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About crewneck

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  • Birthday 11/03/1994

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  1. If there are things that I need to accomplish and it ties in with a deeply rooted fear I will never get it done. My anxiety skyrockets out of my control. I rather deal with any other horrible consequences other than my fear. Help! What steps or process does anyone else follow that helps them? I've been trying to break down my steps but even then I associate that first step with my fear...for example "If I do this step, I am one step closer to my biggest fears!" Then I get scared to even do my first step...Anyone have any advice?
  2. Very nice and sunny out. It was 25 celsius but my house was too hot. I constantly need a fan blowing at my face.
  3. I got closer to overcoming my biggest fear today.
  4. It is hard to say...I still have this problem with my friends after years of dealing with depression. To be honest, I never told many of my friends because I knew they could never understand. I usually just say I'm not up for hanging out at the moment. It's hard to explain to people that never been through depression before themselves. The best you can do is try to explain it to the best of your ability and hope they just understand you are going through a hard time. Reach out when you are ready to reach out (times when you are feeling okay), so you still are making an effort to keep that friendship going. Keep them updated if you are distancing yourself too much. Let them know how you are feeling and that you cherish your friendship with them. Although they do not understand, just letting them know that you just need a lot more "me" time because of you depression will make them understand where you guys stand as friends and that the distance doesn't mean they mean anything less to you.
  5. Unproductive and disappointed in myself...but I feel better knowing that I acknowledged my anxiety and depression today. I feel like I made a small step to overcoming it.
  6. Been trying to motivate myself to job hunt but I just wasted my time. All I did was procrastinate because I felt too anxious even when thinking about it...
  7. For the last year I've been out of college and just working at my part-time job. I told myself after I graduation, I would look for a job in my field and quit my current job...but I've had such extreme anxiety about it I always just tell myself I'll get to it later. When I first graduated, I was extremely anxious about applying to jobs but I had a lot more hope back then...I ended up having an interview with a company I wanted to work for but I didn't make the final round of interviews. I was close but the rejection just tore me down so hard and gave me such intense depression. I was too scared to try again, I thought the anxiety and depression of trying again right now would destroy me. So I took a break to heal myself. But "my break" has extended a bit over a year now. I don't think I'll ever feel ready but I need to do something. Something more than what I am doing now. I've been trying to step back out and try to apply but I just can't get the motivation I need to do it. I'm terrified of going through the interview process. Always thinking to myself "there's better people out there that can do this better than me" or "I'm not skilled enough". I don't have the confidence I need...Is there anyone out there who can help me and bring me some insight? I feel so stuck right now, I just need advice from anyone that overcome a similar situation or anyone who knows anyone that has been in a similar situation.
  8. Thank you but I feel it is a lot more complex than that. A lot of his problems were caused by things he could not control. He has had an extremely troubled childhood too. There isn't really any family to support him as well. I'm trying to care for myself too but it is overwhelming and hard for me. Thank you again for the kind words.
  9. Thank you. I'm trying to keep my head up. I keep trying to remind myself that I'm not to blame and that it's his depression talking but it so hard to keep that thought. He said that if he committed suicide, he hopes that I feel guilty and carry that burden for the rest of my life. Also there is a new reason for his suicide from now on (I think he meant getting back at me). The situation has gotten so extreme and messed up that I don't know how to deal with it.
  10. I have a friend, who also was my ex...we have a complicated relationship. He has been having a hard time for a long time...we recently reconnected and I thought things were going good. But I was very wrong. Things just got even worse and he has been saying I'm a lot to blame. I have to agree that there is a lot to blame, I've done him wrong a lot in the past. I feel like I'm not even completely there. I don't know how to deal with a lot of things when times get hard. For a long time I thought to myself that 2 sick people together is just asking for a disaster, but I was wrong to distance myself just for that fact. If I really cared I would fight it through. And I feel like I am, but now even trying to be there causes problems. I apologize but it's not enough. I sound emotionless when I say it because I feel like I'm feeling depressed again too. I have a hard time expressing myself because of my sickness, my experiences in life have changed me. I'm just not the right person to give it my all. He can handle things a lot better than I can. I'm weak mentally and I just don't know how to deal with it. But he needed me and I fall short. I feel like he is right, I am wrong in so many ways but I don't know what I can do. I am not mentally able to help without making things worse or coming off unapologetic because when it comes down to it I'm get numb. I just can't handle it. I don't know what to do... Please any answers will be of help. If you read this I really appreciate any reply.
  11. I literally stayed in bed the whole day. I've been trying to socialize more lately and meet new people but it's draining me to even reply back to them. I feel at fault because I don't rely as frequently as I should. I have anxiety to look at their messages. It is mentally draining me to pretend like I'm normal and happy towards them. I feel like a lie. I cried for no reason earlier. It's a bad day...
  12. I dated my best friend who also had depression and other things. She had it worse than me. I recently broke up with her mainly because of my own troubles. I don't think it made my depression worse, we were always close anyway. She helped me a lot. I think it was nice to have someone who knew exactly what I was going through. It bad our bond stronger but it probably won't be the case with every couple.
  13. I've been there :( I've been taking my meds lately too but I feel like they aren't doing much for me atm. It's a slow recovery...no one wants to hear that but things always will get better. Keep fighting!
  14. Hi, it's nice to see you again. I'm doing better than I was before. Thank you for asking :) I've been thinking... talking with a friend of mine about this but I decided I think it's best if I don't take on this interview. I don't feel like I'm in the right state of mind to handle this job if I do get it. I don't even feel like I could handle this interview either. I have a good idea that if I do take this I would probably react the same way I did with the other job...freaking out and backing out last minute and doing something reckless and just trying to run away from everything...I think I will save myself the heartache and embarassment this time...I think I will just relax for the time being before I go looking for another job. I will probably have more chances in the future. I feel like this decision is right for me atm and my friend thinks so too, knowing that she knows of how I am as a person and my depression I feel the same way she does but thank you for replying back it means a lot to me.
  15. I'm out of school right now but I have a part time job that I've been at for few years now and I'm really comfortable there which is why my depression hasn't effected my work life. I planned on getting a 2nd job and I ended up getting one a few weeks ago but the depression and the fact that I didn't like it there got the best of me and I ended up not showing up for one of my shifts there. I decided to quit and not mention anything to them. Big problems ended up happening from what I did...I was only thinking about myself and I just jumped into the job without thinking... I never ended up starting to look for another job because I was started to get depressed again from events happening in my life and it doesn't help that I have seasonal depression and the winter is hitting me hard. At this time in my life this interview came at a good time becausee I was just getting out of that other job I quit but I don't want to repeat my mistakes....how about if I'm just not feeling emotionally ready for this job. but at the sametime I should take my chances and this is a good opprtunity for me because I've never done a proper interview before. My first time I got through connections so I was hired on the spot and the last job I just had, my "interview" was to work there for a few hours to see how I would do. I don't know...should I suck it up and do the interview or should I take more of a break before I start looking again? I just feel like if I don't take this I'm wasting my time just sitting at home or I might not get a chance for an interview in a while. Sitting at home doesn't pay the bills...because my other job depends on the season and winter season is normally dead when it comes to work...any input would help. Thank you.
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