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Everything posted by The_Unwanted

  1. Whenever someone needs me, they'll do nice things for me, whenever it's in their interests and their interests only. The second they don't need me anymore, they'll quickly go back to letting me know, by their actions, that they don't want to ever have contact with me, no matter how nice I am to them. A lot of lies are said behind my back, all the time to everybody, about my relationship status, my unemployment reasons, my overall well-being, anything you could imagine. They all say things about me behind my back, but not one of them wants to say it to me directly. If I can speak to them, why can't they do the same thing that I do?
  2. The problem I had for a long time at my job is that even though I managed some of the tasks well, and even though I was able to feel good about myself, I was surrounded by the wrong crowd for close than a year, no one wanted to be my friend, people were acting weird around me regularly, so I gave it up because I was tired of being around them. I had zero friends, they were all awful to me, I didn't have the right to refuse to being around weird people, they never took blame for everything, they said they're always perfect and everything was always my fault. Mutual respect was not possible no matter how good I behaved. It only goes to show me the amount of needless garbage I have to put up with, when I apply to places where I don't belong, when people are bored all day and there's no possibility of being productive.
  3. I used to think I was being overly negative about my co-workers, when I thought to myself that they don't value me in any way. Then, someone tried to get me fired for absolutely nothing whatsoever. He's close to my other abusers. I was proven right. I work with multiple groups of people who don't want me to have money to get by.
  4. My work will never get any better. I am clearly being mobbed by gangs and everyone around me knows it. Despite the no violence rule, horrible things were said and done to my face and I could just imagine how much they say about me behind my back. Coming in with a smile on my face and saying positive things won't help. Despite my experience and previous positive results in retail customer service, catering, and the physical stuff in store warehouses, this place takes away takes away the things I do best and replaces things like long hours that drag and expect me to memorize lame junk with no practise. Despite my ability to admit it when I'm the one who needs to change, it's even harder when I know my job can't get better no matter what I do. It's truly up to someone else to give me an opportunity to make my money doing something that people are interested in and something that I have the ability to perform well at. Pleasing myself is the easy part. Convincing someone else to hire me, I can't think of anthing I could do to get it done, even though I spoke incredibly positive about myself multiple times in these last paragraphs.
  5. I get harassed by one person at work and got reported to management by a second person for one of the dumbest reasons someone could make up about me. Proof that numbers are not on my side. A different manager defended my harasser. Not a good week for me, on top of the needless stress on the outside, adding more on my shoulders, so they could use to their advantage.
  6. I appreciate your reply, but there's something I don't think you understood. When they "despise" me, I can live with that well, as I keep some distance. When they "despise" me, it's no good for my health if I have to stay in a small cell with the entire gang for long hours every day, which is the case sadly. Both my examples are 2 completely different things. Just wanted to clarify that.
  7. I have to hang around the same type of people. At least you have the option to not allow that in your life. I can't escape them, even if I want to. Whenever I successfully cut ties with one negative group, new negative people quicky take their place. Being positive sadly never helps me, even when I do it right.
  8. Once again, it's proven 100% correct. I hang around people who all think I'm the worst, even when I'm genuinely enjoying myself to my heart's desire in the most productive way possible. They do have acceptance for people from different backgrounds, even when they have nothing in common. They accept literally everyone but me.
  9. My current job isn't 100% bad, but I can say with rational conclusiveness that ''oppurtunity'' to enjoy myself, most of the time, is not there. The collective lack of interest of these people for this job has been proven. This explains the other thing I'm going to point out. They have a ''mob'' mentality against me because it's a small, tight little workspace with individuals who, for the most part, lack interest for what they do and have absolutely nothing in common with me. Too many real-life groups of individuals are collectively making sure I do not get the oppurtunity to be productive in general and to grow as a person. Sadly, what I'm saying is one gazillion percent true. It's not everybody, but it is absolutely a large enough size of people. I cannot find the right crowds to hang with because no one wants to give me an oppurtunity to show them what I can do. Because of better finances, I have no difficulty whatsoever making myself happy, when I'm in isolation. But pleasing these others is impossible because they despise me when I'm in a bad mood just as much as when I'm in a good mood. It seems like I'm putting myself at a huge disadvantage agaisnt them, when the numbers are not in my favor. I feel like something had to be done about that.
  10. My workplace is as bad as it can get. I've seen prison documentaries. It has become as bad as a prison. There's zero harmony between me and any members of the staff members. It's gotten to the point where the staff will not only take advantage of me when I'm down, but they also refuse to validate me as a human being in any way when I'm at the top of my game. Basically, they think the worst of me if I'm having a bad day. And when I'm having a good day, they still think the worst of me. I'm not even joking when I say that someone gave me a look that what I got from it was ''You think feeling positive about yourself will make us like you more, think again''. I'm happy the no violence rule limits the potential damage to me and at least I have a paycheck. But at this point, it's time to send out resumés elsewhere.
  11. My mother attempted to brain wash multiple people, with a manipulative tactic of talking about me to her friends and everyone as if I was gold. But here's the catch. She only talks nice about an imaginary version of me when I'm never, ever around to hear the lies. When all her friends are gone, she does not show me a shred of care or love or anything. I've had someone confront me by saying that I'm delusional and that my mom is loving and perfect because of her behaviors when I am not around. I have yet to hear an example from that same person, describing my mom's behaviors when all the friends are gone home, all the cameras and audio devices are turned off, and it's just her and me in the same room. They don't have an example of what happens then... Ironically, my mom abuses me in front of every person on the planet who doesn't care about how I'm treated and who doesn't care if there's fighting going on. And at the same time, still legitimately convinces them that she's the perfect mother. I know that if my mom did that to someone the friend cared about, the friend's answer would be the opposite.
  12. Some good news for everybody. I started a new job and it's a good one that people like to do. I've been given an opportunity to make money, so that I can be free from financial dependency on the wrong type of people. I've got the job. So now it's my responsability to make sure I do what I gotta do, so that the paychecks always continue.
  13. The only possible progress for me is avoiding contact with them. Otherwise, no matter what I do, I'm in harm's way. They have done and are capable of doing absolutely anything to me. Only thing I can do is to make sure that my belongings are safe make sure they don't try to make me look bad in front of others.
  14. My abuser said everything's my fault. My social worker along with multiple others told me my abuser won't change/is incompatible with me. The 2 possible sources that I can choose to believe are: - My abuser - Not my abuser Who should I believe? Everyone knows what the answer is...
  15. Massive update: I told someone close who opened up to me about past evidence against her how I consulted previously. The person said my mom is the perfect mother and we are compatible. I revealed to them that my social worker told me we're not, in a secret message and to call my doctor for proof. The person was shocked and canceled an evening out with my mother. I finally spoken up about evidence against her and in a way, it payed off cause it feels like a huge victory to finally be able to prove my csse. On the other hand, I need to be very careful. I still go to my mother's for food. So to feed myself, I need to take extremely careful precautionary measures to not get caught deliberately busting her fake image because I won't have anywhere else to eat. And to hope she's doesn't find excuses to simply kick me out for nothing and then blame me. --- Abuse and being forced to live in isolation, solitude, and lies with people covering up my abuser may have messed up a huge part of my life. Maybe it's a good thing to finally live in a real world where people are finally truthful with me. Maybe it's good for my dignity.
  16. The reason why I'm affected by this is that I continue to receive comments from people trying to brainwash me in thinking that my abuser is the perfect mother. Before I continue, I must admit that this facade going on must be something, if in 2019 they are still able to convince lies to people who have 30 years + experience in the health field. To start, it's been already proven on more than one occasion that: 1 - People flat out refuse to even talk to me, they automatically believe everything they hear about others, without even making contact with the person being victimized 2 - People have, already on more than one occasion, refuse to give me explanations when they make up excuses for my abuser's behaviors, even when I state facts and all I want is evidence to prove me wrong if I'm wrong. Their answer is always ''I don't know''. That's not a very good counter-argument to a debate, imo. My mother puts very bad thoughts in my head. Just being around her is no good for me whatsoever. Recently, there has been easily more than occasion where my mom got caught doing several bad behaviors with me and her response was always to put the blame right back on me. I've made mistakes too with her, but unlike her I was able to admit my mistakes and offer legit ways to make sure they be corrected, something that my mom has never done for me and never will do because she does not love me. Refusing to acknowledge even minor mistakes in behavior problems towards the victim, that's a sign that there is no love or desire to form a relationship. My abuser has 0 desire in having a loving relationship with me. And despite that, these people who received this evidence still flat out say to me, with the most upmost confidence in the universe, that there's a possibility of a relationship between me and my abuser, even if the abuser has repeatedly shown them zero signs in wanting to change. A witness told me ''your mom says all these things about you, I know she loves you''. I asked the witness what did my mom say? I haven't gotten an answer. There's now been multiple instances where people tell me lies by saying my mom does this and that because she's the greatest mother, I respond with a counter-argument by legit explaining how it's not true and what really happens when it's just me and her, and they either refuse to or do not answer me, when I present an totally true argument of what really happens. No matter what I say about my mother, they are never able to respond to me or tell me I'm wrong because I'm right and they know it. The reason why I speak of this is not because I want to have a relationship with my mother. Everybody knows that it's impossible and I'm okay with that. I'm speaking up because lies are being spread about her being perfect and everything's always my fault and people are constantly making comments to me directly of these lies. This is what needs to stop. It's tiresome people always covering up my abuser's behaviors and what I wish I had in real life is someone to speak to, so I can have a case and evidence to prove that I am correct. If I ever choose to go to any kind of ''counselling'', my only goal there is to expose my abuser and have conclusive proof.
  17. I've started my job search again. I've done a couple of good steps, imo, even though I haven't landed anything yet. It feels unnatural to have to deal with the weight of the universe on one's shoulders completely alone, so I'm feeling tired of doing everything alone. That said, my job search continues tomorrow and all of next week. So I'll try to post updates about my job search: progress, results, obstacles, things I did well, things I messed up, good, bad. I'll try to share about it, so that I'll be a little less alone while I work. It's no use to speak about my results to people in real life who don't care at all about me.
  18. For me, the last thing I need is for some stranger who doesn't have my interests what-so-ever, in any way, shape, or form, continue to force me to dig through trash for nothing and to continue taking abuse from people in a better position than I am in. Don't get me wrong. Suicide hotlines can be helpful, if the scenario calls for it. But if we're going to be completely honest about my situation, I need much, much more than a suicide hotline chit-chat. I have bills to pay, a fridge to fill with food, and trash dysfunctional everyday items, some of which really need to be replaced. And I need to keep some distance from certain places that are no good for me, if my finances permit me.
  19. People with criminal records have managed to do something that I haven't: to enter the workforce and be given everything. And I don't even have a criminal record. No one is worse than me. You're not undesirable.
  20. I am trying to escape being financially dependant on my abusive family members. But after a start that consisted of a handful of job interviews, I've been rejected 3 times for basic jobs and I expect to be rejected another 2 times tomorrow and monday. The hardest part about this is that I feel like I'm doing pretty decent with my interviews. I was feeling good, open, said a couple of words that felt right, made some good points. But I am naturally undesirable, even when I'm doing things well and I'm feeling good about myself. Even if I did get anything at all, I'd have to keep it at almost any cost because if I don't, I will be forced to continue going through garbage cans for everything that I need. If I get a repetitive, boring, abusive job that nobody likes to do, I'll be forced to either quit and go back to being abused again, or be severely depressed for the rest of my life. In a situation where I do not have the possibility of a decent stable job with an oppurtunity to be productive at work, being productive outside of work would be completely and totally impossible.
  21. It makes me physically and mentally ill, when the odds are not in my favor. When it's me versus the entire planet, I feel like why does everyone in the world absolutely have to resort to creating alliances and making the numbers completely insurmountable for me? Don't they have the ability to face me on their own?
  22. It makes a difference physically and mentally, to be away from contact from my abuser(s). My abuser(s) may think that our conflicts are 1000% my fault, but I'd like to hear a health professional tell me the exact same thing. Other people have already given me examples to say that it's their fault not mine.
  23. What's worse is that my mom abuses my in public and right in front of these people the same way she abuses me behind closed doors and she still gets treated like gold. Sometimes, she gets comments to not do certain things to me. But for the most part, everyone ignores it all because they all hate me. If it was their loved one being abused by my mom, they wouldn't take it for a second.
  24. Another day feeling sick that people still believe me and my abusive mother have a fuctional relationship and that she's the perfect mother. My mom can't stand the sight of my face and has previously harmed me physically on multiple occasions, and has tried to feed me rotten food on purpose. But yet these people will defend every single thing she does and she's a god, basically. The funniest thing of all is how everyone has made up all these horrible images of me, but not a single one of them has had the guts to speak to me to my face whatsoever. I have enough ability to speak up myself. And if they want to make me look bad, I'll give them the chance to do so. But they all shut me out.
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