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APFSDS last won the day on May 3 2021

APFSDS had the most liked content!



  • Birthday 05/31/1989

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  1. I feel a bit unreal and distantly sad. At least I managed with help to get an appointment to a new psychologist who specializes in BPD and three appointments to a really good dentist. Cut myself off from almost all people. I feel like a burden to them and an awful influence.
  2. A neighbouring country had a gas pipeline explosion. Lots of this going around recently. Shushpishus...especially when the other neighbour wobbles their nuclear missles at everyone and threatens to freeze Europe.
  3. Sad. I keep myself in balance with exercise.
  4. Sad, I guess. Lonely and I can't stop ruminating at all. Perhaps it's an exaggeration that it's non-stop... but it feels like endless.
  5. Fix my physical health, which is the easiest to do. The hard part is to learn how to handle BPD symptoms. Do everything in my power to do that. Specific therapies.
  6. Dreadful. I've pushed everyone away. Does that contribute to my loneliness? Hell yes. I can't shake paranoid thoughts and I feel like an awful burden on others' lives. I can't call out for help any more. I can't really express myself normally - it's so daunting. I can't just say: Hey! Help me! I've got weird thoughts and they're not getting any better for a year! Listen to me please! Instead I just take a position of - everyone close to me is my enemy. Fawking tired of all this.
  7. A worthless c*** I feel like I have nothing to give.
  8. Painfully lonely. Had a terrible month.
  9. The Northman. Really juicy mix of mythological and historical authenticity.
  10. Despite dismal thoughts, I manage to be more or less stable. So thats good
  11. I feel like I'm a burden and fake. There may be a possibility that I have BPD; which may explain my unusual bipolar-like rapid moodswings... though it's not certain and not really pursued to diagnosis. Very intense feelings of how I behaved. Also my Su-id has come back really badly and self injury is almost weekly in one form or another... intense jealousy is rampant too. Tired, very tired. Lost hope in medication too
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