The_Unwanted

Whenever someone needs me, they'll do nice things for me, whenever it's in their interests and their interests only. The second they don't need me anymore, they'll quickly go back to letting me know, by their actions, that they don't want to ever have contact with me, no matter how nice I am to them. A lot of lies are said behind my back, all the time to everybody, about my relationship status, my unemployment reasons, my overall well-being, anything you could imagine. They all say things about me behind my back, but not one of them wants to say it to me directly. If I can speak to them, why can't they do the same thing that I do?

The problem I had for a long time at my job is that even though I managed some of the tasks well, and even though I was able to feel good about myself, I was surrounded by the wrong crowd for close than a year, no one wanted to be my friend, people were acting weird around me regularly, so I gave it up because I was tired of being around them. I had zero friends, they were all awful to me, I didn't have the right to refuse to being around weird people, they never took blame for everything, they said they're always perfect and everything was always my fault. Mutual respect was not possible no matter how good I behaved. It only goes to show me the amount of needless garbage I have to put up with, when I apply to places where I don't belong, when people are bored all day and there's no possibility of being productive.

I used to think I was being overly negative about my co-workers, when I thought to myself that they don't value me in any way. Then, someone tried to get me fired for absolutely nothing whatsoever. He's close to my other abusers. I was proven right. I work with multiple groups of people who don't want me to have money to get by.

My work will never get any better. I am clearly being mobbed by gangs and everyone around me knows it. Despite the no violence rule, horrible things were said and done to my face and I could just imagine how much they say about me behind my back. Coming in with a smile on my face and saying positive things won't help. Despite my experience and previous positive results in retail customer service, catering, and the physical stuff in store warehouses, this place takes away takes away the things I do best and replaces things like long hours that drag and expect me to memorize lame junk with no practise. Despite my ability to admit it when I'm the one who needs to change, it's even harder when I know my job can't get better no matter what I do. It's truly up to someone else to give me an opportunity to make my money doing something that people are interested in and something that I have the ability to perform well at. Pleasing myself is the easy part. Convincing someone else to hire me, I can't think of anthing I could do to get it done, even though I spoke incredibly positive about myself multiple times in these last paragraphs.

I get harassed by one person at work and got reported to management by a second person for one of the dumbest reasons someone could make up about me. Proof that numbers are not on my side. A different manager defended my harasser. Not a good week for me, on top of the needless stress on the outside, adding more on my shoulders, so they could use to their advantage.

I appreciate your reply, but there's something I don't think you understood. When they "despise" me, I can live with that well, as I keep some distance. When they "despise" me, it's no good for my health if I have to stay in a small cell with the entire gang for long hours every day, which is the case sadly. Both my examples are 2 completely different things. Just wanted to clarify that.

I have to hang around the same type of people. At least you have the option to not allow that in your life. I can't escape them, even if I want to. Whenever I successfully cut ties with one negative group, new negative people quicky take their place. Being positive sadly never helps me, even when I do it right.

Once again, it's proven 100% correct. I hang around people who all think I'm the worst, even when I'm genuinely enjoying myself to my heart's desire in the most productive way possible. They do have acceptance for people from different backgrounds, even when they have nothing in common. They accept literally everyone but me.

My current job isn't 100% bad, but I can say with rational conclusiveness that ''oppurtunity'' to enjoy myself, most of the time, is not there. The collective lack of interest of these people for this job has been proven. This explains the other thing I'm going to point out. They have a ''mob'' mentality against me because it's a small, tight little workspace with individuals who, for the most part, lack interest for what they do and have absolutely nothing in common with me. Too many real-life groups of individuals are collectively making sure I do not get the oppurtunity to be productive in general and to grow as a person. Sadly, what I'm saying is one gazillion percent true. It's not everybody, but it is absolutely a large enough size of people. I cannot find the right crowds to hang with because no one wants to give me an oppurtunity to show them what I can do. Because of better finances, I have no difficulty whatsoever making myself happy, when I'm in isolation. But pleasing these others is impossible because they despise me when I'm in a bad mood just as much as when I'm in a good mood. It seems like I'm putting myself at a huge disadvantage agaisnt them, when the numbers are not in my favor. I feel like something had to be done about that.

My workplace is as bad as it can get. I've seen prison documentaries. It has become as bad as a prison. There's zero harmony between me and any members of the staff members. It's gotten to the point where the staff will not only take advantage of me when I'm down, but they also refuse to validate me as a human being in any way when I'm at the top of my game. Basically, they think the worst of me if I'm having a bad day. And when I'm having a good day, they still think the worst of me. I'm not even joking when I say that someone gave me a look that what I got from it was ''You think feeling positive about yourself will make us like you more, think again''. I'm happy the no violence rule limits the potential damage to me and at least I have a paycheck. But at this point, it's time to send out resumés elsewhere.

My mother attempted to brain wash multiple people, with a manipulative tactic of talking about me to her friends and everyone as if I was gold. But here's the catch. She only talks nice about an imaginary version of me when I'm never, ever around to hear the lies. When all her friends are gone, she does not show me a shred of care or love or anything. I've had someone confront me by saying that I'm delusional and that my mom is loving and perfect because of her behaviors when I am not around. I have yet to hear an example from that same person, describing my mom's behaviors when all the friends are gone home, all the cameras and audio devices are turned off, and it's just her and me in the same room. They don't have an example of what happens then... Ironically, my mom abuses me in front of every person on the planet who doesn't care about how I'm treated and who doesn't care if there's fighting going on. And at the same time, still legitimately convinces them that she's the perfect mother. I know that if my mom did that to someone the friend cared about, the friend's answer would be the opposite.

Some good news for everybody. I started a new job and it's a good one that people like to do. I've been given an opportunity to make money, so that I can be free from financial dependency on the wrong type of people. I've got the job. So now it's my responsability to make sure I do what I gotta do, so that the paychecks always continue.

The only possible progress for me is avoiding contact with them. Otherwise, no matter what I do, I'm in harm's way. They have done and are capable of doing absolutely anything to me. Only thing I can do is to make sure that my belongings are safe make sure they don't try to make me look bad in front of others.

My abuser said everything's my fault. My social worker along with multiple others told me my abuser won't change/is incompatible with me. The 2 possible sources that I can choose to believe are: - My abuser - Not my abuser Who should I believe? Everyone knows what the answer is...

Massive update: I told someone close who opened up to me about past evidence against her how I consulted previously. The person said my mom is the perfect mother and we are compatible. I revealed to them that my social worker told me we're not, in a secret message and to call my doctor for proof. The person was shocked and canceled an evening out with my mother. I finally spoken up about evidence against her and in a way, it payed off cause it feels like a huge victory to finally be able to prove my csse. On the other hand, I need to be very careful. I still go to my mother's for food. So to feed myself, I need to take extremely careful precautionary measures to not get caught deliberately busting her fake image because I won't have anywhere else to eat. And to hope she's doesn't find excuses to simply kick me out for nothing and then blame me. --- Abuse and being forced to live in isolation, solitude, and lies with people covering up my abuser may have messed up a huge part of my life. Maybe it's a good thing to finally live in a real world where people are finally truthful with me. Maybe it's good for my dignity.