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Everything posted by scott2b

  1. Thank you all. I see my counselor tomorrow and have written down some things I want to talk about so I won't get distracted and just gloss things over. The hardest thing for me has been self approval, and the self sabotage to assure that it won't happen.Reading on this forum gets me feeling guilty for feeling bad. Hope that makes sense. I even feel bad for saying it but it puts things in perspective and shines a mirror on my warped thinking.
  2. Thank You. Guess I just feel like having a little private ceremony and just laying a part of me to rest .
  3. As someone who works outside doing heavy physical work I can agree that 50-60 is prefect. I just want enough of our Northern New York lake effect snow to melt so I can get back outside and working.
  4. My college age daughter feels this same way. I must admit at first I thought the way others you encounter do but then I realized it was disrespectful for me to think that way. I now see that she has made a rational choice and I respect her for it and am even a little envious of her freedom and self assurance to feel that way. Sometimes you just gotta say" #u*k em"...
  5. I am a 47 year old married, stay at home dad. I have been treated for depression for about ten years now and have bean seeing my current counselor for three years this May.Counseling started when I was suicidal and engaging in self harm by hitting my head until near blackout. That is better now and I have made some progress but I fear things will never get to where I feel any sort of self worth. At what point does one just say this is as good as it gets? I live on our farm, we sold the dairy in 2009 after starting from nothing as a first generation farmer to building our farm from nothing and milking cows for ten years. That accomplishment means nothing in our community, and it has left me feeling like I am 47 and unable to get a decent job. I am to the point of just accepting the very modest income I can get from our farm, as I no longer have access to capital, still have debt from the dairy and have gained 75 pounds since I quit milking cows. All of this is complicated by my wife,who got a decent job as we quit dairying and is also finishing up her masters degree to be a LMHC. We live in a relatively small town, she knows my counselor, so it keeps me from being 100% honest with my counselor as I don't want to hurt her career locally in that field. I understand about ethics of her profession but I also know they are all just human. Right now I am trying just to make it until my youngest daughter graduates in five years.
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