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Audrey822 last won the day on September 15

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About Audrey822

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  1. My rule of thumb is this: if it makes you feel good, and no one is getting hurt by it, it’s not bad.
  2. I’m glad it makes you feel better to talk about usually does. Just knowing you’re not going through this alone probably helps (it helped me when I came here.). Try to focus on those accounts where she doesn’t show up. I get that she’s going to sneak in now and then. But when she does, visualize yourself gently moving her out of the way while you take her place. Read the excellent advice @SeSa gave earlier control everything that happens in. your imagination. She doesn’t have to exist there at all. Do what makes you happy and avoid what doesn’t. And if it makes you feel better to talk, there’s always someone here who will listen...usually we’ll respond within a few hours, often much sooner.
  3. Hi @nikki114 ... welcome to the board. You’re not unlike many here who want to rid themselves of their CO, but I see you mentioned that you usually enjoy this sort of thing. But for some reason, this one is different. Is that mostly because of the jealousy you’re feeling about his partner? Is it possible to enjoy him by saving some photos of him (alone!) and then giving up searches? A few posts up you’ll see that @SeSa mentioned disconnecting from social media and anything that will throw the relationship in your face. I totally agree with that advice. I realize you can’t forget what you already know, but you can try to ignore it and stop putting it in front of you day after day.
  4. I’m so sorry it didn’t go the way you planned. I understand why that makes you feel worse, but as @HeatherG said above, you’re not stupid or insignificant. He didn’t even get to see you...there’s no telling what might have happened if he did. It’s very unfortunate and unfair that he lives so far away from you....maybe you can try again in the future, but please be sure you can really afford it before you go again. Sending lots of love and hugs. Welcome back, @SeSa ... it’s good to see you here again. This is excellent advice. This is exactly what I do, and have been preaching for almost 4 years since I’ve been here. It’s not always easy....these last 7 months have thrown at me the biggest challenge in 50 years. But he’s worth every struggle I endure to get through it all because I love him. As you said, in my imagination, he’s mine (or my alter ego’s) and I control everything that happens. “Certain people” who exist in his real world have never been born in the alternate universe otherwise known as my imagination...they flat out do not exist. Thank you for saying this!! I’m not joking when I say, I feel so validated by your comment... and a little less crazy. Congratulations on your new CO! Are you still writing stories?
  5. @Helpme26...I’m so sorry you haven’t met him yet. I’m crossing my fingers that by the time I’ve written this your luck has changed. Give us an update when you can.
  6. OMG, you did it! Best of luck to you!!
  7. I understand the disbelief. Never in all of 50 years have I had to think that way until these last 7 months. When everything was finally going so well...I’d just met him 3 months before that, and it went so well. I’m heartbroken. But I still love him, and I always will. You asked “what did you do?” I’m different from others here. I don’t live in the real world, and I’m fortunate that my CO isn’t so famous that I have to see news about him unless I seek it out. You may or may not know this, but I’m the Crazy Aunt in the DF Attic. I’ve had an alter ego since childhood...she’s me, only better. In an alternate universe (aka, my imagination) my CO has always been married to my AE, and he still is. Reality doesn’t touch that. Reality has tried (and succeeded) to wreck my world a few times since September 2013 when I first learned he’d been married and divorced twice in the past. I just decided to ignore those things. Those other women and events (including the current one, of course) don’t exist in my alter ego’s world. In Crazy Town, I try to keep everything the way it always was. This may sound off-the-wall to you, but keep in mind...this is a mental health forum; it should be expected to find people with mental health issues in this thread (*raises hand*) Mental health issues were behind the creation of my alter ego, and escapism was behind the deep immersion into these fantasies. To this day, they remain the only source of love and romance I have ever had in my life, and the only thing I have to live for besides my sons...I told my therapist that I feel as if I’ve really been married to my CO for 50 years (although I’m not really old enough for that in reality.) Little by little, I had to put my CO back in that information dead zone that he’d been in between the 1970s until 2013. While I was happy at times to be able to have information about him again, there were other times when certain information was more harmful than helpful. So, social media and searching is banned. I have his music and I have lots of photos...that will have to do. I will never see him in real time again. That’s sad, but it’s necessary. Any new photos of him playing his guitar show that damned ring on his finger. I cannot see that. You say you add nothing to the world...then you say you’re a full-time caregiver to your father who has cancer. Where would your father be without you? You’re adding something very important to his world...that’s all that matters right now. Cherish these moments with him, and take good care of him. I know how difficult and challenging it can be to take on the responsiblities of a full-time caregiver, but you won’t regret doing this when you look back. Don’t for one minute diminish the importance of what you’re doing. It’s understandable you might need support....if you need to talk, we’re here to listen.
  8. Hi, Heather.... I’m glad I was able to help... I want to clarify what I meant by the post you replied to.... my CO has never prevented me from doing what I needed to do. But at this point in my life, I do want it to be the way you pretty much already is, and I don’t regret one minute of it...all of my attention, needs, dreams, wants, and desires are now focused on my CO. For decades he was confined to my imagination in an alternate universe with my alter ego....I could daydream when it was convenient, or when I needed an escape. That’s not enough anymore. But he’s still not getting in my way. If something has to get done, it gets done. When you love someone, they’re always on your can’t help it. That’s how it is with him for me. He’s just always on my mind as I go through my day, doing what I have to do. He’s not an intrusion or a distraction....I welcome thoughts of him. Not that I have a choice....I couldn’t stop thinking of him even if I wanted to.
  9. I am so, so sorry to read this. It happened to me too this year. Sending you mega ((((hugs)))) Stay strong.
  10. Boys Vs Girls

  11. Don't forget to check out my edit to the post you just replied to. As for Internet advice, it's good only to a point. Some sites will say it's OK, others will say it's not, and you'll just be confused. Assess the situation when you're in it, and trust your own instincts.