APFSDS

I feel tired. I've come nearer to the conclusion that I don't really fit in at all. I hate both sides. I'd love to rant about this, but I can't. Even those who would agree with me - I would hate them too. And those who would disagree would also obliterate any mention of my existence.

I do have those concerns, but every time I get a blood test done... it seems not even to indicate "pre-diabetes". I do acknowledge that I have exaggerated fears about my health, but I just can't shake the feeling and thoughts. RLS is possible, but I've never discussed it with my doctor... I kinda ruined the relationship, I think. It felt like a rubber band pulling back and releasing with a kind of "electrical shock" feeling. To prevent this, I had to move my leg. It has passed, but there are very very slight "electrical" sensations, more noticeable when I'm lying down.

I used to use honey for about a year; it was ok, but I realised I tended to put more in which would be equivalent to the effect of standard sugar. 😄 so I ... scooped with a tablespoon on some occasions. I ran out of honey and didn't bother to get more, so I found a packet of brown sugar which had been lying around for a year or so.

I do know that anti-psychotics cause nerve damage such as movement disorders - twitches, writhing, chewing motions and the like, but I have like these weird very localised pins and needles sensations... annoying as heck, they happen when I'm lying down... before sleep it's like crawling with something; I know I'm not covered in bugs 🙂

Coffee, brown sugar and no cream in the house!

I, uh... seem to have developed compulsive buying. I don't think I should, but there's a "Migration period Germanic sword" that's really rather beautiful.

Not exactly sure. Fear probably; I started out walking every day because I had hypochondria associated with diabetes, cancer, liver disease and whatnot (I still think I may be in the process of developing these). So I increased my walks in frequency, distance and time. I was terrified I'd be hooked up to tubes and left to be a vegetable.

I think I've gotten better. Somehow powered into a state of maintaining my physical activity. I haven't felt this stable for ~5 years. I'm socialising, arranging adventures, getting ready to study, biking, walking and actually seeing colourful nature around me. Really hope this thing will last.

I've been wondering whether or not anti-depressants and anti-psychotics cause certain kinds of nerve damage due to prolonged use or inappropriate use(relatively sudden stop etc.). I can't get anything out of my psychiatrist, so I thought I'd ask here ... I don't really know where to put this. I stopped taking all my stuff (duloxetine, aripiprasole, bupropion) around April-May of this year. During that time in May I kept getting really deep nerve tingles in my legs; a desire to move them to relieve the "rubberband-like electric feeling". I still get very minor, yet noticeable tingles in my hands, feet and legs. Sometimes my face and shoulders. Among other things such as increased frequency of making typing errors, minor balance issues. Somewhat getting a feeling that I might've damaged myself through misadventure. I've managed to get somewhat more active and better, I do sports (long distance walking and bicycle and similar) to keep myself healthy and improve.

Failed again! All my efforts. 🤬

"fak'd app!" as they say

3/10 Psychiatrist is also ignoring me. It's been a week.

Tired. I feel I should clean my room. I've got spider webs in all four corners and there's some spider lunch hanging from all of them. Dust everywhere I could make a dust mandala.

I feel unreal. I've abandoned my hobbies. I'm not really doing anything except going for walks; I KNOW things are going to get worse.

Glucose and fear of brain damage.