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Everything posted by scienceguy

  1. @CoolCat7My childhood friend was like that he would make plans than wouldn't answer and left me hanging like a ***** I mean how hard it is it follow thru with your word nothing aggravates me more than people who don't follow thru with what they say if I make plans I will go no matter what and I will make it clear if i have to reschedule. Im sorry that happened to you I hope she has a good reason to be a jerk to you, that is not acceptable way for an adult to act
  2. I am in the same situation im 26 I don't think im ugly I have my picture in my album if anyone doesn't believe me. I have women flirt with me, i even have gone on dates with women who were drop dead gorgeous, yet im still a virgin and have never gotten passed a second date no one knows accept my immediate family and therpists. I notice the same thing though people with no social skils l, people who have severe anxiety people who are homely poor, short etc.. I never meet anyone who is single everyone is already paired up . you are not the only one but as long as your persistent and try to get dates you will find someone eventually.
  3. You are right it is getting to me I work as a gas attendant when I went to college and got bachelors in biology I got alot of interviews at good companies that paid well and had a temp job I got let go of after a week that is the main thing upsetting me I was suppose to be living on my own now paying the mortgage for the condo im in, instead of my parents still living with me. When they weren't here I was actually getting dates and was happier I got use to living by myself I could drink when I wanted, no one complained when I turned the volume up on the tv I didn't have to deal with any fighting. I will try therapy again I miss the therapist I had in college she was helping me alot but I had to stop going once I got my degree because I was no longer a student. Anyway im doing way better after taking my meds that I could get for a week. I was a mess when i wasn't on them screaming at people breaking down into tears. threatening to **** myself. I missed work because I was so unstable I couldn't think straight.
  4. I just called out of work I have the chills and was sick to my stomach started crying hysterically before I called I am not well I haven't had my mood stablisers in a week I haven't acted like this for over a year. I m going to pick up my meds today and rest.
  5. Welp I spilled my ice coffee everywhere and i need to go to my s***ty job to get money to pay off my credit card debt, and my bill from IOP I haven't paid since last year that was a waste of 6 months!! The stupid psychiatric nurse is always late at refilling my prescriptions i was going to go on facebook and just post how about how I hate my ****ing life but figured I would go on here instead. No body wants to talk to me anyway and i suck at everything in every possible way. I wasted all my potential now I have to live with myself everyday i figured I would be a a****** on here instead of real life and spare people im in immediate contact with my complaining. It's time to get a therapist again I guess atleast they get paid to listen to me whine and moan.
  6. Here we go again another day I have to be alive and feel inferior to everyone I want to call out of work and just stay in my bed the whole day I don't want to see anybody anymore just a reminder that im a failure compared to them.
  7. I had agorphobia when i was in my early twenties when I was unemployed during the recession I didn't leave my house for two years i remember getting panic attacks just going to my mail box I had severe social anxiety growing up and had to force myself in social situations for it to go away I forced myself to work as a cashier in college, go to therapy go to parties with people I didn't know, do volunteer work go to clubs after school. Now that im 26 most of my social anxiety is gone, im so angry at myself for wasting my potential, and wasting all the opportunities I had when I was younger, just seeing people experiencing the things I wanted for myself drives me crazy. Panic attacks are no fun im sorry you have to experience those still,baby peanuts i appreciate you taking your time out to reply to me
  8. Good luck I hope you have success with that sober4life I personally wish they would just prescribe me what ever it took till i was numb to everything, I would love if they had a pill that could wipe away my memory of everyone and everything, my whole life is a long memory of personal failures. Im so mad at myself that i failed at everything because im a coward, people have it worse than me and they have managed to make so much more of there lifes then me. I could have gone out with so many women when I was younger all the possible relationships I killed with women, all the friendships, I have nothing but self imposed isolation and child abuse I remember.
  9. Thank you so much for your post it helps me alot to know that there are other people who experience the same thing. I am withdrawing from my mood stabilizers my doctors office won't answer I got into a fight with my dad over politics intentionally which I now regret, and I apologized for, im in sometype mania. I will try to sit with it and the ride the wave of emotions like in dbt
  10. I feel really bitter, resentful, hostile and hateful. I want to take my anger out on people I keep having thoughts like maybe I should cut off people in traffic, walk slow in public just aggravate people to get my anger out, pick a fight with my father sense he is always mad for no purpose but to have a reason to say hateful things. Right now there just anti social thoughts, I don't want to act on them I just want someone to know how much pain and anger, I have everyday. I can't stand how my life is and wish it would just fix itself, it makes me so angry im working for minimum wage and that I can't afford to live on my own. Everyday I just wake up and go great lets go thru all this again!
  11. I understanding exactly how you feel i have gotten so fed up with people I am just not naturally social I don't have to be bubbly all day just to appease other people, sometimes I don't feel like talking because im tired or want to be bymyself and people are so arrogant they take it as a insult just because I don't want to kiss there ass 24/7. I have gotten into fights with coworkers and classmates when I was in college over it, either a coworker gets angry that I don't feel like talking to them starts being hostile towards me and im just hostile back the same thing happened with my classmates in college when I was friends with them. I know what a struggle it is to force yourself to put on an act on when you don't want to,I feel like it has ruined my life.
  12. I have this problem to im always comparing myself to everyone to rank myself in comparison to everyone im around, my self esteem alternates from high to low, one day I feel im the greatest thing since sliced bread, the next day I feel like the scum of the earth. I feel that my potential is being wasted at the same time I feel like im just cursed and held down by bad fortune or that the world is out to get me. I lie about so many minuscule things to make myself look better and more self confident when I tell stories to people that I don't even notice all the time anymore till someone points it out.
  13. I feel really defeated I am going to do a bunch of applications and look up programs to get a job in a hospital i feel like if I keep working these stupid minimum wage jobs im just going to end up abusing alcohol again or going nuts and ending up in the hospital. I do not understand how people can work these kinds of jobs and be happy or satisfied with life at all
  14. I ate a ton to food is the only thing I look forward to anymore, honestly only part of the day I look forward to is when im going to eat next. Doesn't help when I want to lose weight though.
  15. Easter was s***ty I went over my aunt and uncles I barley spoke to anybody I had no energy from running around at my s***ty gas attendant job was to depressed to play with my nephews or bother or sister just sat at the table drinking glasses of alcohol till i got a buzz going then sat outside in the sun by myself listening to Steven kings the shining for four hours half asleep till my phone was dead wallowing in self pity than sat around not saying much waiting to go complained a bit about my job got home and now im watching Louis ck on netflix while complaining on here, a miserable Easter for a miserable Barsteward.
  16. Im annoyed that I have to go to work with a employee I don't like he gets on my nerves so much when im around him, he is so vulgar and obnoxious. he thinks he's funny but he's not , he's just really annoying.
  17. I think like that to alot but I just remind my self that depression has overtaken my thoughts and tell myself not to listen to them.
  18. Im feeling more optimistic hopeful for the past couple of days alot of energy, I look at my posts from a few days ago and they seem like there from a different person, bipolar is a pain in the ass one week im telling people I feel hopeless then next, the next week I can't understand how I could feel that way. I know you will bounce back lauryncat even though you feel despair now, remember you will feel joy again.
  19. Your like a female version of me lol I don't really have any relationships with anyone outside of work, I am a very bitter person at this point in my life I am dx borderline personality disorder to like other members and I feel alot of jealousy towards others who get along with people so well I am 26 and have only dated a few times it makes me mad at myself because I know im not ugly and it is because I was shy and not confident when I was younger i feel like I wasted my potential.I have poor relationships I think because I expect people to come to me and put in all the work at supporting the relationship, maybe that could be a problem for you to or maybe not, I would ask the therapist for her opnion
  20. Im doing the same crappy minimum wage job, I hate it! If booze didn't smell I would bring a flask to work and Drink till im numb to everything i can't deal with the monotony everyday.
  21. falling further down the rabbit hole into despair I really don't want to go into work tomorrow or deal with anyone.
  22. I feel Joyless and pessimistic this morning, im also getting worried about a nuclear war starting if we invade North Korea.
  23. I feel very sad, very angry this morning. I know work won't help that, im worse now that I got a part time job then when I was unemployed, probably because I hate that I have a college degree and still doing the same s***ty type of stuff before college.
  24. I do this all the time probably my worst trait and why im single with no friends, i,ll look around me and get jealous that everyone has functional relationships with people they just naturally have a social life, tons of money non dysfunctional families. Certain people I feel inferior to but other times I just feel like I deserve what other people have and just feel anger bitterness, resentment towards people. that is what I have been depressed about most of my life and why im in such a awful mood this morning. I can't even use Facebook without becoming extremely sad or feeling betrayed, so I have stopped using social media completely.
  25. Dreading going into my job I don't want to deal with anyone im to depressed and I don't real want to be home either by myself so im damned if I do damned if i don't. So my life is just jumping from one thing I dread to the next thing.Got to plaster a fake smile on my face when I go in so I don't get burdened with a bunch of questions of why im upset.
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