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Everything posted by mellabella

  1. Hi Jay. I'm glad you found it helpful. :) I'm on 200mg Lamotrigine and 60mg Fluoxtieine (and Diazepam when I need it). I'm also on the birth control pill which helps the hormonal aspects of my depression. Misanthrop, you make a good point. I can only speak from my experience and I know situations contribute enormously to depression. I guess some of the things that I mentioned (and plenty I didn't) may help someone even if there is still some level of depression. I don't consider mine 'gone' by the way just a LOT better. Thanks Evylynn.
  2. There is hope. People can and do get better all the time. Remember that the hopelessness you feel is PART of the depression so don't trust your feelings as the truth. I wanted to share that I am going really well! I have been for many months now. I have down days but they don't blend into bad weeks anymore. I know what works for me and i have people I can talk to if i'm struggling. I hope this give you some hope because I have had depression for 14 years. I didn't think I'd ever recover either and now I am well 90% of the time and i think that's pretty amazing! I think what helps each person will be different but for the record here is what has helped me the most: - Accepting I have depression and may always be vulnerable to it (but not necessarily suffer from it). - Mindfulness and meditation training - Counselling (ongoing for maintenance now once a month) - Meds (it took a year to find the right mix which im in no rush to come off) - Using ALL the supports available: friends, family, Depression Forum, a local support group. Being around good people helped a lot! - DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) group course - Hospital: i was in 5 times over the course of 1-2 years for 1-4 weeks at a time) - Balancing staying occupied and having structure with listening to myself and being gentle (ie: resting and responding early to warning signs that im going down hill) - Healthy relationships: I have a loving partner of 1 year who also has depression. - Exercise: my favourite is walking in nature and doing yoga If you're reading this and feeling hopeless and alone I'd like to give you a big hug. There is hope. People can and do get better all the time.
  3. I feel like I have a deep gnash in my chest that hurts so much and I don't know why. I don't feel like I can go to work tomorrow. I saw 3 clients today and wondered if they could tell that i was not quite with it. I'm just so worried about everything and nothing all at once. Is my boyfriend really a nice guy or just a loser? Will i be able to handle going travelling for 3 months when I had a meltdown being away for a weekend? Should I have children? Probably not. Will i regret it if i don't? My friends are all prettier, skinnier, more mentally stable and financially secure than me. They are lovely girls but i feel like s*** about myself whenever we hang out because I am so far behind them in every way. First world problems really. I'm a stupid fat f*****g Biotch. I wish I was dead.
  4. I absolutely agree with everything in moderation. I'm just figuring out what that looks like for me. It can be very addictive and some people are more able to have it in moderation whereas some prefer steering clear completely.
  5. Yes it is hard being around others eating it. It's such a social thing to eat sugary things together.
  6. I just came home from what could have been a lovely relaxing weekend away with my sister. Unfortunately I indulged in a bit too much sugary food and on the second day had an absolute meltdown! Sad, anxious, crying and worrying obsessively. I'm sure it was not just this (I don't think things are usually caused by just one thing) but it struck me when I got home that I had been eating what my sister had been eating (lots of sugar and carbs) rather than my usual diet (fruit, veg, protein and complex carbs). Normally I can get away with a small sweet treat (like a hot chocolate) or a dessert once or twice a week if i eat well the rest of the time but this amount of sugar was obviously way too much for my body and brain to deal with. Does anyone else experience this? Here's some info I found on the net if anyone's interested: In her national bestseller “Potatoes Not Prozac,” Kathleen DesMaisons offers a seven-step dietary plan for sugar-sensitive people like me. I’ve tried to implement her suggestions into my diet because, as a recovering drunk and depressive, too much sugar can get downright ugly. Here’s what DesMaisons proposes: Keep a food journal. The journal keeps you in relationship to your body. It reminds you of the connection between what you eat and how you feel.Maintain your blood sugar level. Stay steady and clear. Always have breakfast. Eat three meals a day at regular intervals. Eat brown things (whole grains, beans, potatoes, and roots), green things (broccoli and other green vegetables), and yellow things (squash and other yellow vegetables). Choose foods with the least sugars and the most fiber.Enhance your serotonin level. Eat protein at each meal. Make sure that enough tryptophan is swimming around in your blood. Have a complex carbohydrate (without any protein) three hours after your protein meal to boost tryptophan into your brain. The baked potato as a nightcap is a powerful tool.Enhance your beta-endorphin level. Reduce or eliminate sugars and white things to minimize the beta-endorphin priming that comes with a hit of sugars. Make life changes to enhance behaviors and activities (meditation, exercise, music, orgasm, yoga, prayer, dancing) that evoke or support the production of your own beta-endorphin in a steady and consistent way.Let me know what you think!
  7. Hi V. I have Flux since someone (maybe you!) recommended it to me. It's great! One More Red Nightmare I know it's a tough one with meds... I mix in an antihistamine for the sleepy side effects so that I'm not always using a benzodiazepam to help me get to sleep (although I totally use that too). Maybe you could talk to your doc/chemist about trying that...
  8. Wow seems like a really common problem for us. Thanks for all your feedback. Yes I am on fluoxetine, lamotrigone and sometimes lorazepam. I also take phenerghan for the sleepiness side effect which helps a lot. My Doc says this is ok long term and isn't addictive although I'm not convinced that it's completely healthy. I'm trying to be more disciplined at turning all screens off 30-60mins before I turn my light off to sleep. I'm also trying to make a conscious choice not to worry/think when I'm in bed or wake up in the night. It's hard but I'm trying to stop worrying in general so it's a good habit to practice.
  9. Thanks so much for the help guys. I have anxiety and depression. I do meditate before bed but i think meditating when I wake up in the night is a great idea and maybe getting up for a bit to stop the worry cycle. If I don't I end up thinking, 'problem solving' and googling which only makes me think and feel more anxious! It's a terrible habit I'm going to stop doing this!
  10. I fall asleep ok but I keep waking up at ridiculous times with my mind racing. I'm usually up for an hour or 2 (often worrying obsessively about something) before i feel tired enough to go back to sleep and then wake up exhausted later. It's annoying as I know sleep is important for mental health.
  11. Thankyou! He is on meds and sees a psychiatrist for that but doesn't have counselling which i think is really important. Let's hope it helps...I've also found some stuff on self compassion that I think i'll print and give to him.
  12. Thanks for your reply Celia Alexander I will check that out. Fizzle thanks for always encouraging me. :) He can be adult a lot of the time. He's very smart, kind and caring. I actually talked to him about it today which was hard but i'm really glad i did. He took it well and he could tell i was really serious. I asked him to consider counselling and he said he would. I think he owes it to both of us to try and be as well as he can. I'm feeling really sad about it and scared too. I don't want to lose the good we have/had.
  13. Basically my boyfriend's poor me attitude is annoying me. I have depression and he has bipolar so I understand mental illness but a lot of the time i just want to tell him to harden up! His negativity is draining and I'm sick of having to try and pick him up. How on earth do I confront him about this tactfully? It's hard on me but more importantly it's a pattern that's really not helping him and i feel like i have a responsibility to point it out. Not that I'm perfect but it's so self defeating and annoying to be around! I probably sound really heartless...
  14. Thanks for your kind words Epictetus. Yes I think people with Borderline PD come with some extra challenges in a relationship. Maybe that was the difference. LaurynJcat that is an excellent point about the cons being more hypotheticals. Thankyou. I may have to continue as I am and see what happens. Not so easy for someone with anxiety issues haha. Any thoughts welcome. :)
  15. Hi guys, I'd really appreciate your thoughts on being with someone with mental health issues when you also have them. Firstly we met in hospital, i know not a great start to a love story! We are both responsible with seeking treatment for our depression and are relatively well managed although we have our up and down days like everyone. He also has had some situational stuff that I'm hoping will improve his mental health for him when it is resolved (ie: accommodation). We've been together 4 months now and when we are together I never really doubt our relationship but when I'm alone I overthink it maybe and start to worry. We don't live together yet but we have talked about it. Here's my list of pros and cons Pros: We understand each other He shares my values He's kind to everyone He's intelligent and we have great conversations Wants to travel Gets along well with my family I'm attracted to him I feel safe to be myself with him Wants to be a foster carer same as me Cons: I might have to support him at times and this could be hard on me (although it hasn't affected me yet) Wants to live in a mobile home (but has said he would rent a place with me) can't support me financially (although i don't need him to unless we have kids) Not as energetic as me, doesn't like to go out much Can be a bit 'woe is me' sometimes when down Not sure if he'd click with my friends as he's 9 years older than us and very unmaterialistic/untraditional He can monologue a bit sometimes So I know some of these are things that most couples deal with but it'd be great to hear what you think.
  16. I'm coming off lithium as I didn't think it was doing anything for me. My pdoc said it was ok so i did it slowly from 900mg to 0 over 6-8 weeks and I'm on 2 other meds. It's been 5 days and I'm feeling awful. Tired, achey, flu like symptoms and really sad and irritable. I wonder if this is me detoxing or if this means I need to be on it. Any thoughts? This sucks!!
  17. Agh that sounds horrible Channah. I am coming off Lithium atm and am feeling very irritable too. Sounds like you need to burn off some energy. Maybe going for a walk/run might be a good idea? I like to have a good scream in my car every now and then too so no one can hear me.
  18. Thanks for your replies everyone. Good on you to those who are starting up exercising. It sucks that the thing that may help us is the opposite of what we feel like doing! Virvellian that is a great idea about the computer screen thanks! My other thought is I have been coming off lithium so I wonder if this could be my body 'detoxing' for want of a better term. I have just emailed my Dr as it has been 2 days since my final dose (I've been weaning off slowly which he knows)
  19. I've been getting hit with terrible fatigue the last couple of weeks. It varies from day to day but today I don't even want to be alive I feel so tired. I live a really healthy lifestyle and have tried a bunch of different meds for my depression but I am still exhausted and so very sick of feeling this way. My depression is not too bad atm it's just this heavy, lead like feeling which ok i realize may be part of the depression. I have made a list of things to try. I'm determined not to give up... Exercise every day I can even if it's something gentle like yoga/walking. No caffeine after 3pm. No naps after 5pm or longer than 1 hour. Do something fun, productive or relaxing instead. No technology after 9.30pm (read, meditate, stretch, journal, have a bath). Lights out at 10.30pm. Get up at 7-7.30am. Use less PRN/sleep aids as they make me drowsy the next day. Will check back in in a few days and see how I've gone.
  20. "Maybe you just expect life to be easy." From a PSYCHIATRIST!!! Seriously?!?!
  21. I get this too unfortunately even on an ssri especially if I'm stressed about something. I take an antihistamine tho which helps me sleep thru & my pdoc says it's ok for long term use.
  22. I agree it's probably not a good time to think about this. Maybe look up the Recovery model if u haven't heard of it. It's all about making life work for u even with some degree of mental illness. There's a great book in Australia called Secret Squirrel Business based on this concept. And hey it may not always be like this. Depression tends to wax & wane & there r so many options out there for accommodation & work etc. for what's it's worth I really believe it'll work out for u one way or the other.
  23. Didn't read this whole thread but wanted to suggest support groups. That can be a good form of social contact whether u make friends out if it or not. I have one that is free & has been great when I've needed it. They also have social events.
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