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About Lycia

  • Birthday 03/02/1974

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  • Location
    North Carolina
  • Interests
    Everything and nothing I know it makes no sense but I suffer from ADD and Depression!

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  1. Epictetus, just yesterday my family held what I would call a type of " intervention " telling me how I haven't been " normal " for the past year. I was like " you don't say"! (Sarcasm) . They then went on to tell me how I worry too much (which is of course part of my anxiety) and how they would be lost with out me because they can't do the things that I do. Ughh they have ulterior motives for wanting me well and it's extremely frustrating. Instead of being helpful they more or less just gave me a list of all the things I have to do all over again. If I can make it till after this wedding I think I will consider in facility treatment. That's the only thing I have never tried.
  2. I am thankful for this forum. Knowing you aren't alone means a lot when you are so overwhelmed. Thank you all for your feedback and advice.
  3. I feel guilty for not being able to function normally. I can't seem to do all that I need to for everyone. I am struggling and the guilt is getting unbearable. My stress is through the roof right now anyway. Mentally challenged 21 year old son, daughters wedding, daughters friend and his mother was killed last week in an accident, elderly sick parents and an injured husband, then there is me not able to pull myself together to do anything for anyone. I have suffered from clinical depression and anxiety for 20 plus years, but this is the first time I have not been able to keep up with what I needed to do. It seems the older I get the worse it gets. I need to function desprately. Meds and therapy aren't working!
  4. I can't do this anymore. I am so consumed by this darkness. I've tried every med, I even recently bought a pool for added vitamin D exposure during this summer. I can't do it. I'm not coming out of it. I sleep next to a shot gun that my husband thinks is for protection. I didn't post this in ideation because it is this horrible depression that drives my every thought. My daughters wedding is only added stress that I just can't handle. I also have a mentally disabled son with health issues and I just can't deal with all of this anymore. I am so lost in this depression that I am of no use to anyone. My anxiety has my heart racing just because I am sharing here. I just can't be like this anymore. I have several events to attend one of them this weekend. I don't go any where. To have to do these things makes me feel like I am dyeing and no one understands. I need relief. How do you escape this ? 24 years of hell ! How many more can there be?
  5. Ejc every now and then there will be a trigger but that isn't always the case with me.
  6. Thank you all . JasonDark the longest period of being ok that I can remember lasted 3 and a half months and that was in 2012.
  7. I can't handle the roller coaster. I was fine for almost 30 days. I was able to maintain focus and accomplish a few things. This was a big deal for me considering I was barely mobile before. I even went shopping weekly which I hadn't done in about a year. I feel it coming back. That deep sadness in what seems like the core of my being. I hate this. I can't go back to not living. Not one single thing that I have tried has worked long term for me. Not a med or combo of meds nor therapy. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I would also like to add this has been a twenty plus year battle so there isn't much I haven't tried as far as meds are concerned.
  8. I sincerely appreciate all of the great advice. This has been a 20 year battle for me and thus far no meds or therapy are working at this point. But I'm hanging on.
  9. I have had bouts with severe lows with my depression before but this is by far the worst. Its been almost 4 years with little relief. My daughter is getting married in September and right now I am mentally not present. If that makes since at all. I am not functioning . I managed to go buy groceries yesterday for the first time in over a month. I am scared of it this time. Terrified is more accurate. Will it ever get better? Will I ever live again? Will I ever at least feel alive again? I am not well. Nothing helps. I don't know what else to do.
  10. Ladysmurf I can't offer any great words of wisdom , but please know you're not alone. I feel like I am grasping at straws anymore. I am at a point where as mentioned by Epic Jinx I fear death, if I lose that fear it will not be a good thing.
  11. My depression did not start with a traumatic experience . I was diagnosed 20 years ago. It has however been worse over the years during difficult times . I am at this time not functioning at all. My daughter is getting married in September and I can't even feel joyful for her and the thoughts of having to plan and then attend a wedding are horrible to me. That's what I feel guilty about, and the fact that I have absolutely no control over how I feel. Just know you're not alone my depression did not stem from tragedy either it is just there.
  12. I was diagnosed with clinical depression 20 years ago . Until now I was always one who could not sleep and I could function a little despite the depression . I guess the complete debilitation has caught me off guard. My doctor recommends therapy but 98 dollars an hour isn't an option for an unemployed individual . (And that 98 bucks an hour is on the low side of the spectrum). We all know you can't just snap out of it. I am very frustrated.
  13. Does any one else feel this way? I am just a complete empty shell. I can't function at all and no amount of medication of any type gives me any relief. I don't even remember what use to give me joy. I sleep most of the time , I don't have conversations with family, I don't have any friends left. I am now unemployed, I no longer do daily chores. I hate to bathe and only do it out of necessity . This is bad worse than its ever been. This is what I imagine dieing feels like. Did I mention I'm married or at least I think I still am I don't speak to him either or vice versa. I think he just assumes I am physically ill. He has no idea what is really going on. I have no idea what to do next. I have been this way for six months !
  14. I no longer run, I no longer play piano, I no longer craft , I no longer read, I no longer even listen to music, I no longer garden, I haven't done any of these things in about a year and some of them for almost three. I appreciate this topic because sometimes I just don't realize how much of me is broken. I've gotten use to the depression and its completely taken over.
  15. I feel awful today . I feel stuck , sad , and unmotivated. I never accomplish anything anymore.
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