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About Ixeua

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  1. I have been eating healthily and getting exercise. I still feel "out of it" and still struggle for words when I talk (similar to a condition called "aphasia"). I have already overcome depression for the past few years. But the side effects seem to linger. Perhaps I should exercise more? I don't know.
  2. I have overcome depression but still suffer cognitive problems that I had during that time period until today. I have been experienced: Short-term memory loss : As one source put it, people with short-term memory loss recall events that happened 20 years ago but have difficulty recalling events that happened 20 minutes ago. Difficulty finding words : I have difficulty finding words which makes conversations more difficult than they should be. I have difficulty recalling a word or trying to find something that is on the tip of my tongue. This leads to problems when having a conversation. Lower concentration and awareness : Feeling 'out of it'. Difficulty with recalling information and unable to properly regurgitate information Difficulty sleeping and insomnia. Not 'clicking' and feeling 'late' when trying to understand social cues someone is giving. All of these sometimes lead to problems with doing tasks and dealing with people. I am definitely not dealing with dementia or Alzeheimers' but one source called phenomenon pseudo-dementia.
  3. I am unable to sleep 6-8 hours straight. I often wake up 2-4 hours unintended. I have vivid dreams which seemingly last a very long time and may feel like 'days' have passed in dream time. I feel strange when I get up to find out only a few hours have passed. I get up for a few hours to work since I can't go back to sleep. I found out this is called segmented sleep. Apparently humans in the past slept this way. No idea if this interrupted sleep is healthy in the long run. I have been like this for some time now. I am prone to feeling sleepy later in the day and take naps in the car.
  4. This is terribly complicated but I have been seriously contemplating cutting off ties with some family members.
  5. Ah so that was the plan. That explains why. Thanks. I am aware the webmaster was ill and I do hope he gets better.
  6. Just going through the motions. Not feeling good but I have to work through the discomfort. I still have a paper to write. :( (I noticed this some weeks back. Is it just me or did they remove the 'likes system'? I thought that was very helpful and encouraging to show support. I hope it returns.)
  7. Has depression made you look older? I am wondering if chronic depression has a noticeable effect on people's appearances. People age as each day passes. But I wonder if depression accelerates that process.
  8. I am not sure about the context behind this. But I always tell myself that depression lies. Whatever part of you feels 'fake' would probably go completely unnoticed by everyone else. Depression lies and makes people feel that way by exaggerating our perceived flaws.
  9. I feel ... I don't know what to feel.... I'm in the throes again of existential depression. ----- I get this feeling I could end up single forever. I want to link to the WaitButWhy Article on "How to Find Your Life Partner" but I can't on this website. If you are single you are in 'Purgatory'; you are 1 step below the bliss of a great romantic relationship with a life long partner but 1 step above the hell of a terrible relationship. I am getting increasingly anxious as I get older. It's more than just meeting more people. It's more than just dressing right and looking good. I have gone to lengths to 'remodel' my personality away from the abyss of clinical depression that I once was in. That long period of my life under the throes of clinical depression is largely over but it's been replaced with existential depression. Despite going to lengths to remodel my personality over the years since then, becoming much more friendly and outgoing, I get this sinking feeling that as the years pass it gets harder to find a great life partner.
  10. I feel ... I don't know what to feel....
  11. It's hard not to feel sad at night.
  12. I think that I have transitioned from clinical depression to existential depression. Ended my long-term struggle with clinical depression sometime in late 2016 due to religiously taking medication to the point that I think it has been reduced from major to mild clinical depression. Now I struggle with existential depression. See: *link removed* I feel so slow or feel that I procrastinate often. I 'freeze' because I sometimes see tasks and duties as pointless.
  13. I've been unable to sleep for the past few days. Always so restless and full of anxiety despite feeling tired. https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/02/12/how-to-get-a-good-nights-sleep-even-when-youre-depressed/
  14. How do I 'force' myself to perform optimally? I feel I am performing below my abilities in my daily work and functions. It's a self defeating cycle. Low energy leads to poor performance which leads to low confidence which leads to even poorer performance and so on. After years of battling major clinical depression it has now downgraded to mild depression. Good. But I feel like I have no energy, no desire, and no drive. Life as an adult feels robotic. I'm sure many of you know will understand why. Prolonged underperformance in life always has severe repercussions and long - term consequences whether it's academic, professional, or financial.
  15. I no longer suffer form major clinical depression. But that's largely due to taking my medication religiously in 2016. From about October 2016 onwards I realized I no longer had major clinical depression. But that was replaced by anhedonia. I alos have difficulty being able to relax. My mind feels like it's numb. I can't get back and feel pleasure from my old hobbies and I have difficulty relaxing partially because of that.
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