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dsm

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Everything posted by dsm

  1. Hello everyone! I am the woman who started the post on this topic almost 5 years ago. I came here today to see if that post still existed. I found it, but also saw that it was closed. Then I saw that a new thread had been created. I can't believe how popular this post became. I'm here to formally introduce myself and to give an update. My name is Darlene Michaud. I suffered from depression pretty much all my life. The only reason I didn't really recogize it was because I was also a drunk who started drinking in childhood. When I quit my abusive daily drinking at age 39, I started to deal with depression. It was awful. I always felt there had to be a way to get away from that dread and doom other than meds, which usually ended up making matters worse for me by causing manic periods. I have also been on a lifelong quest for getting rid of food cravings. Cravings were controling my life and making me miserable. I stumbled upon the carnivore diet which was a hopeful ticket to no cravings. After binge reading all that I could on that topic in one long night of reading, I saw that for many, an animal only diet also helped depression and even other things like bi-polar disorder. I started the very next day. That was just over 2 years ago and I have not had a bout of depression since. And it is for sure a cure for cravings. I know many think it's some "diet fad" but for me, it's a whole new life. Side note: it's not for weight loss. I don't care. I'm not here to promote this way of eating. But in case you are curious, I eat meat, all kinds. About 2 to 3 pounds per day. I have coffee and tea. I eat some dairy, cream in coffee, cottage cheese, other cheese, and also have eggs if I'm in the mood. But those are sides to meat. I prefer beef. If I would stick to just beef and water 24/7, I wouild be completely pain free (all joint pain left my body when I was just beef and water), but I do like chicken or pork or whatever meat I'm in the mood for. I did lose about 30 pounds but I'm still obese and I don't care at all about my weight. My depression was fully lifted. My cravings are gone. I'm able to do whatever activities I want to do (never was interested in climbing mountains so don't care if I ever do that). I go about my day like a normal person. I used to talk about my meat journey a lot in my youtube videos and also on my blog (posted pics and listed every meal for the first 4 months). Then it just became so normal to me that I ended up doing just occasional updates. Now I barely talk about it. It's as normal to me as taking a daily shower and brushing my teeth. Only so many ways you can spin the update so that it's interesting. lol I can only speak for myself and my own experiences, but there are tons of others out there speaking from their own experiences too. For many, SO MANY, eating this way is a way to beat even the worst depression. Also a cure for many with eating disorders. I guess I should mention that I have not had one bulimic episode since eating this way. I can eat all the meat I want and I never feel stuffed. Never. Never feel bloated. Never. Never feel the urge to purge. Never. I feel so free. I wish this freedom on everyone. I doubt it works for everyone, but for sure this is not just in my head. Two years is a long time in my book. And I'm still going strong. So what did I accomplish today? This. This post. I've been thinking of doing it for 2 years. But I wanted to be sure it was really working for me. I'm sure. Just wanted to post in case I could help even one person.
  2. I made a very big and scary decision and started a youtube channel about narcissism. My mother is a narcissist and I only discovered that about 4 years about (I'm 55 and she's 93). Up until then, I thought there was something horribly wrong with me. When I realized I was not crazy, I got very mad. Mad at everyone around me. I was hurt and lost and confused and just plain mad. Now I'm coming out with my secrets and it's the scariest thing I've ever done. I am already getting some good feedback, but some typical feedback too, telling me things like "just let it go" and "cherish your time with her." So many people have no clue what narcissism is. Am I even allowed to share my channel here? I talk a lot about my depression on my main channel too. That has helped me a great deal. I bet youtube would help some of you too! I consider it my free therapy! But you need tough skin to put yourself out there like I do. I'm at the point where I really don't care what people think any more. But I'm finding out that there are many supportive people in youtube land.
  3. I made a list of tasks I must do and will try hard to complete one each day. Some are easy, like clean one mirror. Some are more complex. Just need to get some cleaning done around here! I like lists. But then sometimes they add too much pressure. I'm so difficult!!!
  4. About 6 weeks ago I left my main blogging gig which was at one time a high money earner. The earnings were still good, but going downhill fast. And I was getting sick of the blog. I left it for a full time youtube career. I'm not making the money yet, but I'm hopefull. I just know that I'm MUCH happier!!! Youtube has been like therapy for me! FREE therapy!!! Very, very grateful to be able to have that outlet. And I suffer from great social anxiety. But for some reason, I'm okay with talking to a camera.
  5. I have been walking through a very rough time over the past 3 months. And I think I'm handling it fairly well. Every day, I try to move forward a tiny bit, even if that step is just giving myself permission to rest. I hope there are brighter days ahead.
  6. Tried hard to eat less today and did not success with that task. But I did some dishes, so that was good. And I took in the mail.
  7. I rested today. I don't often do that. I often do nothing, but this time I allowed myself to do nothing and not feel guilty. Except I really do feel guilty so now I'm trying to find something I can do. Then I'll go back to resting.
  8. So far today, I managed to put away some clean dishes and I washed a few more. Now I need to do laundry! It seems like I never get ahead of the game. I think getting ahead is impossible! I will do my best to at least try to keep up.
  9. We have someone coming over in just a bit for an appointment for my mother. I stress out so much when someone comes over! I love to just be alone!!!
  10. Feeling better about my change in careers from a blogger to vlogger. Being on video forces me to at least get dressed. lol Very worried about finances but it will all work out. Did a few dishes today and hope to do a load of laundry too. Also hired a plumber for my rental property. I had a friend call him for me because I am so nervous about calling people.
  11. Trying hard to adjust to my new career. I changed the theme of my blog from posting deals to being a youtuber. Very, very unusal for me to be so way out there, but I find it's easier than talking to people directly. Today I need to dye my hair to get rid of some gray. I hope I can get that accomplished. Also need to go out to mail something. I think I can handle that too.
  12. I made a huge life changing decision. I'm giving up the subject of my blog (it was a deals and coupon blog) and I'm turning more to youtube as my income now. This has been a very hard decision to make, because it takes time to build a new "empire" (and I'm using that word very lightly) and to earn enough to live off of. I have some savings that I hope can get me through the transition period. And I talk about depression in many of my videos, and I even cry in some. But I also have a good sense of humor (almost comedian-ish, and I know many comics suffer from depression) and the fact that I can help others out there to feel not so alone brings me great satisfaction. There are days I feel like I'm still totally worthless, but there are also some better days now.
  13. I'm been a mess lately. Completely rethinking my blog business. It's not earning what it used to earn. Can't really afford to give it up, yet I need to get that income back. So I either have to revive my business, or I have to change it. All this makes me want to just stay bedridden. I swear, I change my mind by the minute. I can be 100% positive I came up with an awesome solution and the next minute I'm beating myself up for coming up with what I suddenly consider the dumbest idea I ever had. So hard to cope with my brain.
  14. I must find another (additional) way to make money as my blog is not earning like it used to. I can't work outside the home. It must be something I can do online. I really need to get back into sewing. I used to sell a line of clothing that I designed. I figure if I post that here, maybe, just maybe, I'll accomplish it. Very worried about money lately.
  15. I made it to walmart and bought lots of stuff on my list. What a time I had! So hot and it's only March. Just lugged everything in and put about half of it away. Taking a break then will put the rest away. That's the part I despise, bringing the stuff in and putting it away. Also dragged the trash to the road for tomorrow's pickup. Now I can just relax the rest of the night!!! So glad that stuff is done!
  16. Coming out of a round of depression. It didn't get too bad this time. Getting lots of small tasks done today, like pricing some of my crafts to sell at a local shop. Things are looking up!
  17. Been having a bit of a rough spot so I'm trying to allow myself some quiet time without feeling guilty for doing nothing. But I have managed to do some crafting which means I'm still showing some interest in something. There are times I can't do anything at all. So crafting is a good sign.
  18. Feeling worried and depressed. But I managed to finish doing my dishes. Took me 3 days but they are now done.
  19. Had a big day dealing with a broken furnace. Dealing with repair people is not something I like to do. Even just the phone calls bother me. But I got through it. Also made it to the store and gassed up my car.
  20. Been doing better lately. I hope it lasts. I have help coming in for my mother now and it's easing up the stress. I have been doing a lot of crafting and also working hard on my blogs. Anxious for spring.
  21. I have help coming in now for my mother. This stresses me to no end! I have got to get used to others being here. And I have to not worry about doing and saying everything right. And if I feel like staying in my jammies, I hope that's okay too. I have to get used to this!
  22. Got the oil changed in my car. Stuff like that is hard for me so I'm very happy to have gotten that done.
  23. I had a very hard time getting a prescription order correct but finally got it done. Took many phone calls. I hate that!!! I also did a video about my mail anxiety and posted it. I could not believe the amount of support I got! The more I talk about my depression and anxiety, the more "normal" I feel. I had no clue so many out there suffer like this. At least there is comfort in not being alone.
  24. Put in a full day of work on my blog, but did nothing around the house. At least I'm still able to earn a living.
  25. I did something totally out of my comfort zone today. I met someone for coffee that I've been chatting with online for 2 years. I'm a straight woman, he's a gay man. He has been such a good online friend. He happened to be visiting a friend near me so we met for coffee and had a very nice chat. I can't believe I went out and met someone!!! I felt very comfortable but now I'm thinking I must have sounded like a fool, and I think near the end I was drifting off... lol. I have a very short attention span. But we met and I'm glad.
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