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imalittleteapot

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About imalittleteapot

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  1. Hello! I've been a poster in Depression Forums before, in the past. I've struggled with depression, of course, and my depression has had a detrimental effect to my long-term marriage. I'm still married to my college sweetheart for 22 years. I do not plan on ever leaving, because we have a solid, comfortable family life. Yet, there's been this empty lonely void inside of me that I've tried to fill with entertainment and hobbies. My recent hobby over the last month or so has been making quite a few new 'pen pals' through a popular messaging site. These pen pals of mine are usually men. And of all my new casual chat buddies, one man in particular has become a daily online friend and confidant over the last weeks. Because of this man I've been corresponding with, I've felt more bubbly joy and excitement than I've felt for years. I'm stuck in a dead end job and even THAT is no longer depressing me. I feel more confident and attractive after having exchanged photos with this man. He's funny, sweet, kind, and full of whimsical quotes and fun questions. He's shared his childhood and life circumstances. We share the same geeky, dorky sense of humor. We're very different in ways- he's an urban professional, I'm a small town woman who was a stay at home mom for years, now I have a modest-paying job. He's a different race than I am, and that makes him even more enticing. He's taught me about experiencing racism and has many interesting anecdotes. Our online friendship is mostly platonic, but it does have a flirty element to it, with all our joking around. :) He's trying to take it in an even more flirty direction, wanting me to share sexual thoughts and his as well. I know that if I cross that line it will be a serious betrayal to my husband. I know I should stop writing to this man, because it IS an emotional affair. We'll never meet, he lives in another region of the US and I have no reason to travel. It will never be a real life physical affair. My husband does not know of my online friendships, and I rationalize it by thinking it's just a 'role playing game' or 'he's just my pen pal.' But he has done wonders for my self esteem, and my depression has been lessening- the depression that had me crying almost every other night for a few years. Mornings not wanting to get out of the house. Now I work full time, I have energy to deal with the job, I've made more strides with my hobby as a creative writer and indie novelist. I've felt uplifted over the last month or two, and I think my joy is a direct result of these men I'm corresponding with and this guy, especially. He's like a soul friend. We have a 'heart' connection that's fun and interesting. I worry that he will eventually get tired of my reluctance in wanting to 'sex talk'. He may decide to just stop writing me. And when that happens, I'm afraid I'll end up being more sad than I thought I would, because I've had so many funny and warm exchanges with this guy. I don't know what to do now. I'd like to enjoy this friendship as it is, while it lasts.
  2. Are you okay?  I hope so 🙂

  3. I can definitely relate with the bolded. I've been struggling all my life from yo-yo dieting, weight gain and loss and regaining. As a teenager I used to go on self created, semi-starvation diets, but never to the point of what you could call a full-blown eating disorder. I'm practicing good mindful eating habits right now and joined a church group where we talk about emotional eating and food addiction. It's helped a lot! 🙂
  4. @random alice I'm here if you need to talk, too. I'm sorry that your celebrity obsession still bothers you for so long, even after you stopped looking him up and watching him as much! I just wanna send good hopes to you, that you can get over this if it bothers you. I had a bit of a resurgence because of the 'anniversary day' when my CO stuff started, but now it's passing and I'm trying to focus on other things and resisting looking him up. You posted about that dream you had, and it struck something in me! When I was out with my husband in a different town last weekend, to see a movie (it was a religious, Biblical movie) that wasn't playing in our town- I saw a popcorn counter worker that VERY much resembled my CO! I remember ducking into the bathroom to 'LOOK AWAY' from the sight of that guy. My husband went up to buy the popcorn. This worker was so cute, of course, because he looked like him, and I felt bad/guilty because my husband really does not look like my CO in any way, except maybe eye color. I didn't want to look at that young man! He was likely much, much younger than my husband or me, maybe even 15, 20 years younger. I bet if I'd gotten a closer look at the employee, I would've realized he didn't look exactly like my CO, but from several feet away, he DID. Since it was a movie theater worker, he probably gets comments about it. "You sure look a lot like....." ;) At least it was someone I will never likely see again. And speaking of the movie we saw, there were 2 super-handsome actors in it, but did I start getting obsessed with either of them? Nope! Nothing. I'm still stuck on the old CO, so there isn't anyone new yet. Which is good.
  5. You all are welcome to PM me any time, too. I'm not on every day, but I check this page every few days.
  6. Okay. How long has this person been in your thoughts? They must be a pretty wonderful person, then. Nothing wrong with admiring someone, but in the process of admiring them, you want to feel good about YOURSELF and YOUR life too.
  7. I'm so sorry, @nikki114 Are you developing a new CO? Or is it revived feelings for a former one? I'm reading this board again to day to stay strong, because today is an 'anniversary day!' It was one year ago today that I fell so hard for the CO I had through most of the year in 2017. Yes, I remember the exact date, because it was St. Patrick's Day then. I've JUST begun to get over him, and an anniversary like this is making it tempting to go back and look up things related to him. I also hope so much that I don't fall for another actor (or even character) so hard ever again. Or any other man in my ordinary real life, which would be worse if not a celebrity. Today and last night I spent some time with my real mom friends in real life, and it was very fulfilling. We tried out a winter sport (still snow here, yes), and ate yummy food and had deep, meaningful talks. One friend of mine had suffered the worst tragedy imaginable several years back- the suicide of her own child. We talked about our religious faith we all share, God, and we all emotionally supported her because she's nearing an anniversary. I feel fortunate that the only thing that's 'broken my heart' over the last year was a shameful feeling of extramarital 'love' for a famous actor! It really brought me down to earth, and the realization that there is nothing wrong with my life. Others- like my older friend whose child committed suicide- have suffered intensely. Really puts it in perspective. However, I DON'T mean to minimize the pain of CO's. I DO believe that it's a symptom of a greater pain and depression. We all need to work on the inner source and true reason, which for most is loneliness and low self esteem. I'm available for you if you want to write to me, or post anywhere. (hugs)
  8. Welcome, @kristenb and @musiclover83 thank you for sharing! I'd like to welcome you to this forum, and Iet you know that I will read your posts and try to help you if I can. I am a "recovering" CO addict. :) This forum was so beneficial- almost like a secret diary- to share inner unhealthy feelings that just aren't accepted in society, especially for grown, mature, functioning adults like we present ourselves to be. I know if you feel how I did, this stuff is 'supposed to be' for 13 year old girls, but I don't believe any of us who posted here are 13! It's grown women, some as old as late middle age, and a few men as well. @kristenb- I think the best thing for you to do is to cancel or unfollow your CO on social media, if his relationship is making your life feel miserable. Use a blocker such as Blocksite for Chrome, just google 'site blocker' to find one that works for your devices. I used one to block Tumblr, and some celebrity-related sites like TMZ, People.com, OhMyDisney, etc. Another suggestion I'd like to make, is to find a 'replacement hobby.' I've been reading up on certain periods of history that I've always been obsessed with. Lately I've re-sparked my interest in a certain history topic. I've joined a new forum, bought a new book and everything! Even though I have a great interest in the historical figures, those people are long dead. There is no celebrity or actor involved. There have been some movies or documentaries made about them in the past, but any actors who played them have not sparked anything. The thing is- I can't CHOOSE which actor sparks my adoration. It's always totally out of my control. I see the guy, and 'BOOM!' it happens! :) I have good news to share for the members who have been here a while. I'm almost 100 percent recovered from my CO! I still adore him, but I've been satisfied and okay enough in my OWN life that I don't need to obsess about his, whether it's his marriage or his co-actresses. He was in the news recently because he personally knew someone who suffered a tragedy. The article popped up in my feed and I read it, because I'm also very saddened by the tragedy and was curious. Luckily all the article showed was quotes of his Twitter tweets. I noticed he had the same avatar for Twitter- a cute childhood photo of himself. It made me want to re-follow him for just a minute, but I stayed strong and I didn't! He had his birthday recently (gahh he's 11 years younger than me!) and I wished him a secret 'happy birthday' thought/prayer while I walked our dog through the quiet, snow-blanketed forest trail. Winter is beautiful where I live. Later that day on my computer I stumbled upon something on Twitter. Someone in my movie fandom who I still follow had drawn a new, adorable fanart picture of his character as a birthday gift, and of course it made me smile. :) I liked and shared it on my own page. And that was it! He doesn't make me sad, or jealous, or covetous anymore. I think of him fondly, I'm still a fan, I agree and support his social and political causes- but the 'obsessive longing' is no longer there. Staying away from his social media, and replacing things related to him with OTHER things have helped me get over him. My own marriage is doing great. We had a nice Valentine's Day together. My husband finished a big ski race yesterday, and this was so cute- He skiied down the final big hill backwards! What a goofball. He didn't fall either, he's still a very strong athlete in his favorite sports. One of our daughters recorded it on her phone. The crowd at the bottom of the hill cheered loudly for him, but not as loud as the kids and I! We were his biggest fans. That's how it should be! From now on, NO movie star will ever take the place of my guy! - Isn't that how the old song goes? :)
  9. Yes, and I had to quit and block Tumblr because of it. It was feeding too much into the obsession to see all these other women and even teenage girls young enough to be my CO's daughter lusting over him. On one hand it was nice to see that I don't have weird taste, but on the other hand, it's saddening to see that he appeals to such a great variety of women. One tumblr blogger even said she wanted to 'have his babies.' I did not need to see that! I think I'm SLOWLY but SURELY getting over this CO! Thanks to one of my kids, I'm starting to re-ignite an interest in one of my old fandoms from years ago- that hugely popular book/movie series that I was into 10+ years ago. I'm getting back into it because my son now enjoys the books and movies- he missed out on all the big releases in the fandom's peak period because he wasn't born yet- so now I'm re-watching with him, re-reading, plus reading fanfics of it, and I'm enjoying it again! The annoying thing is that the lead actress in that series- is ALSO the star of my favorite movie from last year, (CO was in the cast) and when I see her I get slightly jealous because I remembered her cheek-to-cheek selfies my CO took with her. I remember having a little crush on a character from that fandom too, as well as the actor, who sadly passed away. He wasn't a CO but just an awesome actor and it made me sad to see him playing that role, knowing he's gone. :(
  10. I've definitely experienced the bolded over the last year! Except for me, it was more a fictional CHARACTER my CO played, NOT the actor himself. Fortunately, I'm starting to spend much less time thinking of my CO *the actor*- I've been successfully avoiding all media of him over the last few weeks. Despite that, I STILL adore and feel attached to one of his characters. I've had a 'character ship obsession' which inspired me to write fanfiction. I could sympathize with my CO's character as this lovable, sweet muffin of a guy, who caught a bad break in the canon movie. He needed to be loved and comforted- but through another fictional character. I wanted this poor character to be happy and loved, so I wrote about it, and a lot of other people in the fandom wrote things along a similar line as well! There was even a minor 'ship war' between the ship I supported and the ship that I disagreed with because I thought it wouldn't jive with 'canon.' (LOL). And no, the character I shipped him with had nothing to do with me- because he was a man, not a woman! :) I'm actually married (as I've said elsewhere in the thread) but my husband is busy and gone a lot, and I feel lonely in many aspects, probably friendship most of all. My CO is always seen in interviews being positive and bubbly, and goofy and laughing, and he's friends with all kinds of cool performers. So in a way, I'm jealous of him for the kind of friendships he has. (I've just been concerned lately that there would be rumors about him being 'flirty' with other celebs, just because of his overly affectionate and super-friendly personality.)
  11. I'm glad it all worked out that you were able to get it off your chest to her! I sometimes wonder how you would go about telling a counselor (or even a trusted friend or family member.) How would you explain it in a way they wouldn't take it lightly, and laugh it off? I could be visiting with my mom, for example. I could ask her 'Did you see (Movie) last year?' and my mom would probably say sure, she watched it with my nephews and niece on DVD. And then I could mention, 'You know that one character in the movie? That guy who...' And my mom would say, 'Yeah?' And then I would say, 'Well, I have a huge crush on that actor. He's the most adorable man I've ever seen.' My mom would probably laugh a little, and say 'Oh, sure! I used to have a huge crush on (old time actor) from (old time movie)!' She probably wouldn't realize the heart wrenching pain of it. If I I went on to say 'I think about him constantly, he shows up in my dreams at night sometimes, and I'm insanely jealous of his real-life wife, and even the actresses he works with'- then my mom would laugh again and STILL think it's silly. Or any of my real life friends. So I wonder if a therapist would not think it's a big deal, unless you really explain it in full- that the obsession hurts, it makes you cry, the obsession makes you feel guilty and horrible if you have a significant other that you love. So how DO you tell??
  12. @Honey1992 @HeatherG @Helpme26 Can I suggest something that might help? Can you think of things that you were interested in, loved, or was fascinated by BEFORE you saw your favorite movies with your CO's in it? I've been doing that for the last few weeks. I've checked out and read the genres of books I used to like- mystery novels, true crime, and historical non-fiction about subjects I was interested in, (the Titanic disaster, WWII and the Holocaust, Biblical figures, famous crimes, historical people like Abraham and Mary Lincoln and General Grant, Einstein, President Kennedy, etc.) There are TONS of things out there to read and research about, and once you do, it helps get your CO off your mind. I've tried to 'grow up' in a way- going back to real intellectual interests I've always had instead of characters and actors in a movie. There's a whole world of things out there to fill your mind! Heather, I'm glad your counselor understands!
  13. @Audrey822 thank you for this post. It sounds like you're trying to help me sort this out- and I'm so thankful, because I don't have any therapist at the moment. I go to a women's Bible group, but they aren't the people I'd talk about CO's to, unless I called it a 'depression issue' or was vague about it. So thank you! :) I think the bolded is where I'm at with my marriage right at this point, at the beginning of 2018. I feel loving toward my husband lately, and that is because even though he's busy, he has consciously tried to work on things and so have I. Through a lot of communication. I don't know if I told you, but my husband had military deployment PTSD from when he served overseas in the early '00s. He didn't get any counseling help for it until about 2013. It was around 2012 that my daydreams/CO's/crushes over men outside my marriage started. Looking back it makes sense. My husband is more conscious of his moods and doesn't rage, or rant, or "belittle" the way he used to. He's a good guy. I also have a tendency to put people on a pedestal, too idealistic. When we were first married I expected my husband to be the "ultimate source" of my happiness. It was too much to expect. Thank you again. :) I'm sorry if anything I posted in the past (like questions to you) offended you at all. I assumed you're doing okay because of the grandchild, and meeting your CO, but I know you said you still struggle. I'm sorry.
  14. @SophieViolet95 Good to see you again. I'm sorry you're struggling with another CO. I keep wondering as soon as mine fades, that another one might start. @Audrey822 I know you want to help and I like your questions, they do make me think. I guess I do feel a strange kind of romantic love for my CO, even though it's love for a stranger from afar. I hate feeling like that and want to force myself to stop it. The last time I felt love for a stranger from afar, I obsessed over a guy online who wrote to me (starting because he wanted to sell me furniture.) Because my marriage was in a rough spot at the time (from 2012 to 2014) I developed an obsession with a married guy who was not a celebrity. In a way, I thought that celebrity crushes were better, because they were completely unobtainable. Heck, the guy I knew online and had EA feelings for in 2012/2013, I could've driven a few states away to visit him, but I did not! I stopped looking him and his family up on Facebook. That obsession faded away completely by the end of 2015. Slowly but surely, he left my mind. I still hope he's in a happy marriage too because the way he was so friendly and funny to me, you wonder if he might have been thinking 'affair.' It was something that I feel horribly guilty about, because all that time my husband never KNEW, other than the fact I was withdrawn. I don't like the thought of having romantic feelings for any guy other than my hubby. I love my husband dearly, and we're invested in almost 25 years now all together. So having a celebrity crush that's this strong, unlike all the other celebrity crushes, feeling jealous of his significant other, feeling jealous of the co-actresses, is very confusing and I don't know why it started. It started around February, when a movie I was excited about was soon to be released. I'd read a book that was a novelization of the movie, then I started looking up more about the actors, just because I loved the characters, and somehow became totally SMITTEN with two of them. I even visited this thread around that time, with the fear- 'Oh no! I'm getting what the Celebrity Obsession thread people talk about!' One was the gay actor, and I don't have feelings for him, he's just handsome- but the one that I fell hard for is the CO I have now.
  15. @Audrey822, I am doing the cold turkey approach- I blocked Tumblr, I decided to stop writing fanfiction (unless it's for a different movie than the one I've been writing for all this past year), I blocked celeb gossip websites, entertainment news websites, and I won't randomly click on entertainment related articles, including the Big Blockbuster Movie that my CO's young actress friend stars in. I have a keychain with a funny little creature character on it, that makes me happy. In the meantime, I'm trying to replace CO stuff (including the fanfic writing) with reading other kinds of books like mystery novels or historical non-fiction, the genres I used to enjoy in the past. I've also started becoming obsessed with low-carb and Keto recipes. I'm collecting them so that I can get myself and my family to eat healthier. I do nature photography, and take nature walks. I also stay away from too much social media these days- especially Facebook, so I don't develop non-celebrity crushes. (About 5 years ago, in late 2012, I corresponded with a man on email and social media which ended up in me having a crush and 'emotional affair' feelings, and I NEVER want that to happen again!) Actually I know it won't, because my marriage is in a better place now than it was in 2012. :) @cornflakegirlI know it's so hard to stop, but the less time you spend seeing pics of your CO or his acting, whether it's TV shows or movies or interview videos, the better you'll feel. At first, when I stopped following my CO on Twitter, I started 'missing' him. I know, it's weird, but I did.
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