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ASLycoris

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ASLycoris last won the day on December 15 2013

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About ASLycoris

  • Birthday 11/06/1990

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  1. I hope you are having an amazing day! : ) ღ Lindsay

  2. I'm... confused. You're normal. That's normal. Insanely normal. And healthy... like Adam said. Why do you feel so guilty about using the internet? Most people use it... way more than you do... Do you perceive using the internet to socialize as wrong somehow? I... have never met anyone with your mindset... Of course you'd be driven to socialize via the internet if you're lacking it in real life? Maybe you should start by asking yourself how/why it could possibly BE wrong in the first place? Or why you're so stuck on what is or isn't "normal?" I wish I had something more helpful to say, but I'm having a hard time following your logic.
  3. Woah. Is that level of cleaning really expected? Really? I don't think I've ever moved a fridge just to clean behind it... I suffer from a bit of ocd and... need things to be clean, yet you just made me feel insanely lazy. Kudos to you if you manage to do all that. And not for nothing, but I hate the smell of bleach. I hate it. I'd almost rather just deal with the smell of a garbage can than with the smell of bleach... And I have a tin garbage can that retains smell just as badly. You'd think they could make garbage cans that, you know, don't do that. Instead they just sell scented garbage bags... which is kind of like mixing cheap candles with something rank... adds a level of questionable "perfume," but doesn't quite get rid of the odor. I have a Christmas tree in here (a live evergreen tree), but I haven't had the money to buy a vacuum cleaner so I end up having to pick the needles out of the carpet by hand. Yes, I know I have strange priorities. But good luck with all of that! x_x
  4. Anyone else write to clear their mind rather than to just vent or complicate it? I actually find that it reduces stress and let's me find a happy medium for my emotional state. Might be because I have a weird way of writing though. I'll have to tweak this or pick it apart for other uses later, but I wrote this scrap just now: Some cliche images, but writing bits and pieces like these help me get out of writing blocks. [Your Spectrum] You say stars are envied things, humming with a whiteness that pierces the night. And the sun is a child, blushing in shame of its light. You see red as less than a colour, and hear it as an ice pick clamoring in your mind. Yet, your eyes are bloodshot and your fingers are rosebuds. You think you're black as the taste on your tongue that writhes with the flavor of Oleander. If only you could know you're something bare, scorched pure by the flames beneath your ribcage. Your spirit is a constellation of the desert. Your skin is white hot sand. And when you melt into yourself you become like glass, sharp enough to pierce the darkness of empty air. Your ashen vertebrae dyed dahlia. And your grace, the shade of a lunar eclipse.
  5. A pony! No... really. That wont happen though... so some socks without holes in them would be nice.
  6. Lately, I've been getting unreasonably angry at any kind of "inspirational" or "motivational" quote/image. You know those cliche pictures you see on facebook (or anywhere on the internet, really)... with overdone backgrounds and pretty little words telling you to appreciate some aspect of life? Just seeing them makes me absolutely furious. It's insane. I know those kinds of things have always irked me... because they seem naive and they typically find their way to me through self-righteous people... but how upset I've been getting lately isn't really justified. Is it because I loathe myself and my own mindset so much that anything positive just strikes a chord with me? Or is it because these dull words really have no meaning anymore? Especially to people who are suffering? Does everyone naturally find comfort in those types of images/words or are they more to boost the self-esteem of people who think they already accomplish those things/that positive perspective? My therapists like to tell me that it has to do with point of view. That positive people find the "good" in the worst situations and that I should learn to do the same... but isn't that... wrong on some level? I mean, I'm not saying it can't be good for someone's well-being... to always see the best in people and in life... it's probably very comforting. But if you're looking at something that's predominantly negative and forcing it to be positive... isn't that insanely irresponsible? It feels like a lie. Does everyone go around lying to themselves about how messed up the human aspects of the world are or does everyone just choose not to see it? That being said, I've become increasingly unproductive lately. I play video games or get lost in my various shows/movies. It's gotten so bad that sometimes I mix the fantasy worlds with real life. Those interactions start seeming like genuine memories. I've even caught myself thinking about life as if it were a video game... An "I can always just restart from my last save" kind of thing. It's horrible. So I've been taking a break from games and just... started rewatching old, beloved shows when I need to reduce stress. Now I'm getting too caught up in those. I have no idea what to do. The world as it exists doesn't satisfy me in any way... the future just seems bleak or nonexistent. How do I go about finding the motivation to get on with my "life" when I can't find an aspect of reality worth holding onto? Anything I could care about is much too far out of my reach.
  7. Well, I know that sometimes mental illness runs in the genetics. If your mother had bipolar disorder or clinical depression, it's possible you also have some type of chemical imbalance (i.e. biological), but it's more than likely a combination of biological factors and life circumstance. I don't know why you'd want to stay with your husband after he left you (whether it was because of the depression or something else)... he clearly is not the type of person you need in your life. You need support. Patience. Understanding... not someone who would up and leave when you're emotionally unstable. That being said, he's also not the type of person your son needs in his life. I wish my mother had gotten divorced when I was young. Having both parents there to raise you isn't worth anything when they're abusive to you or to each other... it only further wrecks your sense of self and family. If he was going to come back... it'd need to be his own decision. Not out of guilt or pressure from you. If you're not already in therapy... you should really consider it... and should have probably considered it years ago. You need some kind of support in your life... and a psychiatrist will be able to give you unbiased advice as to your situation... and how to help yourself. Best wishes.
  8. Hmm. Well, I was very quiet... curious. I'd do a lot of exploring, but I didn't even cry as a child. As I started getting older, I noticed big differences between myself and my peers. I was thinking on an entirely separate level from them... and was particularly advanced in my academics. Socially though... I couldn't fit in. I grew up with adults and didn't know how to interact with people my own age (and yet because I was abused at home and bullied in school I also grew up not trusting adults).. I didn't have any real friends until Highschool... when the balance between the two mindsets kind of evened out... but as I got older, people started becoming unforgiving concerning my personality flaws. And I developed a problem. Now, I seem to have a dual personality. Part of me is spontaneous, prideful, blunt/honest, and somewhat confrontational. The other part of me is unsociable, quiet, lacking self-esteem, and passive. I don't really know how that happened, but... I struggle between the two. As if I have two modes I can switch between.
  9. Hmmm.... well my geekier tastes are going to come out with this one, but this song: (The reason why it may sound strange is because it's an English translation). "Bad Apple" Even in the midst of flowing time,look, listlessness dances round and round.I can’t even see my heartas it withdraws from me, and I don’t care.Even if i don’t make a move,I keep being swept away through the cracks of time.I don’t give a damn about anything around me.I am me, and that’s all there is to it.Am I dreaming? Am I seeing nothing?My words are useless, even if I were to speak them.Sadness only leaves me exhausted,and I’d rather live my days feeling nothing.Even if you told me those bewildering words,my heart would be elsewhere, not listening.If I were to make a move on my own, and change everything,I’d still turn it all black.Is there a future for someone like this?Do I belong in this world?Does my heart ache now? Do I grieve now?I simply know nothing about myself.Merely walking leaves me exhausted,so how could I care about anyone else?If even someone like me could change,were I to actually change, I’d turn white.If I make a move, if I make a move,I’ll destroy it all, I’ll destroy it all.If I grieve, if I grieve,would my heart turn white?I still know nothing about you, nothing about myself,nothing about anything at all.If opening my heavy eyelids means I’ll destroy everything,then let it all turn black.
  10. writing. "working." reading. gaming. watching various movies and/or series... It's a productive lifestyle.
  11. ...You sound just like my mother... That being said, I'm probably a bit biased about this scenario. So I'll just say that a lot of the "minor" confrontations my mother and I get into are caused by something deeper... something that's more than likely gone unmentioned for an extended period of time. In other words, one of us will be caught up on a bigger conflict, but instead of addressing it, we end up becoming inappropriately angry at one another for almost everything. Either that, or the confrontations are due to built up frustration over a bunch of smaller things. It's never just about the "inappropriate family pet conduct" with us. And I, being depressed, have a tendency to be a bit sensitive to certain things... yet instead of showing that sensitivity it comes out as "defensive hostility" or indifference. Could be something similar with her, I don't know.
  12. Why does this bother you so much? Was the thing you saw something extremely inappropriate/unusual or something? I feel like it's not uncommon to have your first experiences with sexual content/activity kind of stick with you. Mine certainly do... And as far as acting it out goes... When I was little (maybe 4 or 5)... I saw two people kissing on television, so I turned to my grandmother, put my hands on her cheeks, and kissed her right on the lips. Of course, back then everyone thought it was innocent and adorable... which it kind of was. I was just trying to make sense of what I saw (it's what kids do). Kissing isn't exactly all that sexual a behavior, but it's the same concept. The fact that you still act it out from time to time probably just means you enjoy(ed) it. You probably still associate sexual pleasure with that activity because you were so into it when you were young. Your body recognizes that as something that affects you "in that way." I don't think you should feel so... ashamed. It doesn't seem like such a huge deal? We all have our quirks and odd preferences.
  13. Hey. You can all feel awesome about yourselves because at the moment I hardly do anything at all... took a break from classes and don't have steady employment. No friends. No family around at the moment... Not even any pets right now. I actually... was watching a show on Netflix called "Hart of Dixie" and these quotes made me happy (I think they somewhat apply to feeling bad about not doing much): "Sometimes I think you're just the saddest person in the world. You're always looking over your shoulder wondering what life should be instead of taking it for what it is. You're not honest about what makes you happy. You what I'm going to do tonight? I'm going to go home and play video games for two or three hours. What I'm not going to do is beat myself up for playing video games instead of saving the world. If I wanted to save the world, hell, I'll do it tomorrow. 'Cause it's my choice."
  14. Yeah, it's not that hard. I've lived in some pretty crappy houses with insulation falling out of the walls and unfinished floors with 2 dogs, 4 cats, a rabbit, and a teenager... the place was kept decently clean. The dishes are definitely the worst. If those build up, nothing feels clean... and dirty dishes smell. If you use real cookware instead of what Lauryn suggested, wash the dishes immediately. No excuses. Are the dogs untrained? Not getting out enough? Bored? Why don't you designate time to take the dogs for walks together? You get quality time with your girlfriend, exercise, and the dogs are way less likely to go to the bathroom in the house... they'll also calm down if they're prone to hyperactivity. The key is to just take care of messes as they happen instead of letting them sit. Sure, it might seem frustrating and exhausting, but it's worth it. Otherwise, one problem just contributes to the next.
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