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quentin360's Achievements

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It's January 2, 2021 and I'm trying to figure out how to end this life once and for all. I wish I owned a gun because that seems pain-free and quick. I think the worst feeling a person can have on top of the depression and hopelessness is to be convinced that God has forsaken you and doesn't want a damn thing to do with you no matter how hard you try to please him and do good things. All of my life I have tried to be good to my fellow man. Over the past four years, even though losing my vision and cannot drive, I found a way to get rides to a place where I volunteer at a local ministry and I also became involved in my church but I do have a drug problem in that I am addicted to meds that were given to me to treat my disability. I've been going to therapy constantly for the past four years and staying on so many antidepressants but they always seem to stop working at some point. I have overcame so many things in my life but I just can't seem to overcome this depression and hopelessness and pill popping to self medicate. I know you're not supposed to but I have really grown to hate God for always seeming to use me in many different ways but never given me any sort of approval and I'm just done. I'll figure out the right way to do it but there is no doubt I have to do it because I refuse to live another new year the way I have lived the past 10 to 20 new years. I guess if anyone reading this could somehow put a little hope back in me where now there is non-then by all means.
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Hi, I haven't seen you on DF for a while.
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Nothing I can say can make you feel better. Only you have the power to do that. But what I and others on DF, and perhaps someone irl can do(?) , is be with you, at least in spirit.
They say that God works in mysterious ways. Now I am not a believer, at least in any religious sense. And to me this sounds like so much claptrap. I never understood the point in the plot of god/devil, good/evil, playing out like a cosmic board game, where everyone knows who will win anyhow.
IF there is a "god" , we have no way of knowing about him/her/it. And by the same token, I don't believe god can truly connect with us(that is if God exists in the first place ).
I mean no disrespect if you are a believer of the Christian faith. Or Islamic. Or Jewish. Etc.
What I am trying to say is, if there IS a god, we should live our lives to our best abilities, not because of a promised redemption, but because it is what WE WANT TO DO.
God or no, the only thing that makes any real sense is that we do in fact have free will. That it is in our power to make choices that speak to us, and perhaps not cause too much harm around us...!
Any choice you make is yours and yours alone. God, if God exists, HAS TO honor your choice, if it yours and it aligns with who you truly are. If God doesn't exist, exactly the same.
This garbeled and I apologise. I hope you feel a bit better at least. Not because of anything I said, but because ultimately you deserve to. We all do.
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Thank you so much for your reply. I am a believer but I think that's what makes it so much more difficult. I go to a church where I'm not judged whatsoever but the thing is I judge myself way too harshly. I call myself working on myself for the past 20 years and feeling like I've gotten nowhere. But again thank you for your reply.
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