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Everything posted by Audrey822

  1. What if you took 20 years to pay it off? You’ll still be young enough to work at 60, and by spreading the debt out 15 more years, you’ll still have money to live between then and now.
  2. 2 years ago today the best mentor, teacher, and therapist I ever had passed away. He was such a positive influence, so I’m not mourning today...instead, I’m celebrating his life in the best way I know how: Thank you, Maurice White (12/19/41-2/4/16)
  3. You didn’t, and no apology necessary. This misunderstanding has happened before. I just wanted to make my own feelings clear on this again.
  4. You guys can ignore my response to the question if you like, but I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t ignore it to the point of generalizing how “people” feel about celebrities or by suggesting it’s necessary to be in a relationship with someone for a certain length of time in order to feel love for that person. I had a meeting with my CO...but that wasn’t necessary to know how I felt about him. All of you have admitted you have limited or no experience with love or relationships. I have had experience with love in real life. And I’ve told you how I feel about my CO. No one else can say how another person feels, or why they love someone. You don’t know my mind or my heart, so it’s impossible for you to challenge that or speak for me.
  5. @SophieViolet95 Everyone should know the answer to your question from me by now...I’ve only had one CO my entire life, and yes...I love him. It’s exactly the same kind of love as being “in love” with someone.
  6. I’ll keep your Dad in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know how he’s doing when you can.
  7. Thank you. It did hurt, and it still does. I haven’t really “overcome” anything. I don’t even normally talk about that so openly and freely... I try very hard to ignore it, so I have to stuff it back down the black hole now. I agree that we should stop the negativity....staying in that mindset is too painful. Much love back to you! xo xo
  8. @imalittleteapot So how DO you tell?? what @nikki114 said. When I disclosed the long story of my CO to my therapist (who was also very understanding) I had it all written out. That kept me from losing my nerve. I asked her to read what I'd written...to herself, not out loud. I told her she could ask me questions along the way if she needed to, of course, but I was so self-conscious and nervous about bringing that to another person face-to-face (after keeping it to myself for 47 years by then) I couldn't even bear to hear her reading my own words. I've mentioned this before....do you know what that sweet woman said to me when she finished reading it? She told me one of her colleagues, another therapist, was going through the same issue....this other therapist fancied herself as married to a well-known NASCAR driver (she told me who it was, but I won't reveal his name here to protect his privacy as well.) Later, I suspected she may have told me that just to make me less uncomfortable that day (and it worked!) because she never brought that up again over the course of 3 more years that I saw her....and considering our discussions, it seems like it should have come up if it had been true. But that's just how cool a therapist she is. It didn't matter if it was true, and it doesn't matter to me now. It worked to make me feel less uncomfortable, and that was the point, and it was greatly appreciated. Once I got the story out in the open to her, I felt like a burden had been lifted and we could get on to the business of finding out why my heart had been broken so badly and what could be done about it. I learned a lot about why....the answer to the question "what could be done about it?" had no pat answer(s). I learned about the stages of grief, and I'm still going in and out of those stages. I completed therapy in June of last year having gone about as far as I could go, accomplishing all of the goals that therapy could do for me. I learned some valuable lessons....if you can find a good therapist and make sure you're staying on the right track (meaning, you're not letting the therapist take you somewhere you don't want to go) I recommend it highly.
  9. @Honey1992 I saw your post whereas you've said that you didn't do any online research on your CO. Does this mean that you managed not to look on him online At All? May I know roughly how long you manage to do that? There’s not much to find online about him. That’s not to say I didn’t try. There were photos. That’s mostly what I was looking for in the first place. I didn’t expect to find much information about him online, and it seemed whenever I did, I wished I hadn’t. Almost everything I’ve found online has been hurtful. His popularity took place way before the Internet era. His band hasn’t recorded in over 40 years. My generation saw our idols perform on variety TV shows like The Ed Sullivan Show. We relied on magazines for information....information was scarce (unless your CO was a Beatle, or a Monkee, or Elvis.) They told us only what they wanted us to know...not like now, where you might know what any given celebrity had for lunch today. These magazines didn’t tell us everything there was to know, and because their record labels demanded it, we were lied to by the people responsible for giving information about them to the magazines. Hence, it wasn’t until 2013 that I realized my CO had ever been married (even though he actually was when I first saw him. The magazines said he was single....that made me happy. That was the point of lying.) I blame the Internet for disclosing the truth. I would rather have gone to my grave not knowing that. The 60s was a magical time...too much information is not a good thing. Did you still hearing/listening to your CO album/movies? He’s a musician, not an actor...there are no movies. I listen to his music every day. I watch videos from those old TV shows too. I can’t get enough of that. Those things are 100% harmless.
  10. This is self-punishment, and I’m prone to this myself. It’s evil, the things I’ll say and do to hurt myself. I’m learning too...sometimes I catch myself before I really do damage. But other times I’ve done some really bad damage. It really is a work in progress. I’m so glad you found a psychologist who understands this. The value of that cannot be overstated. And yes, you have all of us....we’re an online support group here.
  11. Do you have any pics of him saved that don’t include you-know-who? Can you make do with those so you don’t have to go searching for new ones? It’s not worth it, if the places you have to look aren’t safe.
  12. That sounds like OCD, and I was doing the same thing before my therapist gave me good advice on how to stop it. When the obsession to search comes on, find a way to distract yourself. Do anything you need to do to get away from the computer or device for as long as you need to do until the urge passes. Do this every time. You have to stop punishing yourself that way. It’s not good.
  13. @imalittleteapot ... you’re welcome. You know you’re always free to talk about whatever is troubling you here. We’re here to support each other. I wasn’t aware your husband was struggling with PTSD until now. That’s rough. I wish him and you all the best in dealing with that, and I hope he can continue to get counseling if he needs it. Now.....you know almost every normal man indulges in looking at sexy women. As I said in the previous post, if your husband is honest with you I’m sure he’d admit to this. It’s time you give yourself a break. You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re just indulging in enjoying a few nice-looking male actors and fantasizing about them. Women have done this forever, and it doesn’t mean you’re cheating on your husband anymore than it means he’s cheating on you when he looks at women (he’s not.) Relax....by your own admission, the only heartbreak your CO has given you is that he’s so adorable. Please don’t allow that to break your heart any longer. Just enjoy your CO’s adorable good looks. I hope you never have to experience the heartbreak I felt and still feel after learning what I did in September 2013 and a few times since then. You’re going to be fine. Just give yourself a break and breathe. I’m here to listen whenever you need to talk. Adding on edit: no apology necessary. It’s just that a grandchild can’t fix what’s broken in my life (that’s too much for a little baby to take on) and while I had an incredible meeting with my CO last year, it hurts that he had to leave. I would like him to come back and be with me for good. If you knew how things went that night (I didn’t post all the details, but don’t jump to salacious conclusions) you’d realize it’s not such a crazy thought. You may have heard: I love him. I know that may be hard to hear considering my circumstances, but it’s true. I would get out of these circumstances in less than 30 seconds if he asked me to.
  14. I wish I had a time machine....I would dial it back to at least September 5, 2013. I’d probably go back further than that, but that was the day before the bottom fell out.
  15. @imalittleteapot I know how much you struggle with this, and I know how badly you don’t want these things to happen. But there’s a reason they do. I’m not questioning your love for your husband, because you’ve made it very clear that you love him very much, and I believe you. But I’m just telling you how this sounds from here, from someone listening to what you’re saying. It sounds to me like this keeps happening because COs are making up for something that’s missing in your real life. It’s normal for a certain amount of “spark” to fade for people who are married a long time. Maybe that’s all it is, and so, what you once only felt for your husband, you now feel for other attractive men...a little “spark”. It’s OK. Men do this too...if your husband is honest with you, he would tell you he’s turned on by physically attractive women. Normal men can’t help but react that way. If that’s all it is, the two of you can work on getting that “spark” back....or you can just accept the attraction towards COs for what it is, relax, stop trying so hard to give this up, and (instead) give yourself a break about it. I’m just going to throw this out there for your consideration...what if it’s more than that though? I had to face that fact. But this post is about you, not about me. I’m just letting you know that if it is more, you wouldn’t be alone. The very good news for you is, even if it is more, it’s not a fatal thing in your case because you love your husband. You’ve mentioned a few times that your husband’s a workaholic and you’ve had to talk to him about that. Take an honest assessment of your situation and really find out if you’re as happy as you can be. You don’t have to tell us what the answer is, but you should talk to your husband again if you’re not as happy as you can be...if that’s the reason you keep slipping into CO-ville. I know that’s how you want to work this out....and if that’s what’s going on, I hope you do.
  16. For that, I would suggest finding something to otherwise keep your mind very occupied...something that requires full concentration. Read*...play a game with your children, work puzzles, etc. Have patience, and don’t give in to the urge to Google. I wish you luck! *preferably not a romance novel
  17. @alacroix it includes everything about him if you’re really trying to overcome him. This is advice I’m passing along from my therapist...not with regard to giving up my CO, of course (she knew that wasn’t my goal where he was concerned) but she and I discussed other issues as well.
  18. @alacroix if you really want to overcome this, you have to stop the things you’re doing that are preventing you from doing so. This is like an addiction. You have to get away from the computer or put down the device when the urge hits you to Google him. You can’t take baby steps if you want to stop an addiction. Unfollow him and just do it. Any 12-step program would back me up on this. Unless you really have true feelings (meaning, unless you really love him) you’ll probably forget him more easily if you follow that advice.
  19. My heart broke for you as I read that. I know how it must have felt...everything was going along fine, getting news from your Twitter fan club and watching him on IG...until it wasn’t. And when it wasn’t, it was devastating...and there’s no going back to the way it used to be. You have a place to talk about this now. I understand everything you said about this. It clicked with me when you said you felt betrayed...it’s clicking now when you’re saying you couldn’t sleep for 2 weeks, you felt lost, couldn’t concentrate. Your feelings for this CO are probably not just a mere crush. It’s OK. That’s true for me as well. Mental health professionals don’t fully understand what we call “celebrity obsession” here...it took 2 years before I was able to get my therapist to really understand. We don’t all have the same experience (that’s the reason I wanted the topic title changed) ...we can’t expect the solution to be “one size fits all.” I didn’t want to be “cured” of my CO...I just wanted to learn to stop or manage the heartbreak. Maybe that’s you, too. The writers of the psychology articles you read haven’t talked to you...they don’t know what’s best for you. If their advice doesn’t sound right to you, it’s probably not. Follow your heart. And come here to talk whenever you need to.
  20. If you’re trying to avoid seeing things that have the potential to hurt you, you have to stop searching the Internet for your CO...that includes following him/her on all forms of social media. I stopped almost 3 years ago.
  21. @imalittleteapot thank you for your last response. We’ve been together on this board for a long time. I know you’ve always said you wanted to be free of COs ever since we were both here in 2014. I’ve always gotten the feeling that having a CO troubles you a bit, given some of the things you say here. When you went away for a long time in mid-2014, I thought it meant you’d succeeded, and I was happy that you did. If that’s what you want in the future, I hope you do succeed. There’s some things jumping out at me in your posts that (in my opinion) may be keeping you from succeeding, and that’s why I want to ask you about these things. I hope you don’t mind. You often talk about your husband, and from some of the many things you’ve said about him, I can tell you’re very happy (most of the time, which is all any woman can hope for, I suppose.) I mean it when I say that I’m happy for you about that. Here’s one of the things that keeps nagging me about your post: since your are happily married, why does it bother you that this actor is “schmoozing with beautiful, glamorous actresses”? (You said you don’t even think of him romantically.) You don’t have to answer, but please think about that. I don’t know if it’s just that I’m so much different, but that jumped out at me because I don’t care about any of the “beautiful, gorgeous women” any other male singers, actors, and/or athletes may be dating...even the other good-looking ones. Who cares? I don’t think of them romantically, so why do I care who their significant others are and what those women look like? There’s only one man I care about, and I do think of him romantically. You told me you’re going cold turkey, but there’s that Beanie Baby that makes you happy. A Beanie Baby of the character your CO plays. It’s good to be happy. God knows, I wish I could be happy. I don’t want you to give up something that makes you happy. But...it all depends on how much you really want to give up your CO. If I wanted to give up my CO (I don’t) it would be a very bad idea for me to say I’ll give him up, but I want to keep listening to his music. I wouldn’t get far, because his music would keep me thinking of him. I’m not trying to nag you, I’m really just trying to give you some things to think about. I promise, this will be my last attempt because there really isn’t anything else I can say after this.
  22. @imalittleteapot ah, I see. Maybe I misunderstood, but I thought you wanted to be free of COs...in which case, I would suggest a cold turkey approach (anything that keeps a CO on our mind is not unlike an alcoholic trying to convince someone they can have just one b33r.)
  23. There must be something about the magical age of 11. So many people who have come through this thread have mentioned that this all began for them at that age. It was at 11 years old when I first saw my CO. You said you felt betrayed when you saw him with that woman. Betrayed is how I felt as well. And it shook me to feel that way. The damage done to my psychological well-being has been very unhealthy...not my CO himself, but the damage done by this feeling of betrayal. I would love nothing more than to turn the calendar back to September 5, 2013 and find something else to do the next day...and never search for information on him ever again. Those psycological websites you found can’t determine what’s healthy or unhealthy for you. We’re all different. I was emotionally abused as a young girl and the abuse and narcissistic manipulation continued even into my adulthood. I have deep scars. I needed coping mechanisms and escapes. I dissociated (hence, alter ego.) My mother and my husband are both to blame. I have the opinion of two mental health professionals on my side, telling me this is not unhealthy for me. We do what we have to do to survive in this world.
  24. @SeSa and @Honey1992 I’m so glad to hear what both of you said about this. SeSa, your comments echo what @posie_riot said yesterday, and I think that’s one of the most important things of all...removing the “unnecessary stigma” and “sense of shame” that those who don’t understand how we feel try to hang around our necks (some of those insensitive people have even come into this thread before.) As I said, it doesn’t exclude those who still think their obsession is unhealthy...it only feels more inclusive for those of us who do not. (Honey, I have more to say about your post...I have to respond to it separately)
  25. Oh, sure...I carry many things that represent him that no one would understand but me. Just trying to help again though, because something you’re saying here is confusing. If what you said in that previous paragraph is true...that seeing anything about your CO is heartbreaking, why are you carrying something (a Beanie Baby of his animated character) that represents him? That’s counterproductive if you really want to do away with this CO, teapot. Are you sure you really want to be rid of him?
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