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  1. I haven't really, I tried to before but when I felt good I quit. I would say that mine is not situational, I do think I have a good life and my job is not stressful at all in reality, but I have obsessive negative thoughts that distorts things. They tend to circle around feeling alone, rejection, feeling out of place (even within my own family), and being inferior. At times these thoughts has more power over me than others. I can have excessive good or neutral thoughts when I'm in a good mood that motivates me and can have my mind running. Example, just over a month ago I had a thought I wanted to get a motorcycle, I have no license for a bike and it has been 10 years since I rid one last (that was a dirt bike). My mind raced about it obsessing over it, I went to the dealerships for a lot. Within a week of getting the idea, I took a class; a few days later I got a card in the mail that allowed me to skip the dmv test and just get my M class on my license. That same day got my license and got a bike. Sorry long example.
  2. I do drink a bit of coffee, always have. These cycles or whatever usually last 4-7 days, but I have had some good moods or highs last up to 2 weeks. I feel like something in my head has shorted out. I haven't really had any "highs" lately just switching from depression to normal. Have you seen a therapist or a psychiatrist? My therapist has pointed to cyclothymia but hasn't formally said it. I too feel like I'm 2 totally different people at times.
  3. First off, I'm not bipolar, but cyclothymia is still up in the air. For over a year now my moods has been quite unstable from feeling very good to very bad with everything else in between. But for whatever reason my moods has become very unstable and for no reason. Generally negative thinking takes over and spirals me down. But this week I have seen 2 days where I was either highly irritable, down, or both and then felt normal within one day. Then yesterday I was highly irritable in the morning then I found myself isolating myself lying in bed while we had friends over. After taking an Ativan, I found a way to get up and socialize (minimally, fearing that they will figure out my mood) for over an hour before I had to seclude myself again. This is more of a rant than anything else, so I'm sorry, I just can't take these mood shifts. I feel like I'm loosing my mind. It's impossible to plan anything because I have no idea how I will be.
  4. Yes I do have the same swings, but I'm not bipolar. My highs doesn't go into mania or hypomania, except once in the past year and it was short lived. I don't get like this very often and it typically last for a few days but it has lasted up to a couple of weeks. And I too still have an uneasy feeling because I know it is just temporary before depression comes back. It is this that makes me feel like I'm going out of my mind. I'm sorry I can't give you any positive input on this because I'm still trying to figure it out myself. I wish you the best of luck.
  5. Distorted negative thinking. This is what spirals me down and makes things so twisted, so confusing, and is what's tearing my marriage apart.
  6. The only thing I have been officially diagnosed with is depression/anxiety. But my psychologist recently pointed to cyclothymia. I have been suffering with bouts of depression that didn't last long but was getting more severe. I would have good days, even though these was few and far in between depression and periods of high irritability/agitation. In the past 9 months these things just intensified to the point I began to think I was going out of my mind, me and my wife couldn't keep up with this rollercoaster. I even begin to have suicidal thoughts again, something I haven't had for 16 years. I had a few times where I would actually feel high. But most of the time I kept cycling from feeling very close with my wife and kids to very distant. I felt like I couldn't plan anything due to I had no idea how I would feel from day to day. I could even switch very fast from some what happy to depressed and distant in the matter of seconds. The big thing was I these funks I would get highly irrational and illogical thinking and would act out with my wife. The thing was I would realize this but I couldn't stop from feeling what I was. My pdoc first put me on Wellbutrin and Buspar and it helped a lot with the depression but I seemed to cycle with the irrational thing with irritability to kind of normal (so I thought) and very loving. Once my doc increased my Wellbutrin to 300 mg the irritability increased a lot to the point my wife would tell me multiple times a week I was out of control. Then she added the Lamictal and once I made it to the 50 mg I was beginning to have more and more good days. But now at 100 mg it feels like all of the clouds has lifted and I have had nothing but good days. For once I can stand back at a situation and look at it logically and stay rational. So do you believe this could really of been cyclothymia? I do have a sister with bipolar, and this worried me greatly due to I know what all she went through. I knew I didn't have that because I didn't have true mania, but I was very worried about it turning into it.
  7. Hi, I've been looking on here for a little while now. I'm a 37 year old married male with depression and some anxiety and wondering if I may have BPD. I have been seeing a therapist for the past 8 months and a psychiatrist for 4 months and am on 300 mg wellbutrin 10 mg buspar. I have suffered with depression since I was 13 but never got any help until recently. I never had many friends and i guess the friends i did have i kept at a distance, i always had a hard time opening up to anyone (I never even told my parents anything that was going on). I kept to myself and learned to only depend on myself. I had more sever depression from 18 - 22 yo with overwhelming loneliness, to the point I often thought of suicide and did some minor self cutting. I prayed to God often that he would just take my life. I felt very unwanted even though I had and was raised in a strong loving family. All of this seemed to stop when I met my wife when I was 22 but it started to come back within several months after I was married. We only went out for 4 months before i asked her to marry me. I begin to have a very hard time dealing with my wife's past and became overly jealous. I wanted to spend all of the time with her I didn't like being alone. And now after 14 years of marriage looking back I have had relapsing bouts of depression off and on. It has been a constant fight when she wants to do things without me and do things with friends, but I don't think it's control, I just don't like being alone. But 8 months ago things started to get bad and has only gotten worse. It feels like I'm cycling from good days when I can be very loving and affectionate to bad ones being cold and at times hateful. During the bad days I often feel that she doesn't really love me, care about me, do anything with me, is too busy for me, and would be better off without me. And the thoughts of her past has come back to haunt me after 14 years! (Really)??? These thought plague me and only fuels this fire and no matter how I try I can't get rid of them. I get these thoughts that she's going to leave me or that I can't deal with it and I'm going to leave her; before meds I would get severely depressed and my anxiety would go sky high, but now I can see it happening and I feel like a have to prepare for it. It really feels like I'm going through cycles, at times most of my triggers are subdued and not as sensitive and others they are on high alert. Any mention of her past though will have me diving and I will switch like a light switch and go from talking and being some what happy to despair and being quiet. I feel like I'm 2 totally different people but I'm aware of both. These feelings I get are so strong and my emotions are uncontrolable at times. I feel that I have to just ride this cycle out and hope I don't hurt my wife too much with what I have to say or if I shut her out and I shut myself down. I'm sorry, I know this is rambling, but anyways I have asked my therapist about what he thinks. And he just says I have a poor self image and that I'm insecure that turns into depression and fueled by anxiety. I know I'm not bipolar, I really don't have mania. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and would like to ask her if it BPD, but I don't want her to think that I'm just searching for a diagnosis. One thing is sure, I'm getting her to switch my meds, even though I feel that my lows are much better my agitation and irritability is much much worse. I just want to feel stable and quit switching, it's driving me nuts. Thanks for listening and if you can give me any advise, I would appreciate it. Sam
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