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About The_Unwanted

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  1. What's worse is that my mom abuses my in public and right in front of these people the same way she abuses me behind closed doors and she still gets treated like gold. Sometimes, she gets comments to not do certain things to me. But for the most part, everyone ignores it all because they all hate me. If it was their loved one being abused by my mom, they wouldn't take it for a second.
  2. Another day feeling sick that people still believe me and my abusive mother have a fuctional relationship and that she's the perfect mother. My mom can't stand the sight of my face and has previously harmed me physically on multiple occasions, and has tried to feed me rotten food on purpose. But yet these people will defend every single thing she does and she's a god, basically. The funniest thing of all is how everyone has made up all these horrible images of me, but not a single one of them has had the guts to speak to me to my face whatsoever. I have enough ability to speak up myself. And if they want to make me look bad, I'll give them the chance to do so. But they all shut me out.
  3. I feel like the entire planet is against me. It's like I feel confident, well spoken, I feel like I'm doing everything right and yet no one will ever see as anything more than trash.
  4. I kinda disagree with this and I have to sorta rephrase what you said. I'm not looking to be loved by any one specific person in particular. I just need to feed myself properly and surround myself with the right people. --- If my mom isn't cutting it, I'll go see my dad......or another relative instead. --- The problem is that both my parents hate me and no one else knows me. I'm just tired of being financially dependant on the wrong people.
  5. My abusers are fully capable or love and normal relationships. I've seen them with others. They're always very popular and they have solid relationships that last decades. But I know that they hate me more than anyone on the planet. And they simply dissect me, until they no longer have to see my face and come in contact with me. Self defence is completely useless because they don't care about making sense. They want me gone, plain and simple. If I told my mom that I'm never seeing her again and she believed it, it would be the happiest day of her life. My mom allows me to eat her food for her image alone. To make her look good in the eyes of others, when deep down she has zero love or care for me, in any way. I even found something in the definition of sociopath that litterally confirms this! I only go there for food cause I have to, when it's needed. I don't have other close family. Everybody knows her behaviours towards me are incredibly toxic and it's completely impossible for me to function normally around her. The only "solution" is to get away from her. The people who make up excuses for her only do it because they hate me too. No living human being on earth would put up with a garbage relationship like that. I'm not wanted because I'm not their type. They want someone else.
  6. The difference between me and them: I can admit when I make a mistake.
  7. Restaurant line-ups have become so ridiculously crowded, it's become incredibly stressful just ordering food and having to deal with screwed up orders and clerks that don't always know what they're doing, and how they always believe that I'm just a piece of trash, no matter how I defend myself or speak up about anything, politely or not it makes no difference.
  8. Being away from sociopaths truly is a difference maker, when it comes to my mental state. They'll defend all the bad things they do to me and say it's all my fault, even though evidence was brought up more than once to prove that I have a point. Either that or people simply never even bothered to ask me how I'm doing. No one ever came up to me and said that the sociopath is always right. So there's that too. I looked up the definition of "Sociopath" and many examples match my mom's behavior towards me. It matched so much, it felt weird. I knew something was up but I couldn't put my finger on the word, but now I guess that answers my question. I might post examples later, I have proof. The definition is out there, if someone wants the definition. In any group therapy session, one thing is always guaranteed: it's always my fault. Those people always want me gone from their sight.
  9. Mother's day was one of those awkward days where all my social media feeds were nothing but posts of users posting pictures of themselves with their mothers. Going through my feed didn't make me feel "sad" or "depressed". It felt more like I was getting smacked in the face. I have an extremely toxic relationship with not only my mother but both of my parents. I need to be away from them, just to have a chance to function more normally. With that said, when father's day comes up, it's going to be rince and repeat of mother's day.
  10. Yup. And another thing that makes everything that more horrible for me is that I already proven to myself and others that my social skills can be good to very good and I've gotten positive feedback for my speaking and my good attitude on several occasions. The things I say here, I don't ever mention in regular society. The problem that always happens: I live in a horrible place that's not for me and if I say one single thing that people don't want to hear (examples: I'm poor, jobless, single, or in a bad relationship), I will not only be judged, but I will become a target for senseless abuse, I will be insulted badly to the point where I won't be allowed to be around those people anymore. I won't be wanted by the world anymore (this isn't my username for nothing) and they'll do what they have to do to never see my face again. It forces me to live with absurd pressure every single day. It's out of my control. I literally have to do what I have to do to keep myself safe, to make time go by faster. I didn't realize this at first, but now I know full well that it's dangerous physically and mentally to say one single depressive thing in the wrong place. It can go as far as total job loss + money loss.
  11. You know those dating sites like Tinder and all that other garbage, I was recently reminded the hard way why I stay away from those things! Not only is it destructive for my mental health to have to received all kinds of garbage in my message box, to be ignored, or to be rejected, but it is also a real danger to get in contact with someone on there! This happened on facebook. Another toxic social media platform. I recently had a bad experience with someone who tried to make me look bad in every stretch possible and to insult me on multiple occasions, because I'm unemployed and single. Even if I defend myself, the conversations end in ways that have me very concerned. After standing up for myself and insulting right back, I thought the person blocked but it turns out they deactivated their account. I know because even after logging off, I still could not find the account. Which means that I may not even be blocked and more trouble could be waiting for me, eventually. And I wasn't even looking for a date. All I did was repond to someone who messaged me first. --- With dating sites, these are the guarentees with me: - I will come in contact with someone who wants to take me down. - Everything is always my fault. --- Unlike my abusers though, at least I am capable of admitting when I do something wrong. I've admitted I made mistakes before, so I know I'm capable of doing it. My abusers are never to blame and it's always my fault.
  12. When I get bullied by gangs from the wrong places, I've honestly had people come up to me and say that it's "both of us'' the problem. I've previously taken responsability for myself. The problem is, I cannot stop my bully's behaviors and yet these people say that it's pretty much my fault. Everytime I ask them how it's my fault, I always get ignored. My bullies use cover tactics to protect their image. Even hospital staff who make 100 000$ a year have been fooled by the bully's facade. Most of the dilusional people never bother to even contact me to see how I'm doing.
  13. This comes as a surprise to me hearing this. But it's a good feeling knowning I've helped in some way, so I thank you for telling me this. My personality is that I say things as they are, to my knowledge without sugar coating, to try to answer stuff as best as possible. For the record, my account is still an active account, although I do takes hiatuses. I don't remember what it was, but ty epictetus for letting me know. 🙂 As far as work is concerned, I still gotta do something to pay the bills so to be continued.
  14. No amount of physical speed or hiding negative feelings, none of that can save me. And believe me, I'm the master of hiding negative feelings with a real looking smile. I just cannot think properly, when I have high demands on a regular basis, when the job requires it. I used to think that working under pressure meant going moving faster and scrubbing harder. But then I learned that it was more in terms of mental demands. I think I just don't enjoy being bothered regularly like that. I used to think that persevering through a tough workload would be the way to go, to just complete my assignments and then go home and relax because I have a million different effective ways to relax and effectively clear my head. But what I didn't think of is that work wears me down to the point where I lose interest for the things I used to somewhat enjoy because of high demands that put pressure on the worker. My mind just can't cut in because everything in my head gets blurry, I get tired of everyone and everything. And ultimately, every good and effective relaxation technique just isn't enough anymore. Even with the expertise I've developed over the years of how to hide everything on the inside to fool the entire world with a jolly facade on the outside, I feel like there's a problem and that something's wrong because I shouldn't be this worn out with little to no good days at all. I'm at the point now where I feel like I'm a burden to my family because I'm a "quitter" and that I wasn't designed for planet earth and that I don't fit it with anybody at all.
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