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Audrey822 last won the day on December 26 2017

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  1. What if you took 20 years to pay it off? You’ll still be young enough to work at 60, and by spreading the debt out 15 more years, you’ll still have money to live between then and now.
  2. random incoming hug :hugs:

    1. Audrey822


      Aw thanks!! Here’s one back to you!! :hugs:

  3. 2 years ago today the best mentor, teacher, and therapist I ever had passed away. He was such a positive influence, so I’m not mourning today...instead, I’m celebrating his life in the best way I know how: Thank you, Maurice White (12/19/41-2/4/16)
  4. You didn’t, and no apology necessary. This misunderstanding has happened before. I just wanted to make my own feelings clear on this again.
  5. You guys can ignore my response to the question if you like, but I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t ignore it to the point of generalizing how “people” feel about celebrities or by suggesting it’s necessary to be in a relationship with someone for a certain length of time in order to feel love for that person. I had a meeting with my CO...but that wasn’t necessary to know how I felt about him. All of you have admitted you have limited or no experience with love or relationships. I have had experience with love in real life. And I’ve told you how I feel about my CO. No one else can say how another person feels, or why they love someone. You don’t know my mind or my heart, so it’s impossible for you to challenge that or speak for me.
  6. @SophieViolet95 Everyone should know the answer to your question from me by now...I’ve only had one CO my entire life, and yes...I love him. It’s exactly the same kind of love as being “in love” with someone.
  7. I’ll keep your Dad in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know how he’s doing when you can.
  8. Thank you. It did hurt, and it still does. I haven’t really “overcome” anything. I don’t even normally talk about that so openly and freely... I try very hard to ignore it, so I have to stuff it back down the black hole now. I agree that we should stop the negativity....staying in that mindset is too painful. Much love back to you! xo xo
  9. @imalittleteapot So how DO you tell?? what @nikki114 said. When I disclosed the long story of my CO to my therapist (who was also very understanding) I had it all written out. That kept me from losing my nerve. I asked her to read what I'd written...to herself, not out loud. I told her she could ask me questions along the way if she needed to, of course, but I was so self-conscious and nervous about bringing that to another person face-to-face (after keeping it to myself for 47 years by then) I couldn't even bear to hear her reading my own words. I've mentioned this before....do you know what that sweet woman said to me when she finished reading it? She told me one of her colleagues, another therapist, was going through the same issue....this other therapist fancied herself as married to a well-known NASCAR driver (she told me who it was, but I won't reveal his name here to protect his privacy as well.) Later, I suspected she may have told me that just to make me less uncomfortable that day (and it worked!) because she never brought that up again over the course of 3 more years that I saw her....and considering our discussions, it seems like it should have come up if it had been true. But that's just how cool a therapist she is. It didn't matter if it was true, and it doesn't matter to me now. It worked to make me feel less uncomfortable, and that was the point, and it was greatly appreciated. Once I got the story out in the open to her, I felt like a burden had been lifted and we could get on to the business of finding out why my heart had been broken so badly and what could be done about it. I learned a lot about why....the answer to the question "what could be done about it?" had no pat answer(s). I learned about the stages of grief, and I'm still going in and out of those stages. I completed therapy in June of last year having gone about as far as I could go, accomplishing all of the goals that therapy could do for me. I learned some valuable lessons....if you can find a good therapist and make sure you're staying on the right track (meaning, you're not letting the therapist take you somewhere you don't want to go) I recommend it highly.
  10. @Honey1992 I saw your post whereas you've said that you didn't do any online research on your CO. Does this mean that you managed not to look on him online At All? May I know roughly how long you manage to do that? There’s not much to find online about him. That’s not to say I didn’t try. There were photos. That’s mostly what I was looking for in the first place. I didn’t expect to find much information about him online, and it seemed whenever I did, I wished I hadn’t. Almost everything I’ve found online has been hurtful. His popularity took place way before the Internet era. His band hasn’t recorded in over 40 years. My generation saw our idols perform on variety TV shows like The Ed Sullivan Show. We relied on magazines for information....information was scarce (unless your CO was a Beatle, or a Monkee, or Elvis.) They told us only what they wanted us to know...not like now, where you might know what any given celebrity had for lunch today. These magazines didn’t tell us everything there was to know, and because their record labels demanded it, we were lied to by the people responsible for giving information about them to the magazines. Hence, it wasn’t until 2013 that I realized my CO had ever been married (even though he actually was when I first saw him. The magazines said he was single....that made me happy. That was the point of lying.) I blame the Internet for disclosing the truth. I would rather have gone to my grave not knowing that. The 60s was a magical time...too much information is not a good thing. Did you still hearing/listening to your CO album/movies? He’s a musician, not an actor...there are no movies. I listen to his music every day. I watch videos from those old TV shows too. I can’t get enough of that. Those things are 100% harmless.
  11. This is self-punishment, and I’m prone to this myself. It’s evil, the things I’ll say and do to hurt myself. I’m learning too...sometimes I catch myself before I really do damage. But other times I’ve done some really bad damage. It really is a work in progress. I’m so glad you found a psychologist who understands this. The value of that cannot be overstated. And yes, you have all of us....we’re an online support group here.
  12. Do you have any pics of him saved that don’t include you-know-who? Can you make do with those so you don’t have to go searching for new ones? It’s not worth it, if the places you have to look aren’t safe.
  13. That sounds like OCD, and I was doing the same thing before my therapist gave me good advice on how to stop it. When the obsession to search comes on, find a way to distract yourself. Do anything you need to do to get away from the computer or device for as long as you need to do until the urge passes. Do this every time. You have to stop punishing yourself that way. It’s not good.
  14. @imalittleteapot ... you’re welcome. You know you’re always free to talk about whatever is troubling you here. We’re here to support each other. I wasn’t aware your husband was struggling with PTSD until now. That’s rough. I wish him and you all the best in dealing with that, and I hope he can continue to get counseling if he needs it. Now.....you know almost every normal man indulges in looking at sexy women. As I said in the previous post, if your husband is honest with you I’m sure he’d admit to this. It’s time you give yourself a break. You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re just indulging in enjoying a few nice-looking male actors and fantasizing about them. Women have done this forever, and it doesn’t mean you’re cheating on your husband anymore than it means he’s cheating on you when he looks at women (he’s not.) Relax....by your own admission, the only heartbreak your CO has given you is that he’s so adorable. Please don’t allow that to break your heart any longer. Just enjoy your CO’s adorable good looks. I hope you never have to experience the heartbreak I felt and still feel after learning what I did in September 2013 and a few times since then. You’re going to be fine. Just give yourself a break and breathe. I’m here to listen whenever you need to talk. Adding on edit: no apology necessary. It’s just that a grandchild can’t fix what’s broken in my life (that’s too much for a little baby to take on) and while I had an incredible meeting with my CO last year, it hurts that he had to leave. I would like him to come back and be with me for good. If you knew how things went that night (I didn’t post all the details, but don’t jump to salacious conclusions) you’d realize it’s not such a crazy thought. You may have heard: I love him. I know that may be hard to hear considering my circumstances, but it’s true. I would get out of these circumstances in less than 30 seconds if he asked me to.
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