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quentin360

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Status Updates posted by quentin360

  1. Well it's 8:00 AM here in South Georgia and I'm getting ready to go see my psychiatrist. They put me on a new mood stabilizer, I forget the name, but I'm not so sure it's agreeing with me. All I know is I've been in a hell of a depression for over a month now and thinking about the changes I know I need to make in my life. Since 1995 I've been in various inpatient treatment programs for the depression and drug use as I do self medicate. It just doesn't work anymore, the self-medicating with pain pills an Adderall, in fact I would have to say it just makes the depression worse and even though I use them as prescribed, I use them for all the wrong reasons. It's going to take a great deal of faith to go back into may be a 30 day stay in a treatment center as I have done that so many times before. But all I know is at 51 years old I don't know how long I have left in this world but I just want to get rid of the past and try to make the best of what I have left. That means letting go of everything over to my higher power and somehow ignoring this awful ego that gets me in trouble all the time. I'm going to finish out October and go into my last day at a rehab, as I will never do it again so this has to count. I'm just tired, so tired, of just existing and daily thinking about how to **** myself and end it all. This is no way to live for anybody. So wish me luck and I would appreciate prayers from my fellow believers...

    1. samadhiSheol

      samadhiSheol

      All the best, @quentin360.  I hope you feel better soon.

      I for one are am glad you are still around.

    2. Rattler6
  2. I want to take a chance on coming completely clean with my whole situation. Ever since I was diagnosed with a neuromuscular disease and losing my vision at age 12 and the depression beginning in my life I have used drugs to self medicate the depression. It has my entire life been the biggest struggle. I went to drug rehab in 1995 and found out how happy I could be staying off the drugs but that lasted only a year and I've been struggling with it ever since including 11 more drug rehab centers, too many groups and therapists to count and of course religion but every time I got back from detox and was faced with the same problems I went right back to drugs to self medicate. Right now if it want for my sister holding my pills I would probably be dead. I don't consider myself strong out but I'm just as addicted to three or four Vicodin, three or four Adderall and some Xanax as if I were taking 20 or more. Those around me and my family know and rationalize that I should take these meds because I'm in pain and am very weak but I'm just getting too old to be fighting this battle and all I want to do is turn over and die. I go to a local ministry and volunteer my time as I do not work and I am disabled and I also attend my church where I met a lot of good people, loving people. So I feel like a big fraud doing these things but absolutely depending on the pills to get me through each day. I feel like I am in a prison of my own making because I really can't see me going back into detox taking as little as I take but still being addicted. That year I had without the pills was a period of time that I was most happy and have not been ever since I relapsed some 15+ years ago. I can't say that I'm severely depressed because I'm on the right medicine but I still either have to find a way to cleanse myself of any mind altering mood altering drugs or get up the nerve to commit suicide and be done with it all. They tell me down at the ministry that after all I've been through I am an inspiration and that tears me apart inside because little do they know I'm popping pills whenever I get the chance but I do want more than anything to be a good man of God and to help my fellow man because that's what my mother instilled in me. That's my desire but I feel like I'm losing the race and that soon I'll be giving up going to that ministry or to church because it's just so hard. That my friends is the whole truth of what I've been going through and what I continue to this day to go through and one thing I know for sure is that I do not have the answers like I once thought I did. If you've read all this thank you in any input or advice would be greatly appreciated...

  3. Hello everyone it's been a while since I've been on here. I've had highs and lows but mostly lows over the past months and it's just a vicious cycle that I hate so much. I'm still getting out of the house and doing what I can to help others which is always good therapy but not so much here lately. I never really got a sense of reward or a sense of positive feelings from helping others but at least I had something to do with my time. Don't feel too much like writing this but I thought I would let some of you know I'm still alive. Today I stayed home instead of going to the hand of hope ministry and I always regret when I don't go. I found that when it comes to a decision of either/or like a 50-50 decision that I always make the wrong one 50% of the time actually I mean 95% of the time. My vision has got so worse that I really cannot read the print on here unless I really enlarge it and then it still difficult. The prevailing ball on my mind fairly much at all times is how much I want to die and be done with it, life as it is. I don't want this but it stays in my thoughts. I mean I do want to die I guess I just don't want to miss anything if anything was to happen to better my mental status. The neuromuscular disease that I have has gotten worse and I find myself falling often and I'll be damned to be in a wheelchair and I don't know what to do about that. When I walk I'm scared all the time that I'm going to trip and fall. And if I were to break my leg or have to go into a wheelchair I've really screwed up that I don't have anybody that would be willing to take care of me that is helped take care of me because I burn too many bridges. I just tell my therapist what I think she wants to hear because it's just gotten old going in there and knowing that I feel like I'm still just a screwed up in the head as I was when I first started going. I become very close with my pastor and I don't want to let him down so that keeps me from being completely honest with him about how I really feel. Besides all he would want to do is pray for me and so far betting help one bit. Perhaps I need to spend more time here because I feel like I can talk about these things and nobodies going to judge me. It's really an oxymoron, as much as I want to die, I still want to live and that's all hope everyone is well.

    1. Rattler6
    2. quentin360

      quentin360

      Thanks a lot my friend and I hope you're doing well

    3. Rattler6

      Rattler6

      Last year and a half have been pretty good. 

  4. Hello everyone here on the DF, I hope everyone is doing the best that they can. I've not posted in quite some time but wanted to drop a line or two. I am somewhat depressed and in my head today. Back in the middle of 2017 I had made a decision that if I was in the same mental crap on May 24, 2018, which is my birthday, then I would end it for a fact. I was desperate for something to happen in my life and I proceeded to make it happen. I knew I had to somehow get out of myself and my misery and just do something, for other people. Since August 2017 I have been volunteering at a local ministry called Hand of Hope and also began being involved in a local church where I have received the most love and encouragement that I ever have. I have slowly been changing in the way I think about things because helping people in need has helped me tremendously. But things are far from perfect and there is one thing that has to change in my life and that is the use of the medication that my doctor prescribes me that I have been taking for over 15 years. I'm not strung out on drugs or anything but I am addicted and have to have the Adderall and Vicodin every day just to be able to function. I know I was prescribed the medications for the CMT that I have, neuromuscular disease and I do experience pain but I hate myself when I take them because I don't think I really need them I'm just addicted. When I don't have them I can do anything but sit here and slowly fall back into deep depression and I am sick and tired of it. I don't really want to go to a detox center, after all I do for the most part take only three Vicodin, but I do abuse the Adderall by taking sometimes up to six a day. I know I will not experience real joy given by God until I stop completely because all they do is fog up my head in calls extreme guilt and shame. So that's my status today and any advice, especially from people who have been there would really be appreciated. Thanks for reading if you did and remember be good to yourselves...

  5. Hello everyone, it's been quite some time since I posted on your and I just wanted to give my status that I am still alive, struggling, but getting better. I know that I would be on here like every day for a long period of my severe depression episodes and it has been so good for me to get all the support that I have gotten on here from everyone. I had been, since 2011, just isolating myself here with only my thoughts to keep me company and that is not very good company at all. A a few months ago I finally took that leap of faith and started volunteering at a place called "Hand of Hope" here in my town and going to church with the pastor that runs it and it has so far been a great experience for me. To be able to get outside of myself and try to help others while at the same time helping myself. And I know that in the process I have neglected to at least touch base with you guys here, seeing as this is the best place I know of with a community of people that truly love and are concerned about me and others. I still fall into my "comfort zone"of sheer and frightening dark depression and I withdraw from everything and just stay home. But those are the times that I need to go and try to help others but we all know that in our depression we can be very selfish, not saying that's a bad thing that we do, it's just the way it is. We keep to ourselves and don't allow anyone else in our world, even though we must at times let other people that want to help us, help us. I will try to be in this community more often but I promise nothing because I am not very good of a promise keeper. So that's my status for today, Veterans Day 2017. Be good to yourselves my friends... Quentin

  6. Hello to everyone, that is hello to the two people that are on mine right now and to those that will get on later. I'm sorry I've not been around much as I have had one physical illness after another. I cannot sleep tonight it's 3:41 AM here and like this guy posted about, I too am not only lost, but also I feel like a completely broken man. I got a new puppy about a month ago and that brought some joy into my life. But being so sick, I guess I have lost it with her a couple times. The other day she once again on my floor and I threw her out and I cursed God, like I do too often and told him to please quit playing games with me, that he sent this dog into my already screwed up world only to on me and I could not care less if she came back or not. Well guess what, she did not come back all day long and I do she was dead somewhere. I absolutely fell apart like never before that I know of and cried so hard I thought my head would explode. I told God how sorry I was and to please let Keegan come back as she was going to be my one and only loving companion after losing my other dog. I told God that I give up and I give it all to you, that I surrender and I just want to die or if it's your will I want to live but nowhere near like I have been living for the past 20 ****ing years. I was so sick with my stomach the pain was worse than ever and I was vomiting all night long, I was and still am as broken as I think I ever have been. At 2:00 AM that night I went into the kitchen for no particular reason and Keegan my puppy was scratching at the back door. She came in shaking with stuff all over her like she'd been stuck somewhere and probably did not know what to think of me as I was crying my eyes out for joy or something. It occurred to me that God had brought her back or at least that's what I thought that night. I guess he did because also when I surrendered all the that's been going on with me I did feel somewhat of a weight lifted. I have been at bottom many times and I am there now and I am just hoping things will get better and I can start climbing back up again somehow. Because if I can't then I have it all planned out, I will end it because it's been long enough and it's been way too hard for me here for the past year. And no I most likely will not do it as I am too much of a coward but at least I have a plan. Sorry to get on here and be so negative I guess but that's what I am tonight and this is where I'm able to let it all out. Thank you I will try to come back on more often... Your friend always Quentin..PS: sorry Lindsay for the image I know I'm not allowed but give me a break please, I'm trying to be more positive even when it doesn't work

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  7. Hello all my good friends, it has been a while. I do hope and pray that everyone is doing well, or the best you can. As most of you know, I have been dealing with extreme health issues that just, for some reason, keeps getting worse. I had another esophagogastroduodenoscopy, damn that was a mouth full, it is just a scope down my throat to my stomach. The ulcer is somewhat better, but they still may have to do surgery.But what has got me really p***** off is a whole different issue I have encountered. I got these very large lumps under my armpits on both sides. It turns out that they are Sebaseous Cysts filled with Staph, if I spelled that right. As if I was not already high enough maintenance with eating right and stuff, but now I have to keep the cysts clean throughout the day, take more antibiotics, take "bleach" baths, put on antibiotic creme and keep the areas gauzed, ain't that some .
    Well that's me, yall know how I hate to complain about my own problems, though I have done a lot for a couple months, and yes THANKS for the prayers. How is everybody else doing today? I plan to get on here more often, if possible, if just to let yall know I'm still alive...lol...I have to go get some things but i will get back on later and read my messages and stuff...
             ...Be Good to Yourselves...Quentin...

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    1. Kellyb79

      Kellyb79

      I'm so sorry to hear you are dealing with so much. Thank you for the update though, and please keep them coming for us, as we all worry about each other. We're here for you, and I'll be paying for you too. 

  8. I am so lost as to what the Hell is wrong with me. I have been so severely depressed for the past 2-3 weeks and since Tuesday, I have just got so weak and so fatigued that I can hardly breath.  I know that the Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease is getting worse and my vision is crap.  A friend yelled to me about 30 yards away, but I did not know who it was until I got right up to him. I can not hold anything, anymore and drop everything I try to hold. The braces I am wearing are cutting into my feet, but I am going to get them adjusted Wensday.  But, my friends, those are just feelings and emotions, that just so happen to be really getting to me BAD.  I am grateful though, there are many people/children that are a lot worse off than me.  My friend in Australia, April, is always messaging me good thoughts, as do so many of you. She has CMT, as well as her 8 year old daughter, Erykah. Erykah has a worse type of CMT, than I do, she too is losing her vision, as well as, her hearing. I am sorry for being so distant for the past week, but it has been worse, (the depression and losing my temper at myself all the time), I have just had such a terrible attitude. The crazy thing is, I should have been here on the forum, instead of just wallowing in my anger and self-pity. I will try to get on the forum more often when I am like this, you guys do still mean a lot to me, with your encouraging and supportive words. For the past few days, I have had horrible stomach pain, (Like right now, it hurts really bad. I'm gonna post this and then go to bed. I just need yall to know that I am still kicking, I am just so sick of being so sick. Please continue to keep me in your prayers...Yall's Friend Always Quentin. PS: I will read every message I have got when I am feeling better, THANKS my friends...

  9. Hello all my wonderful and supportive frinds, I truly do hope and prat that you all are well or at least doing the best that you can. First, please let me say, this forum and all the people in it, are/is the best group of folks that I have had the honor of being a part of, I consider this to be a "real", safe and very supportive place to talk about our problems. You will never catch me saying that about any other community that I am in online. I have been helped through some really hard times by people on here and I am not planning on going anywhere. I just have got to slow down a bit with all the things I have put on myself, on the internet. So I may go days without a word, but please know that I am fine and don't worry. ALSO to my good friend Jalen, keep your chin up and just do the best that you can. I will get with you maybe Saturday...Thanks Everyone...your friend alwauys, Quentin...

    PS: I still, for some reason, can't get on the forum through Google???

    1. Natasha1

      Natasha1

      ohhhh is it google that's doing it? I'm having a hard time too, need to use an old link and enter it manually to the login screen. I'll have to look at that in more detail later.

  10. Hello all my good friends, my current status is mild to moderate depression with a 35% chance of panic attacks as well as severe depersonalization and altered ego states of mind...But seriously, I am doing well as I can, I just can't stay online right now because we are having some very bad storms and I don't want my PC to get fried again. I do have a "Quentin" moment I will share real fast. My neighbor that made me supper that night. I made her family my famous banana pudding. So i went to meet Matt, her boyfriend, about halfway to give it to him, they do have some bad dogs. I barely made it out of my yard, with hands full of pudding, and my leg just snapped/cracked, I thought I had broke my leg but it did not hurt. I held onto a tree and yelled to Matt to come get the pudding, that something was wrong with my leg. He offered to help ma back to my house but I limped my way back, with a big ? as to what happened. Yall know that I have the CMT and have been wearing AFO braces since 12 or 13 and they would break many times back then because I was so active and hard on them.  But sure enough that is what happened the other night, my left one broke all the way in half. Of course I have had this pair for about 10 years, so I was not to surprised. Thank God, I had another pair in my closet that I have never used. So that's my story and I'm sticking to it, what a day that was. I am getting off line now and unplugging my PC. I will be back on the forum before yall know it...Be Good to Yourselves...your friend Quentin...PS: I will read all my new messages when the weather clears and I get back online...

    1. Natasha1

      Natasha1

      so good to hear from you!!!!!!

  11. Hello friends, I hope and pray that all are well. Here is my updated status...

    There is no way that I can fully express just how much I hate myself at this moment...My cousin was going to pick me up this morning at 10:30 so I could go with them to get my uncle, (who I talk about here a lot). We were going to get him from the "care center", where he stays, and take him out to eat at his favorite place, (Golden Coral). I have been looking forward to this for days, as I have not visited him at the "Home" very often, not having a ride and all. My cousin told me the other day that this would be the last time he would be able to get out, away from the "Home". Last night I set my alarm for 8:30am to have plenty of time to get ready. I was asleep by 9:30 last night, as I have been very ill and exhausted for a week or so.
    Anyway, I woke to my sister's text message and looked at the clock and it was 10:50, and I freaked. My cousin and aunt were in the yard to pick me up, but of course, they could not wait for my ass to get ready, I am very slow. So I could not go because I slept through my alarm and now I just want to cry, I know I have let my uncle down once again, the only man that was there for me like a Father. What really gets to me the most is that I get to feeling so obligated to people online, on my CMT page and other places and try my best to be there for them, and in all reality I don't even know them, (I do care a lot about them and mostly you guys here on the forum). I can be there for these people and try to be there for all my friends on the DF forum, but I can't be there for my family, my loving uncle?? That is so much a load of crap and I hate myself for it. I have to get my Damn priorities straight. So that's my rant for the day, I do hope and pray that all my friends here are doing well...your friend Quentin... 

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    1. idkusername465

      idkusername465

      It was a simple mistake. It doesn't make you a bad person! 

  12. I wanted to give a status update as well. This is what a FB friend of mine, which I know, but have not gotten to really know yet, she lives here in Cordele as well...She posted this yesterday...(My door is always open, the coffee pan is always on and my sofa is always warm and a place of peace and non-judgement. Any of my family and friends who need to chat are welcome anytime . It's no good suffering in silence. I have cold drinks and food in the fridge...tea & coffee in the cupboard and I will always be here. ...You are never not welcome!!
    Blue Monday is a name given to a day in January (typically the third Monday of the month) reported to be the most depressing day of the year and January the worst month for suicides, it's always good to talk but even better to listen. This hits closer to home than we think. I'll always lend an ear and a shoulder.......and my heart.)

    What is so sad about this, is that i live right next door to her and her family, about a 50 foot walk, and although she has invited me to come over many times, I am ashamed that I have not done so. They do have parties on the weekend, where there is drinking, and I have told her that I can not be around that. But she still asks me to come over during the week if I want to, she is a very good person and great mother to her two kids. I can go be around 40 or 50 fellow recovering addicts, but I have not been able to bring myself to walk next door where I know I am very welcome. This post of hers has made me realize that I have to try harder to go visit her. I don't have to be here all the time, wallowing in my own self-pity, I have a neighbor willing to listen and talk to me...what do you guys think about this?...your friend Quentin...
     

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    1. idkusername465

      idkusername465

      I think you should go for it! 

    2. samadhiSheol

      samadhiSheol

      Go for coffee, Q.

      I hope you are feeling better.

  13. Hello all my good friends, I hope and pray that all are well today. I am posting this on my profile status as well as The Depression Central. First I would like to say that I am so grateful for all of you that were so concerned for and prayed for me during my ongoing stomach illness, I can not express that enough. I only confided in two people about the fact that there was a good chance that I had stomach cancer, I did not want anyone to worry unnecessarily until I knew for sure. I am sorry to the two people I told, I hope yall did not worry a lot. Anyway I just now got off of the phone with the doctor and he said there is no cancer. They found the bacteria H Pylori, and I will be on antibiotics for two weeks. I still have a severe pyloric ulcer, but the antibiotics hopefully will **** the bacteria and therefore help to heal the ulcer. And who knows, maybe if I start getting better with my health, then maybe the severe depression I have had for the last couple of months will get better.
    I know that here on the forum, I can be honest about everything that I am or have been feeling. I will have to admit that I, in a way, almost hoped it was cancer and terminal and that way I could "escape" from this reality through natural means. I was very wrong to think in that sort of way and I hope yall don't hold it against me. I see, on a day by day basis, people/children going through a lot of difficult things and it does, in a way, cause me to be somewhat thankful, so I am sorry that I was ever thinking those thoughts. I have to pay bills right now but I will try to get back on the forum later. Again THANKS a Plenty for all of you here...your friend Quentin...Be Good to Yourselves...

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  14. I just had to get back on here and talk about this. It is now 7:47pm here in Georgia and I just now made a call that has now made me not only more depressed, but very angry as well. Most of you know that I am a recovering drug addict and I attend NA support meetings. I got myself a sponsor over a year ago, (Kevin). If you don't know, a sponsor is someone that is a mentor and someone you are accountable to. We have grown to be great friends and I talk to him about everything, he is a very caring and supportive friend. He has had issues with his throat, so I called him to see what the doctor said about his test. Kevin has been off of drugs for 10 years and even quit smoking a year ago and it makes me so angry but he found out he has throat cancer. He has to get 62 radiation treatments, which will put him out of work and he has no insurance, the doctor said he has an 80% chance of being cured. It's very helpful that he has such a great attitude, something I only wish I had. It's so freaking unfair to him because he has done so much for others, helping them get off of drugs, he does not deserve this at all. Also I might be selfish to say this, but I am so tired of losing people that I love. So I really just needed to vent about this, I will enter 2017 with a not so great mood...Be Good to Yourselves...

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  15. I edited the slide show I created and I think it may be easier to watch now, I hope so. Let me know what yall think. If it does not do right then o well, I will start all over again...

    CMT KID'S 2016.mp4

    1. gs22

      gs22

      Terrific job . . . love it!!!

  16. Hello all my good friends, I hope all are doing well today. I have not read my messages yet but I am about to. I am feeling good today, apart from being upset about not going to Florida and mostly I am worried about my Uncle in the hospital. Well, some of you know that I manage a FB page about my disease, Charcot-Marie-Tooth. It is mainly centered on children with this terrible disease and helping parents to deal with it. I have spent about a week putting together something, that would sum up CMT Kid's in 2016. Please watch it before I put it on my page, thanks...your friend Quentin... I hope it plays...

    CMT Slide Show_0002.mpg

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Jalen

      Jalen

      I'm sorry you have to start all over, glad you're doing relatively well other than being bummed about not going to Florida and worried about your Uncle. The slide show was very good.

      Best Wishes,

      -Jalen

    3. quentin360

      quentin360

      Well good jalen, were you able to just play it or did it send you to Google Drive??

       

    4. Jalen

      Jalen

      I was able to play it.

  17. I am going to go to bed now and hope, with all yalls prayers that I will be better tomorrow. I love and appreciate everyone of you guys, Just let me leave yall with this...your friend Quentin...

     

     

  18. Merry Christmas...I will return here shortly my friends...

  19. Be in Florida by the first...Good Deal...

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  20. Hello all my good friends, sorry I have been so distant lately, I guess I have let my problems get in my way too much.  I have been trying to get into the Holiday Spirit, I ai least put together the manger set and mailed my gifts to my friends in California. I have been on Facebook and Tweeter a little bit posting to my CMT page and Tweeting a little boy I know (Christopher) who has CMT, his parents won't let him have a FB account. I have still been somewhat depressed and sick, but it helps when I talk to people (Children the Most) that are suffering from CMT, I have been posting Christmas stuff. I was thinking how I would love to be able to share with you guys more about myself and how I am trying to spread the word to others about CMT, it is very close to my heart. So if yall want to, you can see me on Tweeter @quentinmartin39 and I would most love yall to go to my FB page...https://www.facebook.com/Quentinscause2015
    And don't worry, I'm not spamming or anything. You don't in any way have to contribute to my cause, I just wanted yall to know what I am mostly about. I am gonna keep on the forum for a good while and do some reading....So that's my status for now...Be Good to Yourselves...
     

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  21. Hello everyone, I hope again that everyone is doing well. I just can't seem to make it very far after 9pm and I am ready for sleep. I am feeling a bit better now and hopefully tomorrow will be good. Just know that I am ok for now and will be on here more oftyen soon...Be Good to Yourselves... 

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    1. samadhiSheol

      samadhiSheol

      I'm happy for you,  quentin.

      Take care!

    2. Kellyb79

      Kellyb79

      Glad to hear it. And I love what you shared. That is so true. Gotta have a good support system, and that's something we all have here with each other. 

  22. Oh crap!! I did it again...All I wanted was a photo editing program, so I downloaded it but the computer refused to open it so I could not install it. I spent all freaking day on thinking it was my PC and after hours of that I finally found out it was the site I was downloading from. And for gs22, Jalen, Natasha1, Mikayla and everyone else that was concerned about my recent illness, I have an update. The doctor called today and said that I have a few gallstones and a fatty liver as well, and I still have to get the scope done on the 22nd...I want to get all this out of the way so I can, this time, go back with my sister to Florida. As for Christmas, how many of you yet have had someone to say "Hey get into the Holiday Spirit"??..Well I for one can not seem to even put up one decoration. 
    Last year I had my nephew, his wife and their two little girls and now there is no one here at my house.My sister said we may have Christmas Eve over here and that would be the only reason I would put them up. But I just can't find the streanth or motivation to do so. I hope and pray that everyone else is having a good holiday season...Be Good to Yourselves...

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    1. Natasha1

      Natasha1

      Hi Quentin! I was in the hospital in July for Pancreatitis caused by gallstones. I know how painful that can be!!! I hope it padses soon! We miss you but understand you need to step away. Please take care!

      Natasha

  23. Hello my friends, I sure hope all are well today. It is tuesday the 13th at 8:58pm here in GA and my status is complicated to say the least. Day after day has been so hard on me that I just don't know why I even try anymore. I know, it is because I hope every night that the next day will be better. I hate the night time because I feel so extra lonely and sort of hopeless. The mornings are not as bad but here lately I have woke up to feeling like death and can and don't move out of my chair for hours. I then spend the rest of the day working on my PC and that's driving me insane. I did go to NA last night but was half asleep the whole time. All in all I am doing the best that I think I can do...Be Good to Yourselves...

    1. Kellyb79

      Kellyb79

      That's all you can do is try your best, and take it one day at a time

    2. lex333

      lex333

      Always like reading what you have to say! Be good to yourself, friend!

  24. My Status Update 12.12.2016 @ 2:28pm

     

    Hello all my good friends, I hope everyone is doing good or at least the best that you can. I know I have not been on the forum in a few days but I think and worry a lot about that. It's just that my mind gets so scattered a lot lately. I can have a small computer issue and end up spending all day on trying to figure it out, with not much avail. I would love to get on here and say how good things are for me right now but I just can't. I have been so very depressed, very anxious and just feeling like...well death, for lack of a better word.

    A CMT FB friend of mine got a DUI and I have been writing a letter to the Judge on his behalf, but my computer kept screwing up and I would work on it for hours and that gets me so anxious and screws with my head. There is a bright side though, my stomach has not hurt in about a week now. When I am not on the forum I do get worried that you guys are worrying about me or that you think I might not care as much anymore, which is of course not the case. The way that things have been for me lately I will tell you all that there will be days of me not being here (just feeling sorry for myself) and days that I will be here and support those that need it. So guys that's my status for now...Be Good to Yourselves...

     

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    1. Kellyb79

      Kellyb79

      Focus on you. Just remember we'll all be here when you're ready to talk. 

    2. Natasha1

      Natasha1

      take care buddy. we are still here.

  25. My status is that I am tired but doing good as I can do. This is one of my favorite songs (Fight Song). This one is for all the children suffering from sickness and disability...enjoy my f

     

    1. Kellyb79

      Kellyb79

      This is a great song!! I've always loved it 

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