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Everything posted by Softball4

  1. Hello, I am here becauSe my best friend is depressed. She has had horrible mood swings and irritibility towards me and had even blamed me for being angry. Please know that your mother is trying to understand. I know it took me a long to understand why my best friend was lashing out..... And by the time I did she blocked me from her cell phone. I continue to reach out once in a while by cards..... Anger is defintly a symptom. Or so it seems to me. You are doing the best you can and I am so proud of you for getting help! You are brave and I can tell you care for your mother so much! Hang in there!
  2. Hello. I want to say I'm here because my best friend is depressed. She is having a very hard time and started with blaming and being itritible with me bc I was on of the closest to her. I tried everything I could to talk and understand. She refused to talk about how she was feeling. Now I am blocked from her cell phone even :( I continue to reach out every two months with a simple email or a card saying hello. I just wanted to say that it is so hard to understand when we are on this side of it. Believe me, there are those like me that want to understand so badly. We want to be there for our loved one during this tough time. However, I've noticed that depression affects my friends concentration, memory, communication and emotions. When she does have emotion it's anger. I'm sorry that it seems no one cares. Believe me, there are some of us that do and want more than anything to be allowed in . My friend told me she built walls. Please hang in there and know that it's hard to know what to do on this side of things. I don't even know if I should send a birthday gift to my friend because she has blocked me. I hope this helps a little bit.
  3. Your very welcome! U are doing the right thing! U can help but u can't make her choice for her! U are a good friend and I know she will appreciate that one day! U are very strong for doing the right thing for u! Continue to look after u. :)
  4. Hey! :) I hope you are doing ok. :) I just want to tell you I am here on this forum because I have a best friend... Like a sister that has been dealing with depression and anxiety. We talked and saw each other daily until 10 months ago. At that time she started pushing me away and not allowing me in her life. We would talk once in awhile and I kept trying to send my love and support. I started feeling drained and frustrated. Instead of her thanking me and appreciating me.... And hanging around while she was having a hard time... She started blaming me for her issues. :( I am devastated over this and I have had to tell her that I will not be blamed for something when all I ever did was run errands, stay with her in te hospital when she was sick, help with her kids, help with everything...... I am struggling because I had to tell her that I am going to say goodbye for now but it doesn't have to be forever. I told her that it will not be me that reaches out though. It's in her hands now. I feel so guilty. I feel I have abandoned her when she is still having a hard time. However, last time I saw her she said she was doing better but immediately started saying things like she is building walls and not letting anyone in. Which makes no sense!!! If she was better why would she need walls. Anyways, to save myself I had to do this. I will be here if she needs because I didn't block her or anything hit I will not reach out again. My suggestion for U would be to send ur friend a message and maybe tell her that it pains u to see her self destruct. Tell her u want to be friends but u can't be a witness to this behavior because it affects u. Be open and honest and if she is a good friend she will try to respect ur wishes. Make it clear that u will cut her off if she continues. Maybe by doing this you will feel better about doing this. I want you to know if you decide not to contact her again u did not abandon her. U are doing this because u care... U are doing this because u can't be a part of her poor behavior. Losing friendships are the worst. I decided I can't save mine. I will be here when she wants to save it but until then it was me doing all of the work.:( I hope this helped and I'm here for u.
  5. Hey bug! You hang in there. You are a great person and I want you to know you have helped me so much! Maybe make some of your jewelry once in awhile. I know u enjoy that and maybe that will keep you from questioning yourself. I want you to know that you have really been there for me and helped me. You are very important to me and I want to see you feel better. :) you are so strong.... Even if u don't feel like it. U work and u take care of ur dogs.... Just keep taking it one day at a time or one hour at a time. :) u can and will get through this. Give it time and take every day as it comes. :)
  6. Thank u very much! I've let them know many times. I know she is lonely but she has pushed me away very hard. I recently wrote her a letter. :) I do hope she comes through this. Right now she is not letting me be there to help and we have limited contact. Thank u very much for your prayers. She has been struggling for the past 9 months and she will go through stages where she talks and the stages where she disappears. It's been frustrating and hard but I'm going to always be here. It's a bit better now that I've educated myself a bit. It's kind of a curse being the one closest to a depressed individual because it seems they are the ones that are pushed out first and furthest.
  7. Thank u very much for sharing! I have a friend struggling and right now she is unable to express what is happening. I hop she will be able to open up at some point!
  8. Wow! Once again you guys have really taught me something. I wouldn't understand when my friend went from asking me to do things daily to barely making plans. Especially in advance. I really took this personally at first and I wish I would have known more about this illness. I guess I cant go back :( I wish I would have been more understanding from the beginning but I just didn't know what was happening. I'm trying to make up for it now by reading on this and I hope it's not to late :(
  9. I agree! There are people out here that want to understand as much as they can and be your friend:) u guys just hang in there and take one day at a time. :) I'm sure an intimate relationship will come along at some point but until then you just concentrate on u. And I do understand wanting to be happy with yourself first. Just remember that depression makes things seem impossible! Never give up! U can do this!!
  10. We have been on off and on contact the 9 months but we use to talk or see was other every day. So, it was a drastic change.
  11. Thank you so much for your reply! I do know that I'm a friend that is going to be here for her. I know this illness has got her down right now, but I know that she will get through this!! I'm so glad that your friends welcomed u back. I think that there are only a few friends that we meet in a life time that are truly there for is no matter what!! She has been through so much and I am trying to be as understanding as I can. I know I handled things wrong in the beginning but I had no idea she was dealing with an illness. This person changed over night and I thought she was just acting this way towards me. Our communication was always great until this happened and she was unable to really say what was happening. I blame myself because I believe i was with her the night she says she "broke" she was having panic attacks and poor concentrations etc before his happened and so deep down I know I didn't cause this. However, I was with her. My fear is that she related me with what happened. I think she will get over it but it's going to take time. I was the closest person to her and it's hard for her to pretend around me. She is able to wear a mask at work, with aquaintences and others. With me, I immediately can tell something is wrong and she doesn't have the energy to hide it. 9 months is a long time though and I keep hoping when she comes out of this she will reach out and be able to realize I'm here. :)
  12. Thank u once again! :) it's been hard because I feel like I've made mistakes along the way. But I have never dealt with anything like this at all. I know that at some point she will reach back out... Or at least that is my hopes :)
  13. Hi! I have found that there are many friendly people here. I am not depressed but am trying to understand it better for someone I love very much. Sometimes I don't post on a topic because I don't feel as if I have something to add that would be of help. I have not experienced what you are experiencing but I have a lot of empathy and care for all that suffer from this horrible illness. I should apologize by not commenting on every thing I read but like I said, sometimes I'm not sure I have anything of value to add. I will say thank you to everyone on this forum. You all are so nice and have helped me understand this illness. I truly want each and every person here to get their questions answered and I'm always here if anyone needs to ask questions to someone on the other side of this.
  14. Stonium Thank you very very much for your reply. Thank you for taking the time to care about my feelings in this. Your right, it can be like the blind leading the blind. This person was a major part of my life as well as me being a big part of hers. I guess I've been through many emotions throughout this. Hurt, fear, love, anger, and frustration. It's like waving your arms in front of someone that can't see. I know it's not her fault and she is just trying to get through this. Right now, I think I'm one of the last people she wants to see or talk to. She is able to "pretend" with others in her life but with me she is closed off and has walls. She has even said that much. She avoids anything emotional but I have continued to tell her I love her. Even when I don't get a reply. That's ok. At first I really thought this was my fault. She came back from a trip in march or 2013. I stayed at her house and took care of her pets, detailed her car, printed off all of the pictures she sent to my phone. I also took cre of her older mother. The whole time she was gone she texted me saying she missed me and next time I was going its her!!! She had never been able to relax like that and know everything at home ws in great hands!!! She even brought me a shirt and watch back. This trip was good for her. In 2008 she lost her father, in jan of 2012 she lost her husband whom she took care of for 10 years never knowing if she was going to have to call an ambulance or not, in nov 2012 her father in law was diagnosed with an incureable illness. She had so much happen at once and needed this trip. In January of 2013 I noticed her having what I now know as panic attacks. She would have moments of chest pain, rapid breathing, numbness and tingling, etc..... We even took her to the hospital once. She also complained of trouble concentration, headaches, stomach pain, tiredness, and lack of motivation. I noticed she started avoiding emotional things also. I would say love ya and she would say ditto instead. When she got back from the trip she acted rested. However, the following week we had dinner. She got very irritable with me. I told her I noticed something was off and asked her why she was acting irritable and mean to me. She uncharacteristicly became frantic. Saying she has let 3people close and two have died. I was the third and I was having a heart surgery coming up. She said some really rude things in her panic and I know she didn't mean them. Anyways, I believe that night when I left her house, because I couldn't say or do anything right... She had a nervous breakdown. I had told her I would talk to her later and even texted that evening about how sorry I was for my part In whatever that was. The next day, after work I went by her house and cried as I told her I'm sorry for my part in that and we hugged and everything seemed to be ok for a couple of weeks. Then I noticed how withdrawn she became. She became very irritable and would not agree to do anything anymore. She was someone who texted me good morning, and we texted throughout the day and then at night. And waked daily.... I continued to apologize because I thought it was me. And I would ask her what is happening. At this point I had no idea. I have to admit I tried to reach her in many ways, sending nice messages, getting angry etc.... I was hurt. And one day she said that she couldn't focus on long messages. And she told me that the night I was with her and she had what I believe was a nervous breakdown freaked her out. She said she has unconditional love for me but she couldn't explain what was happening. She said she had been seeing a therapist and started taking medications. I asked why I could do to help and she said nothing. No one can make me happy. With me she acted down and acted like she forgot how to smile and with others she was over the top loud and friendly Smiling. Again I took this personally until I started realizing something bigger was happening. We will talk some and if I say anything nice about her or she thinks conversation is going anywhere but the weather she will stop replying. I haven't heard from her in a week right now. The holidays were hard because we always saw each other on Christmas and New Years and I never even heard from her this year. I started talking to a therapist about this and they told me that they think she knows she is pushing me away but can't help it. She can't act like everything is ok with me and knows I will immediately know something is wrong and ask if she is ok. She has been throwing herself in work and she will sometimes do things with people who have no idea this is going on. I have told her I'm not giving up and I will always be here. Have told her it doesn't matter how long it takes and I apologized for anything I contributed to this problem. I told her that I may not have handled things correctly at first and took things personally but I think I understand a bit better now. I told her that I will never abandon her no matter how much she pushes. I won't pressure her but I'm going to stand by and be ready when she wants to come back to this friendship. My therapist said that she will, but it will take time. I was the closest to her and was pushed way back because not only is she struggling but she has a fear of loved ones getting sick and dying. I'm sorry this is long but I so appreciate getting this out.
  15. Pilar Thank you so much!!! I would never lose patience! I want to be a friend that I would want someone to be to me! I have made my fair share of mistakes with all of this but I am really trying to educate myself so that this friendship will make it through! I told her I don't understand but I have empathy. I can't even imagine what it must feel like. She is trying to stay strong for her two kids that are 20 and 17 and she is able to work. That's what she has been doing at the moment is throwing herself into work. I do know that it's hard for her to be around me right now and I'm trying to be understanding and not take it personal. :) I wish she would let her walls down some but it must be very scary!!!! I will be here when she is ready and she knows that. She said at one point that she doesn't understand how I've continued to be so kind when she has been awful to me at some points. I told her because my love is unconditonal.... I have no expectations. Just love and patience. :) it doesn't matter if it takes days, months or years, I'll always be here. :) she can push me away at the moment but I will be here when she returns. I also told her.... She hasn't been awful. She has been very strong to work, take care of kids and her mother..... And be dealing with this. :)
  16. Thank you so much for your repliy! I know it can vary with everyone!!! I can't even imagine feeling so terrible for so long.:( I'm so glad that treatment has helped somewhat! I'm sure it is very hard to imagine you are going to get better while its happening. I have been trying to learn all I can so that I can be a good support to my best friend. This illness is horrible for those that have it and also hard for those closest.
  17. Thank u for your reply. I have a loved one with depression and sometimes it's tough to hang in there and be pushed away. I have been educating myself on depression in order to try not to take things personal and be there. It's been hard but I think that it will be worth it. It sounds like u have improved and continue to :) have u went to therapy? Or taken medicine? I have a little anxiety myself but nothing major. I know my loved one defintly has trouble concentrating and making decisions!!
  18. I thought it would be interesting to see how long everyone's longest depressive episode was. Maybe add what kind of treatment you have tried and if it worked.:) also, when one comes out of an episode does it happen gradually or quickly. Just a few questions I've been thinking about.
  19. Hey pilar! I wanted to say I'm on the other end of things. My best friend who is like a sister is dealing with depression and anxiety. At first I did not understand why she was avoiding me. When we did catch up she was very itritible and flat. I kept thinking it was me.... Kept thinking she just hated being around me. We use to talk everyday and now I haven't heard from her in weeks. Anyways, I took this personally at first and handled things wrong. Now that I've been researching depression I feel like I have a better handle on things. I've asked her to just be honest with me and she has pushed me so far away it's not even funny. I try to contact her occasionally and will send a card every once in awhile. She told me at one time it was hard to be around me because she gets itritible and can't pretend to be happy. She can where a mask with others. Anyways, I am very hurt. Maybe u should just try to help educate ur friends on depression. If they truly care about u like I do for my friend they want to be there in whatever way they can. :)
  20. So does therapists tell you if u have unhealthy or toxic people in your life? I've just been doing a lot of research on this and all of these are just questions that I have about therapy. :) also, do they help you get through tough situations?
  21. Ill post here often! And I hope this is a success story! :)
  22. Thank u so much! U have been very very helpful! :) i have defintly hung in here and will continue to do so! I can see where this can drag the caretaker down as well! I really enjoy talking to people on this forum!! When I get down everyone here is so kind!
  23. Thank u guys so so much! That really helps! I have really been struggling with this for 8 months! May not seem long to some people but there have been so many ups and downs! It's been a roller coaster of emotions and I have been doubting myself and if I'm helping or causing things to be worse! Thank u for saying I can come here any time to talk! This forum really has helped me! I know that I am struggling with helping my loved one and I can imagine what she is feeling! Ten times worse I'm sure! This is an awful illness to the depressed and those closest to them! I've been struggling as to why my loved one has shut off a few of the closest to her, I have even began to wonder if it's my fault! When I started thinking this I realized I needed help to get through this! It seems depression causes isolation especially to those that are closest and could help the most! I feel like it has completely broke down communication also. I'm glad my loved one is trying to find the right meds and going to therapy. I'm hanging in here and will be here for them but at the moment I'm being shut out and pushed away pretty hard! I'm at a point where I'm letting them come to me. I don't want to push but want them to know I'm here. :) thank u again for some replies! I want to talk to someone and I like the idea of someone encouraging me without pressuring me on what to do.
  24. Hey guys, hope all is well. I have a depressed loved one. This has really took it's toll on me. I am thinking about doing a little bit of therapy for myself. I've alway been afraid of therapy in a way. I was going to ask if u all have been to therapy.... If so, does the therapist mostly listen? I am curious to how this works. My fear is that I will go in and they will start trying to change my relationships or friendships.... Or try to tell me exactly how I should love my life. I think most people enter therapy at a very vulnerable time in their life and I'm worried to start if it's about someone telling me who to be around.... Who not to be around.... Etc. I do think it would be helpful to talk to someone.... I've read that therapists ask more questions than anything and allow u to answer for yourself. I'm just worried that with questions they may lead you to a conclusion. I've always wondered this. I just hate to think of going to therapy and someone telling me what is the best for me as in..... Which relationships to keep or how to live my life. I know I would like advice on cutting some stress and taking care of me. I always tend to look after others. Anyways was just curious about therapy.
  25. Maybe she will come around in a few weeks. I will tell u... Just to be honest, my situation has been up and down for months. I'm sorry but want to be fair to tell U that this could take a long time. I know how u feel. We were planning a trip one day and then the next I was shut out. There is no reasoning with them. I wish I would have known that in the beginning! I would have handled things differently. :) feel free to message me if u want! I'll talk any time.
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