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Blog Entries posted by ASLycoris

  1. ASLycoris
    Anyone else write to clear their mind rather than to just vent or complicate it?
    I actually find that it reduces stress and let's me find a happy medium for my emotional state.
    Might be because I have a weird way of writing though.
    I'll have to tweak this or pick it apart for other uses later, but I wrote this scrap just now:
    Some cliche images, but writing bits and pieces like these help me get out of writing blocks.
    [Your Spectrum]
    You say stars are envied things,
    humming with a whiteness
    that pierces the night.
    And the sun is a child,
    blushing in shame
    of its light.
    You see red as less
    than a colour,
    and hear it as an ice pick
    clamoring in your mind.
    Yet, your eyes are bloodshot
    and your fingers are rosebuds.
    You think you're black
    as the taste on your tongue
    that writhes with the flavor
    of Oleander.
    If only you could know
    you're something bare,
    scorched pure
    by the flames
    beneath your ribcage.
    Your spirit is a constellation
    of the desert.
    Your skin is white hot sand.
    And when you melt
    into yourself
    you become like glass,
    sharp enough to pierce
    the darkness of empty air.
    Your ashen vertebrae
    dyed dahlia.
    And your grace,
    the shade
    of a lunar eclipse.
  2. ASLycoris
    Lately, I've been getting unreasonably angry at any kind of "inspirational" or "motivational" quote/image. You know those cliche pictures you see on facebook (or anywhere on the internet, really)... with overdone backgrounds and pretty little words telling you to appreciate some aspect of life? Just seeing them makes me absolutely furious. It's insane. I know those kinds of things have always irked me... because they seem naive and they typically find their way to me through self-righteous people... but how upset I've been getting lately isn't really justified.
    Is it because I loathe myself and my own mindset so much that anything positive just strikes a chord with me?
    Or is it because these dull words really have no meaning anymore? Especially to people who are suffering?
    Does everyone naturally find comfort in those types of images/words or are they more to boost the self-esteem of people who think they already accomplish those things/that positive perspective?
    My therapists like to tell me that it has to do with point of view. That positive people find the "good" in the worst situations and that I should learn to do the same... but isn't that... wrong on some level? I mean, I'm not saying it can't be good for someone's well-being... to always see the best in people and in life... it's probably very comforting. But if you're looking at something that's predominantly negative and forcing it to be positive... isn't that insanely irresponsible? It feels like a lie. Does everyone go around lying to themselves about how messed up the human aspects of the world are or does everyone just choose not to see it?
    That being said, I've become increasingly unproductive lately. I play video games or get lost in my various shows/movies. It's gotten so bad that sometimes I mix the fantasy worlds with real life. Those interactions start seeming like genuine memories. I've even caught myself thinking about life as if it were a video game... An "I can always just restart from my last save" kind of thing. It's horrible.
    So I've been taking a break from games and just... started rewatching old, beloved shows when I need to reduce stress. Now I'm getting too caught up in those. I have no idea what to do. The world as it exists doesn't satisfy me in any way... the future just seems bleak or nonexistent.
    How do I go about finding the motivation to get on with my "life" when I can't find an aspect of reality worth holding onto? Anything I could care about is much too far out of my reach.
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