minooka

When I have to leave my husband with our son for a day or more, I know he feels the same way you do. I think it's a normal feeling. What I do to try to help with that is some preparation, that you could do before your son visits. I would purchase a new book, some new toys, outdoor activities (bubbles, side walk chalk, water balloons), some fun snacks, a new kid movie (after playing, when you need to relax). My husband would have enough things to keep our son busy, that he would usually stay in a good mood. Taking my son to the park playground is good when I need a break, he gets worn out and gets to play with other kids. I also will take him to a dollar store and tell him to pick out five things. He loves that and is cheap. I agree with many comments above, it does get easier as they get older. Good luck!

I appreciate your forethought on this topic. I am an rn, with some education in the area of genetics. There is so much yet to discover, that I do not know if one should rule out having a child based on one's own genetic makeup. So much has to do with the combination of genes between both partners. Furthermore, I believe nurture to be a stronger component than nature. If you are not well, that is something you cannot hide from a child and will affect them greatly. I have posed that very question due to my own circumstances. I wonder if my depression is genetically derived from my mother or if being raised by a bipolar was the cause. I was of the selfish mindset that a baby would bring me joy and minimize my depression. The reality is that my child has brought the only happiness to my life, but I know I am not depressed any less and my child does not deserve to suffer when I'm depressed. I'm terrified that I'm continuing the legacy in my offspring. Having stated the above, I feel strongly that it is a biological desire to continue our species, not just selfish thinking. Also take into account your partner, you are not alone in parenthood if you both want a child and commit to it. Can your partner be strong when you are not? If the two of you can honestly look at your issues and feel you can effectively parent in spite of them, that is the key.

If you are feeling suicidal, PLEASE call a suicide hotline. There is a post on this site, titled "Suicide Help" that has information on who you can call. You are not worthless. I know struggling financially is so hard, but your kids need you. Your value is much greater than money. I had a depressed mother who tried to end her life and it was devastating to me, to think she would be gone from my life. She was also very intelligent, like yourself. I believe you are smart and capable, you just cannot give up on yourself. Keep holding on, you wrote that your wife will be able to help in several months, so there is hope. Family is not just there for you when you are happy or have something to give, they are there in the worst of times, when you feel you have nothing. Have you shared your feelings with your wife? I do not think she would support your leaving her and your kids. You need support, that is what she is there for, no matter how many times you need it. Also know, you are not alone. Many people are facing hardships financially and feel like failures. Hang in there for your kids, I know you would not want to cause them pain.

Thank you so much Mental77, for the recommendation of the book. I read some reviews on it and it sounds perfect for my situation. God bless you for taking the time to help someone that you do not know.

I've been depressed as long as I can remember. My very first memory at all, was my parents fighting and my mom being very upset. I may have been 4 years old, they divorced the next year. When my dad left my mom for another woman, she stayed in her bathrobe for days and cried. Years later, in an abuse of marriage, she was diagnosed with bipolar. She seemed depressed more than manic. I witnessed her put a gun to her head and I screammed and begged for her not to pull the trigger. My stepfather was cruel to her, and with her first failed marriage she didn't want to fail again. So she stayed depressed, as did I. I wanted so badly to have a happy, loving marriage. When I married my husband I prayed to have just that. At the time of my marriage, my mother was dying of cancer. I was depressed about that, naturally. After she died I was depressed for years. I question if I, like my mother, have clinical depression or have I just had life events that lead me there. After four years of marriage and depression, my husband left me for another woman. I was suicidal then, but I hung in there for our son. I pleaded with him to come back. I made him feel bad for leaving his son and told him a divorce would destroy our child, just to get my husband back. He came back after eight weeks. He was not very apologetic and I was crushed by his betrayal and lack of remorse. I have been in this deep black sadness now for almost ten years. I wonder if my depression led him to his affair and if my severe emotional distress over the affair is causing my depression or is it biological? The old question, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" I'm hoping someone out there has some insight to share. I, like most people, want a solution to my misery. I don't know if I should leave my husband, the source of my pain, or get treatment and maybe he will be a better spouse.