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About ashwinte

  • Birthday 06/04/1989

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    Central Kansas, USA
  • Interests
    Writing poetry, Gaming on PS2 or NDS or GBA or SNES

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  1. So here is the problem I haven't told anyone about. I have non epileptic seizures. The only person that knows is my therapist. She is understanding. But I haven't told anyone outside of that. It seems to be a topic that people won't understand because no one can "see" them. It isn't like I jump around on the ground or my blood pressure spikes through the roof. For me I can't do anything. It is like I'm a frozen statue and I have to stay exactly like I am when it hits. Now because of this I don't drive. I've also lied to people for the reason I don't drive, but sooner or later something is going to give, and I'm scared to tell anyone. I mean what do I say, how do I say it? How do I describe a non epileptic seizures to someone who has never had one. I don't like lying, and I want to tell people the truth. Like when people ask me why I haven't been to church in months, my true answer is I get non epileptic seizures when I go to a church building. Instead I say, I don't feel like going. ARGH!!!! Sorry I'm just so confused about this crap. **Sigh**- Just wish I could get a break!!! I feel like crying at times trying to describe my crap to someone who "doesn't deal with my crap"!!!! -Ashley W
  2. Thanks for the reply. It is scary not know what is going on! I know i need to see someone about these, but I don't excalty have the money. I don't have insurance until January 2015. Which adds no relief. Stress major!! I'm freaking out just thinking about everything that needs paid off. And things I need to owned, like soap or shampoo or deodrant. YIKES!!!!!!!!!
  3. Okay. I need your information help. For the last two weeks something has been happening to me, that isn't new, but is happening more often. I will have an anxiety attack (normal)- I have these attacks at least every two weeks. The new thing is this- 1. I will be done with the anxiety or panic attack 2. My body freezes 3. Then I will become very tense 4. I will then shut my eyes (only opening for split seconds rarely) 5. My feet with twitch, occasionally jumping/banging up and down 6. My breathing with either become rapidy and deep or slow and shallow 7. My body will slightly shake 8. My arms will curl up and fists will clench, touching my chest 9. My legs will come together touching 10. My head will start ticing/twitching ( happens often during the day too) 11. I can't move- I can, but my body strongly rebels against it. 12. My mind was either think rapid thoughts or nothing is going on it there 13. It lasts for about 30-1 hour 14. I am conscious during the whole thing. The first two times this happened I was at home. I was on the floor twice in one day, having this happen. I did have an anxiety attack for the first one, which lasted about an hour. The second one was about 45 minutes. This happen about two weeks ago. And I knew it was going to happen because I had this feeling come over me, that tells me that I'm going to have an anxiety attack. The third time was Monday of this week, I was lying in bed, and boom, I'm on the floor having one of these things. Didn't have an anxiety attack before and no warning or feeling happened. In both times I conscious go on the floor on my stomach, feels safe. The four time this happened was Wednesday. I was in church attending Mass and the next thing I know my body became tense and this thing happened again. I was able to stand/sit/kneel during it. It lasted about an hour. Nobody was near me, and I made no sound. Was able to listen to the pastor and hear the music. Didn't faint or anything like that. Just sat there and waited for it to pass. Is something going on with me or am I just plain crazy???? Please help! I called my therapist but they said that they don't deal with things like this. I need to go see a person that helps with brain stuff (neurologist), but I feel this is somehow linked to my mental health, due to the fact that I'm conscious during the whole thing. And these are not something new in my life. I've had them for a long time, about since I was 8 or 9, but they would only happen off and on every two or three years. The face that I've had four in two weeks, makes me very worried. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, Bi Polar type 1, Anxiety I have these meds- Effexor- 150mg, Zyprexa- 10mg, and Alprazolam- 0.25mg I started the Effexor about a month and week ago ( never been on it before) Zyprexa- two weeks ago (been on many times before) Alprazolam- started two weeks ago ( never been on it before) I am a female 25 years old, 4'10"- 95 pounds- has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome was sexually assaulted at age 7 or 8, had abuse in the home, bullied, was a self-harmer Anyone?????
  4. I write plenty, but when I'm in session, she writes nothing down. All my others did. That is what I meant.
  5. True rhyl. I will try to talk to her again, but I don't see her until 5/5, which sucks, but can't be helped. I will try to work through it, but I'm not sure. So far she hasn't been that cooperative with me. I've called and had no call backs. And she doesn't write anything down. I'll see how it goes next time.
  6. I guess we don't have emotions come out... oh wait, am I a stone?
  7. I understand what you mean. But if she thinks it is a lousy way of coping, then I wonder what she thinks of me. The way she said it too, also p***** me off. She just was so serious in what she believed, which isn't a bad thing, but, in my opinion, the wrong way for it to come across and say.
  8. I'm ready to leave this current therapy place. I'm on the third therapist in less than one year. The only reason I keep going is because I don't have insurance and I only pay $10 a session, but that is every two to four weeks. One of my jobs, does offer insurance but not until 6 months of working there. Once I get on their insurance I'm leaving and never returning. Hopefully that will be in July of 2014.
  9. I went to therapy about a week ago. We started talking about my issues, and one of them is self-injury. She asked me to describe why I injury myself. I told her I do it to get emotions out. She looks at me strangely and then goes, "That is impossible." I looked at her confused. She then says, "Emotions don't come out, blood does, no emotion comes out, only blood." I'm not sure what to say, in fact, I didn't even argue with her. Is there a point she is trying to make? Maybe someone else can explain what she meant, because I'm so angry right now, it is funny. To me is seemed like she was trying to make me sound stupid. I've never had to argue with a therapist before, and I don't think I should have too, about this.
  10. I know they are working. I haven't been depressed, and I took it with food. Seems to solve the problem. =D
  11. Good to know! Hopefully it will pass. I don't like that feeling at all. =(
  12. I've been taking Prozac for about a month, and every time I take it I get a headache that last for hours, and my stomach gets nausea. I take it with food, but nothing changes. Does this go away, or is it part of the medicine? -Ashley W
  13. I don't like my hometown, and I like the town I live in now.
  14. Dear Wind, Please go away. Thanks, Ashley
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