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Everything posted by 2NE1

  1. Hi Wools! I just wanted to say thank you very much for your post, it made me feel better about how things are working out for me atm. In all honesty I was somewhat upset when I saw only one person had responded to my post but when I read your response I was really happy that one person was you since you were really helpful in making me feel like it's less my fault. I've always wished I could change how I looked and be pretty, but in reality you're right about being better off without people who don't judge.....I mean even if I did use pictures of a pretty thin girl and they kept talking to me how shallow would that be! An I'd probably be resentful that they're talking to me via fake pictures...if that makes any sense >.< It's really hard though to become what I thought was really good friends just to get rejected and ignored, it makes me not want to open up to anyone and just deal with being alone. It appears you can't make friends with guys online unless you're cute or their type so I'm just going to stop talking to them online, it seems pointless.....especially if they have some idea of me being an imaginary gf like you said. I just want to be friends >.< I also think you're right about black ppl not being a common in the nerdy MMO world, especially black girls. I think they're probably shocked to find out I'm black but it really shouldn't matter.......nerds come in all shapes colors and sizes! haha I don't want to come off like i'm calling people racist, I think the race card is annoying as heck to put it nicely and I can't stand race hustlers, however I'm just being honest in my experiences. I struggle with feeling ugly all the time over my race and how it feels like black women are supposedly the ugliest or least desirable race of women by the public. I recently saw this study, that I'm going to link below, that mentioned how black women online tend to respond the most to messages from people however they get the least amount of replies back... It's so frustrating, I just want to be judged on how I am as a person when it comes to friends, not how I look!! >.< I just wish I could be me and find happiness. I find it interesting how they say black women are the least responded to but that we respond to other ppl the most - I can relate to that on all social networking or gaming sites. After I stopped using fake pictures as I tried to meet friends no one responded to me. I know this study was about Dating websites, so it isn't the best thing to use for an example since I'm not on dating websites, but I find the bit about never getting responses very relatable. =\
  2. Rejection rejection rejection, why can’t I cope with this?? (I apologize in advance for such a long post I’m just looking for help here and hoping to escape the judgments and mocking that come when I try and talk to family friends in real life about how I’m feeling.) So, my birthday was on the 29th of June and it was actually a really decent day, better than I would have expected by a mile. But over the next couple of days things just went down the tube. I've mentioned on these forums before that I use to use fake pictures online when I was in my teens(I'm 25 now) because I was insecure with my body, felt like people would find me more attractive if I used pictures of Asian or White girls(I'm Black) and I basically wanted to be popular and liked online. Now however I've decided that I don't want to lie about my pictures anymore because I want to make REAL friends online and I don't feel like I should have to pretend to be another race, or super-pretty, just to make friends. Well, now that I'm honest I REALLY struggle to make close friendships with guys or girls, and girls, who are wayyyyyy less judgemental(if at all) towards me over my looks, are harder to find because the places I hang out at online (mostly MMO games like WoW) are just full of more guys playing than girls. But I digress........ I met a really nice guy a couple weeks back and we had a lot in common! He helped me out in one of the games I play(WoW) and introduced me to some of his friends. Well I kept making mention of my "blonde" moments when it comes to the game because I'm new to it still and after a week or so, through random conversation, he mentioned me being a blonde to his friend and so I spoke up and told him I wasn't a blonde I just use the comment "blonde moment" as synonymous with "ditz".......one thing led to another and I told him I was Black - in a bid to be honest vs. lying or avoiding the topic like I use to. Well what happens, he goes from talking and texting me on a somewhat regular basis to barely talking to me. And when we did talk his comments were very short, you know, like he was uninterested. In all honestly I felt hurt but I tried not to think negatively, move past my feelings, be happy with talk to him scarcely, and struggle to keep up with the one girl he introduced me to because she's working odd hours now. So a week later I'm running through the same game, bored, and I happen to meet three other guys who were AWESOME! We literally stayed in one spot and chatted for two hours together. We all added each other and agreed to play together tomorrow. Well, two of them were friends and ended up advancing really far ahead on their own so they stopped talking to me and the other guy we met, but the one other guy in the group was really nice and walked me through a lot of things I was lost on over the next few days. So the more we talked over the next week we found out we had a crazy amount of things in common, like the same type of gameplay, hobbies, music, tv shows, and so on. We start texting and hanging out in-game a lot. A few days ago he started bringing up that he was nervous showing me his picture but wanted to blah blah blah blah. He mentioned how HE was worried I wouldn't talk to him or I'd find him ugly blah blah blah, but I told him Idc what he looked like I don't judge friends off of their appearances and so he showed me his picture. Afterwards It was my turn.....I told him that I felt the same way about being judged and what not......well, he responded and said that I wasn't ugly(i had made mention of feeling ugly) and made a joke about me being more attractive than him. So yeah, he talked to me a bit that day, but then tomorrow - nothing. Now, unlike the first guy I talked about in this post, I literally talked to this second guy from sun up to sun down. When at work we'd text text text, and then at night we’d game or just chat online. So it literally went from talking every day all day to NOTHING! I finally decided to text the other day and asked him what was up and why he stopped talking to me. He made some spill about being busy and not feeling talkative blah blah but to the point that he wouldn’t be able to say hi anymore?? I see him online in-game every time i sign on. And with this game you can tell if someone is active so I knew he wasn't just signed in and AFK. Now I don’t reasonably expect someone to always be able to talk all day every day, but to go from always talking as much as possible and being super-pumped to talk to each other to NOTHING only after I showed him my picture is too much of a coincidence for me for the SECOND time. I think I could count the amount of times we’ve talked in the last few days on one hand. The first rejection was easier to take because, well it was the first, and I hadn’t been talking to the other guy as much and we didn’t have as much in common, but with this second guy I really thought we were becoming good friends, and I thought that since he was afraid of me judging him and not talking to him he’d never do that to me! So after being rejected again I’ve become so depressed. I’m trying to fight it but it’s hard….school is out and I lost my job so all I do is sleep all day because I’ve been so upset lately. I’m skipping meals then eating a huge dinner to make up for it (which is not healthy, I know) and I’ve even broken down a few times. I realize this might sound stupid to some people but I can’t socialize offline atm because I’ve had to move to the countryside without a car and I won’t be able to get a car until later this year. But even with a car I’m not a go-to-the-club/bar alone kind of girl, I’m hugely afraid of being judged by people my age and I have horrible social anxiety. I always thought meeting friends online would be easier, but It’s like the guys I meet only care about looks(which I don’t understand, I just want to be your friend not your GF!) and girls are really hard to find on the games I’m on. I just don’t know how to get over this lump……without school I’m desperately bored and I just want to make friends and be me. I don’t want to get sucked into the life of using fake-pictures again……that was such a horrible cycle to get into, always making up excuses not video chat or always worrying about being found out blah blah blah. It was fun being accepted as a pretty white or Asian or mixed girl but it was a TOTAL headache that did more harm than good in the long run, since I lost all the friends I made under those fake pictures because the closer we got the more I realized I’d never be able to meet them or chat with them as the girl in the picture. –sigh- And to be honest, when things like this happen ONLINE it makes me even more socially anxious in real life. I’m stuck at home atm, I can’t get out and about where I am so online is all I have atm, and I can’t even make friends that way anymore now that I don’t use fake pictures and fake life stories. Can ANYONE relate to what I’m saying here? I feel like I’m the only one in the world who has this problem, even though I know that’s not true. I just feel alone in my depression, I feel alone in my insecurity, and Idk, I’m hoping someone here can relate and tell me how they’ve managed to cope because I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m alone, broke, and increasingly frustrated with life on so many levels. I’m fighting the urge to use fake pictures again so badly I can’t explain it >_<
  3. Yeah I plan on skipping summer classes and looking for a job. It'll be hard without a car but I can ask my mum to drive me on her days off. I was going to buy a cheap car for 800 bucks to help me get around(especially since I wanna try going to campus next fall) when I got my school refund but we were about to be evicted AND the power was cutoff so the money had to go to what was more important and immediate at the time. I feel like if I could just get a break SOMEWHERE things would be better. I don't want a nice car, I just need an old piece of crap that can get me from point A to point B. -sigh- I don't have medical insurance or any way to travel to a therapist so no, I just keep how I'm feeling inside until I'm ready to burst - which is when I usually come on here -.- Yeah I know what you mean, I say something like that to myself sometimes and it'll work for a while but if something bad happens to set me back I can't seem to roll with the punches you know? I wish I could, I'm tired of living this way. I know it's wrong to use other people as a crutch but I feel like it would be easier to roll with the punches if I had a close friend who could relate/understand, but it's impossible for me to make close friends apparently. -_-
  4. So I'm writing here because I have no friends to talk to so yes, I'm aware that it might come off like I'm whining but I literally have no one to talk to.....and I'm sorry it's so long.-_- I've written here before about how I have no friends, I'm taking my college courses online, I spend every single day alone unless my mum is home, I never go out, I can't afford a car, and I can't seem to make real friends online.....so I feel utterly alone. I have one realish friend online on this chat program called IMVU. All my other so called "friends" on IMVU don't give a s*** about me, only come around when they're bored, delete me from their friends list if I don't come on enough, only wanna be silly and completely lack the ability to be serious or hold a meaningful conversation, or leave me with the chore of chasing THEM down! I HATE that, I'm alwaysssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss the person texting them, going to their room on IMVU, messaging them, and so on, NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR the other way around!!!!!! I'm TIRED of being the one to always push a conversation or contact on someone else, I want someone to be equally interested in being friends with me FFS! Back to the one girl I know who actually cares about me though on IMVU, she's got a lot of problems going on herself and also has a bf she spends time with, so I don't like to worry her with too much of my depression crap. The same goes with my mum, who works so hard and is so stressed herself......so that leaves me with my dog. rofl -sigh- I become so depressed because of my weight, if I had been thin and/or pretty I would of never been teased endlessly in HS to the point of having to drop out, and I would of never became so shy - which means I would of been able to persue my passions for various performance arts. At this point I'm so mentally screwed in terms of depression that I know suddenly becoming thin won't fix things, but I know it would be a MAJOR hurdle for me in terms of making friends and dating, since all guys find me disgusting - and I can't blame them -_- However it's easy to sit back and say you have to loose weight, exercise, and try hard, it's something completely different to do that by yourself with NO support system of friends. All I have is my mum (who is incredibly stressed herself and I don't wanna burden her more than I already am), a dog, and a friend in the UK thousands of miles away. I have no one to run with, work out with, lift me up, talk to me, relate to me, etc etc etc I know, I can work out on my own blah blah blah, but it's hard to stay motivated and positive when I have no support system of friends. Any little set back just ruins it for me, I hate that about myself, and I'm so incredibly lonely I can't describe it. I know a lot of ppl get on forums like these and say "I have no friends" but they have like 3-5, plus a huge family. I LITERALLY have NO CLOSE FRIENDS irl and ONE close friend online! The word doesn't do what I'm feeling enough justice. I'm too much of a punk to off myself and I'd never wanna off myself and leave my mom behind to pick up the mess, so that (and not wanting to leave my dog) has kept me alive as silly as that might sound to you guys....plus I keep hoping like an İdiot that I can find a way to do it on my own, but I'm just so frustrated!!!! And I'm tired of people with family support and friends telling me to just work hard. That's easy to say when you have a support system, bf, and have no idea what it's like to be alone, all day, every day, in a room in the middle of the boondocks with no way to travel and no support system. All I do everyday is school work, browse instagram and torture myself with pictures of pretty girls doing all the things I WISH I could do*, WoW, IMVU, and YouTube. The last three use to all be super fun, and WoW still is fun for me,but what the heck kind of life is that? School and WoW? I'm alone on that game too! I rather have friends than keep doing things alone, even things I like to do! I need to go to sleep, but I'm just posting this selfishly hoping someone can relate to me or say something to give me a positive feeling or perspective tomorrow. I really don't know what words I wanna hear, I'm just tired of everything... I'm tired of being poor, I'm tired of being alone, I'm tired of being single, I'm tired of just being with friends. --------------------- *Am I the only İdiot who tortures themselves with pictures of other ppl doing things you wish you could be doing?? Idk why I browse Instagram, especially pages of pretty perfect girls with all their friends, going to the beach/ultra/parties, and generally have the best life ever. It's total torture, but I guess I like to pretend and play the "what if that was me" game in my head for 2 seconds, then go right back to feeling like s***. -___-
  5. Thank you Lindsay. I hope you have a great day as well! ^_^

  6. Well I kinda figure everyone knows why they're depressed. Most don't just wake up sad one day happy the next unless there's a medical/psychological disorder under the surface. My situation is eerily similar to yours, so that's why I'm depressed, simple as that - I'm lonely and I feel ugly.
  7. Don't waste your energy focusing on it for more than a minute or so, they want you to get hung up and upset by what they say so why give them the satisfaction eh? =) If anything pity them for having such a crap personality an extreme lack of empathy. Hell, I just read a comment on here where someone was telling another girl how her problems were trivial, annoyed him, and that his were tougher - HAH! Talk about wanting to reach through the screen..........I would of if I could!! But I didn't let it wreck my mood or anything, I just shook my head. Perhaps I should message the person he was talking to and let her know her issues aren't trivial and that she has every right to feel the way she does...and perhaps that's what you should do if you see a cold comment - respond to the person it was directed at and try to reassure them. =)
  8. I'll be blunt. In all my experiences and observations of others it feels like personality doesn't mean s**t to 95% of guys under the age of 35 and 50% of the girls under 35 year olds. Why do I say this? Because I use to only use fake pictures online.....usually of thin pretty Asian girls or sometimes white or hispanic girls. I'd get inundated with messages, and after talking to me they'd tell me how amazing I was, too good to be true, had a killer personality, was just like one of the dudes, blah blah blah blah. When I go to using my own pictures finally I put the same stuff on my profile and get absolutely NO messages. So I'd get up the courage to message a few guys and girls who have the same interest as me and have "I don't care what you look like I'm just look for friends" on their pages, and they'd either not respond or respond with two or three words.....like they were annoyed or disappointed some fat black chick was messaging them. So of course I'd feel like s*** after a few messages and I'd just stop responding, since it becomes painfully obvious after 3-4 tries that you're the only one interested in having a conversation. After a while I started to wonder if my depression was making me paranoid....this is about 6 months. So I tested a theory and created a fake profile with pretty pictures of some thin gorgeous alternative girl on this alternative site I was on, and then on POF i made a profile with some pretty thin asian girl........within MINUTES I was swamped with a million and one messages, and low and behold the same people who seemed bored with me under my real profile where just as nice and going on and on and on in their messages to me as a fake. So anyone who says it's all about personality, is lying to you - period....especially online! I'd say offline personality probably doesn't mean crap to 80% of guys and 50% of girls. Try the experiment yourself and test the responses you get.....it's depressing but realistic. Now I'm not saying men don't have the right to be attracted to the person they wanna get with, but since when do you have to be attracted to someone who just wants to be friends?? Well, welcome to the new internet.....it sucks. -sigh- Learn not to let it define you or you'll surely go insane. At the end of the day looks don't matter to EVERYONE, and offline you have a much better shot at meeting someone who sees value in you as a person. But do expect it to be a lot harder if you're not thin and super pretty - that's life unfortunately.
  9. lol well you already seem cool to me, you have me laughing within 30 seconds of knowing you!! =D I'd love to be friends!! ^.^
  10. Thank you Lorax....thank you so much. I found myself back on this site tonight because I was starting to feel horrible again, but your comment really made me feel better tonight. So I really appreciate it. <3
  11. 2NE1


    I've been saying that but no one ever talks to me or they stop, so I just stop. Running into a wall ten times gets old......>.< Thank god for YouTube and music or I'd be dead or insane right now.
  12. I'm so depressed right now I can't really write at the caliber I like to. I feel like rambling randomly... Truth is I'm lonely, and I use to be able to handle it but I can't anymore. I wanna cry my eyes out, but what good does that do. I have no one to talk to I can't make friends online because I'm not witty or pretty or loud or rude enough to get anyones attention. I fade into the background of existence. I just want a friend, I wanna be loved by someone other than my dog and my mom. I'm not being selfish, I appreciate my mom and my dog but I want more I use to think I could handle not being with someone, being alone, having no friends I cant I just want someone to talk to I want a best friend I want a life I want purpose I'm so frustrated right now I cant even make a simple grocery list I wanna be pretty I wish I could just be pretty, I don't need money, looks get you everything in this society I hate people. I don't wanna be punished for not be a slut online or some show boating clown who tries too hard to get attention. I just wanna be me online I want to be considered worthy of friends I don't wanna be faulted for not being overly confident I just wanna talk to someone I just need somebody to come into my life but I dont know where to find them I know you cant lean on another person to feel better about yourself and your life But everyone struggling needs a support system of friends I want that I just wish someone was here to talk to me Understand me Want to talk to me I don't wanna have to impress people to get them talk to me I don't wanna go through some high school litmus test to see if I can become part of the clique I just wanna meet someone, or people Why do we have to form online cliques or groups irl that make ppl work to become accepted Friendship shouldn't be a hazing. I hate myself I'm lame I'm going to go lay down Forgive any typos this isn't how I typically write. I'm a writer and I know how to format a blog I just don't feel like it And I don't feel like proof reading this I'm just writing how I feel I need som eway to let it out I don't think this will help I'll keep trying though bye
  13. Hmm. Part of me says he's just telling her crap to make her feel bad for him and get closer to her because he likes her, and that POV was kinda backed up by the thing you said next about him trying to kiss her. But if his dad is saying he's in a bad way then its probably not a lie, but still....he's probably lonely romantically.....hence him coming to her for sympathy/comfort. I wouldn't be too keen on him talking to my gf if I was you after knowing he A) tried to kiss her and B) is now trying to get sympathy from her. Blegh.... I'm not saying don't talk to him though, that could push him over the edge, but he can't be leaning on another mans girl. Tell your gf to be very firm in her love for you but to maybe suggest a therapist or counselor to him, and have her tell him that they could actually help him a lot more than she could. If he gives her the whole "no i can't talk to them, but talking to you really helps" kind of line, he's going after her. I'm not saying he's lying about being depressed though, but depressed people can still try to go after girls/guys they like, especially in a desperate manner like your friend is.
  14. Ah, so i'm not alone with just having a dog as a friend >.< I spent New Years with my pup and that's it lol At least you know you're not alone here!!!
  15. I feel hopeless myself. I am forever downing my body, my ability to reach my goals, and even my very existence. Then I turn around and tell myself even if I lose the weight who's going to wait someone with crappy skin, or so on and so on......so i understand how you feel, but don't lose faith....despite how pessimistic I am myself I keep hope alive in my heart, even if it's just a little bit, that there's someone out there for everyone. It's so very hard being alone, especially on New Years of all days.....but you're not alone in your pain, I understand you there. Try doing what I am, listen to music!! I'm listening to a killer mix of Lana Del Rey, 2NE1,James Taylor, Deadmau5, Karmin, Ailee, SISTAR, Grace Potter & The Nocturnals, EXO, and a few more!! All uplifting or upbeat songs, on shuffle within Windows Media Player as we speak, and that helps so much I can't tell you!! Go to YouTube or play your own stuff. Or if playing Xbox and smashing Zombies makes you feel comfortable and at ease, do that! Just try to get your mind off of the romantic and reflecting aspects of New Years...... Or please, feel free to message me. I'll be spending the night on here and a few other sites until a little after Midnight, so if you need to talk, message away!!
  16. Midnight is three and a half hours for me. Mom's asleep because she has to get up for work at 2am and it's just me, the dog, and the interwebs in my room....it'll be my 10th+ year celebrating alone at home lol, so I get how you're feeling there. I personally hate New Years more than any holiday. Christmas doesn't make me upset, New Years however, when I get to reflect on what I feel is another lonely pathetic year and then see happy couples kissing and so full of life on TV/online I feel like the very personification of worthless. I also understand where you're coming from on thinking things are going great but then you end up alone. If I had a damn penny for every time a guy told me how amazing my personality is, and how cool it is I like chicks, football, alcohol, and video games, and that I'd make the coolest gf ever, I'd be rich!!! Yet none of those dudes would ever date me! The only ones that were interested in dating me where the ones who thought I was someone else via fake pictures. -sigh- So frustrating.....and people wonder why I take compliments with a grain of salt and am forever arguing them down? Because I think they're meaningless, I don't wanna be told how cool or funny I am if it doesn't get me friends or a bf. Screw dudes telling me that, I'm so sick of it. But you've gotta keep hoping for change, when you stop you're in true misery. The way I look at it is there's only one way to go when you're on the floor, and that's up. On a positive note, I absolutely positively ADORE Adventure Time, so I LOVEEE your icon!! lol Hey I get where you're coming from. You're talking to a person who got a "we're turning off your power" notice a couple days before Christmas, with nothing to eat other than water and a few potatoes and stale Ramen...which quickly ran out. I wish I could help you. If I ever get to a point in my life where I can help people struggling to eat and stay warm, I will. I know how it is, I grew up in a paycheck to paycheck household, and have been put on the street as a child.....it's not fun. I wish you all the best.
  17. Ditto. I suppose my Math being at a 9th grade level it's my own fault for dropping out of HS in 9th grade, but I couldn't handle being ridiculed every day. I knew it was only going to get worse so I quit.....I didn't wanna deal with getting into fights or being tortured day in and day out. I'm in college now and I'm doing good in terms of my grades, but I still feel like at 24, soon to be 25 in June, that I'm at a really crappy point in my life to have no friends, moved back in with my mom because I lost my job, and I've never been in a relationship because no guy would pay me the time of day. I wanna branch out and open up more, and I plan on getting a new car with my taxes in a month which will help with me getting out of the house more, but still, I feel like such an odd person when I try to socialize. I can't help but feel incredibly uncomfortable in social situations, with all the pretty chicks around I feel like what's even the point? My personality doesn't mean to the opposite sex, it's all about looks.....and making friends, that seems impossible too. Online It seems impossible to break into a clique setting, and offline it's the same but worse......and hell, the only men who have shown any interest in me just wanted sex, then get mad when I dismiss that and attempt normal conversation. I feel worthless. I thank my mother for raising me with enough respect to KNOW that i'm worth more than sex, which has prevented me from becoming another promiscuous statistic......but It's becoming painful trying to talk to the opposite sex, at least when they're my age, they have no respect for fat girls, they think we all will be so low to just sleep with them because we're desperate, and that I'm not worthy of friendship or proper courtship. Older guys who are family friends are easy to talk to, but dudes my age are painful to talk to, and girls my age, meh,......I'm called Gay if I try to make friends with girls online. I tried to talk to a girl on this one site because she had anime and k-pop things all over her page - two things I LOVE - so I thought we'd totally get along. She responded to me several times on her page and I thought things were going great, but then an hour or so later she post on her page "GOD, why do only girls talk to me on here! I'm not gay and i'm NOT interested in girls. I'm so sick of this" Made me feel like . -.- I don't get it, it's so frustrating. I just wanna hit the lottery and retire to some small island by myself with dogs, horses, and some fishing gear. >_< I hate people.....but then again I long to be near them and be like them. It's ironically depressing......I wish the whole Mayan thing would of came true, I'm too much of a coward to **** myself and I'd never do that to my mom or leave my dog alone, but Idk, mass world Apocalypse sounds pretty awsm right about now.....
  18. It absolutely ticks me off that even on THIS site you can't get away from people teasing and mocking fat people in the chat room, and judging others that they don't even know by just looking at them. But then they want to turn around and ask for help with their own issues and expect not to be judged when it's something affecting THEM? What nerve! And of course everyone else starts laughing with the S.O.B because it's easy to pick on fat people or people with kids or people with disabilities when you're on the internet hiding under anonymity, trying to forget your own sorry ass life. There's absolutely no safe haven anywhere, the world has been overrun with jerks who no matter how many problems they themselves have will ALWAYS feel the need to mock and tease others suffering to make themselves feel better or more normal. We call other species vicious and mean because they daggers for teeth or leave their young to fend for themselves, but if you ask me we're worse! Such wild animals have brains the sizes of dimes, nickels, and golf balls, but us - we have huge brains, especially in comparison to our body size, that gives us a conscious level of thought unmatched in the world, yet with all the knowledge and feeling we have we still choose to hate and ridicule each other with vile words, violence, and m*****. Society sucks People suck And the reality that you have to live in such a society, with no method of escape or a safe haven, SUCKS!
  19. I held my tongue when I wanted to cuss a hypocritical jerk out. Yay manners. -sigh-
  20. I use to think it would but I never would last for more than a few posts in one before I started using the journal for a sketch book or something. So no, it didn't help.......but it does from some people so try it.
  21. I attempted being social. They really weren't interested but I tired. >.<
  22. Oh you're SO not the only one suffering from this. I talked myself out of a gym membership a few years back when I could afford it and instead got some work out program from TV(total failure) because I was secretly dreading the idea of working out in front of others.I also am literally TERRIFIED of the idea of school next Fall semester because I'll be back in a physical class and I'll likely have to give my final report in front of everyone - that's something that might force me to quit or get a bad grade if I refuse to do it in front of everyone, because I just can't do that in my current state and it's so scary to think about dealing with. I'm thankful Spring semester will be online and I don't have to worry about that just yet >_<
  23. Well I'm not on Facebook and I don't track or keep up with people who treated me like crap - I mean why would I wanna do that? But the people who use to tease me were not popular and were teasing me for being fat because they didn't wanna get teased about how THEY looked, and they use to tease me about acting white when I'd celebrate getting a good grade because they were mad they were getting crappy grades, so I can't imagine they'd be soaring to success right now. But even if they are, I wouldn't even care. Being jealous of them would give them too much satisfaction or power in my life, and that idea makes me sick at 24 years old. DON'T' GIVE THEM THE SATISFACTION OR POWER TO CONTROL YOUR LIFE ANYMORE!!!! <3 <3
  24. Nice video!! People who are depressed shouldn't feel guilty, heck - half the nation is depressed about SOMETHING now a days. >.<
  25. Good Ol' Google. Typed in "Depression Forums" in a bid to find somewhere to talk about how I'm feeling
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