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Everything posted by smithci

  1. Hello all. I'm male 33. Over 10 year ago I was diagnosed with depression and was prescribed Paroxetine (paxil, seroxat) I was in a relationship at the time after a few year ended. Its not worth going into that. I'm well over that. I met my last long term partner around 6 years ago, we were together for over 5 years. At the time I was weaning off paroxetine. Things were good, it was like we were best friends too. I started bad a job that I didnt like and started getting anxiety attacks so the doctor upped my dose back up to my previous dose of 20mg. I had to enjure all the horrible start up effects again (whilst holidaying in Florida to add) So back on the full dose i was eventually good again. I got a new job and fully weaned off the paroxetine with no withdrawal and had around 2 happy med free years. I started to feel depressed again so i went and seen the doctor, straight away back on the pills. Thinking back now I am not sure i was depressed. There may have been relationship problems that I could have talked out. After 10 or 11 months I decided I wasnt happy and decided to split, my gf said she also felt the same. After the split I felt great, I got in top physical shape and i bought my own home. Last summer I had never felt so high, I was also tapering off the pills again, I think i eventually got off them last October. No withdrawal problems. During the summer I started going on match.com .. I met a great girl and we had some fun and we fell for each other quite a bit but she had personal family problems and it couldnt work out. We are still in touch. Had a one night stand when out one night, no harm done. I then met another girl on match, we had fun. Didnt go anywhere, not bothered (i think i was still thinking about the last girl a lot). Then little by little I started remembering the good times I had with my long term ex gf and we started txting each other again, I was still on match. My ex sent a Xmas card and I actually started crying, I never ever cried on Paroxetine even at appropriate times. I also sent her a card and told her I would have been a better man for her if I could go back in time. She texted back asking what I meant and if I had something on my mind, i killed it and said "Oh nothing" I did this because i was on a FIRST DATE and thought it would be best to move on. I dated this girl over Xmas for 2 weeks and she was lovely and had a lot going for her, we also got physical and it was the best I'd ever experienced. But I did not give her much attention because I just couldnt stop thinking about my ex. The relationship with the girl ended ( I feel that was my last real chance of happiness) I kept waking earlier in the mornings, feeling more and more down, sometimes suicidal thoughts so I went back on the tablets. I was reluctant to take them this time as i felt so good off them ( at one point I put my fingers down my throat). I lasted 2 weeks of side effects and threw them away. I hit the gym again and ate right. I went back on match.com .. I met ANOTHER girl who I did like , but then I found I just wasnt a spark and the sex wasnt as good (so selfish I know). Eventually I broke down again. I tried citalopram for 2 weeks, could not cope with the side effects. I am now on to week 3 mirtazapine, so far I am not hopeful. I am also recieving counselling. I am suffering terrible Anhedonia I'm still seeing this girl a bit and she knows about depression herself but I cant see it going anywhere. I should let her get on with her life. I am still texting my ex and she knows i'm currently depressed. I am so confused at the moment. I feel my selfishness and stupidity has made me ill. I cant believe how uncaring I was on the paroxetine. I want to get back to normal and back to work. There are people out there with real problems and I feel suicidal every day hoping the pills will take that feeling away but worry the more i take pills the more i lose my soul. No decision I make in the future will ever be the right one. I wish every day I could turn back the clock. Theres even more than this that I could add. Thanks for reading x
  2. I think I just have to manage it.. I truly believe a lot of it is my fault and could have been prevented
  3. I've been taking mirtazapine for 3 weeks and I'm suffering terrible with this. It has certainly increased my thoughts of suicide When I was depressed I was anhedonic but not so much in the evenings. Now it is all the time, the little sleep I get I the only release. I hope this passes or there isn't any point in living apart from keeping other people happy
  4. I ended a relationship with my long term girlfriend whilst taking paxil. I had no empathy for her while taking it and have only realised now. I was very selfish. I wanted to be single , date other girls and have my own place. A while after being free from paxil a lot of emotions returned and I couldn't handle them. Ulimtately I had a break down and ended up in a depression . I'm currently having a hard time adjusting to the medication remeron and wondering if my life will ever be good again. I constantly ruminate about how I could have done things differently
  5. I've only been taking it 3 weeks but so far everything just feels bad or dull. There's no good feelings, sleep is the only break I get and the sleep effect has worn off
  6. Oh I feel so bad today. So depressed . I went to bed at 11 pm and still in bed now at nearly 10.30 am I've hardly slept. What's the point in getting out of bed when everything feels dull or bad and nothing feels good ? Thoughts of suicide are constantly there but I don't want to upset people. I don't want to die but I don't see the point in living Why can't this drug just ****** work instead of making me worse
  7. Thanks guys I am also having trouble sleeping now on the 30mg.
  8. Nostromo Yes that's correct : ( I'm hoping it's just early days
  9. No not taking anything else . See how I get on tonight
  10. Thanks I can't afford any more time off sick to fiddle on with other meds right now. And can't afford to fall into a suicidal depression again. Sorry situation that I am in. I'll see how I go , I don't plan on being on it forever and I'm also getting therapy
  11. To be honest I did a bit. When I was depressed before meds I felt some relief on a night time , I also had an interest in sex . Today I have laughed a little but haven't really felt anything. Remeron so far has killed my sex drive and things are over a bit too quick too! Orgasm just feels like a physical sensation and nothing much else
  12. Most depressive symptoms really. The most troublesome was the early morning waking with very morbid thoughts, and the cycle just snowballed from there really. lack of appetite , fatigue , negative and suicidal thoughts ... :-(
  13. I'm on 30 but now having very broken sleep. Takes me a while to get to sleep I wonder if it's still part of my depression Hmmmm
  14. No my friend I started it 3 weeks ago. 1 week at 15 almost 2 at 30 , after a failed attempt of going on citalopram and I felt numb on that too to be honest. I enjoyed the sleep and eating on Remeron at first ,today I feel like I have energy but no soul !!
  15. So far I'm experiencing unexpected sexual side effects and numbing of emotions 1 week at 15 nearly 2 weeks at 30 I hope these side effects level off
  16. I have been on anti depressant mirtazapine for 3 weeks and I am experiencing this. It's awful
  17. I have been on remeron for nearly 3 weeks and I am suffering from this. This thread does not put me at ease! I hope it passes Chris
  18. Hi all , I am new to forums I have recently been prescribed mirtazapine for depression. I have been (mostly on) and off paraxetine for the last 10 years At the beginning of this year I had symptoms of depression, the most troublesome was the early morning waking cycle. I was prescribed paraxetine again. Unfortunately after 2 weeks I could no longer take its initial side effects. I tried to go it alone for 2 or 3 weeks and had a another breakdown, I was then prescribed citalopram and again could not tolerate the intitial side affects such as anxiety, insomnia and lack of appetite. So i gave up after 2 weeks and have now been on mirtazapine for almost 3 weeks. 1 week at 15mg and now on 30mg I tolerated it well the first few days but now I am experiencing having no emotions, low sex drive and premature ejaculation. I still feel depressed and i'm trying self help but this is proving difficult as I don't get any pleasure from anything. It has given me my appetite back and does help with sleep a little. Should I carry on with 30mg for a while or jump to 45mg soon? I need to see some improvement soon as i need to get back to work and also have a holiday booked abroad May 14th , i know these things take time but I am getting desperate Thanks for your time Chris PS * Whats it like with alcohol? Ive heard mixed things, I'm not going to drink whilst depressed but would like a alcohol when i am more stable
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