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salparadise6132 last won the day on September 16 2015

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About salparadise6132

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  • Birthday 07/20/1964

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    Toronto, Ontario
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    Music, writing

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  1. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    You will be fine BG. I strongly hope that you will try to stay off the booze and don't go down that road, especially now as you are taking control and getting help and taking the meds!!! Please, once or twice a week and in moderation! I know, I'm one to talk. (I am paying the everlasting price for it). But, you are doing so well and are so young and have such promise. Once the meds stabilize and you get more therapy, you will be in a position to feel so much better. Take it from me, drinking too much will destroy the opportunity you have so courageously given yourself with the amazing steps you have taken!!! I know the meds transition is hard. They will stabilize, but it takes time. Hugs BG!!!
  2. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Hugs Heather!!!!! (((((((((Heather))))))))))
  3. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Yay. Good for you, CC. I wish I had shown more self restraint today. Ate and drank a bit too much.
  4. New to this and terrified!

    Hi Anita. Like my old friends uncertain and Epictetus above, I am so sorry this has happened to you!!! Big hugs. We are with you!!! Being terrified is normal and understandable. I have been depressed and anxious on and off since I was 17, and at that time I did not know what depression was (finally found out at 25 - I am 53 now). It just wasn't talked about back then. All this to say that I did not experience your transition from normal adult to someone who is one of us. I imagine this is a huge shock to you! But, I do know this. If you give it time, put your feelings of "having to be normal" and perfectionism on the shelf, and if you get help and learn to live in the moment, without expectation, without constantly thinking and assessing yourself, or beating yourself up over how you feel!, you can recover. I highly recommend YouTubing some Eckhart Tolle videos and learning to turn off your mind through meditation. Tolle went through exactly what is happening to you. So many people, famous, and not, have as well. Please be sure that the cognitive therapy does not encourage too much over thinking. For me, CBT, while useful in pointing out the untrue negative things and thoughts I was saying to myself, led me to obsess in over-thinking (ie. fighting/combating them with counter thoughts) which only WORSENED MY ANXIETY as I spiraled into non-stop arguments with myself. Please beware of that, and perhaps bring it up with your therapist. Depression and anxiety are like a separated shoulder in that the more times you have it the easier it is to get. The fact that it is hitting you now, after a "normal" life means that you still stand a very good chance of recovery! i have a friend whose wife left him and he got depressed at 40 and, after a couple of years he was better and it did not return. Please train to let your thoughts go. Do not trust your mind. Watch the thoughts, no matter how awful they are, float away from your head like little red balloons. Your thoughts are NOT you. You are so much more than your thoughts. And they are not true. Also, accept the hurt and how you feel - do not resist! Do not fight again your thoughts or you feelings. Observe them, and let them float off. It is not easy. It takes practice, work, and dedication. And you will not be successful all the time. I am not (but I am much better). All that, too, is normal. But, from my reading and experience, it is the best way. PM me on here at any time if you would like to chat! Hugs, Anita!!!! Feeling for you tonight. Brian
  5. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    I have two almost identical sister cats, who could not be more different personality wise. One is very affectionate and wants her belly and ears rubbed periodically etc. Today, though, it's been to an extreme - she hasn't left my side all day. Weird. Kind of worried, I must admit LOL. Although, from past experience, I do think that if she was sick she would hide herself away, rather than be my insatiable shadow. Haven't even seen her wee sister all day. I wonder if she is still here? LOL.
  6. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    THIS, was so nice to read (except your dog passing, of course). I am tearing up, actually, just hearing about the cat and the volunteer work and all the peace you are experiencing. I am so glad for you, Quentin, on all these fronts! Continued peace, my friend!!!
  7. How do you know if you're getting better?

    Hi stillsearching. I am so glad you are getting help and looking after yourself!!! So many do not. My advice, for what it is worth, is to not obsessively fixate on whether you are getting better or not. Try to be in the moment and just live your life. Eventually, a thought will come to you that says either, "wow, I'm in a better place," or "crap, this has not worked at all." Then, take that thought and say, OK, and stop thinking about it, one way or another. Thinking too much, categorizing, over-analyzing is always my downfall, and I suspect it is the downfall of so many of us on here. Your heart, not your head, will tell you your in a better place. In the mean time, think about the sky, your pet, the squirrel that just scuttled up that tree - basically everything you see, when you slow down time. No hurry in life. Be! No need for all that extra thought. Thought is our trap. I know I always thought that I could think myself out of depression and anxiety. I spent 30 years doing that, and making it all worse. No thought, being, is the only way, in my opinion! Biggest of hugs to you!!!!
  8. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Hey CC. Here's hoping that you can force yourself to be active AND stop beating yourself up for how easily your coworkers deal with work. You are not them, and it is clearly not your thing. It is harder for you, that is why you are not working everyday. AND THAT IS OK! You can do it! But you don;t have to love it!
  9. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    You are right, of course, JD. Drinking is more depressing over the long haul, especially the next day! That is why I am trying to deal that behaviour out of my life! Hope you're well, my friend!
  10. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Second that! BG - the meds are bound to upset your emotions while you get used to them. That said can you go see your doctor ASAP? If you are feeling worse than usual, he/she should know! Hugs!
  11. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Meh Not drinking is boring, and depressing.
  12. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Cats are the best companions, at least for me. I actually love the one thing that cat haters most hate about cats - that is, their independence. Dogs (wolves, of course) follow an Alpha, that's why they can be trained to do our bidding. The domestic cat's ancestors (European and Asian wildcats) did not and do not follow an Alpha, which is why they do their own thing. Taking direction is literally not in their DNA! It's not because they don't like us - they do - very few wild animals have liked us as much as the cat, or else they would not have hung around us for 20,000 years. Squirrels and raccoons do well with humans to, but they never get TOO close. Cats did and do get close, let us touch them. That says something. Current scientific thinking is that we did not domesticate them, they domesticated themselves by coming to our farms and cleaning up the rodents for us (big time, confided buffet for them!). I like friendly cats, but even they cuddle on their own time LOL! Everything with a cat is their decision, which I like because not only do they give me companionship, they exhibit the kind of self-reliance, personal command, and independence that I aspire to for myself. Not one ounce of needy in a cat (except for the food thing, because they have not yet mastered the can opener LOL - hard without hands, I got to admit). Our world demands and celebrates dog-like dedication and servitude. Cats say "Screw That, MFs!" If you can afford them, I highly recommend them, especially for people like us who need such amazing spirits with us to show us the way. Plus, a more amazing athletic specimen in nature is hard to imagine. The things they do with ease are mind blowing - like leaping three or four times their own height and always landing on their legs, and catching critters and changing direction while running and sleeping 18 hours a day : ). I am in awe of the little buggers!!!! OK, I will stop. I like cats, in case you can't tell!!!! LOL!!!!
  13. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Thanks everyone for asking about my daughter. She is fine. I actually picked her up at 11 that night - no biggie. Her mother is very, uh, wound up about her right now. They are clashing like only mothers and daughters can. But she seems cool and happy to me, at least this weekend, so we will see. She does not seem broken up over the guy she likes perhaps not liking her (in that way) but again, time will tell.
  14. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Nuh uh! Nope. Not buying it. That's your disease talking, girl!!! Hugs!!!
  15. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Thanks Heather! You are truly a caring soul!!! It is what it is. I have come, grudgingly and through so much turmoil, to discover that I don't need anyone to complete me. I am OK how I am, and with my cats LOL. If I ever get connected again, it will be with someone that accepts me completely, as I am! Period! Interesting that this subject has come up tonight, though, as I just spoke with my ex-wife and found out that my daughter (17) is desperately chasing some boy who has told her that he is only interested in being friends. Apparently, my girl cried her eyes out after learning that. Tomorrow I am having a talk with her, along the lines of, if he ain't interested, then, BELIEVE HIM, he is not interested. Chasing him leads to nothing but despair. Oh and by the way, it's his loss! ('cause she is great!). She is currently alone at my exes place with him and three of his guy friends. We are worried. I trust her not to "give it up" as a means of getting him to commit to her. She is smart. But, that said, sadly, I can't say for sure that she won't, and I feel guilty for thinking that. Also, four guys with her alone at 17 - I don't want to think about it. I am worried about her.