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Everything posted by scienceguy

  1. Yeah that's horrible your depression is biological,does medication help at all.my depression both my therapist and pschchatrist said was purely psychological so im coming at it from a different angle, did you ever try take the supplement l tyrosine with a b12 supplement, that could help you with the synthesis of serotion in your brain that could give you a mood lift and you might have a food insenitivty to gluetin or lactose .That could also cause a symptoms of depression your talking about.A great book on the subject of brain chemistry is why isn't my brain working,it describes how the brain works and all the supplements and ways to detect defiences of neruotransmitters in the brain.it might help you figure out how your brain chemistry is outta whack.
  2. I see a lot of depressed people nowadays every day I go to work I see lots of miserable people who are frowning all day and complaining about there life and I feel a lot happier then them.I think the majority of the population is unhappy or depressed honestely,there just in extreme denial and I feel like depressed people are more true to themselves and acknowledge there feelings so there more self aware and report being sad more often then the masses ,who are sad but say there happy to conform with everyone else I mean look at all the alcoholics in this country and drug users I mean if people were happy they wouldn't have to numb themselves to be around each other.i can see it in there faces and I feel bad that there not self aware of themselves,and try to drown out there self actualization with drugs alcohol sex and materlism .So I think unhappiness and being abusive has become the norm here that's why people don't belive in depression because they think that's what being happy feels like lol and people diagnoiesed with depression are just people who are self aware and want to change themselves and not live in the same unfulfilled life style as the rest of soceity
  3. The pink flyod album the wall describes how I feel alienated and emotionally closed off to everyone and how I have imposed self isolation with a emotional wall I created brick by brick from all the tramatic things that happened to me in the past. For some reason the songs wont link from youtube on here for me but my favorites are hey you comfortabley numb and the trial That band you linked sounds great btw
  4. Cool I have actually read a few dbt books and visited that website I will try the work book though I never read that one and instead read a mindfulness book that helped me deal with a lot of my feelings.i did have a really good therapist at the university I go to and she really helped me alot im temporarily on leave from the university to take organic chemistry by itself and take a break because I was getting burnt out doing all those courses for so long.i will see her again though when im back at my original university I will definitely try that dbt work book you recommended though and keep working till I achieve self actualization and im healed from my past.
  5. I have for the past I,d say about 2 years been obsessed with curing my depression and understanding myself ,I got this way because of all the things that happened in my child hood that caused my depression my father was always abusive to me growing up verbally and my grandmother suffers from borderline personialty disorder and is a alcoholic that is in jail now for shop lifting cigrates around. 16 is when my father lost his job and had lost our house because my father couldn't hold his job we lost everything and I lived in motels and lived in very cramps house then I failed out of college because I had all online course and my parents couldn't pay the electric when I was about 18 or 19 I don't remember and I was in isolation for about two years where I constantly applied for jobs and couldn't get one then my academic probation was up from college and I started going again and got my associates in science at 20 and a job at 20 and I had to walk back and forth between college and work I couldn't afford anything and had to pay my parents bills .I didn't learn to drive till I was 22 and now im a senior at the 4 year univercistity I transferred to and im graduating with my degree in biolgy, i bought a car for 5,000 and have 5,000 im saving up for a mortgage or student loans and at the university I was pretty much suicidal every single day and would have dialouges in my head about how I would **** myself and then I decided I was just going to live out of my car and become a drug addict and just wait till I od.That when I told myself not to give up and try therpy and medications first before I resort to that so now I have been reading every Cbt book I can get my hands on and been identifiy the cognitive distorions I have with my thinking.My father finally got his old job back and my parents have payed me back the money I lent them so I can move out and get a mortage,now I have been working really hard on connecting with people and before I was an agorpophbic and I would have a panic attack if I went to the mail box but I have almost no anxiety anymore going places and none whats so ever talking to people, I just feel like im a broken person sometimes and find it hard connecting with people because they say things that I cant relate to at all and I don't like being a downer around people so I don't bring up my past and I always try to be optimistic .Im much much better now and ever time im tested by a pschchatrist or I self test myself with a depression check list im not depressed its just everyone has moved on and I feel like I have been left behind and im on here because im alone now I tried making friends with people I volunteered with from college but one of the voulnteers was a huge bully on a ego trip that I couldn't stand so I stopped going after about a dozen times when her behavior didn't change and it stopped being pleasant to go there. But anway if anyway what is a good cbt book you would recommend Fizzle
  6. I have been invited to childrens parties and some of my friends birthday party and had play dates but I have never been to a bar or been invited for drinks or a party when your a teen or a young adult .I left high school early because of depression at 16 and have never really had a active social life since then I have never really dated always been single to,and I feel like I missed the boat and now im gonna be alone for the rest of my life this is where 99% of any of my remaining depress of episodes come from.I get mad that im not even that ugly or that socially akward so I cant explain how I ended up like this I see people all day every day that have less going for them then me who are better off socially,and I see really selfish people who only care about themselves dating and being invited places.
  7. I tried meetup.com actually and was going to join mediation groups they were all filled with older people or didn't meet at a time when I wasn't working or going to college,I know what I,ll do though this semester im only taking 1 college class organic chemistry at a community college to transfer to my four year university. I should have enough time to socialize this semester,i,ll try joining an improve group at the community college. Dark nights I think your right that its probably because I am outside the norm im a straight male Buddhist vegetarian who didn't go to high school and major in biology im also eccentric and take pride in my weirdness. Most people seem like there all conformists, I despise conforming though to what society tells me what to do or how to be.i guess this could be causing me my socializing problems.i will defenitley try meetup again when if the improve thing doesn't work .If that doesn't work out I,ll try moving to new York city and see if I get along better with people from there.
  8. im an infj borderline infp and im also 23 and im experiencing the same problems,where no matter how hard I try I cant connect with people and make new friends,and I suck at starting relationships I can be flirtaous with women and get them to have crushs on me but can never get a relationship going and I hate it .Don't feel bad about yourself I read that the IN types get into there social groove later then other personality types.
  9. i cant understand why im a loner when I don't want to be I talk to people everyday and I always have rewarding conversations at work and college when I was going yet people never want to be friends with me and I have never been invited anywhere by anyone in my whole life.i,ve never been to a party or invited to any social event....How is that even possible.See people who are completely socially ******** get invited to things,and people who are mute and barely speak,see abusive bullies get invited to events...I have no idea what is wrong with me that makes it impossible for me to connect beyond accuaitince level with anyone apparetnentley.I have went to therpy twice over this and for depression and gone to psychotherapists,and I cant figure out what my problem is its like im a ghost.I genrally stay positive around people and ask people about themselves complement them etc.I have been working as a cashier in retail for 3 years and went to college,done volunteer work and joined clubs .I don't even see how this is possible.its like im not aloud to have a social life im sick of sitting in my house but feel so stupid always going to places with no friends and no one to talk to its so boring ,i don't have any social anxiety anymore and have no problems starting conversations with strangers and getting them to like me,yet it never goes beyond that.it makes me depressed I hate sitting in my house all day with no one to communicate to and I have gotten people numbers and they never text me first I always have to text them and it feels like im pulling teeth to get them to talk to me and I shouldn't have to force people to be my friend.i figured that maybe I talk about myself to much so i make sure to focus on who im talking to now and ask them about themselves but still the same thing i have no idea how every one around me has a active social life...not a clue.im not against drinking or doing drugs either,it just total confuses me and im depressed about everyday,i feel like i have been cursed I don't know how though,i feel like every time i talk to people now.i cant be myself because i have some unknown thing about me that repels people ,i asked my family members whats wrong with me and they say nothing and i have asked some of my coworkes and they say theres nothing wrong with me so i just am getting hopeless over this and its responsible for about 90% of my depression and suicidal thoughts.Sometimes i wish people would atleast hate me so i know there paying atteion to me. i don't know if anyone here was like that or knows somebody like that,that managed to change it.
  10. scienceguy


    I have adhd I don't really have hypersomnia though,i have insomnia and lots of energy,but college is really difficult for me I went to work full time and college fulltime and it was a living hell.I lost a lot of my friends because I was a workaholic and I just shut everyone out because I was so focused on doing good in school and getting a car and mortgage. sometimes I wish I could shut my mind off but when I take medication I hate because I feel like im wearing a blindful over all my thoughts and it dulls me and takes away my energy.CBT helped me a lot more then meds but I still have my days where im a mess like today,but I generally get through the day intact and not in to much emotional distress I just think im going through a quarter life crisis now,but im available if you need any help with your adhd.
  11. Im an INFJ on the Meyer Briggs and an enneagram type 4 wing 5.
  12. I feel the same way at the moment I spiraled down today I could barely function at work,its so embrassing when the day before I was in such a good mood and im just sprialling lower and lower,i have no idea what triggered my mood.I took a bunch of melatonin hoping I fall asleep early I was gonna buy alcohol but I don't want to become a alcoholic since my grand mother suffered from alcoholism .I feel so lost,i,ve been trying everything for years and the funny thing is I cant see whats wrong with me I had a a breakdown where I went on a rant to my parents that I just want to trade my life in hit the rewind button return U just felt disscoated ,like how could this be my life I had so much hope and optimism when I was a kid I thought I would have a life not live in solitude everyday like some kinda schizoid,my family all moved ,all my friends are lost ,I,ve never had a relationship.i have money ,but nothing to do with it,no where I want to go ,no time to do anything and its not worth doing it alone to me I feel like I reached the point of no return where now I just make money and wait to die .im sick of my job,my family ,my life .no one calls anymore I never have any plans ever if I atleast had some of my family members here they all moved to different locations though,my friends moved to different countries and cities and my 1 friend I have from child hood never calls and I have to set every thing up and then he cancels everything and says he cant show up and all he wants to do is smoke pan and drink. I know it will pass though it always does and there all just delusions my brain is creating out of self hatred ,and im sure your sadness will pass to even though it feels eternal
  13. From my experience a pschocholgist helped me a lot more then a psychiatrist ,I tried many medications and most of them had no effect on me because most of my depression stems from psychological issues I feel happy a lot and do things so I don't have chemically induced depression.like if im in a situation where people are normally happy im usually happy but when im alone by myself I beat myself up and have unhealthy thought patterns. it might be the same thing with you i don't know if you were always a loner or introvert like me but I think you might do better with a psychotherapist. I know from my therpy and cbt my symptoms were significantly reduced to where I have gone a few weeks not even being in a mild depression and I have a lot of periods of intense joy and happiness through out my week.i still have my moments where i feel lonely and disconnected when I get insomnia at night.it is not a all day thing anymore though more a couple hours a few times a week.Another thing that helped even more then a pschycolgoist was the cbt book feeling good I would give that a try first because from my experience this worked better then any of the psychiatrists or psychologists I went to.
  14. I haven't been able to fall asleep till 4;00 am lately, and now I have to wake up and want to go to work then when im at work I want to be at home.Atleast at work yesterday I was euphoric and smiling and happy and then I go from that to rock bottom depression and feel so embarrassed going from being exictable and chatty to depressed and lifeless.i don't know if I have some kind of rapid cyle bipolar disorder or if my adhd causes such rapid mood swings,i cant explain them though and I last time I was at my therapist during college I brought it up and her and my pschiachtrist were pretty sure I don't have bipolar and I even made a mood log showing how many rapid mood swings I had in a day.Every time im happy I think its going to last for ever and I come crashing down once I get home or im reminded that I have no social life.I think most of my isolation is my fault and maybe I purposely push people away, I don't know why and I went to two different therpists to figure it out I thought I was better,but I just cant stop beating myself up for being a loner.Everything else is going ok in my life though except my relationships with others,and its not like I don't go out of my way to talk to people I do all the time and I have a lot of aquantices and no friends.I thought maybe I had aspergers syndrome but my therpists both said I defenitley don't have it,I don't have any problems reading people or getting humor,repetive movements special interests etc .Then i thought maybe i just suffer from a personilty disorder like narcissism or borderline or something then she laughed it off and said I was turning into a hypochondriac.im just so worried im broken in some way that I cant understand that is making it unable to connect with those around me.Sorry for the wall of text I can go off on tangents sometimes.
  15. Lost,i feel like im winging life and living aimlessly,with no purpose just waiting to die,i feel trapped in my circumstances,trapped in myself and cant connect with others.
  16. your talking about cultural relavatism I belive the same exact things I just looked at like my mind is free to see the truth its a very positive thing.other people might be less aware of how realty works then you but you can still connect with them by trying to help them or by opening there mind,gender norms and cultural norms are all in every ones heads so I don't get offended by most things because I know people are just acting out what there culture expects of them and at the end of day everyone is just an animal,some animals are just more self aware then others.i just try to find happiness in all the different ways people exist and try not to take them to seriously,because at the end of the day were all facing the same problems and emotions.
  17. Sounds like something that would be helpful,to a lot of people.i will have to give it a try next time im in crisis mode.
  18. thank you I can definitely relate to that I know it sucks not having your license ,I feel like that was what held me back growing up now im not sure whats holding me back I don't really think im to depressed anymore,I just feel lonely and alinated I don't hate myself though its more just frustration,i don't hate others I am bitter though I guess that could be holding me back.i never used facebook at all growing up to I feel like im from a different era sometimes all I see are people always on there phones or facebook I don,t know if that's how people always communicate now a days or what.My one friend I know from childhood all he does is smoke pan and drink,he never texts me first ,I always feel like im the only one who cares anymore to actual have decent in depth conversations.im sure you,ll get your drivers license soon Icarus if it makes you feel better I failed mine 8 times before getting it ........ that damn parllel parking!i feel a lot like the character from the pink flyod album the wall,like I have walled myself off from society from being alone for so long and being hurt in the past. ,im sure many others here have the same feelings.
  19. First off I would like to introduce myself im 23 years old and have suffered depression since I was about 14 and started move a lot when my father lost his job ,I always changed high school and ended up dropping out at 16 and getting my Ged ,I started going to college at 16 and it took my about 3 years to get my associates in science and then I transfed to a university and im now a senior and almost finished with my degree in biology. I used to have extreme social anxiety till I got a job ,know I have none at all but find I cant connect with anyone no matter how many people I talk to ,I didn't get my drivers license till 22 because I couldn't afford a car to drive so I had to walk to school and work to help my parents pay the bills and save up for a car .Now im doing much better and not as depressed as I was I remeber during those years I would be extremely suicidal,everday I was battling just not to commit sucide and to look like I had everything put together and basically not be in crises mode. it left a huge whole in my life though where I was a basically just a machine that worked and went to college.Now I find as I come out of my depression I cant relate to anyone,my social skills aren't bad I know how to converse with people ,flirt with women and be accepted by groups I have went to therpy and volunteered neither of these things have helped with my problem. I have pretty much had 1 friend for all these years and many many aqueantices ,I,ve also have always been single mostly by choice because I was focused on work and college,i have gotten womens numbers and flirted with women but have never managed to have a relationship yet I feel its to late now and missed out on the years of my life I was suppose to party and have lots of fun,so now when I talk to people my age I feel a lot more mature then them and like I don't know how to have fun and there is just a lack of connection,like I just don't know how to hangout with people,it just seems like most people I talk to have little depth and are superficial and judgmental,im also a Buddhist and a vegetarian that is health conscious and im concenered with saving most of my money for a mortage or to pay off my loans,I like listening to a lot of old music rock music and classical music.i just feel like I missed out on a lot from my depression,know if I don't know if im in a mild depression or just unhappy.Has anyone else ever related to this and been able to get out of being a loner after so many years of isolation.now I am around my family I talk to everyday but I don't feel like there emotionally healthy,at work I talk to people but there always just acquaintances.
  20. i feel the same way life is hard when your different. I have always been independent and a freethinker, I talk to people everywhere everyday with hope to establish a connection or friendship with them, its hard though when I share barley any interests with 99% of society,im sure you feel the same way.i realized many people are on autopilot in there lifes they don't think of anything original or unique there content with doing the same things every day,going to the same places having the same conversations.Many people I speak to are hypocrites that are judgmental ,they just do what society tells them and don't even know what they believe.it is so sad a lot of the time when I reach out to people im the only positive one there and I have to comfort others who are constantly negative.Maybe you should try to be a leader to other and show them how to think differently, and be creative and self actualized.
  21. I feel the same way,i just tell people any time im drinking its because im somewhere I don't want to be so I have to numb myself to enjoy being there,I rarely drink though.
  22. I also feel ashamed that I have no friends I hide it from people and act like im a social person, One of the main reasons I cant make friends anymore is that I have none and cant relate to people. I try but I am ignored by everyone. I have hundreds of aquantices but no one who calls or texts me to ask how im doing ,Ive never been invited to anything.I really don't know what to do at this point because im in college and working I talk to people all the time but cant form friendships with anyone.everyone has there friends all ready at my age and its like pulling teeth to befriend people now.I told my therapist how I respond to people and he told me theres nothing wrong with how I interact with people which I knew already and is baffled as to why I have no friends since I can pull off being social so well.
  23. Hi im here because I have no social life whatsoever for about 9 years due to severe social anxity + depression and im giving up hope of ever being happy or accepted by society again,my life reached a turning point a few months ago were I was suicidal and had crying fits for months .I decided I don't want to die I just want to be a happy person again so ive trying to get therpy and do everything I can to treat my depression I Have no one to talk to about my problems so I figured I would create an account here.
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