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About crewneck

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  • Birthday 11/03/1994

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  1. It hasn't been the best start to 2020 but hope we can all make it through this 🙏
  2. I feel useless, a burden to my family, weak, alone, rollercoaster of emotions...having casual thoughts like "why don't I just end it?" But I don't want to transfer the pain to my family...when I try talking to friends or family about how I feel, I can tell they feel annoyed...so I always pretend to be okay but it kills me inside the more I pretend. I have no one I can rely on or talk to...
  3. Thank you for taking the time to reply 😊❤️ I will try to remind myself if there was a way down this hole, there must be a way out.
  4. Yes, you are definitely right about that. Thank you for the quote and well wishes ❣️
  5. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me ❤️ I've tried journaling and it definitely helped me but unfortunately I am having trouble sticking to it. I'm not to sure what I can do to help me continue journaling for the long term... hopefully I find something that will work and help me to be more consistent with it. I'm happy knowing there are people out there like you that take the time to listen and reply. As I don't have anyone in my life I can talk to about it without feeling like a burden. I really appreciate it. Thank you again. ❤️
  6. I've had depression and anxiety for many years now. Ever since I was a teenager I started to spiral into a dark hole. I noticed everyone around me accomplishing so much in their life and starting careers...and then there is me. Still working at the same minimum wage job for years...and not much has changed at all during these years. I feel like a teenager still, like I'm frozen in time from where I left off before I became depressed. But I'm almost going into my 30's. I never expected my life to look like this. I'm so tired of feeling this way. Every year I tell myself it will be different but it never is. I feel like I need some ideas of what I can do because clearly my plan is not a good one after failing all these years. So I would like to ask everyone what has worked for you (other than prescription medication)? I'm trying to steer away from it because I've taken it for years in the past but couldn't deal with the anhedonia that came along with it. Any supplements? Habit changes? Any input or ideas would be greatly appreciated 🙏
  7. If there are things that I need to accomplish and it ties in with a deeply rooted fear I will never get it done. My anxiety skyrockets out of my control. I rather deal with any other horrible consequences other than my fear. Help! What steps or process does anyone else follow that helps them? I've been trying to break down my steps but even then I associate that first step with my fear...for example "If I do this step, I am one step closer to my biggest fears!" Then I get scared to even do my first step...Anyone have any advice?
  8. Very nice and sunny out. It was 25 celsius but my house was too hot. I constantly need a fan blowing at my face.
  9. I got closer to overcoming my biggest fear today.
  10. It is hard to say...I still have this problem with my friends after years of dealing with depression. To be honest, I never told many of my friends because I knew they could never understand. I usually just say I'm not up for hanging out at the moment. It's hard to explain to people that never been through depression before themselves. The best you can do is try to explain it to the best of your ability and hope they just understand you are going through a hard time. Reach out when you are ready to reach out (times when you are feeling okay), so you still are making an effort to keep that friendship going. Keep them updated if you are distancing yourself too much. Let them know how you are feeling and that you cherish your friendship with them. Although they do not understand, just letting them know that you just need a lot more "me" time because of you depression will make them understand where you guys stand as friends and that the distance doesn't mean they mean anything less to you.
  11. Unproductive and disappointed in myself...but I feel better knowing that I acknowledged my anxiety and depression today. I feel like I made a small step to overcoming it.
  12. Been trying to motivate myself to job hunt but I just wasted my time. All I did was procrastinate because I felt too anxious even when thinking about it...
  13. For the last year I've been out of college and just working at my part-time job. I told myself after I graduation, I would look for a job in my field and quit my current job...but I've had such extreme anxiety about it I always just tell myself I'll get to it later. When I first graduated, I was extremely anxious about applying to jobs but I had a lot more hope back then...I ended up having an interview with a company I wanted to work for but I didn't make the final round of interviews. I was close but the rejection just tore me down so hard and gave me such intense depression. I was too scared to try again, I thought the anxiety and depression of trying again right now would destroy me. So I took a break to heal myself. But "my break" has extended a bit over a year now. I don't think I'll ever feel ready but I need to do something. Something more than what I am doing now. I've been trying to step back out and try to apply but I just can't get the motivation I need to do it. I'm terrified of going through the interview process. Always thinking to myself "there's better people out there that can do this better than me" or "I'm not skilled enough". I don't have the confidence I need...Is there anyone out there who can help me and bring me some insight? I feel so stuck right now, I just need advice from anyone that overcome a similar situation or anyone who knows anyone that has been in a similar situation.
  14. Thank you but I feel it is a lot more complex than that. A lot of his problems were caused by things he could not control. He has had an extremely troubled childhood too. There isn't really any family to support him as well. I'm trying to care for myself too but it is overwhelming and hard for me. Thank you again for the kind words.
  15. Thank you. I'm trying to keep my head up. I keep trying to remind myself that I'm not to blame and that it's his depression talking but it so hard to keep that thought. He said that if he committed suicide, he hopes that I feel guilty and carry that burden for the rest of my life. Also there is a new reason for his suicide from now on (I think he meant getting back at me). The situation has gotten so extreme and messed up that I don't know how to deal with it.
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