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Kabuto

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Everything posted by Kabuto

  1. I'm just tired of playing by the rules. I hate dealing with people always trying to tell me what to do. I just want to live by my own rules, without anyone breathing over me. Unfortunately...that is not possible. Even if I was unemployed, there's always someone I have to answer to... But I want a job that gives me as much agency as possible. What the heck is that job??? I just applied for some Master's degree programs, and to be honest...it feels like my heart sunk when I submitted those applications. I just want to be a free spirit who doesn't have to deal with anyone's nonsense.
  2. I've been jealous of extroverts sometimes. Sometimes I don't have the desire to socialize, which holds me back when I need to network for my career. It's a two sided coin I guess.
  3. What non-profits? My local workforce areas don't help for nothing...
  4. I just want some answers- and I'm frustrated when even some of my friends haven't helped give me leads or lend me a helping hand. (Even a wee bit of their time to help give me insight).
  5. Hi all, I've been in a crossroads for many years now. Really unsure of what to do with my life/career. Feeling really anxious- scared- uncertain. I'm 26 and I've got interest in quite a number of different things. I'm very grateful to the people out there who have shown a lot of kindness/support. But honestly, I wish others were less freaking selfish. I ask a number of my friends, in the hopes that perhaps I can get a more clear sense of potential prospects. So I ask my acupuncturist friend if perhaps he'll talk with me for a tiny bit....and no reply yet... Then I ask my farming friend if perhaps he'll talk with me for a tiny bit....and no reply yet... Then I ask my computer animation friend if perhaps he'll talk with me for a tiny bit....and no reply yet... Honestly, how the HECK am I going to solve this if people aren't freaking responsive to me? I am under a fairly limited time frame soon, I'm already 26 and I need to make up my darn mind about a career ASAP. Ugh. I really need the help and I'm not asking for a lot in return. Please help!
  6. The last number of years has been rough for me...too annoying... When I compare this exact moment as I type to my life years ago, I long for that former existence...a time where things were good.... I've just had too much stuff to deal with lately. And I hope it'll all get better and start looking up soon... I try to be optimistic....I know pessimism will get me nowhere.... But yet...things have been so hard...I've felt so let down by life.... So...how can I improve? I hope things will start going upward from here.
  7. I suppose I'm just wondering what the solution is to all this. I looked up the Japanese 'hikikomori' phenomenon- and I've been like that, to a degree... But yeah, just generally reclusive. A recluse is often actually the intelligent one, because let's face it, society has been pretty lame and pretty warped... Though I still have to solve this conundrum.
  8. Hmmm....I got to find a way to adapt to society while retaining my happiness & individuality...hmmm. Any recommendations?
  9. See, I feel the opposite. I feel like most others are beneath me in intellectual capacity...if anything, I've got more of a superiority complex than an inferiority complex...
  10. I've been super reclusive. As urban dictionary defines it: Recluse: "Often times a person who rather than being crazy, is merely beyond tired of and fed up with the blatant narcissism, rudeness, ignorance, stupidity, cruelty, fakeness, hatred, etc. of the human race and chooses to detoxify themselves from the vices societies are swimming in to a greater extent than most. Often times recluses have been known to possess extraordinary genius, talent, and/or vision often mistaken as abnormality and eccentricity by the adherents of a culture's status quo." However....it has been a tad bit lonely. And adapting to this world has been quite difficult for me....thus far. Hm. Any recommendations?
  11. Please keep in mind everyone that I'm not creating this thread to have a Trump vs Clinton debate: as Clinton has been out since November, thus rendered irrelevant in this discussion. We'll never know how her presidency would be, and at this point, it honestly doesn't matter. I create this thread to vocalize my concerns solely with Trump at this moment, with him alone: and what I can do to help myself emerge in the best way possible going forward.
  12. On one hand, I've wanted to be avoidant of the news. Avoidant of all these sad articles about Trump.... On the other hand, I feel like there's got to be something that we as Americans can do, to preserve our freedoms, our rights, for every American. Every American deserves to have their rights. I've had so many feelings: fear, hate, anger, dismay, uncertainty, frustration. I want to make sure that my well being is safe. (As much as I care about everyone...) None of my therapists so far have truly helped alleviate my feelings. And I'm not sure whether I should be calm or trying to find a way to take action.
  13. Hi All: I've been mistrusting of others. And it's little surprise why: there are a number of jerks out there- and there are people who aren't on my wavelength. However, even when I do meet someone potentially on my wavelength: I'm guarded. I'm not sure why. I guess I'm mistrusting of others. If I can open up my trust, perhaps I can make more friends and meet more girls. But how can I do it? How can I start trusting others, at least the people I sense are on my wavelength?
  14. Maybe it's in my imagination: but I've always imagined that there are more avenues for musicians than artists.... If nothing else, I feel like musicians can do more freelance teaching than artists can... And I really love music. A lot more than I love art... But then again, there's probably a bias, as I feel that I have to practice my art... But also, potentially: 1. Less overuse on the hands 2. Less time at the computer 3. More time touring on adventures 4. More ways to meet women
  15. I suppose the loneliness has made me angry, especially when I consider that perhaps there were friends I could have had, but don't... But alas...I guess it was an impossibility. Guess it was fate that I clashed with them, and it's fate that prevents us from reconnecting...
  16. Yeah, it's true that perhaps some of these feelings are perpetuated by genuine loneliness. If I weren't lonely, I wouldn't be craving connection. However, I do know that at the very least, 'B' and I share similar hobbies and political leanings. Of course, those are simply barebones basics, but still more than I have in common with most people I know in my vicinity.... I haven't been able to stop wondering if there's anything I can do...
  17. I suppose part of me feels like there could be some way to rectify this relationship, at least with "Female B" (I do think "Lady A" is pretty much a lost cause, as much as I'd love both friendships). If only there were something I could say.. If it truly were to be the case that both relationships are certainly a lost cause, I'd throw my hands in the air and give up. But part of me feels like there should be something I can do... Just blows is all. Really freaking blows, especially when you consider how lonely I've felt.
  18. I'll tell you guys a story: There was a girl I had a crush on in college a while back, about 5/6 years ago. I'll call her "Lady A" so I don't disclose her identity. Then, there was also "Lady A's" best friend, whom I also knew. I'll call her "Female B". "Lady A" and I were friends at one point. I knew "Female B" as well through association. I ended up having a crush on "Lady A", but she rejected my advances. Feeling emotionally crushed at the time, I verbally lashed out against her. This led "Lady A" to be fearful of me, and she blocked me on facebook and wanted to stop associating with me. Her best friend, "Female B" never blocked me explicitly, but because she wasn't being responsive to me, one can assume that she sided with her friend and felt the same way. Over time, I had always felt guilty for my actions and wanted to apologize to them. It was one of the few times in my life I had felt almost entirely in the wrong. So I did: I would send fairly long winded messages, foolishly lacking a filter, and going on way longer than I should have. (I often sent them to "Female B", since "Lady A" blocked me) I had gotten no reply. Just recently, I ran into "Female B" accidentally, seeing her for the first time in 5/6 years. She was very kind to me in person, even offering me a hug, strangely. Through conversation, I realized I have a lot in common with her. It has truly affirmed my realization that I wish we could be friends. But upon sending her a friend request, I haven't heard anything back (yet) One must wonder that even though she may have forgiven me, she might not have any interest in a friendship. And to be completely honest...if that is the case- for me, that's a bit of a shame. I really don't have a lot of like-minded friends at the moment locally, and I had sabotaged my friendships with them all those years ago. All my attempts to apologize only made it worse...maybe she would have forgiven me if I didn't suck at apologizing at the time. So yeah, it kinda blows. Not sure there's much I can really do... :/ Is there anything I can say at all? I wish I can tell her that I'm really a good-hearted person, that I was an angry/reckless teenager who has since learned his lesson... I wish she would understand that- understand that my feelings about that are sincere. I am fully aware that I have to accept my past decisions, it just feels sad to me. Obviously there are people who've had to contend with much much worse. For example, there are people who have gambled their money away... There are people who have succumbed to addiction, drugs and alcoholism.... There are people who committed crimes and went to prison.... There are so many sad stories of people who have done far worse than me. And yet, I've often felt so much regret about my past... :( I obviously wish to transcend this, and feel little-no regret...
  19. I want to have my friends reach out to me. I want to reconnect with old people I liked. And yet, I don't want to come off as desperate or needy. Unfortunately, people are often repelled by desperation or neediness.... I'm trying to create new bonds.
  20. I was just awake thinking about the typical depressive feelings: emptiness, purposelessness, etc. But more than anything, I just wish there can be more kind people on this planet- a lot more. I wish this world could be a better place- my world. I'm an intelligent, good-hearted, good-looking guy: I should have everything going for me. But yet, at this current moment, I have few friends. At this current moment, I have no girlfriend. I do my best to retain optimism that these things will change. I would even dare say I have a pretty positive attitude, or I do my best to at least...
  21. Long story short, how can I avoid getting lonely if I don't want kids? I've already been lonely and I'm only in my mid 20s
  22. Obviously not a decision I have to make today, but I don't want kids for numerous reasons: 1) I Don't Want The Responsibility: Both Financial and Emotional: Once having kids, you're locked in to taking care of them. If you don't, you're a deadbeat. So I would never want to be a deadbeat- but I also don't want to deal with the responsibility. 2) I wouldn't want to put a child into this world: Yes, the child would miss out on pleasurable experiences. But they would get to miss out on pain as well. Because of those reasons, I wouldn't want to succumb to pressure: when it's ultimately something I do not desire. Frankly, I wish more people agreed with me: and that there were IQ Tests and Financial Limits put in place before anyone has kids. Unfortunately, this isn't controlled. I am concerned, however, that my friends will ditch me for their kids, and I'm concerned of being lonely. I want to make sure that despite my decision to not have kids, I won't get lonely. First, I need that girlfriend though, heheh.
  23. I've been searching SO much- finding a therapist shouldn't be so difficult -_-.
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