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  1. I cant beath. Im freaking out. I don't know why. Well yah I do. Cos im insane and unsecure and most of the time im ok bt sometimes I cant trust that bad things aren't happening. I cant tust that people arent hurting me behind my back. The only way I know to get out of this feeling is being talked down by the person I worry about. For them to assure me everything is fine but sometimes like now I cant get in contact and it just worries me more. I worry cos I cant get in contact and getting in contact is all that saves me. I need talking down.
  2. I have been incouncillng for 3 years now so im hoping that will help me with paperwork but I have failed to go to my last 3 phycologist appointments so I doubt he will help me out
  3. I have add as well and missed 4 complete months due to depression so I havent actually learnt any of the winter courses. Im just not sure if I can struggle through it again.
  4. My depression caused me to drop out of university this year which is a massive cause of more depression cos ive lost people and well self respect. I should have been able to do it and now while my friends revise I cry. I hope to get back in September if my uni lets me but I will be there alone as my friends will have graduated and I will be living in conditions below what im used to. Has anyone returnee to a cause of depression like this? I need advice if people think it will help
  5. Today is my 21st birthday. I should be out partying with my friends or hell be doing something. I woke up and was too depressed to even get out of bed. Its just really depressing me that im so depressed that I just can't do anything. I hate birthdays. Another number added to my age and as usual my life is nothing like I wanted it to be. It's not like I had big dreams. I just want a tolerable life. Is that too much to ask
  6. In crime. Ok 2 words but meh
  7. Husband. Btw it only lets me read the last one on tapatalk. ***? So sorry if I put it in a circle
  8. Im a writer too, well amaturely, only self published but anyhoo. I go through phases of not being able to write because of my depression too and it is really frustrating. I did wonder if I would ever want to write again after abandoning many half written and half thought out books but keep calm. One day you will just wake up and want to write again. I know it sounds daft but thats literally how it happened for me. First thought in the morning was wanting to work. Hang on in there. It will come back to you.
  9. Beauty (the book, which ive never read)
  10. I did tell the father today. His face was a picture. I guess it was one hell of a shock. He was far too busy trying to work out when and how it happened to be supportive towards me about it. Im really worried about how hes dealing with it and how it will change things between us. I just want to forget it ever happened.
  11. Thanks people. Vega im very sorry to hear that. My mother had two so I guess it runs in families. :( soul blade I wish I had anyone to support me but I cant tell my family about it because they are very propper about sex outside marriage so they would be so very ashamed. Im ashamed. I cant even get hold of the father, we have an odd relationship for sure but normally he is there when I need him, trust him to be awol tonight when I just need to cry to him. Twins do run in my family though not lucky ones, most cases one of the twins is dead.
  12. Yeah I just had one. Or does it count as two if it was twins? I wanna make silly jokes but its just not funny. I know it would be the worst possible time in my life to have had a child. Let alone two. And the father definitely wouldn't be supportive. I didn't even know and yet now im in tears over losing this thing that I didn't know I had and didn't want anyway. The docs have said im infertile yet in fear of getting pregnant I use two forms of birth control anyway so Christ knows how it happened. Despite how against children I am at this point it still is up there in the list of the worst things that have ever happened to me.
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