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sesfm

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  1. Thanks, those are really good suggestions. You must be a mistress of seduction! ;) "Cruel" probably makes it sound more dramatic than it is. For example, there was some hot dude who had randomly added me on Facebook a while back. I saw him on the patio outside a club, and I thought finally I had a good reason to talk to a semi-stranger, so I went up and said, "Hey, I think we're friends on Facebook." He said "maybe" super dismissively, put his hand up, and walked away. Or I saw some guys dressed as cats (kinda) so I asked something about their costumes, and one of them gave me some dismissive one-word answer and turned away. It's just that their responses always carry the tone of, "Who the **** are you to come out of nowhere and talk to me?" So that validates my assumption that it is indeed weird to go up to a stranger and talk to them out of the blue. But yeah, the main problem is just not knowing how to start things. And even when I see a guy who I'd be interested in, if I'm out at the clubs in West Hollywood, I'm definitely in the bottom 10% of desirability so I feel like there's absolutely no way it couldn't result in something embarrassing and depressing. And I'm proven right every time. So I feel like it's not even worth trying unless I have a six-pack or something.
  2. Haha I was gonna say, is "urn calling the kettle black" some regionalism? Hilarious. I LIKE TO SMOKE pan! And no, you're not being mean at all! You've definitely pointed out some issues I know I have. I do have a total lack of self esteem. But it's really hard to pretend like I do, you know? Though it'd help, for sure. And it certainly manifests in how I carry myself. I try my best to seem happy and approachable, but it's damn near impossible for me after every guy I try to talk to is a total d**k to me. There sometimes comes a point in the night where I'm too worn down by how horrible people are to enjoy myself. I like the intercepting-at-the-bar idea. I should definitely try that. (Though I'd probably reach my credit card limit buying guys drinks before I found one who actually didn't just want me to **** off.) But these are the kinds of suggestions I need - less "be happy with who you are blah blah" and more "do this and say this" etc. You're wrong though; I do need tips on picking up guys! That's what I'm asking for. It's just that, the few times I've worked up the courage and seen an opening (when not totally drunk off my ass), I've been dismissed so cruelly that I can't imagine it going any other way.
  3. Hey g87, thanks for your response. I know that's what almost everyone probably wants to say in response to this. As I said in response to a previous reply: I've heard people complain about how one-night-stands make them feel like they're just being used for sex, or wonder if their physical look is all people care about. But those are people who already take for granted the fact that people want to have sex for them. I find it very hard to relate to those complaints, because somebody wanting sex is certainly better than nobody wanting to have sex with me. And I'm hardly so puritanical that I feel the need to refrain from "giving up my sex" to people to make it worth more. That's just me. I'm not saying I want to give it up to "just anyone", but there are certain experiences I want to have that I have been unable to have so far. I know most people aren't like this, or most people just go through a phase like this. And people who can find sex easily don't see the value in this because they've had it and are looking for more. It's not really fair to stand on a pedestal and judge those who are looking for experiences that you already had but now consider yourself too good for. (Sorry, I realize I'm being harsh on you here, and you're not trying to be malicious.) But this is what I'm trying to find at this point in my life. The sit-back-and-wait technique doesn't really work for me either, because I'm not physically attractive. I'm not looking for just one individual who is in love with everything about me and wants to spend the rest of their life with me. Then, it might make sense to spend forever just seeing who comes to me without trying. I want to know how to proactively meet guys. So the question still stands, how? P.S., a little update: I went to San Francisco for the weekend and was able to meet a few guys when my friend and I were out at clubs. But nothing romantic/sexual came of it, and I was also only able to do it when completely wasted. Odd as it may sound, it is a little encouraging to know that I have the ability sort of somewhere in me, though it currently takes near-lethal amounts of alcohol to bring out. If only I remembered how I did it. Baby steps. But I'd love to not have to be halfway to alcohol poisoning just to have a conversation.
  4. Nope, I've never done that. That's the type of thing that I have a hard time believing wouldn't just creep the hell out of someone.
  5. Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. The tough thing about discussing issues like this is that everyone assumes the universal superiority of a deep meaningful relationship - often because people have already gotten the fun promiscuous impulses out of their system with little difficulty. Those are great, but I want to know how to obtain these other experiences too. I don't ask that people understand why; I'm just asking how to do it. Yep, I have some gay friends. We go out to bars and clubs sometimes. But it still never ever results in me meeting anybody. To put it simply, I just don't understand the logistics of meeting people in such places. Going from being in the same room to speaking or dancing with the person is an enormous leap, though for so many people it seems to be a natural consequence of just being in a place like that. I want to figure out this missing step, if I can.
  6. Hey everyone, A quick introduction first, since I just joined. I'm a gay male in my early 20s. I live in Los Angeles. I've been out since I was about 14 or 15, so you'd think I would have figured out something by now, but nope, not at all. I'm definitely not attractive, which obviously plays a huge part in my problems, but I'm also not the ugliest guy in the whole world, so that can't be the whole issue. I feel bad/awkward complaining to my friends at great length, plus I can't be totally honest, so I've turned to you, dear Internet. Please pardon the ensuing disorganized vomiting of words and feelings. What am I so clueless about? Basically, how to be romantically and sexually happy, successful, and functional. Up til now, I've pretty much relied on meeting guys on Grindr and similar websites, but it seems pretty pathetic that I can't figure out how to meet guys in person or do most of the things I'd like to do. I've had a few boyfriends, but I've met them all online. The gay life that I hear about many many other people experiencing (and portrayed in the media, but not just that) is so much better than what I've been able to attain. I know many of you will be rightly tempted to say that my expectations are unrealistic, but I know for a fact that, at least in a liberal urban area like this, they actually aren't really. I know so many young gay guys who have taken much better advantage of their youth as far as meeting guys, having crazy sexual experiences, etc. In college (I recently graduated), all the gay boys pretty much hooked up with each other and had lots of fun times - except me. I was somehow quite absent from that crazy web of sexual connections, and not for lack of trying. Now I feel like I missed out on a fun part of college that most others got to experience. I've never met a guy at a club or bar (again, not for lack of trying), let alone taken someone home. Nobody's certainly ever bought me a drink. I almost never even have any luck with gay friends of friends. I've never had a threesome or orgy or anything like that. Again, I know it sounds weird to be upset that I haven't done things like that, but all of the gay boys I know who would want to do something like that, have, and with relative ease. Straight guys love to remark how they would get to have sex all the time if they were gay. I tell them that's not really how it works, but for so many gay guys, that is exactly how it works! I try to get friends to explain to me how to meet people in public places or at clubs or bars, but it's always in the most abstract terms since it comes naturally to them. But honestly, even the logistics of stuff like that totally escapes me. I'm impressed if you've made it this far into my rant. I really appreciate it. I don't know if I've articulated my problem well enough, since it probably just seems like "boohoo I don't have orgies". But it's more than that, and it upsets me to the point that I find myself holding back tears at embarrassing moments or fantasizing about hurting myself because I feel like a ****ing alien dropped here without being told how to interact with people. So what the hell do I have to do to get a piece of this hedonistic free-for-all that everybody else gets to indulge in? How the **** do I meet people? How do I get to live the fun gay life that every other gay guy I know gets to experience? How do I have a gay life beyond hooking up with guys online who are too oblivious to realize how unattractive I am before they meet me? Thanks in advance for any help you can give me. Let me know if there's anything you'd like me to clarify or elaborate on.
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