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About blackdogpie

  • Birthday 02/27/1961

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    Mental health, history, politics, theology.

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  1. Hi: I think you are beating yourself up unnecessarily. You have been through a horrendous time! You have dealt with so much so very bravely. You deserve a round of applause for what you have done. A cheating spouse is a heavy blow to the ego, but you weathered it, and took action to ensure your kids still have contact with dad. And yes, it was, I am sure, very, very hard choosing to put some space between you are your mother, but perhaps it was the healthiest thing for you both. Do you consider the possibility that your mother may learn from facing the consequences of her own negativity and lack of support for you? Wenloolou, I think you are terrific!
  2. Hi: You are most welcome to this forum! Trying out a new drug can be a bit of a rollercoaster. I have not had to try Sertraline, but I did have quite a difficult time with Effexor (venlafaxine) until I went off of it. I then went onto Prozac, which I found easy to take, and quite beneficial. The eating: my appetite did not increase noticeably on meds, but I tend to be big eater anyway!!!! As part of my own depression self-management, I found that getting my eating under control was good for me, and a good boost for the self esteem. A lot of what you are going through is probably pretty temporary. Don't worry about it. Key thing: get the right meds, and get the right therapist. The rest is up to you. Best of luck!
  3. Ladysmurf, the pain of comparison is very, very great. Don't let your parents or anyone else compare you to others. We are all on our own different tracks in life. It is human nature to think that others' lives are so much better than others, but, at age 53, I have figured out that there is no sense in wishing we were someone else. You are who you. Be at peace with that, and don't worry about not "measuring up". You will get to where you are supposed to get, in the end.
  4. This is a very moving post. It made me very sad to know that children are treated this way, with consequences that can last generations. My grandmother was sexually abused at age 13; the result of that abuse was a baby girl who grew up to be my mother. The ripples of that abuse in 1927 are still felt today.
  5. Hi: For what it is worth, my own depression did not start to turn around until I was in my early forties (I am 53 years old now, in 2014). Your post says a lot about what you have done to try and help yourself-- all really good things, by the way. But I am not sure you say too much about how you regard yourself and your illness. Speaking for myself, things started to turn around when I finally stopped blaming myself for a poor genetic inheritance (mental health issues in the family), and just sort of said to myself: "F*** this! I am going to find a way out come hell or high water!!!!" Maybe we all need to have a "f*** this!" moment. Don't know. But in the meantime, remember how valuable you are. The world needs you, whether you know it it not.
  6. Hi: I am not surprised that you feel physically unwell. Depression is a problem of the whole being, bit just the mind. Yes, there are features specific to the mind-- negative thinking, sluggish thinking (or even racing thinking!), suicidal ideation sometimes, etc. But the physical aspects are just as real-- sleeplessness, feeling of unwellness, lack of appetite (or too much appetite!), difficulty getting out of bed, etc. etc. Don't knock yourself. You are going through a bad spell right now-- physically as well as mentally. Ride it out and do what you need to do to get well again. Do take care of yourself!
  7. Bright Lights: Thank you for that link! I really enjoyed the post-- and I know from personal experience that these things really work. A hobby of mine is public speaking. I joined a public speaking club near my work because I wanted to expand my social circle, but I got COMPLETELY HOOKED on standing up and talking to people. it's a great way to learn about and control fear. Public speaking inspires a lot fear and angst in people (me included), so when you learn how to experience the fear but manage your way through it, there is a massive learning. Anyway, back to your link: when I was feeling fearful about doing a talk, I would help myself prepare by imagining that I was standing in the centre of a circle of intense yellow light, exactly like sunlight. Sunlight is the source of all live on earth; when you imagine yourself at the centre of all that power, it is a powerful message to send to your subconscious. This little exercise is a terrific attitude booster, and projects an image of strength and purpose that other people pick up on and respond to. There are a million and one similar things you can do to boost your subconscious; my "magic trick" is just one.
  8. One of the hardest things about all this is that others do not get it. You can't just "snap out of it". if you could, you would. You can't, so you don't. It is infuriating that some people think we just make this stuff up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  9. Hi budfox: Indeed it is an illness, and this is so, so hard to keep in mind. The realization that I was ill was a major turning point in my life. From the age of about twelve up to my early forties, I was more or less constantly doing battle with my dark moods. One day, I would have been around aged 42, the spark finally went off in my head: my mother had been depressed all her life, as had her brother, and a nephew. Addiction and alcoholism were a real problem in my mother's family. Big lightbulb moment: THERE IS A GENETIC LINK AT WORK HERE. Confirmation of this likelihood from my doctor was all I needed. From then on, depression no longer seemed like this massive judgement from God; it was just a mental disorder that I could learn to manage, more or less. And that is what I have done ever since. I am now aged 53. If you met me, you'd probably find I was a little bit over-serious, perhaps a little solitary. I've done the medication dance. I'll do it again if I have to. I'll do whatever I have to do to stay afloat. I am on lithium orotate salts now, just to see if that helps. I think it does, a little. But it's all OK, man. I've learned to accept what and who I am, and don't spend time worrying about what others are saying/thinking about me. I am still depressed, on an off, but now I'm too busy to care!
  10. Dear Shameful: Yep, I've been there, too! I know what it feels like to have done all the right things, and still end up in an awful hole. Be honest: you did not do anything "wrong". You DID go to community college, you DID get some sort of qualification (you do not say in what), and you DID support your family for many years. You did everything right--- right? But now, for reasons beyond your control, the wheels have come off, and you're facing some real tough choices. But you are hardly alone. The only thing we know about the future is that it will be different from today. For what it is worth, I know some very, very "successful" people who have lost everything as a result of this terrible downturn. One of my closest friends lost a multimillion dollar business, plus all his investments. My friend does not care about that so much-- he'll build it another business. What is ******* him is that he has lost his family through this downturn, and is now facing a vicious divorce fight. Do you still have your family? Sounds like you do. Your family are your most precious asset, more valuable than gold. Hang onto those people! Best of luck, my friend!
  11. Hi: I am new to this forum, and new to this topic. But I am not new to anhedonia! It was the principle feature of my own depression for many years, and continues to be on and off. Contra itstrevor's initial contribution, it has not been my experience that anhedonia is distinct from depression, but is part of the range of possible experiences. The same day I am feeling "anhedonic" can be the same day I fly into panic over some little thing that happens, or become enraged over some small slight. The pleasurelessness of anhedonia lies, for me, at one extreme end of a spectrum of emotional responses. Yes, I often had "windows"-- periods when i felt normal, and the world seemed a happy place, or a place of possibility. These windows were always deceptive-- I'd try to hold onto these good feelings, but without success. As to treatment, once I attacked my depression as a whole, most of my symptoms, including my anhedonia, tended to lift. The treatment was the conventional triad of medication, lifestyle changes, and commitment to therapy. A good therapist is key for a lot of people. I am skeptical about the therapy industry, and I have a bad feeling that there are a lot of folks practicing as therapists who have no business doing so. I was fortunate to find a tremendously gifted guy. Not everyone is so fortunate. Best of luck to all who are struggling with this!
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