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ink8290 last won the day on March 25 2014

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About ink8290

  • Birthday 10/10/1915

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    Art. Music ,Dj sets,friends,natural health.

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  1. I rang life line this morning and had a talk. The woman looked up a group that meets 3 times a week for support of some kind. I will try to go on Tuesday as they are open from 11.30 am to 6.30 pm. I will try and talk to someone there. It could hep with the isolation I am swallowed up in currently. I am still taking the Lexapro at 10 mgs a day and having really bad problems with my tummy and flatulence. That for me is a social problem and I will need to talk to my doctor tomorrow about it. Im worried she will not understand and write this problem off as something minor. Its not something minor to your recovery if you can not be around people with out this problem. I am hoping/wondering if it will go away in time and if so how long. Its really embarrassing and socially disabling. Today I had a good start and fell apart again and managed to pick myself up again. I am going to try and go shopping later for food although the more isolated I get the harder it is getting to face people even in stores .Im becoming very house bound and have to really work hard on getting out . Thanks for listening.
  2. I am in an extraordinary situation . I am stuck in an isolated country town and only have a cell phone that is running out of time. I have no land line or even stable internet connection. I have a wireless dongle that I charge up when it runs out and is very expensive. Yes my situation is quiet serious and I will try and call the government sponsored crisis line today and see if I can get them to call me back. My thoughts of suicide have subsided but I did have these thoughts and I made plans for them. I know this is a very serious matter and I am very afraid for myself. I am frightened to leave the house and I am frightened at what I can do to myself as I have attempted suicide once before 8 years ago. I will keep posting and try my best today to live .Yes this is quiet serious and I do not take my condition lightly. I see my doctor on Monday and I will talk to her .Thanks for your response.
  3. My depression over the past several weeks has got very very bad. I am crying allot of the time .I am having panic attacks .I can get out of the apartment . I have been thinking of suicide but will not let myself entertain such thoughts. I am frightening myself. I can see little point of going on in life. Things have gotten really bad. I have been started on a medication by my doctor called lexepro but I know it takes time to work. I seem to be having tummy troubles because of it .Its making me feel ill and bloated at the moment. I will talk to my doctor on Monday about it. I dare not stop taking it because if I do I will go really down. Depression symptoms seem to smothering me like a heavy blanket. They close in around me and I can hardly move my body. My partner of 17 years died a year ago and as time is going by im feeling im not getting over it . The grief seems to be getting worse. I am moving from one country to another and have become stranded in a country town where there are few people .I spend all my time alone and I am loosing any social confidence I once had very fast. People are scaring me and all I can feel when I talk to someone is shame and distress and I start to cry. This is getting very bad and I need help. I know I need help now after last night my thoughts went into a very frightening place with the suicide thoughts. I am also having trouble sleeping and feel like laying down all day in a dark room and staring at the wall.I feel like I am having trouble moving my body and I don't know what to do except take the medication and talk to my doctor on Monday.
  4. I have been depressed all my life .I remember as a child being depressed. Im sorry you lost your job. Im unsure what sort of employment would be good for people like us ,like some days we are fine and other days its just the pits. I know what you mean.
  5. Im moving countries and im finding that i have adopted to the gender situation around me. But now im moving countries the social framework for someone like me is going to change again.im transgendered m to f so its going to be difficult. i have been living in mexico for 10 years and now im going back to australia. Its going to be a big change. I am unsure of how people are going to socially receive me there .Better than when i lift i hope.I was recently "outed "here as a transgender and for the most part im very discrete. However i confided in another trans spectrum person and they just told everyone. oh it was really terrible. Because no one knew...or they may have suspected but had no evidence. But the short of it all was it was really embarrassing and hurtful. Anyway after all that and my partner dying. i kept inventing stories of why i should stay in Mexico.It really just got out of reality why i should stay. Things can get comfortable though than something happens and its like everything's upset again. I feel honestly my life is so fragile sometimes. So going back to Australia is a big step for me and i do not know what to expect.....i might post more about it as i need because im going to need it. Im a Si case also i sure hope i don't relapse...thats all i need.....my main problem is chronic Ocd and Adhd and Severe depression which blows out into Si..its like an empty depression. The Si seems to help it...but as we know not for very long with permanent consequences. And i have a Ritalin addiction...its prescribed but its not enough .....im just struggling to keep stable enough to carry out decisions...and my abilifyis up to 15 mgs....dont nor cant afford it....and im getting Tardive dyskinesia from the 8 years i been on abilify....so all in all i got some work to do. Yeah i guess i have to remember to take it a step at a time. But once i get into that taxi to the airport EVERYTHING is going to change. So i call this thread trans whatever blues. any one is welcome to relate or something.
  6. I hope you have a great day :)

  7. yes PSTD is a dam thing. So often we have such a bad time .I do wish you the very best of luck with it all.
  8. Sunny really a beautiful day. No wind . Just beautiful.
  9. in control..of a kinda crash landing
  10. Adrenaline starting to pump. Ramping up for international travel.
  11. look its like every professional is different. I go to a psychiatrist who is a practicing Gp also. Mostly he just keeps my meds stable and helps me establish my plans. He keeps out of my way as far as counseling but he has said at times he will act if i get too far out there. Yeah that being said i have so many years of therapy i know what im doing. I just really need someone to give me my meds and let me get on with what i have to do. I think it all depends on what stage you at in your healing and most particularly if your in crisis or not.
  12. Today is yet to happen..however so far i have. had coffee meds meditated and prayed some juice . Its setting up real nice.
  13. up set and kinda p***** at people.
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