Lynn1954

Well, so many ways to describe it and approach it: "suck it up", "be kind to yourself", "identify your victories even if no one else does", "try to accept good enough from yourself rather than demanding perfection from yourself", "baby steps, blah blah blah. PLUS here's one more just to make you smile, because you previously revealed that this is one of your favorites: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade !!" I hope you get a little chuckle or big guffaw from that !!!

Hello, JD, I agree that the sudden attack was related to returning to work. I'm so sorry !!!!! I've worked in more than one toxic work environment, and I've also worked more than once at locations where the quantity of work asked from me was way beyond reasonable. I'm thinking of you, are you still in the car this minute on your phone, or did you start driving again?

Hello, Brian, In my opinion, the most important thing about suicidal ideation is that usually the thinking does not lead to actual suicide. I've learned that those of us who think about committing suicide are actually longing for relief from pain and relief from agony. As you said, it's seeking calm and peace of mind. It's wishful thinking that most of us will never act on. Current mental health philosophy is to never ignore someone who thinks or speaks of suicide, because they may be one of the people who will eventually act on it. Vice versa, people who have never thought about suicide DO NOT understand it, and would rather run from it than help with it. Here is my suggestion for future talks about it with friends and family (this method has worked for me). I always preface with this: "I'm prone to anxiety an depression which hurts so much sometimes that it makes me think about k i l l i n g myself. But even when I'm thinking about it, I've already promised myself that I'm not going to follow through because of the disastrous effects on my sons and my mother. However, I want to let you know me a little better and understand me a little better by telling you that I sometimes / often think about suicide. It's a way to think about making my sadness go away permanently. When I talk to you about it, try to think of it as something less serious like your friends who claim that they wish they could quit their job, or declare that they ARE going to quit their job, when they know and you know that they're not really going to quit their job.". Also, Brian, I must confess that there've been TONS of times when I want my family and friends to listen to my troubles and sympathize with me, but at other times I DON'T want to listen to their troubles !! It's like I want the help to be one way. And, also, I've confided in all three of my brothers who have all been very helpful to me at times, but then other times I can sense that they are not able or not in the mood to help me. Two of them have serious troubles of their own. Anyway, who recently ran away from you? A friend or buddy? A potential girl friend? A family member? In my opinion, it makes a difference when we "consider the source" of who is rejecting us. One more thing about people who refuse to help with something that they've never experienced and don't understand. This is a weird thought I had recently. You know about the Hurricane Michael devastation in Mexico Beach, FL. Those people are now in desperate need of help. However, I wonder how many of them gave monetary donations or actually traveled to help the previous victims of Hurricane Harvey, Hurricane Irma, Hurricane Maria. I'm betting most of them may've felt sympathy for previous hurrican victims, but never helped them.

I have a very positive answer for you. Yes, it's reasonable to expect that the anti-depressants can get you completely back to "normal". It's not a guarantee, and you must also allow time to provide the remaining 20% healing of the physical injuries from your accident. You are a person who was never previously prone to depression. Also, it appears that you never previously had serious physical injuries or illnesses. Serious physical injuries are difficult to handle, and during the time that your physical body is affected, your mind is also affected. It's depressing to deal with physical injuries, and depressing to wait for time to heal. So you are in a classic "situational depression", which is highly likely to improve disappear as your physical condition improves. So, yes, take the Wellbutrin and expect to feel better at some point over the next 4 to 6 weeks. Then, longer term, as your remaining physical troubles heal, you'll return to your old self before the accident. In the meantime, be patient and kind to yourself.

Hello, my friend, I'm late to answer this, but I'd like to give it a try. I'll speak in the first-person "I" to explain what I've done, but everything is meant as ideas that could help you. In my experience, it's not contradictory to sometimes seek peace via my own thoughts but sometimes seek peace via distractions. I do both !! So, I'd advise that you could do both. I draw a strong line between distractions and destructive self-medication. So, you mentioned booze, smoking, video games, surfing the Internet. In my opinion, those of us with anxiety and depression are best to fight our tendency to turn to booze, d r u g s, food, or smoking / vaping as distractions. But surfing the Internet, playing video games, watching television are legitimate distractions. Sometimes we need the distractions just to make it through the day, especially if our thoughts are leaning towards suicidal thoughts. I slow down my racing mind via small chunks of quiet and thinking, not long stretches of it. Here are some of my most successful ways to calm down and like myself and even love myself, even if only for a brief time. I've found that over months and years, I've improved my peace of mind, so I believe that the following kinds of thoughts can help. My inner voice says "You've made so many mistakes, and you should've known better". So, I've identified five or ten things I've done in my life that were not mistakes, choices and actions I made that helped others or helped myself. So then instead of ruminating on the mistakes, I ruminate on the good things. So, it's not exactly sitting in silence as your friend suggests, but it does slow down the mind and provide some solace. I'm not religious and I'm not mystical, but I borrow a few ideas from religion and mysticism that help me. One of the main ideas that helps me a lot is that my current life on earth is not my only life, and that I'm supposed to experience some suffering and bad stuff now in a way that will make me a more compassionate and complete person in my next life. My suffering in this life will embed in my psyche such that in my next life I'll tend to be more understanding and non-judgmental about people who are in tough circumstances. The result of this thinking makes me feel better able to handle the anxiety and depression, makes me feel a little stronger about enduring the pain instead of being overcome by it, That's all I can write now, I'll write more later if I think of it. Carry on, @salparadise6132 and maybe try to strike that balance between quiet thoughts and distractions. The quiet thoughts stuff takes time and multiple baby-step attempts before it becomes habit, so I suggest fitting it in small doses between your distractions.

I hear you, JD, and I understand. The nature and requirements of a job change and get a bunch or new responsibilities added. Bosses either change their attitude, or a new boss with a different attitude comes in and adds stress. A couple of times I was in jobs where the amount of work being asked from me was just not reasonable, not even achievable. Like you, I had always been a hard worker and so I had a basic reputation of "she is not a complainer, she is not a slacker." I used that to be honest with my boss to say "The amount of work on my project to-do list is too much for ANY person, it's not just me who can' do it all, there's nobody who could accomplish all this even with all the overtime in the world. Please direct me on your priorities of what you want me to to do 1st, 2nd, 3rd because I'm not going to be able to do it all". Would something like that solve the problem in your situation, or does it set you up for being fired because you're "an old man who can't handle it any more." Second alternative is to not mention it at all, and just do what you can do and leave the remainder un-finished. Too many jobs are dumping a load of work on employees that is simply an unreasonable load. It makde conscientious employees feel like s h i t because they can't complete, when in reality it's a good or great employee who is being squandered and beaten.

I understand, thanks for explaining. While your mom is living with you, will you be able to have access to "Home and Community Based Services" that send nursing help, cleaning help, shopping help, etc. ? Every county has a local "Area Agency on Aging" and many of those services are available to all homebound seniors, whether financially challenged or financially well-off. The extra assistance can really help with the stress for both you and your mom.

Many of us do things that cause pain for ourselves. I've done things like this myself many times. Looking at info about Bryan's ex is a type of obsessive-compulsive behavior but you CAN stop. Promise yourself today to extinguish her from your mind. She is old news. Nothing that she says or does has any relevance to your life, and she doesn't deserve to occupy a single minute of your thoughts. She is nobody to you, so start today to extinguish her from your thoughts and actions, and treat her like nobody. You CAN do this !! Occupy your mind with thoughts of all the wonderful people in your life who are SOMEBODY important to you, and wipe your thoughts clean of people who are NOBODY to you!

Please try to not get depressed about your weight. I've been in that situation. Although exercise can improve health, exercise is majorly over-rated as a way to lose weight. Choosing different foods and eating less are much more effective. Search the Internet for information about a ketogenic way of eating. Although you need to reduce carbs, there are lots of delicious foods that you're permitted to eat, which makes the keto diet a little bit easier to stick to, and a little bit more effective than old-fashioned low-fat diets.

I'm so sorry that you're mom is not getting good treatment at the nursing home. I recently helped my aunt to become a full-time permanent resident at a skilled nursing facility, so I'm very interested in this topic. My aunt had very little money, but she's now in a nice, clean nursing home that treats her well. I want to share her story with you in case any of it applies to your situation and your mom. This is the state of Pennsylvania, but it works similar in most states. If a woman is "Nursing Facility Clinically Eligible" (NFCE) and she has little or no money, you can apply for Medicaid to pay the costs of the skilled nursing facility. For example, by the age of 86 my aunt had been diagnosed with Dementia, and her total amount of money in the whole world was only $40,000. She entered the nursing facility, and used her $40,000 to "private pay" the first few months, which cost about $9,000 per month. The nursing facility business office helped our family to submit the application for Medicaid. That application is currently "pending" but we just got word from the state that it's about to be approved. My aunt was a very hard-working woman who was still working as a cashier in a grocery store at age 78 !! She is from a "working poor" family who did everything right and worked hard her whole life and spent her money wisely as best she could, never wasted it, but ultimately didn't have property or a lot of money in the bank. She is the type of person who is well deserving of Medicaid assistance for someone who is elderly and sick. Perhaps your mom is in a similar situation, but you haven't yet learned how to apply? What is your mother's physical or mental diagnosis? If she is not able to take care of herself, then she is probably "Nursing Facility Clinically Eligible". You're not happy with her current nursing home, but does she have access to a different nursing home (either private or state-run) that is licensed by the state to accept Medicaid patients? In Pennsylvania, many of the skilled nursing facilities licensed by the state to accept Medicaid patients are fabulous: competent and compassionate medical staff and helpers, clean and beautiful facilities. They are not the "horror stories" that sometimes we hear on the news media. My family started this process knowing NOTHING about how the skilled nursing facility system and government Medicaid system works. Perhaps I can help you to ask the right questions for your mom's situation in your state.

Like many of you, I also feel that things are not going to get better, and each day is a struggle. More than once I worked at jobs that I hated, that is a crushing feeling. I'd get brief relief on Friday afternoon as I drove away, then all too fast it's Sunday night, with that sickening feeling in my stomach and terrible dread and desperation. Thank you to everyone who writes here, I know this thread helps me a lot, and many of you have said that this thread helps you, too.

Hello, JAS, I'm sorry you feel bad today. I hope you feel better later !!

Wow, having a hard time keeping down my sadness and anxiety. I've been crying a little bit. I'm trying to think positive thoughts about myself. I'm the total opposite of a narcissistic personality, but I'm trying to adopt just one characteristic of the way they think: I just want to like myself and accept myself. I want to stop criticizing myself and putting myself down. As I'm writing this, I'm thinking that I might be able to train my mind to accept myself.

I'm so glad that your friend will be visiting today. It's great to talk to somebody who understands and cares.

@Kogent5 THANK YOU SO MUCH for making me laugh at myself, I'm actually laughing out loud right now !! In my previous message, I'd written Although I haven't started yet, I'm about to begin reading some books with the themes of "forgive yourself" and "starting over despite previous mistakes." and then you logically asked me "What are you reading?" Well, I'm laughing because my statement was my depressed self thinking vaguely that I "should" search the Internet or buy a book at Amazon about those topics because that would be a good way to help myself and possibly feel better. But, of course, like many depressed people, I don't always do what I think about, it's just wishful thinking !! I haven't actually searched for or purchased any such reading material !! And no gumption yet to do so !!

Thank you for sharing more of your story. You're correct that all of it contributes to one big ugly ball of depression. One word of encouragement -- if you decide to try anti-depressants again, Lexapro has been excellent for me, and in the many years that I've been taking Lexapro it has given me many days / weeks / months of peace of mind. I'm having a tough emotional time right now, but I'm positive that I'd be much worse without the the Lexapro. During the start-up of 4 to 8 weeks sometimes it does make a person feel worse, then it kicks in and one feels the benefits.

Ha Ha nothing wrong with a little panic mode cleaning, it's usually a lot faster than regular cleaning so you get it done in half the time !!

Wow, that's perfect coping mechanism, very visual. Even though it takes you some work to keep it effective, I'll bet that visualization saves you many times during the day.

Sorry about the headache and fatigue, but thrilled that you got to see an old friend who is still as terrific now as he was thirty years ago. That is a real blessing !! I'm happy for you and for him !!

I hope you get back some pep in your step very soon!! Maybe a good dinner will make you feel better!!

Please don't let whatever happened on a different forum break you. Some forums don't understand participants with emotional challenges.

I might've missed a previous post about this. Are you talking about this DF forum, or another forum on a different website. Don't be anxious, the VPN will mask your identity.

So sorry about your toxic co-worker. It's good that you have some compassion, but bad that it wears you down so much. Out of all the coping mechanisms that you try, which coping mechanism seems to work the best for you?

I'm sorry you had a panic attack, but glad to hear that it seems settled down now. Stay positive about working with your doctor to solve the anemia problem, you may find a solution quickly. In the meantime, feel well !!

Hello, Sandman -- Please don't let these seemingly "don't make sense" things get your mind rolling or get your anxiety started. As you said, most times these are just weird coincidences. They seem meaningful, but they're not. If your mind does start to mess with you, and you start to over-think about stuff like this, here is a simple explanation that helps me all the time: science might sooner or later discover that there are genuine scientific physical reasons that lead two people or two situations to be linked to each other, even with long distances between them. I always think of examples that 500 years ago would've seemed mystical or magical, but they're actually just pure science: radio broadcast signals, television broadcast signals, satellite signals, microwaves used in microwave ovens, etc. For your recent experiences, I think simple coincidence is the best explanation for you! Have a peaceful mind, I'm glad your anxiety is low right now.