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Paint Pastel Princess

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    It's only self rejection
    With a mean left
    Cold carbon copied coping
    And it's mean theft
    That's been left behind

    Paint pastel princess
    Bo and arapax the shelves when they're broken
    I'll beg you beg you

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  1. Sometimes I feel like I'm beatin' a dead horse...

  2. Welcome to the forums :) Unfortunately some people use us like that. Good thing you've already realize that you're better off with them, but I know how it hurts, but hopefully you'll overcome this issue soon :) Good friends are hard to find, but they will appear eventually :) Also, I suppose you cant say you have no friends. Apparently your boyfriend is there for you. ;)
  3. Sometimes love hurts a little too much. And I think it's your case. You could be depressed, but when i read " you know what, i'd rather be single than to have you ", ringed like emotional abuse to me. And if you're together for a little bit more than four years and it's been always like that, I'd say it's either time to talk to her about her behavior and how it hurts you or just quit. Unfortunately, love is not enough to maintain a relationship.
  4. I think you already know you your problem: anxiety. Yes, cheating is a big, big problem in a relationship, and many people aren't able to forgive such a thing, but if your partner forgave you and there are no arguments about it between you two, it's basically only in your head (not without a reason, of course). If you feel like you need to reassure him that you won't do it again, go for it. Now, if you guys aren't having any problems due that, I believe you should think less about it. I know how guilt is a terrible thing, but if he forgave you, you should forgive yourself as well, and most importantly: seems like you've learned your lesson :) About not loving him, I think it's all that anxiety building up and making you guilty. Try to relax first before making any decision. But have you realized that right after that you wrote 'all I really want is him'? To me it seems guilty speaking and beating you up. Try to shake some of that guilt off your shoulders since everything has been said and done, relax and think about everything before making a decision.
  5. Welcome to the forums. I'm sure some of us have the time to read and try to help you. :)
  6. "But if he gets very upset over it, I'm going to be confused and stressed" how long have you been together? Seems like you'll be affected if he end up trying to fix it. I think detaching emotionally fist to see how it feels THEN breaking up is the best idea. Do things more on your own, when you need help (especially emotionally) talk to someone else. If he tells that you're acting different, explain what are the problems and that you're detached emotionally to see everything clear. Don't make it sound like a game, because it's not. Just explain that you need some time to see what's right. Eventually you'll realize what's REALLY what you need, and if you want to break up, you wont be confused about him trying to get back to you, because if he cares, while you're detached, he'll try to fix the problems. Just don't get emotional over one little thing and keep thinking rationally about things. Whatever the results, you'll be ready when the right time comes, if you think rationally and detach emotionally, doing your own things for a while :). I hope it helps.
  7. Welcome to the forums :) I was also on sertraline for a couple of years, it helped a lot :)
  8. There's also ADD (attention deficit disorder) that doesn't have the hyperactivity symptom. It could be your problem, but those symptoms are very vague, so talk to your doctor, because it could be a million of things. It could be stress or something else :) Me, for instance, have fibromyalgia, anxiety and depression, and i have every symptom you mentioned (of course, with some others, but you get the point) ;P
  9. Grief through a process of breaking up is normal, even though difficult. But please remind yourself that SHE was the one who wanted to change. You didn't do anything wrong. Someone will be right for you. It might not show up right away but i'm sure she will make you happy. And please take care of your health not only for your sake but for your daughter's sake. Meanwhile, try to enjoy things you couldn't do while you were in a relationship, like spending a whole afternoon reading at a coffee shop, fishing, anything you like. Maybe even taking a class? Meeting new people (that doesn't mean the opposite gender ~which would be good anyway) can be very good for you and you can learn new things and share with them your thoughts about it and maybe they will give you some insights :) Stay well
  10. what i'm saying, sandithetortie, is not ALWAYS say hi to the same person always. Let them come after you too. :)
  11. Online friendships are just like the real ones. You gotta start it slow. Dont show all your talents or what brings you down at first. That will make you less interest over the time. Also, don't always say hi first :) Let them go after you ;)
  12. I see my psychologist twice a week, and i'm coming back to my psychiatrist today, after a couple of years....
  13. Sometimes it's just a matter of finding out your own crowd. Believe me, it was hard for me as well. I only have two real life friends (well, one, the other one went abroad), so i can relate to that. Making real friends is really hard, it's not like in the movies. vut hey, at least you can open up online :) Maybe a real life friendship can grow out of it?
  14. Sounds like a panic attack, and you should probably see a psychiatrist. Also, asexuality means not having interest (like you mentioned) in sexual activities, but the FEAR or imminent sexual activities is something you should think about. Why do you have this fear? Maybe some therapy would help.
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