances for extra money. I recommend therapy to help process your fathers life and death. I hope you can see this house as an opportunity and not a burden. If you sell it or keep it the memories remain. Do,what is best for you!
  7. I know the feeling of wishing for an end. Lately I've been thinking of car accidents or being shot. When the pain is so severe, we just want it to end. I have a wife and two little kids so I just have to struggle thru these episodes. That being said I'll never own a gun because I would be scared of having it around as it could be temptation. If you are single and want to tell life to f*** off maybe you could just change everything? Maybe u could find a job working with animals at the shelter? Maybe if u don't want to compete in the rat race u could just work a part time job to pay the bills and volunteer at an animal rescue? You love animals and maybe there is a way to do that? It might mean down grading your life style but if you are already ready to end it maybe it's worth a try to just give the world the middle finger and do something u care about? Maybe this is bad advice, but if you are really this low maybe it's time to think radically before you make a permanent decision about ending it? I do think we meet our animals after this life. Any living creature that we've loved I think we will see again. I know this might sound odd, but I believe it.
  8. I'm sorry for your pain. I've been there many times and without meds I'm pretty sure I'd be dead now. Are there any meds that you might take that are easier on the liver? Maybe even a benzo for acute anxiety? I had a nervous breakdown last week and those benzos really helped calm me down. I was very suicidal and had terrible nightmares about ******* myself. I'm feeling better but I needed those meds to calm my nervous system down. I hope you find relief soon. Are you working now? Do you have any hobbies? My hobbies can help me by giving me something else to focus on. I wish I could just talk with you because it really sounds like you need people to talk to that really understand the true pain that depression and anxiety can cause. Feel free to PM if you need to.
  9. I'm 41 and my depression started at 19. Prozac at 26 gave me my life back and I was quite happy for about 10 years. My wife and I had 2 children, she went to nursing school and I started a business. Those combined stressors have slowly taken their toll. I've been on a slow downward spiral for the last 6 years until this last week when I pretty much had a nervous breakdown. I think I need to change meds. For some reason I switched to Effexor maybe 10 years ago but I think I should go back to Prozac. My issue now is that I've worn myself out to where I'm barely running my business. I can't seem to get in more than 4 hours of work and I have to go home. Luckily I have a good staff right now but some days I just want to lock the doors and call it quits. I can't do that because I have 5 employees and a ton of obligations. Depression makes me lose track of what is real. Am I just super depressed or do I really hate my job? I do see a very significant correlation between stress levels and my mental health. My wife is very patient but it's hard on her because she has to carry more than her fair share of work around the house because some days I can't get off the couch. I can say that I've had years where I've been happy so at least I know it's possible. But now I just need to get rid of some stress in my life and find happiness again. I do have hobbies which help. I like to fix machines, and ride off road vehicles. These help a lot.
  10. Take your meds! I'm 42 now and didn't start meds until I was 26 and they made it so I could function again. I should have started at 18. I had 8 years of suffering that was unnecessary and certainly impacted my life choices. Please give the meds a chance. I went from barely functional to feeling pretty good in about 3 weeks. I got lucky and the first med worked. You may have to try more than one. Please forget about any stigma of medication. If you had diabetes you'd take your insulin right? Stay active in the forum and reach out if you can. Depression and anxiety can be crippling. The smallest tasks can seem impossible. Hating yourself or wanting to die is not how the non-depressed world thinks. But sadly for us, that thinking can become normal. Meds can help! They aren't perfect but without them I can't even guess where I'd be. With meds I've been able to get a graduate degree, get married, have 2 kids and run my own business for the last 12 years. None of those could have happened without meds and therapy.
  11. I'm a 42 year old man who obsessed about hair loss when I was in my early 20's. I even got rogaine for a while. One day I just stopped it because I realized I was obsessing about it. The funny thing is that I still have a full head of hair although it has receded a bit. My point is that it is clear to me that you are obsessing. I had terrible problems with obsessive thinking before I went on Prozac. Afterwards they were cut down by 80%. But at the time it didn't matter what ANYONE told me because my thinking was so out of whack. I'm glad that my obsessive thinking is better than it was in my younger days. Meds have helped, but I have still have issues with depression and anxiety. I bet that I've literally wasted thousands and thousands of hours worrying about things that never ended up happening. But, my brain was out of whack and I couldn't control it. So I think you should try and ask yourself if your thinking makes sense? For me the answer was therapy and medication. The things I worried about now seem like a waste of time but back then they were like hot daggers cutting into me. Your feelings are real, you just have to decide if they make sense and if you have a pattern of your brain racing off on things you should consider treatment. It saved my life.
  12. Thank you very much. Your insight is very much appreciated.
  13. I'm glad my post was helpful. You'll find work, you have a real skill and hopefully things will open up. Worse case scenario you have to work for a while at a second tier job while you keep your eyes open. Job and financial stress is always so much worse when we are suffering with other problems or depression. It can be overwhelming. But today was a day to remember your dad, and be joyful to have had such a great person in your life. That bond between you two is forever. Best of luck and keep up with the yoga if you can!
  14. I've been married for 12 years. We were very happy for maybe 5 years. After we had kids, my wife went back to school full time and my career life changed so I was working much more. The stress of all this has really taken a toll. My kids are good kids but they take a lot of energy, which is exactly what depression steals from me. After my wife was finished with her 3 years of school, she had to work nights for a year and now she is finally on days and part time. We really drifted apart during this time. We built up a lot of resentments and bad habits. We don't really fight, it just seems like we are roommates a lot of the time. Things are starting to thaw but slowly. If I didn't have kids I'd consider splitting up, but i want to try and see if she and I can be close again. Underneath all the crap we do really like each other as people, but I wouldn't say we are very close right now. My depression has been hard on her at times, but she has been pretty understanding. We've done some therapy which has helped a bit but I do worry about our future. Depression makes this tough because it makes me doubt my feelings. Is it the depression talking or is my marriage really in trouble? I've found myself wishing at times that she would break things off. I don't think I could do it because of the fear of hurting her and my kids. we have our good days, but I often get the feeling that she disapproves of me as a person. It's all so confusing.
  15. First of all, as a man I have great respect for any woman in the trades. They have to deal with a lot of crap and it isn't fair. As a boss, I've vowed to never allow that treatment at my business. I personally tell every woman who works for me that I have zero tolerance for abuse and my guys understand this and we've never had a problem. I've been bullied at similar jobs when I was younger and it is really tough. I guess this is why I refuse to allow it at my own business. Regarding depression, One thing I notice is that when my stress level gets built up, I get more sensitive. It starts to feel as if the walls are closing in. Financial stress can be all consuming, especially when you have other life stressors dragging you down. I'm thankful that you had a good relationship with your dad. Although he is gone, rejoice in the fact that you had a dad who loved you and who you could have a healthy relationship with. There are people many people out there who have never had that. Keep looking for work, perhaps even applying at places like a college who have in house maintenance and building crews. With your skills, any large apartment complex, dorm, or hotel would be thrilled to have you maintain their facilities. I had a friend do dish network installations and made good money and he had half your skills I'm sure. Internet service providers and telecom companies are always looking for people with "tool skills" to work on their crews. I know a guy who operates a horizontal drill rig installing fiber optic cable for high speed internet and he does very well. I think that with your commercial construction experience you are much more marketable than you might think. You are clearly a strong woman. You took care of your dad which required real courage and sacrifice. I believe that you can get thru this rough patch and find work and find peace.
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